Dreaming Out Loud
by Summer4Girl
Summary: This story follows Lily Evans as she deals with the fallout with her best friend, Severus, the hurt she feels over her sister's attitude toward her, and the fact that she's falling in love with James Potter, the boy she was determined to hate for so long. Rated T for some language. Told from Lily's POV.
1. Petunia's Grudge

**Chapter One: Petunia's Grudge**

* * *

"You know you could use a _pen _like normal people." Petunia sneered, as I did my Potions homework, my quill making soft scratching sounds.

"Aww, but Tuney, where would the fun in _that _be?" I asked, not looking up from my scroll of parchment.

"Vernon is coming over soon." she announced, ignoring my previous comment.

"I'll make sure to hide the food." I muttered under my breath.

"I don't want him to see you doing work from that _freak _school of yours." Petunia snarled, glaring in the direction of my textbooks.

"If you two are getting that serious, then don't you think he should know about me?" I asked rationally.

Petunia looked horrified at the idea. "Don't be stupid. Vernon would leave me in a heartbeat if he found out I come from a family of..._weirdos_."

I rubbed my temples. Lately, it had been a lot harder to put up with Petunia's insults.

"Anyway, you need to go put away your..._textbooks_. Actually, if you disappeared entirely, then that would be fantastic."

"Petunia, it's a _family _dinner. And whether you like it or not, I _am _family." I said, trying to keep my voice steady. Mum had insisted we have a family dinner, where we could all go to know Petunia's new boyfriend, Vernon Dursley. Thankfully, Mum allowed me to invite some of my friends too. Normally, the first person I would have invited was Severus...but _now_...things were different. So, instead, I wrote to my best friends at Hogwarts, begging them to come to my rescue.

"If it's a family dinner, then why did you invite that Snape boy?" she snapped.

"What?" I asked, startled. "I didn't invite Severus."

"Well, I ran into him at the market a few hours ago and he said he was coming." she said, clearly annoyed that she had to talk to Severus.

"Well, I don't want him here." I said, standing up.

"Did you two have a fight?" Petunia asked, sitting up eagerly.

"Why the sudden interest?" I snapped. "I thought us freaks weren't worthy of your time."

"You're not." Petunia said, stung.

"Good. I'm going to take a shower. If Severus shows up, I'm sure you'll be more than happy to kick him out. You can tell him I want nothing to do with him." I said, grabbing my books and making my way up the stairs.

I slammed the door to my room shut, trembling in fury. How dare Severus invite himself to _my _house? After what he'd called me a few months ago, after the OWLs! That slimy, greasy-haired git! I had the sudden urge to jinx the oblivion out of his shampoo-needing arse.

I took a deep breath, calming myself down. Dorcas and Marlene would be here soon...

I put on a nicer dress, hoping to not give Petunia anymore reason to disapprove of me; she was always complaining that I should dress more like a lady. Downstairs, I heard the doorbell ring and a shriek of terror. Worried, I hurried downstairs, wondering who was at the door.

There, in the doorway, stood Dorcas and Marlene, bickering.

"...I told you you would scare off Lily's sister."

"Hey! She deserved it, anyway! With the way she treats our Lily."

"That's no reason to point your wand at a muggle!"

Dorcas was about to retort when she spotted me standing a few feet ahead of them, giggling.

"Lily!" she shrieked, flinging her arms around me.

"It's good to see you." Marlene grinned, hugging me, just as tightly as Dorcas did.

I stood there for a moment, taking in the appearance of my two best friends.

Dorcas, was just as tall and beautiful as ever. She had long, blond hair, coming down to her waist, that danced around her body as she walked. Her blue eyes were big and beautiful. Her eyes were twinkling, like they always did when she was up to something. Out of the three of them, Dorcas was the boldest and most outgoing one. She always spoke her mind, often times not thinking before she spoke. I was always trying to cover up for her when she snuck out out of the castle, sometimes even joining the Marauders in their stupid pranks. While it bothered me that she hung out with those idiots, she always assured me that they were really good friends to her.

Marlene, meanwhile, was just as beautiful as Dorcas, but in a much less obvious way. She had dark brown hair, not as long as Dorcas's, but still fairly long. And she had dark brown eyes, sometimes, depending on the lighting, they almost looked black. She was much quieter and more mature than Dorcas, and didn't wear the crazy outfits Dorcas came up with. She wasn't as mischievous or rambunctious as Dorcas, but she was just as strong and stubborn. Marlene didn't participate in the pranks the Marauders pulled, but she did consider them quiet amusing, much to my dismay. It was odd that Marlene was such good friends with them, considering what a kind and generous nature she had.

"So, what did you guys do today?" I asked, shutting the door behind me.

"We had lunch at the Potter's." Marlene said.

"Yeah, James was all for us showing up at your house in pointed hats and on flying broomsticks." Dorcas added, grinning.

"But I said we didn't want to give Petunia a heart attack." Marlene told her sharply, though there was amusement in her eyes.

"Well, she deserves it." Dorcas muttered.

I made a face. "You were at Potter's house."

Dorcas and Marlene exchanged looks.

"He's been our friend since we were little kids." Marlene repeated for what felt like the hundredth time. "The three of practically grew up together."

"Plus, he's really good friend, if you get to know him." Dorcas added. "Even though he is a complete idiot."

"Nah, I think Sirius is a bigger idiot." Marlene giggled. "Remember what _his _idea for tonight was?"

Dorcas grinned. "I'm pretty sure we would have gotten expelled."

"What was the idea?" I asked, feeling left out of the conversation.

"We can't tell you." Dorcas smirked. "You're a _prefect_. You'll disapprove of such pranks."

"So is Remus!" I pointed out.

"Yeah, well, Remus likes a good laugh every now and then, doesn't he?" Dorcas said. _  
_

I creased my eyebrows. Remus was the only Marauder I liked. He was a prefect with me last year, and we had gotten very close. He was incredibly smart and a loyal friend. Though he disapproved of some of the antics of his friends, he never said a word against them, and always defended them when I asked why someone so kind and loyal as him was friends with such prats.

"Lily?" Mum called from the kitchen. "Why is Petunia hiding in her room?"

Dorcas and Marlene exchanged guilty looks.

"Sorry, Mrs. Evans, that was my fault." Dorcas told her guiltily, holding up her wand.

Mum laughed at the girls. "It's so good to see both of you. Now, we're just waiting for Severus and Vernon to show up. I've already got the table set. You girls can wait in the living room.

"Mum." I said sharply. "Severus isn't coming."

"Oh, he can't make it?"

"He better not." Dorcas said, flaring up at once. "I don't think I could resist jinxing him, if he shows up."

"I can't believe you invited him, Lil." Marlene said, shaking her head. "After all he's done to you. You know, you can say what you want about James, but he would never hurt his friends like that."

"I didn't invite him." I said, stung. "He invited himself."

Mum was watching us, a confused look on her face. "You and Severus are no longer friends?" she asked, frowning.

"He's not the same Severus anymore, Mum. He's a different person...a bad person." I said sadly.

Just as I said this, we heard the doorbell ring. Mum opened it, expecting to see Vernon Dursley, but instead found Severus Snape standing there, his greasy hair hanging like curtains against his face.

"Hello, Mrs. Evans. I'm Severus. We've never personally met." he said, in an annoyingly polite voice.

I felt Dorcas and Marlene tense up against me, their hands on their wands.

"Don't." I muttered to them. They reluctantly put their wand away.

"It's rude to invite yourself to other people's houses." I said, striding over to the door.

Severus looked up at me, his face twisting into a hopeful smile.

"It's good to see you, Lil."

"Can't say the same for you." I said, in a pleasant voice.

"We're friends." Severus said. "Friends forgive each other."

"We're not friends." I said, outraged. "We haven't been friends in ages! I want nothing to do with you. You're cruel and pathetic. You think your better than others because you come from a wizarding family? Well, you're not! Just because you bully others doesn't make you a better wizard!"

"James Potter is always hexing others and you don't seem to have a problem with _him_!" Severus said furiously.

"James doesn't _hurt _people. He likes his stupid pranks but he would never actually hurt somebody!" I said outraged. "And this isn't about Potter! It's about you!"

"Doesn't _hurt _people? Snape asked in disbelief. "What about me?"

"Well," I said nastily, "Frankly, you deserve it."

"Look, Lily, I said I was sorry. What can I do to make this better." he pleaded, hurt by my statement.

"You can leave." I said frostily. "No one wants you here."

With that, I slammed the door on his face, the tears quickly streaming down my face.

Mum was standing there, looking stunned as Dorcas and Marlene rushed to me.

* * *

"...want to work for a drill company." Vernon said smartly. "Excellent pay."

"He's very ambitious." Petunia said fondly, patting Vernon gently.

I kicked Dorcas under the table as she opened her mouth to say something.

"I wasn't going to say anything _mean_." she muttered to me defensively.

"Sure you weren't." Marlene mumbled sarcastically.

Dorcas threw her a dirty look but didn't say anything.

"Where do you go to school?" Dad asked politely, trying to keep the conversation flowing.

"Wellington University. That's how Petunia and I met." Vernon said proudly.

"That's a good school. I myself went to the university of Manchester. I originally wanted to become an electrician." Dad said.

"Electrician? I know all about electricity! I learned about in Muggle Stud-I mean class." Marlene said impressively.

I choked on my food, trying hard not to laugh at the look on Vernon's face. Dad and Mum exchanged confused looks and burst into laughter.

"I'm sorry did you say _muggle_?" Vernon asked as Petunia shot me a filthy look.

"Erm...slip of the tongue." Marlene said, trying to cover up her mistake.

"You know, I never knew you had a sister, Petunia." Vernon said thoughtfully, looking at me and my friends.

"You never see her around." Petunia said. "She goes away for school."

"You never told him about me?" I asked my sister, hurt.

"Why would I?" she said, giving me a look of pure disgust.

"Do you really hate me that much?" I asked, my eyes quickly filling with tears.

"Oh, don't be so dramatic." Petunia snapped, rolling her eyes. "You're causing a scene."

"Petunia. Lily." Mum said sharply. "That's enough."

I ignored Mum. "You never answered my question. Do you really hate me _that _much?" I asked Petunia again.

Petunia glared at me for a second, before standing up. "Yes, I do. You're a disgrace to this entire your family. You're nothing but a stupid freak to me."

"I'm your sister!" I shouted, standing up as well.

"You're no sister of mine." she spat. "I refuse to believe I can be related to someone so..._odd._"

"Petunia!" Dad shouted angrily. "Both of you stop it right now!"

"That's a terrible thing to say!" I told her, crying freely now. Why was I crying so damn much today?

"I didn't even want you here tonight!" she shouted at me. "You or your weirdo friends. I don't know why that school lets you out, anyway. You people should be locked away all year long!"

Marlene and Dorcas had stood up now, towering furiously over Petunia.

"Let's go." I said, afraid they might take out their wands, exposing magic to Vernon.

"Fine with me." Dorcas said, flipping her blond hair.

The three of us stormed out of the house, not even looking back. I heard Mum calling after us; I could tell she was crying. But I couldn't deal with it anymore.

"Where to?" Dorcas asked, as we turned the street.

"My house?" Marlene suggested. "We can return later, Lilly."

I nodded, sticking my wand up in the air.

"I'll write to my mum when I get there." I said just as the Knight Bus appeared in front of us.


	2. Friends

**Chapter Two: Friends**

* * *

It had been two weeks since I had arrived at Marlene's house; I knew I would have to face Petunia and my parents eventually, but I was enjoying myself too much at the McKinnon household to want to leave. It felt good not to have Petunia's beady eyes glaring at me from across the room. Or to have her huff her disapproval every time I spoke about Hogwarts.

Mrs. Marlene was more than welcoming, but she urged me to go back home, to fix things with my family before the summer ended. While I knew she was right, I just wasn't ready to face Petunia yet. I wrote to my parents every day, apologizing for my behavior, and they were more than understanding. But Petunia...she hadn't even responded to my letters.

Essentially, life with the McKinnons felt perfectly comfortable. Marlene and I would take walks around the small town, gossiping and joking. Sometimes we would even flirt with the local muggle boys. Mrs. McKinnon would cook us dinner every night and Dorcas would come by every couple of days. Mum had sent over a rucksack of clothes for me, but I knew I would have to eventually go back. I had left all my school books and possessions behind.

Mum wasn't the only one that had written to me. Severus had tried to contact me too; he sent me a letter, wondering where I was. While I took little notice of the letter, thinking I should just dispose of it and not worry about it, Marlene was furious that he had the nerve to write to me.

"He _wrote _to you?" Marlene asked, snatching the letter from my hands.

"He's relentless." I sighed, shaking my head.

"Are you going to write back?" she asked, scanning the letter.

I considered it. "Well, I don't want him to write to me again...but if I don't write back, he'll probably just keep trying..."

"Well, if you want, I can write back to him." Marlene suggested. "I have a few things I would like to say to him."

Before I could respond, though, a tall boy with messy black hair strode in, clutching a broom in his hand.

"Hey, Evans." he said, grinning at me.

"Potter." I nodded curtly. James gave me one last smile before turning to face Marlene.

The only downside to staying with Marlene was having to deal with Potter on a daily basis. James, Dorcas, and Marlene's families had known each other so long, that the three of them had practically grown up together. In fact, it was perfectly acceptable for James or Dorcas to show up at Marlene's house unannounced and just stay the night, no questions asked. Actually, according to Dorcas, they all usually stayed at the Potter house, because it was much bigger and Mr. and Mrs. Potter were just about the nicest people anyone had met.

The truth was, James was a lot...nicer this year. He didn't flirt with me as much and stopped asking me out every chance he got. I think he was starting to realize that we weren't right for each other. And it even gave me the chance to enjoy his presence sometimes. He was still as arrogant as ever, but it was true what Marlene and Dorcas had said. I had to admire what a great friend he was. After Sirius had a falling out with his parents a few weeks ago, James and his parents were more than happy to allow Sirius to live with them. And when Dorcas was upset and needed to talk, he put away his teasing attitude and listened carefully to what she had to say. And when Marlene needed a laugh, he and the other marauders were more than happy to come over, telling jokes and planning one of their stupid pranks. As much as I hated to admit it, I was starting to really like the marauders, and I couldn't imagine not having them around. The past two weeks really gave me a different perspective on them. While they were still annoying and immature, they also had this kindness about them.

"...how is Sirius doing?" Marlene asked. Sirius had been having a difficult time this summer. Apparently, he had had enough of his family and had run away. Though Sirius was many things, he was not like Severus, caring more about how pure a person's blood was over how pure their hearts were. Sirius genuinely had a good heart, though he rarely chose to show it.

James sighed, looking concerned. I couldn't believe it. James Potter was _concerned. _He was actually showing real human emotions.

"He's had it hard with his parents. But I think he's doing better now that he's left. He actually seems happier." James said.

"Are you sure that his newfound happiness has nothing to do with Dorcas?" Marlene asked, smirking.

James grinned. "If he's happy, then I'm happy."

Marlene hesitated. "I love Sirius, you know that...but he's kind of a player, isn't he?"

James sighed. "Yeah, but I've already told him: if you hurt Dorky, then I'll hurt you."

"And what did he say?" Marlene asked.

"He laughed in my face! Can you believe that!" James replied, shaking his head in outrage.

"I'm sorry," I said, interrupting their conversation, "but _Sirius and Dorcas_?"

"Hard to believe, huh?" James asked, his face lighting up when I spoke to him.

"I just don't see them...together." I said.

"Why not? Dorcas is gorgeous and Sirius is a good looking bloke, albeit not quite as handsome as me, but still." James said rationally.

"Relationships aren't just about looks." I snapped at him.

"Dorcas isn't exactly a delicate little flower. She's just as wild as Sirius." James said.

Marlene nodded. "I can't believe we didn't see it before. They're perfect for each other...she's one of the few people who can handle him."

I looked between the two of them in disbelief. Were they were forgetting about all the girls at Hogwarts who were found outside the Gryffindor common room, crying over Sirius Black? I certainly didn't want Dorcas to be one of them.

"I think she can do better, that's all." I muttered.

Marlene and James stared at me.

"Sirius is my best friend." James said quietly. "He's one of the greatest blokes I know."

"Well, you obviously need to meet new people." I snapped back.

"Lily." Marlene said sharply.

"You think your so self-ritcheous don't you?" James said angrily. "Well, not all of us are perfect, Lily. Normal people make mistakes. Sirius and I have both made our share of mistakes, but we've been working to change that. We've been trying to become better people. And it really doesn't help when there are people like you, sitting on their damn pedestals, judging the rest of us."

I stared at him in shock. James had never yelled at me before. _Ever. _

"I-I didn't mean..." I trailed off, at a loss for words. I never realized he actually cared what I thought...

"You know, I don't think I'll stick around for dinner. I'll see you later." James said to Marlene before storming out the back door.

"Lily." Marlene said gently. Before I realized it, there were hot tears trickling down my cheeks. I couldn't believe I was crying over James Potter.

"He's right." I said tearfully. "I'm a horrible person. I'm judgmental and rude and I deserved much worse than what he said."

"No, you didn't." Marlene said sharply. "Listen, I can understand that you don't like James and Sirius, but you're not a horrible person. But you do owe them an apology."

"When did I become this person?" I asked. "I've become such a horrible person that even Potter, the most arrogant person I know, thinks badly of me."

"Lily, the fact that you just called him arrogant isn't helping." Marlene pointed out, smirking.

"And it's not just him! I've been horrible to my parents too." I wailed, ignoring Marlene. "I should have never stormed out of the house like that! Oh my mum is probably a mess...and Dad's already sick. He doesn't need the added stress..."

"Lily, that's enough." Dorcas said from beside me. I jumped, not having realized she was there. "Get a grip. If you want to make things right, then make it right. Don't sit here and cry about it."

"Dorcas, you could at least try to be more sensitive." Marlene told her.

"That _was _me being sensitive." Dorcas said.

"Well, you obviously need more practice at it."

"Hey, Lily needs to hear the truth!"

"Not the way you said it!"

"No, she's right, Marlene." I said, wiping my tears. "I need to talk to James. Where is he?"

"Out in the backyard. Remus is talking to him."

I nodded and headed out the back door. Outside, I saw Remus murmuring something to James. James was nodding, but I could tell he was upset. Was it because of our fight?

"James?" I said tentatively.

He looked up and was surprised to see me. "Evans. Hey."

"I'll give you two a moment." Remus said, smiling encouragingly at me.

"I shouldn't have yelled at you earlier...it was stupid..." James said, looking guiltily at me. I noticed his light brown eyes weren't twinkling like they usually did. Instead, they were filled with worry and sadness. At once, I knew there was a lot more going on than I could have ever imagined. James was going through something, and I wanted desperately to know what it was. I wanted to hold him in my arms and tell him not to worry, to tell him that everything was going to be okay.

What was I thinking? I wanted to _hold _Potter? The boy that had caused me so much anger and annoyance over the past six years? I took a deep breath, clearing my head. I came out here to apologize to Potter, not to create little scenarios in my head where I was holding him.

"I should be the one apologizing. You were right. I judged you and Sirius before I even knew you. The truth is, in these past two weeks...I've grown to..._tolerate _you." I said, wincing.

"It actually pains you to say that I'm not such a terrible person, doesn't it?" James asked, looking amused. But still the twinkle in his eyes didn't return; they were still clouded with worry.

"I don't agree with the way you treated Severus." I said defiantly. I had held a grudge against James for so long because of Severus; I knew how badly the two hated each other, and I felt obligated to hate James, as well. I felt sad thinking about this. If I had realized sooner that Severus would turn out to be such a horrible friend, then maybe James and I would have been friends...

"And I don't agree with the way Snivellus treats others." James said hotly. Clearly he wasn't going to apologize for what happened with Snape.

"Neither do I." I admitted.

"But I am sorry for everything else I did. Especially any pain I caused _you_." James said gently.

"And I'm sorry for everything I did to you too." I apologized, putting my hand on his arm. I didn't know why, but it wasn't awkward or weird touching James...it felt so right, so natural.

"So, can we start over then?" James asked hopefully. "Friends?"

_Friends. _The idea sounded strangely appealing to me. Two weeks ago, I would have scoffed at the idea of me even spending more than five minutes alone with James and actually enjoying myself. But _now. _Now, I had seen what a great friend James could be. I saw how much he cared about Sirius, how he stood up for him and defended him. I saw how he respected and listened to Remus, how he cared about him, no matter what others said. I saw how how he took care of Dorcas and Marlene, almost like a big brother would take care of his little sisters.

"Friends." I agreed, a small smile playing on my face. The twinkle in his eyes returned. Though his eyes were still clouded with worry, there was also a small twinkle in them.


	3. The Hogwarts Express

**Chapter Three: The Hogwarts Express**

* * *

I hugged my mum tightly. For the first time in years, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go to Hogwarts. Dad was getting so sick that he wasn't even strong enough to take me to King's Cross Station. And to take matters worse, Petunia hadn't spoken a word to me since I got home. I wanted desperately to be there for my dad and to make things right with Tuney.

"Mum...I can stay a few more days." I suggested. "I'm sure Professor Dumbledore would understand."

"Don't be silly." Mum said, mopping her eyes, "It's your sixth year. Go on. I'm sure all your friends are looking forward to seeing you."

"Okay." I said uncertainly. "I'll see you at Christmas."

"See you." she said sadly, waving to me.

I gave her one last smile before casually leaning into the barrier.

"Lily!" Alice Prewett shrieked, pulling me into a hug as soon as I fell through the barrier. "You look different! Did you get a haircut?"

I smiled. Alice was a year older than me. She and Mary McDonald were best friends and they had looked out for me since my first year. In a way, they were like the older sisters I never had. It made me sad to think that they were better sisters to me than Petunia was. Alice was always a good shoulder to cry and someone to help me when I had trouble with school. Meanwhile, Mary was amazing for guy advice. In fact, she was the one who had set me up with Austin Davies, my boyfriend of almost a year.

"I saw James earlier." Alice smirked.

"So?"

"So, he seemed very chipper."

"Did he?"

"When I asked him about it, he had his Lily smile." Alice said, crossing her arms.

"Lily smile?" I scoffed.

"Did something happen between the two of you?" she demanded.

"Of course not! Potter is arrogant! You know very well my feelings for him." I said, making Alice grin even wider. "Look, James and I agreed to be friends. That's all." I said, immediatly regretting my decision.

"I thought you hated him." Alice smirked.

"I do. Well, I did. Well, I certainly don't _like _him but he's not _entirely_ awful." I said, getting annoyed with how unsure of myself I sounded.

"Thanks, Lily. Wasn't that just a _glowing_ review." I heard James say sarcastically. I turned around to see him standing behind me, grinning widely.

"Hey, James." I said politely, though I couldn't help but smile. I was actually _smiling. A_t the sight of Potter. _James Potter. _

"So, I'm not _entirely _awful?" he asked, raising his eyebrows, a small smile playing on his face.

"You have your moments." I replied.

"Huh. And here I thought we were friends." he said, shaking his head.

I smiled at him, taking in his look. It had been about a month since we had seen each other. And as much as I hated to admit it, James looked _good. _He seemed to have grown even taller and he had even gotten a little muscular. His black hair was slightly longer and looked just as messy as ever. But what made me happiest was that the twinkle in his eye was back. And for a split second our eyes met, making my heart skip a beat. I looked away quickly.

"You look happier." I noted.

"I'm with you, aren't I?" he said seriously. Though I would never admit it to James, I felt a strange sense of thrill at these words.

"James." I said sharply. "I have a boyfriend."

"And I have a girlfriend." he replied.

"So, shouldn't you be saying things like that to _her_?" I asked, slightly annoyed. I didn't know James had a girlfriend; he wasn't exactly boyfriend material.

"Well, then I'd be lying to her."

"Then why are you with her?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

He shrugged. "She's hot."

"How very deep." I said, rolling my eyes.

He chuckled. "Evans, you know very well that the only girl in the world for me is you."

" And _you_ know very well that the only guy for me is Austin Davies."

"That's what you think. But you'll see, Evans, one day we _will _be together." he said confidently.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Potter." I sighed, shaking my head. This boy just doesn't give up. I turned to share my exasperation with Alice and I realized that she was no longer standing beside me. "Where is everybody?" I asked, looking around. James' posse were nowhere to be seen and neither were any of my friends.

"On the train." he said, shrugging. "It's about thirty seconds until it leaves."

"What!" I shrieked. "We need to go!"

I grabbed his hand and started pulling him through the crowd of waving parents. Why hadn't he told me the train was about to leave? That stupid prat! Just as the train began moving, I had jumped in, pulling my trunk behind me. I turned around to see an amused looking James.

"We could have missed it!" I said angrily. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

He shrugged. "And miss the look on your face when you realized what time it was?"

"We nearly missed the train just so you could see the look on my face?" I asked, not sure whether to be annoyed or amused.

"Well, that _and_ you held my hand." he added smugly, grabbing my trunk.

"I did not." I said, though I did distinctly remembered grabbing his hand and pulling him through the crowds.

"Yes you did." he grinned cockily, pulling my trunk down the crowded aisles.

"Didn't." I muttered, following him.

"In here." Marlene said, sticking her head out the compartment. "Where have you two been?"

"It's all Lily's fault. She lost track of time." James said, following Marlene inside. I rolled my eyes but didn't say anything as I felt two muscular arms wrap around my waist.

"I missed you." I heard a husky voice whisper in my ear.

I turned around to see Austin Davies, my boyfriend of almost a year. He gave me a sweet but passionate kiss. Distantly, I heard someone wolf whistle (probably Sirius) but I just ignored it, wrapping my arms around his neck. When we were finished, I turned around to see James pointedly staring out the window. For the first time, I felt strangely guilty for not returning James' feelings for me. If only he could realize that we weren't right for each other, then maybe he could move on and meet someone that might return his feelings. He might have been cocky and arrogant, but he wasn't a bad person. And I actually enjoyed being his friend. I didn't want to lose him.


	4. The First Day Back

**Chapter Four: The First Day Back**

* * *

To say that the train ride was awkward would be an understatement. I couldn't believe with how full our compartment was, no one could manage to think of a single thing to say. James was still staring out the window, a look of desperation and longing on his face. Marlene kept trying to covertly pat him, attempting to comfort him. Sirius and Dorcas were holding hands, but looking awkward. Poor Sirius had never been in a committed relationship. It was so cute! He didn't know how to act! Remus was looking at me with a disdainful smile, attempting to make conversation with the others, but failing miserably as no one would answer or only give him one word responses. Austin was looking at me questioningly, wondering what was going on. Usually, our compartment was one of the loudest. And little Peter was oblivious to anything going on, digging through his bag, looking for food.

"Did someone die?" Mary MacDonald asked, standing in the doorway of the compartment, looking around our blank faces.

"Mary!" I shrieked, throwing my arms around her.

"Oh!" Mary said in surprise, hugging me back, "I can see I was missed."

"Why didn't you come by sooner?" I asked, thankful that _somebody _was finally talking.

"Alice almost had a meltdown. She and Frank nearly broke up." she said, rolling her eyes.

"What!" I squeaked. Alice and Frank had been together since their fifth year. I remembered when he asked her out too. I was a fourth year at that time. Mary and Alice had been complaining to us about how tough their O.W.L year was, when Frank came by with a bouquet of roses. I always wanted to find somebody that cared about me the way that Frank cared about Alice. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Austin smile at me, and I couldn't help but think that I had.

"Yeah," Mary nodded grimly, "It was horrible. Apparently, Frank had said he loved her and she freaked out. I think she was caught off guard and couldn't say it back. You know, Alice. Anyway, turns out she feels the same way and they've gone off somewhere to snog."

"Yeah, _snog_." James snorted sarcastically. "Ten sickles says they're shagging."

Every head turned to him, stunned that he had spoken. "What?" he asked, looking around, "Is there something wrong with my face?"

"You can _not _give me that sort of opening." I told him, grinning, hoping he had returned back to normal. I really hated this sulky, quiet James. I missed the loud, obnoxious James. The one who would annoy me so badly that I would probably want to throw him out of the train window. It's ironic really that I had spent five years wanting James to become a more quiet, respectful person, and now I was desperate for him to return to his rambunctious ways.

"Evans, you love my face." he smirked. Austin frowned at me and I smiled apologetically at him. I had forgotten to tell him that James and I were friends now.

"Anyway, I just came to check up on my babies. You guys do realize that this will be the last year I'm going to be on the train station with you?" Mary told us, her eyes filled with sadness and nostalgia.

"I hadn't even thought about that!" Marlene shrieked, hugging Mary again.

"Lily, we have prefect meeting." Austin whispered in my ear. I smiled slightly, realizing that Austin and I had made a full circle. We had met last year on the train, during the first ever prefect meeting. Remus had introduced us, and Austin and I had become inseparable since then. I remembered that it had bothered Severus tremendously when Austin asked me out. He actually had the nerve to forbid me from ever seeing Austin again! Ugh, I should have realized then what an arse Sev-I mean Snape had become. I really don't know what I was thinking to have continued our relationship for that long. And now, there were rumors that Snape was You-Know-Who's first choice at becoming a death eater. It was sickening. He truly was a younger version of Malfoy, except with slimy hair.

"Oh, yeah!" I said, standing up, "Coming Remus?"

I noticed Austin trying to grab my hand but I carefully moved it out of the way. I didn't want to give James any more reason to be upset.

"Since when are you and James Potter friends?" Austin asked, following me to the prefect compartment.

"Oh, we hung out a bit this summer," I said, "He's really good friends with Marlene and Dorcas and I stayed with Marlene for a bit this summer. Remember? I think I wrote to you about it."

Austin frowned, trying to remember all that I had written in my letters (they tended to be a little long). "Oh, yeah. I think you said something about that. It's just weird. I always got the impression that you hated him." he said, recalling all my rants about James lat year. I heard Remus chuckle from behind us.

"Well, I changed my mind," I said firmly, "He's proven to be a really good friend so far."

"He was quiet. Usually, when I see him and his friends, they're quite obnoxious." Austin said, sniffing disapprovingly.

"Sorry about that. I try to control them as best I can." Remus said from behind us. I giggled. _No one _could control the marauders. Honestly, it was silly of anyone to even try.

"Did you see Sirius and Dorcas together?" I asked them. "I disapproved first, but he's really making an effort, isn't he?"

"Yeah, he is." Remus said genuinely, smiling slightly.

"I never pictured _the _Sirius Black settling down." Austin said, sounding mildly surprised, "He has quite a reputation."

"He's changed." I assured Austin. "They all have." I said, thinking of a certain boy with messy hair and beautiful hazel eyes. Did I just say beautiful? Merlin, I must be going crazy. The only boys' eyes that I think are beautiful are Austin's.

* * *

I followed McGonagall as she paced up and down the table, handing out schedules. It was the first morning back, and I was absolutely ecstatic about beginning Potions. It was, after all, my favorite class.

The only other person in our year that was as good at Potions as me is Snape. Before, when we were younger, that class was a bonding type of thing for us. But now, it was more of a competition between who could do better. Personally, I think I did loads better than Snape. He didn't have a real passion for it like I did. Snape's passion was the dark arts. I wished desperately that I could have my old friend back; the one who didn't fantasize about the dark arts and joining the most evil wizard of all time. But things changed and I had long ago learned to accept that I would never get Severus back. And I was okay with that. I had plenty of other _true _friends; friends that weren't ashamed of me. Friends that I could trust and rely on; friends that loved me. And yes, that included the marauders.

"Ms. Evans, you can be rest assured that you'll get your schedule, but I really don't appreciate you following me around like a lost puppy dog." Professor McGonagall snapped as she ran into me for the third time.

"Professor, can't you just give me my schedule _now_?" I begged.

"Sit down, Ms. Evans." McGonagall said sternly, but she looked amused, nonetheless. "You'll get your schedule in a minute. I still need to finish handing out schedules to the third years."

Muttering under my breath, I plopped down next to Dorcas.

"What's got your wand in a knot?" Sirius asked, leaning across his girlfriend.

"McGonagall." I muttered furiously.

"Ah, yes, my old pal Minnie. What has she done now?" Sirius asked, shaking his head as if Professor McGonagall was a misbehaved two-year old who needed punishment.

"She refuses to give me my schedule!" I huffed angrily, "This is going to take ages! She's still handing out the schedules for the third years!"_  
_

Sirius looked at me for a second, in stunned disbelief. "She's kidding right?" he asked Dorcas, who shook her head grimly.

"Of course I'm serious!" I snapped, "Some of us actually _care _about our educations!"

"I care about my education!" Sirius said indignantly, "I've never failed a class, have I? Or gotten expelled?"

"That's your argument? That you've never gotten expelled?" I asked in disbelief.

"It's a valid argument."

"Is not."

"Is."

"Isn't."

"Is."

"Isn't!"

"You know, it's lovely not to be the one you're yelling at." James said lightly, sitting across from us.

"I'm not yelling!" I yelled.

He raised his eyebrows.

"I'm not yelling." I repeated more quietly.

"She's mean, Prongs. I don't know what you see in her." Sirius said, eyeing me warily. "I'd much rather have this one." he said, nodding to Dorcas, who just rolled her eyes.

James shrugged, "You get used to it."

"I'm not mean!" I said indignantly.

"Lily, you spent the past five years calling me an arrogant toe rag." James said seriously.

"Oh, right." I said, feeling terrible, "I'm sorry about that."

James, who had just shoved a spoon full of porridge in his mouth, choked. "Lily, I didn't mean that you had to apologize! I was just kidding. I know I was an arrogant toe-rag."

"No, I owe you an apology." I said seriously, reaching over to hold his hand, "Especially for last year...after the O.W.L.s. I still don't think you should have treated Sev - I mean Snape that way, but I appreciate you defending my honor."

James opened his mouth and closed it, looking stunned. I gave his hand one last squeeze before going back to my breakfast.

"Anyway, what classes are you taking?" I asked, turning to Dorcas, "I'm definitely taking Advanced Potions but I don't want to risk running into Snape in that class."

"Dont' worry, I got your back." Dorcas said, throwing Snape a furious look from across the room.

"If he keeps trying to talk to me, then I'm going to jinx his sorry arse." I said seriously.

"And I'll be right behind you." she nodded.

Sirius grinned approvingly at us. "I think we've been a bad influence on you two."

Dorcas grinned, giving Sirius a kiss. I made a face and looked away. I know I was supposed to be all supportive of my friend finding a boyfriend and all, but that didn't mean I wanted to see them snog all over the place. And undoubtfully, they would probably be shagging everywhere. This _was _Dorcas and Sirius we were talking about, after all. They're not exactly known for taking things slow or being prudes.

"Oh, they're going to be sickening now, aren't they?" I asked James.

"Yeah, probably," he shrugged carelessly, "Are you going to finish that bacon?"

"Go for it. But aren't you annoyed that they're having a snogfest right in front of you!" I demanded.

"Evans, I'm not a girl. I don't really care for such things." he said, rolling his eyes, "Besides, McGongall is coming this way. She'll probably stop them."

I looked over, and sure enough, McGonagall was marching this way, watching Sirius and Dorcas warily. I turned back to James, grinning, but he was too distracted, untying a letter from the leg of an impressive looking owl. I watched as he opened the letter quickly, scanning through it, his brows furrowing more and more as he read.

"Is everything okay, James?" I asked softly as McGonagall arrived at our table, clearing her throat at Sirius and Dorcas.

He looked up at me, and I noticed the twinkle in his eye was gone again. For a moment, he looked as if he was about to cry, and again I felt the urge to go over there and hug him. But the next moment, he had arranged his face into a cocky grin.

"Brilliant." he said nonchalantly, but I noticed him throw Sirius a meaningful look. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sirius give him a curt nod.

"...absolutely inappropriate behavior!" McGongall finished, her lips thinning.

"I one hundred percent agree with you, Minnie." James said, grinning. "Sirius, you should be ashamed!"

"Ah, but Prongs, one can not hide such passion!" Sirius answered, winking at Dorcas.

"Won't happen again." Dorcas assured Professor McGonagall, throwing Sirius and James a _you're-not-helping _look.

"Well, you completely killed the fun." grumbled Sirius as McGonagall walked away.

"We can have a different kind of fun later." Dorcas said, getting up and grinning.

"Disgusting." I muttered, shaking my head.

"You're just jealous." Sirius said, watching Dorcas leave the Great Hall, probably going to fetch Marlene.

"And why is that?" I challenged.

"Because you and Austin don't have the fiery passion that Dorcas and I do."

I looked at James in disbelief, ready to share an exasperated look with him, but he was reading his letter again, his brows furrowed. Sirius grinned at me until noticing James as well. He watched his best friend with an odd expression (was it concern?) before turning around to me again, probably in an attempt to distract me.

* * *

I walked to Potions, listening to Dorcas and Marlene chatter about Quidditch and boys, my mind still on James. What was in that letter? Why did it upset him so much? I missed his twinkling eyes...It felt wrong to have James Potter upset...

"Hey, did you guys notice James seemed a little off this morning?" I asked my two best friends. They exchanged quick looks. Aha! So they were in on it too.

"No, he seemed fine." Marlene lied. I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at her.

"Anyway, are you and Austin still going strong?" Dorcas asked in an attempt to change the subject.

"Yeah, we're fine." I answered absently, my mind wandering back to James. So, Marlene and Dorcas definitely knew what was in the letter. Sirius also knew...which meant _all _the marauders knew...which means I was the only one left in the dark. It shouldn't have come as surprise that James didn't trust me with his deepest secrets. After all, we had only become friends a few weeks ago, but it still hurt, nonetheless.

"Hey, Lily!" Snape said as soon as we walked through the double doors, "I saved you a seat!"

Marlene and Dorcas had already sat together and were looking at me apologetically as I looked around the classroom desperately searching for another empty table. Marlene was about to get up and give up her spot to me, when we heard another voice call my name.

"Evans! Sit with me!" James was motioning to the seat next to him. Relieved, I rushed to his table, not even bothering to look back at Snape.

"Thanks!" I breathed, setting my things on the table.

"No problem." James smiled, but his eyes still weren't twinkling. I gazed at him for a moment, wondering what could have possibly been in that letter.

"Where's Sirius going to sit?" I asked, looking around for perhaps the wildest marauder.

"Right here, love." Sirius said, from behind me. I turned around to see Remus and Sirius grinning at me from the table behind us.

"Where's Peter?" I asked, looking around for the short, watery-eyed boy.

Sirius snorted. "Did you honestly think Peter would make it to the N.E.W.T. level of this class?"

I bit my lip, "He did have a rather difficult time in Potions last year, didn't he?"

"Difficult?" Sirius scoffed, "He's my mate and all, but the bloke was a bloody idiot."

Remus and James laughed. I frowned.

"But he's your friend." I pointed out.

"And I'm sure he'd say the same thing about me when I was in Divination." Sirius said.

"I have a feeling this is going to be a long year." I said warily, my eyes locked with a grinning Sirius.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he demanded.

"It means I'm not looking forward to spitballs being thrown at the back of my head."

"Spitballs? What am I? Nine?" Sirius asked, looking offended, "You'll be getting much worse than spitballs."

James chuckled. "Don't worry," he murmured, "I'll protect you."

"My hero." I muttered sarcastically, making James grin even more.

Slughorn walked into the classroom, then, silencing everyone.

"Welcome back! Welcome back!" he jovially, looking around the full classroom. It's very unusual for there to be so many students to pass to the N.E.W.T level Potions. "I can see we have a much larger group of students this year! How wonderful!"

Behind me, I heard Sirius begin to snore.

"But class just started!" I protested to James.

"You know Sirius. He's got the attention span of a three-year old." he shrugged.

"But he can't sleep through class! He'll fail!" I saw worriedly, biting my lip.

I heard Remus chuckle. "Lily, Sirius and James aren't like the rest of us. THey don't have to pay attention to pass."

"We're just that smart." James said cockily. I threw him a dirty look. How was that possible? How did those two find time to study and do their homework but still manage to party and pull pranks all night?

"Lily? Where are you, dear?" Slughorn asked, looking confused. I'm the kind of student that sits in the front. It's very unusual for me to sit in the back...with James Potter.

"Right here, sir!" I exclaimed, raising my hand.

Slughorn looked surprised at my choice of seating but didn't say anything. "Excellent. Ah, and Mr. Potter beside you. Excellent. Two of my top students working together!"

I swiveled around to face James. "You're good at Potions?!"

"You sound surprised."

"I am."

"Ouch."

"No, no! I didn't mean it like that!" I said impatiently, "I just thought that...Snape always said you were rubbish at Potions...and you never really stood out in class..." I rambled, knowing I was making it sound worse.

"I'm not as good as you...or even Snivellus. But I do okay." he shrugged.

"But you do better than okay. Slughorn just said you were one of his top students."

"So?"

I couldn't explain why I cared so much that James was good at Potions...I was just happy that we had something in common; one more thing to connect over.

"I just...I didn't know that about you.." I said lamely.

"There's loads you don't know about me."

"We're just going to have to change that, aren't we?" I said, smiling at him.

"Yeah, we are." he agreed, gazing at me. And for a split second, the old twinkle in his eye had returned.


	5. Natalie Peterson

**Chapter Five: Natalie Peterson**

* * *

Austin was the kind of person who you had to love. He was smart, funny, kind, generous, good-looking, modest...the list just goes on. The first thing about him that grabs your detention are his looks. There's no denying he's handsome, probably one of the most handsomest blokes in the school. He has dark brown eyes and blond wavy hair. He is tall, muscular, and he has the most amazing smile. Whenever we went out, girls gave me dirty looks, not believing that a girl like me could be going out with a bloke like him. But there's so much more to Austin than just his looks.

Just like me, his studies are a very important part of his life. He wears his Ravenclaw colors proudly, and does everything he can to support his house. Just like I do everything I can to support my house. We both love the same books and classes; we could talk for hours about books and never run out of things to say. He's so intellectual, and I really appreciated the stimulating conversations we have. Plus, he's the president of nearly every club at Hogwarts. Honestly, he knew _everybody. _ He was almost as popular as the marauders.

Austin is also the kind of bloke who's nice to _everyone. _I knew he disapproved of my friendship with James, but once he had shared his feelings with me, and I had promised him that James and I were _just _friends, Austin had reverted back to his friendly ways. He was perfectly polite to James and even chatted with him once in a while. He's even nice to _Sirius_. And that's saying something, considering Sirius always tries to pull something on him when we're around. If it weren't for Dorcas, he probably would have gotten away with it too. Just the other day, he tried jinxing eggs to fly at Austin's back. Thankfully, no one noticed, and Dorcas and I yelled at Sirius in private about it later.

"He's perfect." I said with satisfaction, dropping the frog livers into the cauldron. It turned a light green color.

James frowned, "Why?"

"He's smart."

"I'm smart."

"But he's smarter."

"Lily, no one's smarter than me."

I glared at him. "He's good looking."

James grinned, "Have you seen me? I'm a stud."

"You keep telling yourself that." I muttered, stirring the contents in the cauldron.

"Well, I am," he said, rolling his eyes, "But weren't you the one who said that relationships were about more than looks?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Austin and I...we have this...connection..." I said, struggling to find the right words to describe my relationship with Austin.

"Connection?" James asked skeptically.

"Yes. Why are you asking me so many questions anyway?"

"Just trying to understand how that bloke doesn't bore you to death."

"He's not boring."

"Lily, yesterday he gave me a five minute lecture on polishing my wand."

"Well, you should! That thing looks filthy!"

"They're just fingerprints."

"He's not boring." I repeated, getting annoyed.

The truth was, over the past month, James and I had gotten a lot closer. He was the one person that could make me laugh when I wanted to cry. Every time I saw him, I got these weird butterflies in my stomach...something I never got with Austin...

And he listened to me. I talked to him about my sister and her stupid fiance. I even told him about my dad being sick. And he just listened. It was exactly what I needed. He knew exactly what to say when I was done, and he held me exactly the way I needed him to when I cried. He was my friend. Actually, he was one of my _best _friends. He understood me in a way that Severus never did. Usually, Severus would just make me angrier or more upset...but James...he just _got _me.

But that didn't mean he still didn't annoy the crap out of me. He was loud; he made a joke out of everything; he had a dirty mind; he seemed to have dated almost every girl in our year; and he seemed to get good grades in every class...and he didn't even try! How was that even possible! I worked my arse off everyday, taking notes, studying, and doing everything I possibly could to keep my status as the top student. But James...he was just naturally that brilliant. It drove me crazy.

The only class he ever failed was Divination. Not that that even counted as a class. Personally, I thought it was a load of rubbish. He even passed History of Magic! I could barely stay awake in that class to take notes and James hardly ever even showed up!

But his best class by far was Transfiguration. He was bloody brilliant in that class. McGonagall was putty in his hands. She _loved _him. And that was saying something, considering McGonagall was the sternest teacher at Hogwarts. I mean, she gave him detention nearly every week, but there was no denying he was her favorite student.

"You're late, Potter." she snapped, as James walked in ten minutes late one particular day in early October.

"Sorry, Minnie. Girlfriend trouble. She was a cryer." he explained, shaking his head, and making his way to his seat.

"It's Professor." she said, glaring at him, before turning back to the board.

I gaped at him. How did he come into class ten minutes late, call the teacher Minnie, and not even get docked points?

"Evans, who's staring at who now?" he smirked, giving me his most cocky smile.

"How do you do that?"

"What?"

"She didn't even yell at you!"

"Well, Minnie and I have a special bond."

"Special bond my arse! She should've docked points!"

"You wanted her to take away points from your own house?"

"No! But she could have at least yelled at you!"

"You want her to yell at me?"

"Yes!"

"Huh."

"What?"

"Well, I just thought you would show me a little bit of sensitivity, that's all."

"And why would I do that?"

"Well, I did just have my heart broken."

"What are you talking about?"

"Katie."

"Your girlfriend?"

"Ex-girlfriend." he corrected.

"You broke up!" I gasped.

"Yeah." he sighed sadly.

"And you're upset?" I asked, frowning.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you did say I was the only girl for you."

"You are."

"Then why are you upset?"

"Lily, I'm not a complete arse. I never wanted to _hurt _Katie."

I rolled my eyes. "And you thought the best way to do that was to date her while you still fancied somebody else."

"I admit my tactics weren't the best."

"James, honestly." I groaned. When was he going to realize that we were never going to happen? James was amazing, really he was. But that didn't mean I liked him in that sort of way. I mean, sure, he was _very _fit, and his smile literally took my breath away sometimes. And he was funny and sweet and smart and caring and he did that cute little thing with his hair...but seriously, I'm with Austin. And we're happy together.

"Ms. Evans, I'm sorry. Was I interrupting your conversation?" McGonagall barked. I felt my face burn and knew I was probably turning a deep shade of red. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see James and Sirius snickering. In the far corner, Severus was staring at me again.

"Sorry, Professor." I mumbled, shooting James a filthy look.

"As I was saying, the incantation is simple. So, everybody, wands out and..." McGonagall instructed as I hastily took my wand out.

After class, I rushed to catch up with Marlene and Dorcas. I had barely seen them in the past month, which was really saying something considering we shared a room.

"Hey." I breathed, catching up to them.

"I still can't get used to you and James being friends." Dorcas said, flipping her blond hair.

"You've been telling me to give him a chance for years!" I exclaimed.

"And aren't you glad you did?"

"No."

"Lily." she said seriously.

"He's amazing." I admitted grudgingly.

"Yeah, he is." Marlene agreed, a small smile on her face.

"So, that's why we need to talk to you." Dorcas said seriously. Which, let me tell you, is very unusual. Marlene was usually the one in charge of serious conversations.

"What?" I asked.

"Lily, you know we love you, right? And you're just about the sweetest person ever...a little too nice sometimes, if you ask me...but anyway, the point is that you're a good person." Dorcas said, patting me gently. I raised my eyebrows.

Where is this going?

"And we know you would never mean to hurt anyone on purpose." Marlene interjected, glancing nervously at me.

"What in Godric's name are you two talking about?" I wondered out loud.

"James. He's fancied you for years. We don't want you giving him false hope..." Marlene trailed off, looking extremely uncomfortable.

I should have known. But honestly, they shouldn't be so worried about James. He's a big boy; he can take care of himself. He's no longer the immature fifteen year old who picked on Snivellus for fun. He'd grown up. He'd matured. He could handle things on his own. He didn't need Marlene and Dorcas always looking after him.

"I told him that I have deep feelings for Austin and he said he understood. I'm trying my best not to lead him on in any way, but you know James. He's not one to give up easily." I sighed, glancing behind me where James was doing a victory lap around Sirius, claiming he had won some sort of bet. So much for maturity. Usually, their behavior would annoy me, but I know found it..._endearing. _Merlin, I've gone soft.

"That's all we wanted to hear," Dorcas said, linking her arm with mine, "You know, you two _have _been spending a lot of time together."

"He's a good friend."

"It only took you five years to realize it." Marlene said, linking her arms with Dorcas.

As we neared the Great Hall for lunch, I spotted Austin waiting at the bottom of the staircase. He was talking to his fellow seventh year friends. Sometimes I hated that he was a year older than me. I hated picturing all the other girls in his year, flirting with him, sharing classes with him, ogling at him. But Alice and Mary had assured me that he was completely faithful.

"Hey." he smiled when he saw me, giving me a quick kiss.

"I missed you." I said, wrapping my arms around him. Behind me, I heard a cough, and turned to see James rushing past us, his eyes avoiding any contact with mine. I watched for a second as he entered the Great Hall, already distracted by something Peter was saying.

"I really don't like him." I heard Austin say. I turned to face my boyfriend, and found that he too was watching James.

"James?"

"Potter fancies you."

"He's always fancied me. You never cared before." I pointed out.

"Before you two never used to spend so much time together."

"We're friends. He knows that."

"Does he?"

"Of course he does. Besides, don't you trust me?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him. He better answer this question the right way.

"Of course I do." Austin said, pulling me closer to him.

"Good." I grinned, kissing him.

"But I still don't like that you two spend so much time together." he said, pulling away from my kiss.

"And I don't like it that you spend so much time with all those girls in your year." I contradicted.

"As opposed to you spending all that time with the marauders?" he snapped, getting annoyed.

"Fair enough," I sighed, "Look, nothing's going on between me and James. And nothing will."

"Well, alright then." Austin finally said after a long silence.

"Lunch?" I asked lightly, eager to be rid of the conversation.

"Okay." he agreed awkwardly, taking my hand.

"Lily! Over here!" I heard Marlene call from our usual spot at the table as Austin led me into the Great Hall.

"Marlene saved us seats!" I pointed to the dark haired girl, waving her arms at us. Dorcas was beside her, talking to Sirius. Remus was sitting across from them, and he was attempting to help Peter with his homework. But my eyes sought James. I found him sitting down quietly, eyes looking at anything but me.

"That's okay." Austin said firmly, pointing to his own group of friends. I bit my lip, torn between wanting to please Austin and wanting to please my friends.

"Okay." I finally said, shaking my head miserably at Marlene, and following Austin to his friends.

It's not that I didn't like Austin's friends. That wasn't it at all. They're actually very nice people and they're extremely smart (well, they _are _in Ravenclawe). It's just that I don't have very much in common with them. Throughout the entire lunch, I kept shooting glances at my friends. Mary MacDonald, Frank Longbottom, and Alice Prewett had joined them and they were all piled together, laughing, joking...

"Hey, guys." a pretty blond girl said, squeezing herself onto the bench.

"Where were you?" Austin asked her, smiling. I frowned.

"Library," she muttered, before spotting me, "You're Lily Evans." she said matter-of-factly to me.

I nodded, "And you are?"

"Natalie. Natalie Peterson." she said, sticking out her hand pompously.

Natalie Peterson was _stunning. _There was no denying it. She had the same long, blond hair as Dorcas. But as where Dorcas had a more wild personality, Natalie seemed more mature and intellectual. Though, I could tell already that she was a chatterbox like Dorcas.

I shook her hand, "Nice to meet you." I said politely.

"You too," she smiled, "But I feel as if I already know you. Austin _always _talks about you."

"Not _always." _he muttered, turning a slight tinge of pink.

"You talk about me?" I asked, surprised.

"Of course he does," Natalie said, grinning at the look on Austin's face, "Why wouldn't he? But you're even prettier in person. I always thought you were pretty from afar but up close...those eyes..." she gasped, staring at me in awe.

"Natalie, don't creep her out." Daniel Patil said, laughing.

"I'm not creeping her out!" Natalie snapped. She turned to me, her eyes going a bit wide, "Am I?"

"Nah, I made the mistake of being friends with Severus Snape a few years ago. You wanna talk about creepy, take a look at him." I said, shaking my head.

Natalie's eyes widened, "_You _were friends with Snape? But you're so nice! And he's so...not..."

"He lives a few blocks away from me. We used to play together when we were kids," I shrugged, not wanting to get into the horrible events that had ruined our friendship.

Austin cleared his throat impatiently. He had greatly disapproved of my friendship of Snape last year and hated talking about him. Just like James, Austin had taken a great dislike of Severus from the moment he laid eyes on him, and hated that he had managed to cause me so much pain. Although, while James was more aggressive about it, Austin settled for just making faces when Snape's name was brought up. See, that's the other thing I liked about James. Don't get me wrong, Austin is great and all, but James is always there to defend my honor (whether I want him to or not).

"Snape's a git." Austin grunted, glaring in the direction of the slimy-haired boy.

"Agreed," I said, ready to change the topic of conversation, "So, Natalie, you and Austin are good friends?"

"We have been since we were little kids." Natalie said, grinning adoringly at Austin.

Wait a minute...since they were _little_? How could I, his girlfriend of about a year, not know this? Merlin, I really needed to pay more attention to the people he hung out with.

"So, why haven't we met before?" I asked, frowning at Austin.

Natalie rolled her eyes, "He thinks I'll embarrass him."

"Which you did." Austin pointed out.

"When?"

"When you told Lily I always talk about her."

"How is that embarrassing? If I had a boyfriend, then I would love to hear that he brags about me to his friends."

"You brag about me?" I interrupted, looking at Austin.

He blushed again, "Of course I do, Lily."

I grinned. Oh, my. He's amazing.

"Why?" I asked, embarrassed.

He looked at me in disbelief. "Because you're brilliant." he said as if this were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Couldn't agree with you more, Davies." I heard a familiar voice from behind me.

I turned to see the light, hazel eyes of James gazing down at me. My face split into a wide grin. "James!" I exclaimed. Why was I so damn happy to see him?

"Evans, we're going to class. You coming?" he asked me, his hazel eyes boring into mine. The twinkle in his eye was gone again...

"Are you okay?" I asked, concerned.

He forced a smile, "I'm fine. You coming?" he repeated.

"Yeah..." I said, glancing at Austin, "See you after class?"

Austin looked uncomfortably between me and James but didn't say anything as I gave him a brief kiss.

"Nice meeting you, Natalie." I said, smiling at the blond girl as James helped me out of my seat.

"You too!" she said cheerfully, waving to me.

"I missed you during lunch today." James said as we headed toward the rest of our friends.

"Did you?"

"Yeah, without you, Marlene and Dorcas bickered the entire lunch period."

I shook my head, "Typical. I don't know how you guys last without me during the summer."

He smiled at me, but his eyes were still clouded with worry. I wondered what was going on with him. He'd been very odd lately. One moment he'd be perfectly fine, the easy smile on his face, and his eyes twinkling the way I loved. But the next, he'd act very quiet, his eyes worried and sad. I wished he would just tell me what was going on.

We neared our group of friends, where Remus and Marlene were talking seriously with Alice and Mary while Dorcas and Sirius chattered happily, holding hands. I was taken aback by how committed Sirius was to Dorcas. I hated to admit it, but I was wrong; Sirius was an amazing boyfriend. It was in the way he looked at her, as if he couldn't believe he was lucky enough to have Dorcas in his life. Whenever she walked into a room, his face would light up, and his smile would become wide. Whenever he was in a foul mood, one kiss or touch from her would instantly lift his spirits. He genuinely really cared about her.

And I wasn't the only one who was surprised with Sirius. Girls couldn't believe someone had finally tied down the legendary Sirius Black. It had never been done before. Girls who had cried over him, begging him to give a relationship a chance would stare at Dorcas in both awe and anger. Slaggy girls who wanted a one-night-stand could no longer count on the infamous Sirius Black to give them what they wanted. And this big change in him was all due to Dorcas Meadowes, the tall, pretty blond who talked too much for her own good.

"What class do you lot have next?" Alice asked as we approached them.

"Potions." Marlene said miserably.

Mary made a face, "Ugh, just wait until you get to your seventh year. You'll be begging to go back to sixth."

"I don't mind Potions," James said thoughtfully, "But I much rather be in Transfiguration or D.A.D.A."

"Of course you prefer Transfiguration," Sirius said, rolling his eyes, "McGonagall loves you."

"That reminds me," he said grimly, "we have detention with her tonight."

Sirius groaned, "Ugh, she'll probably just make you do lines while I'm stuck cleaning again."

James grinned, "What can I say?"

"Teacher's pet." I muttered.

"Excuse me," James said, turning to face me, "but may I remind you that Slughorn practically drools over you in Potions."

"What do you care?" I snapped, "my kissing up is what got us an 'outstanding' last week."

"No, what got us an 'outstanding' was my brilliance combined with your mediocre skill."

"Mediocre skill?" I repeated.

"Lily!" Alice suddenly said, before I could say anything else, "Where were you during lunch? We missed you."

"Austin wanted to introduce me to some of his friends." I told her.

"Seventh years?" Mary asked, "Do we know them?"

I shrugged, "There was Daniel Patil, Sam Goldstein, Jane Pickett, and that Natalie Peterson girl."

"Natalie Peterson?" Sirius asked, perking up.

"You know her?" I asked.

James and Sirius exchanged grins.

"Oh, I _know _her, believe me." Sirius replied, smirking. I saw Dorcas tense up a bit and her smile hardened.

"She's very pretty." Alice said thoughtfully.

Sirius smiled more widely, "Oh, yes she is."

Dorcas glared at him.

"But not nearly as pretty as you." he added quickly.

Her face didn't soften though.

"Actually, on second thought, she's ugly. Looks like a troll, if you ask me." he said weakly.

"We should go to class." I suggested. Sirius looked at me gratefully before wrapping his arm around Dorcas' waist. Her face softened a bit at his touch but her expression was still stony.

"So, how exactly _do_ you know Natalie?" she asked him innocently.

"Dorcas," he said, a pained expression on his face, "You know those girls didn't mean anything to me."

"Wow," I whispered to Marlene, "He really likes her, huh."

Marlene nodded but she didn't say anything; she was too focused on James, who was walking ahead of us, quietly looking down at his feet.

"What's wrong with him?" I asked her.

"Nothing." she said quickly. A little _too_ quickly.

"Fine, don't tell me. But he'll be okay, won't he?" I said, my eyes on the back of his head, watching him run his hands through his messy hair.

"I don't know, Lily. I don't know." she said softly, her eyes reflecting the same worried look James had.

"They'll be fine." I heard Sirius whisper to us. His voice was soft, but he had a determined, sure look on his face.

They? Who's they? Was James they?

"I hope you're right." Marlene sighed, watching James' slumping figure bob up the stairs. Remus squeezed her arm sympathetically, and I noticed his face matched the worried look the others had. Okay, what the bloody hell was going on? And why wasn't anybody telling me?

I marched past the others, walking beside James.

"You okay?" I asked.

He smiled slightly, "I told you I'm fine."

"Well, you're lying."

"What makes you say that?"

"Your eyes aren't twinkling." I told him seriously, studying his face.

He paused, glanced at me for a moment, and burst into laughter.

"What's so funny?" I asked, confused.

"I'm sorry. My eyes aren't what?" he asked, still chuckling.

"Twinkling."

"My eyes don't twinkle, Lily."

"Yes, they do."

"No," he said firmly, "they don't."

"Yes, they do," I told him, "And what's wrong with having twinkling eyes? It's one of the things I love about you."

He stared at me. _Shit. _Why did I just say that? I promised Dorcas and Marlene I wouldn't lead him on.

"You love my twinkling eyes?" he asked quietly.

"I thought you said your eyes didn't twinkle."

"They don't."

I rolled my eyes but didn't say anything. Instead, we walked in silence for a few minutes, listening to the others chatter behind us.

"One day I'll tell you." he promised me.

Tell me what?!

"Okay." I nodded, smiling.

"Good," he said, straightening up, "Now, can we talk about the fact that Sirius shagged Natalie Peterson."

I made a face, "Why would we want to talk about that?"

"Because Dorcas will kill him when she finds out. And then bring him back to life just so she could kill him again."

"But that wouldn't be fair. Dorcas and Sirius weren't together when they...you know. _Were they_?" I asked sharply.

"Nah, but Natalie is an old pureblood family. She and Dorcas have known each other since birth. When we were little, Dorcas would compete with her over _everything. _I have a feeling Sirius will be their next competition." James explained.

"Wait. All of you know Natalie too? Am I the only one who never met her?" I demanded angrily.

"Yeah, she was at that dinner at Marlene's house last summer...oh, wait...I think you had already gone home..." James said, scrunching his face in concentration, trying to remember everyone.

"She's Austin's best friend." I grumbled.

"Oh, yeah, I usually see them together at parties." James nodded.

"What?!" I gasp. "What parties?"

He rolled his eyes, "All the pureblood families tend to run in tight-knit groups. We all usually host business cocktails and parties. It's how all of us became friends, really. Marlene's parents have been friends with mine for ages. And I think I met Dorcas when I was six at a Christmas party the Malfoy's had thrown. I didn't meet Sirius until Hogwarts, though, which is actually really odd, considering the Blacks are one of the oldest wizarding families. But anyway, I met Austin at around the age of nine I think. His parents had thrown their usual summer gala, and I was forced to go every year. He and Natalie usually hang out together at these things. They're actually quite boring unless you're an adult trying to make contacts."

"So, you've met Natalie too." I say, a twinge of jealousy erupting inside me. So, all of them got together over the summer, going to parties and galas, while I was stuck at home, listening to Petunia complain about me. I see how it is.

"Yeah, our parents vacationed to France together one summer. I think I might have been seven or eight." James recalled.

"Well, she seemed very nice." I said.

"She is," James agreed, "It's difficult nowadays to find a decent pureblood."

"James, Austin is a pureblood." I point out.

"Yeah, the bloke's pretty decent too," he admitted begrudgingly, "but he still bores me to death."

"He's not boring!' I say, for what feels like the hundredth time.

* * *

I watched the tiny spider scuttle around the desk, running away desperately from my wand.

"I. Hate. Natalie. Peterson." Dorcas said, slamming down her books on the desk. The tiny spider took this opportunity to flee.

"Dorcas! You made me lose my spider!" I complain. "Accio spider."

"Sorry, Lily. What are we even supposed to be doing with them?" Dorcas asked as the spider came zooming back to the desk.

"Same things as yesterday but you can't say the incantaation aloud." I inform her, holding my wand over the spider, concentrating.

Nothing happened.

"Nice." Dorcas snorted.

"You try. It's really hard." I say defensively, watching jealously as James lazily flicked his wand and the spider began turning different colors.

"Oh, he's good." Dorcas said, watching James.

"Yeah, he is. But, anyway, why were you so upset?" I ask her, giving up on my spider.

"Oh, yeah! That stupid Natalie Peterson girl!" Dorcas said, firing up at once.

"What about her?"

"I saw her eyeing Sirius before class."

"So? Girls are always eyeing Sirius."

"Yes, but this is Natalie Peterson we're talking about."

"So?"

"So, you don't know her like I do! She goes after everything I want! It's been this way since we were little!" Dorcas said bitterly.

"Oh, yeah. James told me that you two are a bit competitive with each other."

The truth was, I had gotten to know Natalie a bit more over the week. She was actually very sweet, but she spent most of her time in the library, studying. Which I always wondered how she didn't get kicked out of there because that girl _loved _to talk. Honestly, she wouldn't shut up sometimes.

"Yeah, well, fighting over dolls is one thing. She can't have Sirius. He's mine." Dorcas said.

"What makes you so sure she wants him?"

"Are you even listening to me?! I told you I saw her eyeing him before class!"

I rolled my eyes, "Girls _always _fawn over Sirius. Why is this such a big deal now?"

"Because," Dorcas said miserably, "I saw the look on his face when you mentioned her. I think they must have had a thing or something."

"Sirius is crazy about you, Dorcas." I assured her.

"It just bothers me that he's shagged so many girls." she mumbled, watching Sirius.

"Natalie seemed really nice, though..." I comforted her, "I don't think she would go after Sirius."

Dorcas gave me a dark look, "She's not as nice as you think."

"What do you mean?"

"Just...don't trust her, okay?" Dorcas said seriously.

"Why? Austin trusts her. In fact, they're best friends." I rationalized.

"Lily, like I said, don't trust Natalie Peterson. Especially not with your boyfriend."

I felt my stomach drop. Well, surely I could trust Austin. He's an angel. He would never ever do anything to hurt me.

But then again, I didn't really know this Natalie chick that well...Sure, I had gotten to know her better over the past week, but did I really know her?


	6. Snape's Warning

**Chapter Six: Snape's Warning**

* * *

I didn't know what Dorcas was talking about. Natalie had to be the sweetest girl in the world. I found myself spending more and more time with her and it drove Dorcas crazy that we were actually friends. Actually, even Marlene kind of liked Natalie, not that she would ever admit it out of loyalty to Dorcas, though.

But Marlene had known both Dorcas and Natalie since they were all little kids. She understood why the girls were such rivals. I, on the other hand, thought that they would actually be great friends if they would just learn to let go of the past.

"Just give her a second chance." I begged Dorcas for what felt like the thousandth time.

"Lily, I told you 'no' already." Dorcas said impatiently.

"I don't understand why you have to be so stubborn!"

"And I don't understand how you can fraternize with the enemy!"

I glared at Dorcas from across the room, my hands on my waist.

"Happy Halloween!" Marlene shouted, opening the door to our dormitory. She froze, staring at us, sensing the tension. "What happened?" she asked warily.

"Dorcas, here, says I'm fraternizing with the enemy."

"Well, you are." Dorcas snapped as Marlene threw her a look.

"The only reason it bothers you that I'm friends with Natalie is because you're jealous that Sirius shagged her." I snapped, instantly regretting it when I saw the flicker of pain cross Dorcas' face.

"How would you feel if I suddenly became buddy buddy with Austin's ex?" she asked.

"I wouldn't mind because I have faith in Austin. Something you should have in Sirius too."

"It's not Sirius I don't trust. It's that slag!" Dorcas said, frustrated.

"Don't call her a slag!"

"What? Now you're defending her?" Dorcas shouted angrily.

"At least she's not making me choose who to be friends with!" I snapped.

"Neither am I! I just said that I wouldn't go anywhere she went!"

"But by saying that you're making me feel guilty for choosing to go to Hogsmeade with her instead of you!" I exclaimed.

"Ladies, what's taking so long?" Alice said, strolling into the room. She froze too, staring at me and Dorcas.

"Don't ask." Marlene sighed.

"Okay," Alice said, her eyes widening, "We'll just wait downstairs."

"No, I'm ready," Dorcas said, straightening up, "Let's go."

"But Lily's still in her pajamas." Alice said.

"Lily's not coming with us." Marlene whispered to her.

"You're not?" Alice asked me.

"I promised Austin and Natalie I would go with them."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"I'll see you guys at the feast though!" I said, hating the look of betrayal on Dorcas' face.

"Okay!" Alice said in a false cheery voice, still staring worriedly between me and Dorcas.

"Have fun!" I smiled, "Maybe I'll see you lot in town!"

"Oh, joy." I heard Dorcas mutter sarcastically under her breath, turning her back on me and stomping out.

I bit my lip, staring at Dorcas' retreating figure.

"Just give her some time." Alice said gently.

"You just don't understand the relationship she has with Natalie...it's not a good one. I don't think they can ever be friends..." Marlene said soothingly.

"I hate fighting with her. We never fight." I said, my eyes stinging with tears.

"Just don't push her so hard to be friends with Natalie." Marlene advised.

"Okay." I sighed, wiping the tears streaming down my face. I hated fighting with Dorcas. And I hated the things I had said to her. How could I have been so mean? And to Dorcas too! She had never been anything but wonderful to me. I was a hag, a cruel loathsome hag.

"Well, we really have to go. Sirius is getting annoyed waiting," Alice said softly, "Will you be okay?"

"I'll be fine," I forced a smile, "Say 'hi' to the others for me."

"Will do." Marlene said as she and Alice traipsed down the stairs.

"What took you lot so long?" I heard Sirius shout impatiently from downstairs. I felt an odd twinge of sadness; normally, I would be going to Hogsmeade with Dorcas and Marlene. It felt odd not joining them.

* * *

"...got into muggle literature this summer. It's quite interesting." Natalie was saying to me as we walked down the cobblestoned streets, occasionally stopping to admire a window or two.

"No offense, but I could never get into that. Muggle literature...it's just so dull..." Austin said, loosening his arm around my waist.

"Excuse me?" I said, feeling slightly offended, "Muggle literature is not _dull._"

"Ooh! There are the marauders!" Natalie suddenly said, pointing to four figures in the distance.

"Ugh. Except for that Remus bloke, they're so immature. I honestly don't understand why people like them so much. Frankly, they give me a headache." Austin said, shaking his head.

"Really?" Natalie said, turning to face Austin, "I think they're funny."

"HA!" Austin scoffed, "They're complete idiots."

"Yeah, they are idiots," I agreed, much to Austin's surprise, "but I love them. They're my best friends."

Natalie's eyes widened, "You know the marauders? Personally, I've only met James and Sirius. I think I went on vacation with James once but we were really young. Anyway, I always see them at the stupid cocktail parties our parents throw. I think that's how I met Sirius. Though, we never really spoke much until last year when...you know...we had a fling. They're nice blokes, Austin. I don't see why you don't like them. You know, not everybody has a stick up their arse like you."

Once again, I was deeply reminded of Dorcas. Natalie just went on and on, rambling. And just like Dorcas, I didn't know how to get her to shut up.

"I don't have a stick up my arse! I just appreciate a person who has morals and social conduct. Sadly, the Marauders have none of that." Austin said.

I shot him an annoyed look, "Austin, they're my friends. Why do you have to talk about them like that?"

He studied my face for a second before sighing, "You're right. I'm sorry, Lily. I'll promise to be nice."

"Thank you." I said, pecking him on the cheek.

"Well, I think they're _hot_." Natalie said, her eyes hungrily studying the bodies of the boys.

I made a face. "Really?" I asked.

"Well, yeah! I mean Sirius Black is like a walking god. James Potter! Holy cricket, that boy is handsome. And Remus Lupin is cute in a nerdy type of way." Natalie said, completely forgetting about Peter.

I bit my lip. Sure, the marauders were good looking, but I still didn't understand why girls were always so damn attracted to them.

"I guess they're good looking." I agreed, fully aware that Austin was walking beside me.

"Good looking?" Natalie scoffed, "I still can't believe Sirius and I shagged last year. Oh, my, the things that boy can do with his hands."

"You know Sirius has a girlfriend," I said, thinking of Dorcas.

"Dorcas Meadowes, right?" Austin asked. I could tell he was bored with our conversation.

"Yeah, she's my best friend." I said proudly, looking to see Natalie's reaction.

"Oh, yeah. But I mean this is Sirius Black we're talking about. I give him another month before he gets bored with her." Natalie said, shrugging.

"He won't get bored," I said firmly.

"If you say so," Natalie said doubtfully.

"I do."

"Okay," Natalie said, but her eyes were still searching Sirius' body hungrily.

"I fancy a drink," Austin said, "Let's go to the Three Broomsticks."

"Okay," I agreed. I looked ahead, where the marauders were still standing, laughing at something Remus had just said. I wondered if I should wave to them. But just as I was about to turn the corner, James noticed me. He _always _noticed me. Immediately, his face lit up and split into a wide grin.

"Evans!" he shouted, waving me forward. I smiled, took Austin's hand, and started for the marauders. Austin stiffened but I just ignored it.

"Hey!" I said cheerfully.

The others murmured cheerful hellos to me, but Sirius just gave me a suspicious look.

"Where were you this morning?" he demanded.

"With Austin. And Natalie, you know her, right?" I asked, nodding to the blond girl beside me. Natalie shot him her most dazzling smile, which made me extremely uncomfortable.

"Oh, hello," Sirius smiled politely at Natalie. James nodded his head, and gave her a small smile. And Remus and Peter shook their heads, but smiled kindly at her.

"Nice to see you again," Natalie grinned again, flipping her hair back, "And nice to meet you," she added to Remus and Peter.

"Well, Dorcas was in a foul mood." Sirius said, crossing his arms at me as if it were my fault. Well, actually, it _was _my fault, but it was none of his business really! But then again, it _was_ really cute how he was being protective of Dorcas.

"I know," I sighed, "Where is she? I really need to apologize."

"The Three Broomsticks." Remus said, throwing Sirius a _be-nice-this-is-none-of-your-business _look.

"Excellent! We were just headed there!" Austin said, taking my hand.

"Okay," I hesitated, biting my lip.

"What's the matter?" Austin asked.

"She'll forgive you. You know, Dorky. She can't stay mad at anyone for long. Especially you. She loves you." James said. Damn, how did that boy know me so well? He even knew what to say when Austin had no idea I was even upset.

"You know me way too well, Potter," I smiled.

He shrugged, giving me his usual cocky smile.

"I'll see you lot in a little bit?" I asked, giving Sirius a hopeful smile. He looked at me a second, before begrudgingly grinning at me.

Austin took my hand again, and led me away, Natalie closely following us.

"James still has a crush on you, you know," Natalie observed.

I threw her a _shut-up-now _look. But it was too late. Austin had already let go of my hand and was walking silently next to us.

"Oh, don't be such a prat, Austin. There are loads of blokes who like Lily. But she chose you, didn't she?" Natalie snapped, throwing Austin an annoyed look.

"It's different when my girlfriend is always spending time with a bloke who's in love with her."

"He doesn't _love _me!" I snapped, "You know, James. I'm just a challenge."

Natalie looked at me, "You sure that's it?"

"Positive," I nodded, "James isn't exactly a relationship type of bloke."

"Neither was Sirius," Natalie pointed out, "but he settled down."

"That's because he found the right person. I'm not the right person for James," I said, giving Austin a meaningful look.

Natalie frowned, contemplating this.

"Why the sudden interest in James and Sirius, anyway?" I asked her, thinking that maybe Dorcas was right.

She shrugged, "No interest. Just curious."

I looked at her suspiciously but she just smiled at me.

"There are your friends," Austin said to me, pointing to a group of girls sitting in the center table, "You want to say hello?"

I nodded, searching for Dorcas but she was missing.

"Lily, hi!" Mary said, spotting me walking toward them.

"Hey," I smiled at Mary, "where's Dorcas?"

"Bathroom." Hestia Jones responded.

I made a beeline to the back of the room, where the girl's bathroom was. I practically ran into Dorcas as she walked out of the bathroom.

"Oh, sorry!" I squeaked before realizing it was Dorcas.

We stared at each other a moment.

"Dorcas, I'm so sorry!" I cried, "I was such a horrible friend to you this morning! If you want to slap me, then you have every right to! I deserve it! You were right, I was being a really bad friend to you. I should have never picked Natalie over you. I just wanted to please Austin. He's always saying how I never spend any time with his friends and we always spend time with you lot. But Dorcas, I think you're right about Natalie. She kept asking me all these questions about James and Sirius. And then she gave them this really flirty smile. Well, it might have not been flirty, but it was still a really big smile. If you really want me to, I'll stop spending so much time with Natalie. _You're _my best friend. Not her."

When I finally finished my monologue, Dorcas just stared at me for a second and then began cracking up.

"What's so funny?" I asked weakly.

"Oh, Lily, you're so cute."

"I am?"

"I don't want you to stop being friends with Natalie."

"You don't?"

"Not unless you want to."

"Oh. Then what do you want?"

"I just wanted my Lily back."

"I'm right here."

Dorcas smiled sadly, "You're just always with Austin. You never spend any time with me or Marlene. And when was the last time you spent more than five minutes with either Alice or Mary?"

"I didn't realize..."

"I know. And I don't want you to displease Austin but I just want my old friend back. And as for Natalie, of course she has her eye on Sirius or James. It's just her personality."

"Should I talk to her?"

Dorcas shrugged, "If you want to, but you were right this morning. I should trust Sirius. And who cares if she goes after James? He's single now, anyway."

I frowned, "Well, I just think James and Natalie don't...go well together."

"Well, if they don't, then they'll break up," Dorcas shrugged.

"But don't you want him to be with someone good for him?" I demanded.

"Like who?"

"I don't know! But Natalie just isn't right for him. I think he should chose someone who can...compliment him."

"Like you?" Dorcas smirked, raising her eyebrows.

"No!" I scoffed, "Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm just saying, you sound a bit...jealous..."

"I am _not _jealous. Besides, even if I were jealous, which I'm not, then it's none of my business anyway. I'm with Austin."

Dorcas studied my face, "Lily, it's okay to admit you might have feelings for James."

"I _don't_. I _want _him to find someone. But I want him to find the right person," I told her.

She sighed, "But the thing is, Lily, that _you're _the right person for him."

I gaped at her. Not this again.

"Dorcas-"

"No, Lily, listen, I've said it a million times: just give James a chance!" Dorcas cried, frustrated.

"I did! We're friends, aren't we?"

"But you can be more. Honestly, I think the two of you would be great together."

"Dorcas, I just don't feel the same way about him as he does me," I sighed.

"Yes, you do. You just won't admit it."

There was an awkward silence in which Dorcas watched me contemplate what she had just said. Was she right? I mean, I really cared about Austin. He was an amazing boyfriend and he was really good to me. But there was something different this year. When I saw Austin, I didn't get the same rush of excitement I got last year. When he touched me, I didn't feel butterflies in my stomach. When we kissed, I didn't want it to never end. Maybe we were just in a rut. I mean, we _have _been dating a year. Maybe we were just too comfortable with each other. Honestly, maybe all we needed was just to make our relationship a bit more interesting. Yes, that's it. James had nothing to do with this. He was just a really good friend who knew how to make me laugh. That didn't really have anything to do with my relationship with Austin.

"Are we all friends again?" I heard Marlene ask hopefully, coming up from behind me.

Dorcas and I looked at each other for a moment.

"Course we are!" Dorcas said, looping her arm in mine.

"Good," Marlene sighed in relief, "Because I really hated being mediator."

"Where's Austin?" I asked as we headed back to the table.

"He ran into some of his friends. He said to tell you that he'll see you at the feast." Marlene informed me.

"And Natalie?"

Marlene bit her lip.

"What?" I asked.

"She's with James...and Sirius..."

Dorcas and I both froze.

"Sirius?" Dorcas asked, narrowing her eyes.

"James?" I demanded, turning my head around, searching the pub for the leggy blond. I found her sitting in between both boys, in the midst of telling a story. Sirius was laughing and James was watching her with a small smile.

"He's sitting very close to her," Dorcas said icily.

"Not as close as James is."

"Why do you care if James is sitting next to her?" Marlene asked.

"Because she's secretly in love with James," Dorcas answered, her eyes still on Natalie and Sirius.

"I'm not in love with him!" I snapped.

"Of course you're not, Lily. Of course you're not." Marlene said in a condescending tone, patting my arm gently.

"I'm not!" I cried desperately.

Dorcas gave me a pitying look.

"She doesn't even know it yet," Marlene sighed, shaking her head.

"You guys suck," I snapped, throwing them annoyed looks.

Dorcas and Marlene laughed.

"So what are you going to do about Sirius?" Marlene asked, giving Dorcas a wary look.

"Nothing." Dorcas said simply.

"Nothing?" Marlene and I repeated in disbelief.

"Nothing." she nodded.

Marlene and I exchanged looks.

"What are you up to, Dorcas?" I sighed, rubbing my temples.

"Why is that you always assume I'm up to something?" Dorcas asked.

"Because you always are." Marlene muttered.

"I'm just taking your advice. I'm trusting Sirius not to be a prat."

Just as she said that, though, we heard Natalie's tittering laughter. We turned our heads to see her punch Sirius' arm playfully. Dorcas raised her eyebrows at them but didn't say anything.

"You really want to hit her right now, don't you?" I asked.

"It's taking every fiber of my being not to snap her pretty little neck in half."

"Let's go over there," I said firmly, taking Dorcas' arm and leading her to them.

"Evans!" James exclaimed, grinning, casting his attention away from Natalie. Natalie gave me an annoyed look. Obviously, she didn't like sharing the spotlight.

"Hey," I smiled, scooting in next to James. He looked pleased that I had chosen to sit next to him.

Meanwhile, Sirius was grinning at Dorcas, beckoning her forward. He patted the booth, suggesting she sit beside him. I sighed in relief. Good. Nothing had changed. Sirius was still crazy about Dorcas.

Natalie, though, looked highly annoyed as Sirius kissed Dorcas passionately.

"Are they always like this?" Natalie asked me.

James laughed, "You'll get used to it."

She gave him a shy smile which was very weird. Natalie was anything but shy.

"So, Austin just left?" I asked, trying to hide my annoyance.

"I told him you'd be mad," Natalie said, smiling gently at me.

"I'm not mad," I said stiffly.

"Yes you are," James laughed.

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"You're annoying."

"You love me."

I glared at him for a moment, but he just gave me his most brilliant smile.

"You're not denying it," he said triumphantly, crossing his arms.

"Denying what?"

"That you love me."

I rolled my eyes, "You're pathetic."

* * *

I walked back to the castle slowly, listening to Mary and Alice chatter about boys and school. But I was too preoccupied watching James to properly listen to them. He was walking ahead of me, talking to Natalie and Sirius. Dorcas was holding Sirius' hand but she had her head turned the other way, talking to Marlene.

It had been a very strange afternoon. Natalie and I had had a silent battle, each one of us trying to win over the attention of James. Natalie would giggle and flip her hair, which really annoyed me. I mean, what was she playing at? Seriously, Natalie was a genius! Why was she acting so...ditzy? It was very out of character for her. I contemplated Natalie's odd behavior until I was interrupted by someone calling my name.

"Lily! Lily!"

I turned around to see who was calling after me. I half expected to see Austin running after me, but instead I saw Snape walking up to me, his eyes wide, begging me to listen to him.

"What does he want?" Dorcas asked threateningly.

"I don't know," I shrugged, "Let me go see."

"I'll go with you," James volunteered, coming forward.

"I can take care of myself, thank you," I snapped. James raised his eyebrows. "Sorry," I muttered to him.

"I was just trying to help," he shrugged nonchalantly, but I could tell I had hurt him. He nervously ran his fingers through his hair.

"I know, it's just that the last time the two of you _talked_, you ended up hanging him in the air by his ankles," I said.

James grimaced, "Not my best idea."

"Look, I'll see you lot back at the feast," I smiled, waving to my friends before turning around to Snape. He seemed surprised that I had agreed to speak to him in the first place, but looked relieved nonetheless.

"I'm surprised Potter didn't join you," he said bitterly as I came within earshot of him.

"I'm not here to talk about James," I said coolly, "What do you want?"

Snape's eyes widened with worry, and he looked around the empty streets carefully, making sure we couldn't be overheard.

"I just want you to be careful," he whispered frantically, "the others...they're planning...things."

What the bloody hell was he talking about?

"What are you talking about?" I snapped in confusion.

"Look, Avery and Mulciber and the others...they...they want to hurt mud-I mean muggleborns," he whispered, "Just promise me you'll be careful."

I stared at him. Was he..._helping _me? And what was all this rubbish he was going on about?

"Why would they want to hurt me?"

Snape looked at his feet, "It's not you specifically, but the plan involves a mud-I mean muggleborn."

"What plan?"

"Nevermind. I've said too much already," Snape said, backing away, "Just be careful, okay?"

I stood there dazed as Snape traipsed away, looking over his shoulder to make sure no one had seen us speaking.

"He was lying. I bet they were just trying to mess with you. Those pricks," Mary said about an hour later after I had told my friends about Snape's strange warning.

"You think so?" I asked. I hadn't even thought about that! I bet they _were _just trying to mess with me. I bet Snape and his friends were having a right laugh, thinking about me worrying over their little made up plan.

"I wouldn't put it pass Snivellus," Sirius nodded.

"But what if it _is _true, though?" Alice asked, her eyes big.

"If they really had a plan, do you honestly think Snape would warn Lily?" Dorcas asked.

"I don't know," Remus shrugged, "Didn't you two used to be friends?" he asked me.

"Some friend he was. He called her the 'm' word in front of _everybody_!" Marlene snapped, still remembering the event after the O.W.L.s last year.

"Good point," Remus agreed, his eyebrows creased with worry.

The others pondered this, but I looked to James.

"What do you think?" I asked him.

He hesitated, "I think you should tell Dumbledore."

Everyone gasped, staring at him. James was the last person to advise anyone to go tattle to a teacher.

"You do?" Peter squeaked, looking surprised.

"Yeah, I mean, we all know those creepy blokes want to be Death Eaters. Who's to say they won't sink to the level of a Death Eater?" James questioned.

"But what if it's all a joke, mate?" Sirius said.

"But what if it's not?" Marlene challenged.

James nodded, "Listen, if Lily's safety is in question, then I think we should report it. If it's all just some sick joke, then all the better. But if it's not, then the first person we should tell would be Dumbledore. I mean, it's not just Lily's safety in danger here. It's all the muggleborns at the school."

"And that's your opinion?" I asked.

"Yes," he nodded, looking seriously at me.

"Okay, then, I guess I'll tell Dumbledore."

"You're actually going to listen to me?" James asked, looking surprised.

"I trust you," I said, resting my hand on top of his. He smiled at me a moment, his eyes twinkling the way I love so much.


	7. James' Secret

**Chapter Seven: James' Secret**

* * *

"James, don't be daft," I said, rolling my eyes, "Severus would never hurt me."

Sirius made an indignant noise, "He wouldn't _hurt _you?! Lily, that bloke is a creep!"

"Look, I've known Severus since we were little kids. He wouldn't hurt me," I said confidently.

"Do you not remember last semester after the OWLS?" Dorcas demanded, her eyes flashing at the memory.

I hesitated, "He was just trying to act tough...to impress his friends. I just meant that he would never physically hurt me. He's a nice bloke deep down."

Marlene groaned, "Not this again! Lily, last year you said you were done making excuses for him!"

"I am!"

"I'm not denying that Severus has done some horrible things but I just don't think he would hurt me."

"No, but his friends might," James said quietly_._

"And he's already proven he's willing to hurt other muggleborns. Remember what he did to Mary last year?" Alice asked, her voice stern, different from its usual soft, sweet tone.

"It's not just you that's a target," Mary reminded me, "It's all muggleborns."

I bit my lip. I really didn't want to believe the worst in Severus, my old childhood friend, but everything they were saying was true. His greatest ambition was to become a death eater. He was no longer my Severus. He was no longer the sad, little boy who cried over his parents arguing, or the sweet, little boy who helped me understand my being a witch. He was a different Severus. A cruel, mean one, who was willing to do anything to make it into You-Know-Who's inner circle, even hurting another human being.

"You're right," I sighed as Remus patted me gently. I rested my head on his shoulder. It had been such a long time since Remus and I hung out. I mean really hung out. It seemed that nowadays the only time I saw him was during meals or prefect duties. I'd forgotten how tired he always looked. It always worried me that he was always sick. Years back, Severus was convinced Remus was a werewolf. HA! I'd told him he'd been ridiculous. Remus was just a nice bloke who didn't deserve to have this sickness...whatever it was.

But Remus looked better today: there were less bags under his eyes and his hair seemed fuller. Blimey, he really was handsome when you got past all of that. Most girls didn't realize what a catch Remus was; they usually saw him as James and Sirius' quiet friend. But he was so much more; he truly was a great friend. I couldn't believe how long it had been since we had talked, and I mean really talked.

Maybe Dorcas was right. Maybe I had been spending too much time with Austin and his friends...

Well that was about to change! As much as I enjoyed spending my time with Natalie, there was nothing quite like being here, surrounding by all my best friends, no matter how grave the situation was. I looked around all there faces.

Alice was beside me, her cute round face worried. Mary, her best friend, sat beside her, playing idly with her light brown hair. Beside Mary, Sirius was standing there, looking as handsome and fit as ever. Dorcas gently leaned into him, her glowing blonde hair trailing after her. Marlene stood next to her, studying my face, her pretty face serious. And next to Marlene was James. The usual humor and laughter gone from his face, instead it was replaced with concentration. He was staring at me, and not in the usual lustful way, but in a more serious, worried way. I still couldn't believe James it had taken me this long to realize what a great bloke James was. He was always there for me, really he was. And he knew exactly what to say to make me realize what I needed to do. He was my James. Next to James, stood little Peter, his fat face staring around at us, his mouth wide open. I know Peter might seem a bit annoying when you first meet him, but he was a right laugh when you needed it. And then we come full circle to Remus, who I gently rested my head on.

"You'll have to tell Dumbledore," James said, watching me carefully.

"I know," I said, standing up, "Come with me?" I asked, holding out my hand.

James looked surprised but took my hand anyway, "Sure, Evans," he mumbled, gently holding my hand.

"James," I asked quietly, "You don't think...they're not up to anything too serious, are they?"

"I don't know," he said as we climbed through the portrait hole, "I mean, I'm sure it's just a stupid prank or something. But still...if it's for Voldemort..."

"Don't," I shrieked, making James jump slightly, "say his name!"

James rolled his eyes, "Lily, it's just a name. What's gonna happen if you say it?"

I stared at him in disbelief. Was he seriously just asking me that question?

"It makes me nervous, that's all," I finally reply.

"Why?"

"What do you mean why? He's the darkest wizard of all time!"

James laughed, "So, that prevents you from saying his name?"

"He's a scary bloke," I grumble.

"I thought you were a Gryffindor," James said, "You're not supposed to be cowardly."

I glared at him, "Remind me why I brought you along?"

He grinned at me, giving me his usual heartbreaking smile. I got slight goosebumps as his brilliant hazel eyes stared into mine. I grinned at him as I saw his eyes twinkling again.

"Stop smiling at me like that," I snap, turning slightly red. Why was his smile giving me butterflies, anyway?

He flashed me another brilliant smile before looking away, turning the corner. We walked in silence for a few moments along the corridor.

"You know, you should really just say the name. It's not that big of a deal," he said, continuing the conversation from before.

"No!" I tell him firmly.

"Chicken," he muttered.

"Oh, alright Mr. Tough Guy, let's see if you can still say You-Know-Who's name in front of the headmaster. Then, we'll see how tough you really are."

James rolled his eyes, "Lily, Dumbledore would tell you the same thing. He's always going on about how 'fear in the name only increases fear of the thing itself' or some rubbish like that. But it's all the same. Being too scared to say Voldemort's name is just stupid. Me and the other marauders call him by his name all the time and nothing bad ever happens to us, does it?"

"You're lying," I say, certain of myself, "Dumbledore would _never _say his name."

"Who's the greatest wizard of all time, Lily?" James asked me dully.

"Dumbledore," I reply without hesitation.

"Right. And do you really think the greatest wizard of all time will really be scared to say a name?"

I stare at him.

"What's the password to this thing anyway?" James asked as we neared the gargoyles.

"Drooble's," I tell the gargoyles as they jump aside, letting us through.

"I've never been to the headmaster's office before!" I say excitedly.

"Then how do you know the password?"

"All prefects do."

James nodded, "Well, it's pretty cool. He's got all this weird stuff."

"You've been in his office?" I shriek.

James stiffened a bit, "A few times."

"Why?"

"No reason."

"James."

"Lily."

"Why don't you want to tell me why you were in there. What kind of trouble did you get into?" I ask.

"I wasn't in trouble," he replied, looking away from me. I look worriedly at him. His face has gone white and his eyes were wide and fearful, the twinkle completely gone. I dropped the subject, wondering what could have possibly happened to make James so...un-James like.

He knocked on the door, avoiding eye contact with me.

"Come in," said a pleasant voice as James slowly opened the door.

"Ah, Mr. Potter and Ms. Evans, quite the unlikely pair. Well, come on in." Dumbledore smiled at us, his eyes flickering concernedly to James' face.

"Erm...hello, Professor...I have some...erm...things to discuss with you," I said nervously. I had never spoken to the headmaster like this before. James, on the other hand, who had known most of the Hogwarts staff since he was a baby, greeted Dumbledore as if he were a beloved grandfather or uncle.

"Hello, sir!" James said, smiling, and plopping himself on the chair. I followed in his lead and sat carefully on the chair across from Dumbledore's desk.

"James. Lily." Dumbledore greeted us, "What can I do for you two?"

James straightened up seriously, "Remember what we discussed last summer?" he asked the headmaster.

"Of course. Do you have anything to report?" Dumbledore asked severely.

"Lily had a run in with Sniv-I mean Snape," James replied, nodding to me.

"He told me...he told me to be careful. He and his friends...they were planning something against muggleborns," I told the headmaster, feeling completely silly. I felt like a six year old tattling to the teacher.

"What exactly were they planning?" Dumbledore asked, looking seriously at me. I had never before noticed how blue Dumbledore's eyes were. There was something warm and comforting about them.

"I'm not sure, sir," I replied, "I'm sure it's nothing. It's probably just a silly prank."

"But it might not be," James said, his voice sounding slightly irritated.

Dumbledore looked at James, and his face softened immediately.

"Just keep an eye out sir," James pleaded, "If it has anything to with Voldemort, it needs to be stopped."

"But it might have _nothing _to do with You-Know-Who!" I exclaimed, though feeling impressed that James had just said the Dark Lord's name in front of the headmaster.

"Lily, we're talking about future death eaters here!" James said in an exasperated voice, "We don't know what they're capable of."

I was about to argue but Dumbledore cut me off, "James is right, Lily. It might be nothing but it _could _be something,"

James looked at me smugly, "Told you," he said, looking absolutely gleeful. I hated it when he was right.

"Now, I promise to look into this and alert the teachers for any suspicious behavior," Dumbledore said, standing up, "But I do believe the Halloween Feast will begin in a few minutes, and the house elves make quite the delicious pumpkin pastries."

"Sir, wait!" James said, standing up, "I have something else I need to talk to you about...if I may..."

Dumbledore smiled sadly at him, a knowing look in his eye.

"Lily, you may go on to the Feast. I need to have a private word with James," Dumbledore told me. I nodded, cast James a questioning look, and left. What was going on with James? Why was he taking everything with Voldemort so personally? I mean, it's very serious and all, but honestly, there was something more going on with him. I wondered if I should wait for him. I mean, I honestly didn't feel like going to the feast...

I sat outside Dumbledore's office, leaning against the wall facing the stone gargoyles. A few minutes later, I heard steps coming closer and I stood up. James came around the gargoyles, his face stained with tears.

"James!" I shrieked, rushing forward.

He looked surprised to see me waiting for him and he quickly brushed off the tears from his face.

"What's happened?" I asked, pulling him into a hug. I had never seen James cry before. And let me tell you, a crying James was not a pretty sight. It literally broke your heart to see someone so full of life and happy look so sad and heartbroken.

As soon as I wrapped my arms around him, though, he relaxed into me and allowed the tears to stream freely down his face. I held him tightly against me, whispering words of comfort in his ear.

* * *

The wind outside had gotten stronger but none of that mattered as I sat outside with James on the Quidditch field. We had strolled along the castle for a while, and we some how found ourselves sitting under the three hoops of the pitch. Somewhere else in the castle our friends were enjoying the Halloween Feast, stuffing their faces with pies and pumpkin pastries.

James sat across from me, his hazel eyes still glistening a bit from the tears.

"You don't have to tell me," I whispered, placing my hand gently on his.

"No, it's okay. I can trust you," he said, smiling.

"Trust me? With what?"

James looked around the field suspiciously, looking for any unwanted visitors before launching into his story.

"My parents...they're in the Order..." he said quietly.

My eyes widened, "They're in the Order! Oh, James, that's so brave of them! You know, I want to join as soon as I'm out of Hogwarts too but I don't know if I'll have enough experience."

James smiled, "Yeah, me too. Me and the others have been talking about it since our parents joined."

"Who are the others?" I asked.

"Most of our friends. Dorcas and Marlene's parents joined around the same time that my parents did. Frank, Alice, and Mary have already talked to Dumbledore about joining since they leave Hogwarts at the end of this year. And Sirius, Remus, and I have talked about joining since we met," James said.

My eyes widened, "Dorcas and Marlene's parents are in the Order too!" I gasped. How come I was the only one who didn't know about this?

"Yeah, but the thing is we're not supposed to tell you. We want to keep the members of the Order a secret as long as we can. I mean, everyone who's in it is found out eventually, but still it's always good to have members no one knows about."

"I understand," I say begrudgingly. Still, it would have been nice to know.

"Anyway, last summer, the day you left Marlene's house, my parent's were sent on a mission," James said.

"What kind of mission?"

"No idea. I wasn't allowed to know. But it was fine at first. I mean, I was really worried about them and all, but still I knew they had to do it."

"That's why you were so upset," I recalled. It was the first time James had ever yelled at me and I had to apologize for being such a cow. It was also the first day our friendship began.

James nodded grimly, "The first couple of months were okay. They would keep in touch and send letters whenever it was safe, but the letters became fewer and fewer. And then at one point they just stopped coming. It's been over a month and I still haven't heard from them. And neither has the Order. Dumbledore says that it could be perfectly normal. It could just be that they're being watched and any form of contact would be dangerous...but still...they're my parents. They could be dead for all I know..."

I stared at James in horror. I had no idea...all this time, he tried keeping up a brave face. He would make jokes and laugh, but I could always tell...he was worried about them.

"Who else knows?" I asked.

"Marlene, Dorcas, Remus, and Sirius," he answered, "Sirius is like my brother. He's just as worried about my mum and dad as I am...he's just better at hiding it."

Everything fit. The others seemed worried, not only about James, but about his parents too. I remembered walking alongside them about a month ago and they were a bit worried about James. No doubt that was when the letters had stopped coming.

"The others are worried too, you know," I told him.

"Yeah. I know I have my faults, but my parents...they're great people. Really, they are. And my friends...they're very close to my parents..."

I squeezed his hand, "James, you're a great person too. Probably the most amazing man I know."

"Well, this man is very hungry. Shall we go to the feast?" James asked after a moment, giving me a grateful smile. He helped me up, and we walked back to the castle, hand in hand. We were two people, who cared deeply about each other, finally reaching an understanding. James knew all of my secrets and I finally knew all of his. I felt so daft now. I had gone on and on about my father and my sister when all along James was in just as much pain as I was. And I never bothered stopping to consider his feelings or ask him about.

Things were going to change, though. Marlene and Dorcas were right; I should have given James a chance ages ago. We had lost so many years because I had been too egotistic to admit that James was a decent person. Actually, he was more than decent. He was brave, loyal, funny, handsome, and he understood me. He made me feel safe but dangerous all at the same time. He made me hate him and love him all at the same time. It was an odd relationship, but it was a relationship nonetheless. It was one that I didn't ever want to lose.


	8. Jealousy Games

**Chapter Eight: Jealousy Games**

* * *

As October came to an end and November arrived, the cool weather began getting windier and colder, almost to the point where my friends and I didn't even want to sit under our favorite tree by the lake. Things with James had gotten much better; the wall that he had put up before had come down and he could finally talk to me. Though he still hadn't gotten word from his parents, I think he felt better being able to talk to me. I don't want to sound conceited or anything but it's true. I always feel better after talking to James, and I think he feels the same way about me.

Dorcas and Sirius are as crazy about each other as ever, but things seemed a little off between them lately. Sirius and Natalie had gotten very close, and it drove Dorcas mad, though she tried to hide it. She would force a smile when Sirius talked about Natalie, but I could see the daggers in her eyes every time she saw them together. I don't think Sirius would ever cheat on Dorcas, but he was completely oblivious to the fact that Dorcas was unhappy with his new friendship...

"...you even listening to me?" James demanded.

"What?" I snapped my head up, "Oh, I'm sorry, James. What were you saying?"

James narrowed his eyes, "What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing," I lied.

"And does nothing go by the name of Austin Davies?"

I sighed. How did he _do _that?

"How'd you know?" I demanded.

He shrugged, "Trouble in paradise?"

I bit my lip, still not sure whether it was okay to talk to James about Austin. I knew that he still had feelings for me, but they seemed to be fading away. I think he'd finally realized we were just friends.

"I don't know," I finally admitted, "He's been acting very weird lately..."

"How?"

"I get the feeling he wants to tell me something important but he won't...blimey! Do you think he'll break up with me?" I shrieked suddenly. How could I have not seen it before? He'd been acting very strange lately. He would always pull away from when we were kissing and he would look at me for a moment as if he wanted to say something, but then he would just make up an excuse to leave. How could I have not seen it before. Merlin, I was daft!

And then it hit me..._Austin wanted to break up with me..._why?! What had I done wrong? I needed to go talk to him, I needed to find out why...

James rolled his eyes, "Lily, no bloke would ever break up with you. It's probably something else."

"You think so?"

He shrugged, "Let's ask Natalie. OI! NATALIE!"

"James, no!" I said, grabbing his arm. But too late...Natalie was here...

"Hey," she smiled at us, "What's going on?"

"How's your buddy Austin?" James demanded, crossing his arms.

Natalie looked at me questioningly but I just shook my head.

"He's fine..." she said uncertainly, watching James suspiciously.

"Oh, he's fine, is he? Likely story..."

"What?" Natalie said, looking confused.

"So, tell me, Natalie, what exactly is Austin's problem anyway? Why would he want to break up with the most amazing girl in the world? Is there something wrong with him? Because that's still not a good reason. If he breaks Lily's heart, the other marauders and I will tear him from limb to limb and feed him to the hippogriffs outside," James said. I stared at him, my face slowly turning red.

Natalie looked stricken, "Have you had any firewhiskeys lately?" she asked James.

"No!" he snapped, "Well, maybe one or two, but that's beside the point. What's the matter with Davies?"

"Nothing," Natalie exclaimed, "He doesn't want to break up with Lily!"

"He doesn't?" I smiled. Oh, thank Godric.

"Told you," James said, punching my arm.

"Then why has he been acting so weird?" I asked.

Natalie smirked, "You'll find out soon enough."

"Find out what?" James asked frowning.

"There he comes right now!" I pointed to the staircase, where Austin was descending, smiling at me.

"We'll give you two a moment alone," Natalie grinned, grabbing James' hand. I watched as she dragged James away, still holding his hand, while he protested, wanting to stay with me.

"Give the two lovebirds some privacy," she snapped, giggling.

"Fine," he grumbled. I watched as they headed up the stairs, and I noticed he didn't let go of her hand. What was that all about? They didn't need to be holding hands...

"Hey," Austin said, pecking me on the lips.

"Hey," I mumbled, pulling him closer, and giving him a deeper, more meaningful kiss. He responded enthusiastically, wrapping his arms around me. After several long seconds, he pulled away again. I looked at him expectantly; whatever he wanted to say, he needed to spit it out already.

He looked at me a long time, his eyes staring into mine. I gently caressed his hair, smiling slightly at the softness of it.

"I-I love you, Lily," he finally managed to say. I froze; I couldn't even manage to withdraw my hand away from his hair. All I could bloody do was stare at him, openmouthed.

"I'm sorry?" I choked out, stepping back. How could I not see this coming? I mean, we had been dating a year, but _still. _

He took my hands and held them gently, "Lily Evans, I love you," he repeated, more confidently this time.

I didn't know what to think..._did _I love Austin? I mean I cared about him a lot. I truly, deeply cared about him...but that didn't mean I _loved _him.

"I-I have to go..." I finally said, snatching my hands away from him and racing up the stairs. What was he playing at anyway? Why would he just say something like that out of the blue...with no warning, too!

"Dorcas, they're called rules for a reason," I heard an unrecognizable voice ahead of me. I looked up to find Jason Corner and Dorcas walking toward me. Dorcas had her arms crossed in a defiant, stubborn way while Jason had his arms on his hips, a small smile playing on his lips.

"Jason, if you're going to dock points from me, then just do it already. Don't stand here nagging me. I have better things to do than listen to your little speechs," Dorcas said, rolling her eyes.

"I'm not going to dock points, but I am giving you a warning. Next time I won't be so nice," he warned, waggling his fingers.

Dorcas wasn't listening, though, she had finally spotted me approaching them. "Lily!" she called out, waving me forward.

"Lily! Thank goodness you're here! Maybe you can tell your friend here that throwing fanged frisbees in the hallways is against the rules. Maybe she'll listen to _you_." Jason said, throwing Dorcas a look.

"Doubt it." I mumbled.

Jason and Dorcas laughed.

"Well, I'll see you two later," he said, "And Dorcas, don't forget what I said."

I expected Dorcas to make a snarky remark or hex him, but she just rolled her eyes and smiled as he walked away. I wondered why Dorcas was in such a good mood.

"So, what's new?" she asked, turning to face me.

"Well, Austin just said he loved me," I said dramatically.

"So?"

"What do you mean so? That's a big deal!"

Dorcas looked confused, "But don't you two say it to each other all the time?"

"No! It was the first time he said it!"

Dorcas' mouth dropped, "What? Oh, Lily, that's so cute! Oh, why aren't you with him right now? I would think you two would be off shagging somewhere or something."

"First of all, Austin and I...we don't...we haven't gone that far yet. Nor will we anytime soon. And second, it is _not _great!"

"Why not?"

"Well, you mean besides the fact that after he said it, I ran away?"

"Oh, Lily, you didn't," Dorcas groaned, smacking her forehead.

"I did."

"I can't believe you two haven't said it to each other yet. You've been going out over a year already!" she exclaimed.

"Well," I said, "I don't know if I do...love him that is."

Dorcas stared at me, "Lily, you've been going out for ages with this bloke. How can you not be sure about your feelings for him?"

"Well, obviously I care deeply about Austin...but love is a _really _big word...I can't just use it lightly..."

Understanding suddenly flooded Dorcas' face and she smirked knowingly at me, "Is this because of James?"

I gaped at her, "James? What? No! Of course not!"

"Are you sure?"

"Positive?"

"Lily Evans, do you swear on Godric Gryffindor's grave that you have no feelings whatsoever for James Potter?"

"Oh, don't be so dramatic," I snapped, rolling my eyes.

Dorcas grinned, "You can't say it, can you? Oh, I knew it! You and James _belong _together!

"Did Evans finally admit her feelings for Prongs?" I heard a husky voice behind me. _Shit. It's Sirius. _

"No, she didn't," Dorcas grumbled, "but it's obvious."

"Don't go telling James that, it'll get his hopes up," Sirius warned, pulling Dorcas closer to him.

"Siriius!" I barked, "Is that a fanged frisbee?"

Dorcas rolled her eyes, pulling the frisbee from her boyfriend's hand, "I just got told off for having one of these."

"By who?" Sirius asked, as I snatched the frisbee from Dorcas' hand.

"Jason Corner," Dorcas replied, shrugging.

Sirius made a face, "Bleh, that goody-two shoes prefect?"

Dorcas frowned, "You don't like him?"

Sirius laughed, "It's not that I don't like him, it's just that he annoys crap out of me. Last year he docked twenty points from me just for throwing a little jinx at Snivellus. Mind you, Snivellus deserved. He was going on and on about purebloods."

I glared at him, "You jinxed Severus?"

"And proud of it," Sirius replied, straightening up.

"Well, I think Jason's a nice bloke. He's a bit of a goody goody like Lils, but he's actually very funny," Dorcas said, defending Jason.

I raised my eyebrows, "I didn't know you spoke to Jason."

She shrugged, "He sits behind me in Potions. He's a right laugh when he wants to be. Anyway, Marlene loves him. He always helps us with our Potions."

Sirius stared at his girlfriend, "How come I never noticed you talking to dull Jason before?"

"He's not dull!" Dorcas snapped, her eyes flashing.

See, that was one of the things I loved about Dorcas. She may be loud, obnoxious, outspoken, and a bit too talkative sometimes, but she was a brilliant friend. Once you were in with her, she would defend you til death.

"I'm just saying, what are you doing talking to some prefect when you _could _be hanging out with your boyfriend."

Dorcas raised her eyebrows, "Jealous?"

"Maybe."

Sirius grinned and kissed Dorcas sweetly, all annoyance and anger forgotten. They really were a great couple when you thought about it.

"Back to my problem people!" I said, waving my hands in Dorcas' face.

"Oh, right. What was your problem again?" Dorcas asked, tearing her eyes away from Sirius.

"That she's secretly in love with James?" Sirius suggested. I punched him.

"No! What am I going to do about Austin?" I said impatiently, turning to face Dorcas.

"What happened with Austin?" Sirius asked curiously.

"He told me he loved me for the first time," I said miserably.

"So?"

"And I ran away," I added weakly. Sirius looked at me for a second before bursting into laughter. I punched him again, "Be serious, won't you."

Dorcas thought for a moment before saying, "You know, I think you should break up with him. Obviously you don't feel the same way about him as he does you."

"But I still like him! I just don't..._love _him."

"Man, I would give up my entire inheritance to have seen the look on Davies' face when you ran away," Sirius said, smiling to himself.

"You're not helping," Dorcas told him.

"Because you're advice was so brilliant?" he said sarcastically.

"Well, at least I'm _trying _to help. All you're doing is making things worse."

Sirius scoffed, "I am _totally _helping. I'm providing entertainment and amusement."

"That's pathetic," she replied, shaking her head.

"_You're_ pathetic," Sirius shot back.

"You love that I'm pathetic," Dorcas grinned, wrapping her arms around Sirius' neck.

"I know I do," Sirius replied, kissing her.

I stared at the two of them.

"You know, neither of you are being very helpful at the moment," I reminded them weakly, "Oh, forget it. I'll go talk to Marlene."

I turned my back on my two snogging friends, who I'm sure didn't even notice I was gone.

* * *

"Time's up!" Slughorn announced just as I dropped in the last ingredient, "You may talk amongst yourselves as I come around to check on your Potions."

I turned to James and grinned, "I got a letter from my dad today,"

James smiled hopefully, "Is he doing better?"

I felt tears sting my eyes, but this time they were not tears of hopelessness, they were tears of joy.

"He's getting better, James, he really is," I choked out.

James grinned, "That's brilliant, Lils!"

Without thinking about it, I threw my arms around him tightly, never wanting to let go. He seemed surprised by my sudden embrace, but wrapped his arms around me anyway. I couldn't believe how much he genuinely cared about me and my family. It seemed so stupid to me that I spent years hating a bloke that i loved so much now. And I don't mean 'love' in the same way that Austin meant it; I mean in a friendship kind of a way.

"I think he's gonna make it," I mumbled in his chest.

"He will," James promised me.

Finally, I let go of James, and out for the corner of my eye, I saw Remus and Sirius smirk at me. I really hated the knowing look in their eyes. What the bloody hell did they know, anyway?

"So, have you heard from your parents yet?" I asked.

The grin on his face faded and he shook his head.

"They're fine, mate," I heard Sirius say, "I just know it."

James smiled sadly, "Thanks."

"So, have you talked to Austin yet?" Sirius asked me, abruptly changing the subject. I knew he was doing so because he didn't want to hurt James even more by discussing his parents.

"Erm...no..." I mumbled.

"Why aren't you two speaking? Did you get into a fight or something?" Remus asked me curiously.

"Not really," I replied vaguely.

"He told her he loved her," Sirius said, sitting back in his chair, "And our Lily, here, ran away afterward."

James and Remus gaped at me. Remus, being his usual kind self, had a sad, pitying look in his eye. James, meanwhile, looked absolutely ecstatic, though he tried to hide it with a look of concern.

"You know, this is why I don't tell you things," I told Sirius in an annoyed voice. He shrugged, distracted by something on the other side of the room. He was probably staring Dorcas or something.

"Why'd you run away?" Remus asked me curiously.

"I was shocked...I didn't know what to say..."

"But _do _you love him?" James asked me seriously, his hazel eyes boring into mine.

"I don't know," I answered honestly, "Maybe..."

James watched me, studying my expression. "I see," he finally said, looking away from me. I wondered if he wanted me to answer with a 'no'.

"The poor bloke," Remus said, shaking his head.

"What do you lot think of Jason Corner?" Sirius suddenly asked us.

"The Ravenclawe prefect?" James asked, confused by the sudden change of subject.

"Jason? He's a good mate of mine," Remus replied.

"I don't like him," Sirius stated spitefully.

"Why? He's a good bloke," I answered, agreeing with Remus.

"How do you know Corner so well, anyway?" Sirius snapped at me and Remus. _  
_

Remus shrugged, "We're all prefects together."

I nodded, "He's really smart."

"And nice," Remus added.

"Nice?" Sirius repeated, sounding outraged.

James and Remus exchanged looks.

"What have you got against Jason?" Remus asked tentatively.

"Oh, nothing, just that he fancies Dorcas!" Sirius said, his eyes flashing.

James, Remus, and I all turned our heads in Dorcas' direction. She and Marlene were laughing at something Jason had just said.

"Don't be thick, mate. They're just friends," James said reassuringly.

"You saw them yesterday!" Sirius snapped, turning to face me.

"When?" I asked, bewildered.

"Don't you remember? They were flirting the other day!" Sirius reminded me impatiently, "He gave her a warning! He told her not to play with a fanged frisbee in the hallways!"

"I don't think that counts as flirting," James said.

I rolled my eyes, "You can't seriously be jealous of Jason."

Sirius glared at me, "I don't want her talking to him anymore."

"Well, it's not really your place to tell her who she can and can't be friends with," I said, trying to keep the annoyance out of my voice.

"Lily's got a point, mate," James said rationally, "You can't tell Dorcas who she can talk to."

"Look at him!" Sirius exclaimed, ignoring us, "He's practically undressing her with his eyes!"

"Ah, Lily and James!" I heard Slughorn exclaim. I turned to face my favorite professor, glad I didn't have to deal with Sirius' jealousy issues.

"Let's see what you two have got," he said eagerly, rubbing his hands together.

* * *

It had been a week since the debacle with Austin. Though he wasn't angry with me for running off, I could tell he was hurt. And things had been very weird since then. He was very awkward around me, and he was way too polite. He acted as if we barely knew each other. Not that I could blame him. I felt like a total hag for the way I treated him.

Marlene, Dorcas, and I were in our bedroom, getting ready to go to breakfast.

"I hate this cold weather," Dorcas complained, checking out her outfit in the mirror, "I can't wear any short skirts."

"It's November. What'd you expect?" Marlene asked, lying on the bed, playing with a snitch. She would let it go for a few seconds, and then snatch it back before it could fly off.

"What are you smiling at?" Dorcas asked, turning to me.

"Nothing...it's just...Marlene, you reminded me of James. He's always playing with the snitch like that," I replied, smiling.

Dorcas and Marlene exchanged looks.

"What?" I asked, sitting on my bed.

Marlene sighed, "When are you going to admit you fancy James?"

"Never."

"Why not?" Dorcas groaned in frustration.

"Because I love Austin!" I exclaimed.

I froze. _Did I just say I love Austin? _Marlene and Dorcas had also frozen, staring at me in shock.

"That's right," I said, jumping out of bed, "I love Austin. And it's about time I told him!"

I mean, how could I not love Austin? He was fit, smart, and he was good to me. Sure, we had our difficulties every now and then, and maybe we were in a rut, but that didn't mean I didn't love him.

"What about James?" Marlene demanded.

"What about him?" I asked, pulling on my shoes.

"You can't deny you don't have feelings for him. Everyone can see it," Dorcas said stubbornly.

I sigh, "Look, maybe I'm attracted to James. But it's nothing more than that. We're just friends."

"I don't buy it," Marlene said, crossing her arms.

"Don't buy what?" I asked.

"That you love Austin. I think you're just telling yourself that so that because you're in denial about how you feel about James," Marlene said wisely. Dorcas looked impressed but I was just plain old annoyed.

"Honestly!" I exclaimed, "When are you two going to let go of this?"

"Never," Dorcas said.

I groan, "Fine, believe what you want. I need to go find Austin. See you lot in a little bit," I said as I raced out the door.

After running out of the Gryffindor common room and racing down several corridors and staircases, I spotted Austin going down the grand staircase, his head buried in a book. Natalie was beside him, chattering away, but he looked like he was barely listening.

"Austin!" I shouted, racing down the steps. He turned around in time to see me run into his arms.

"Woah, there," he said, hugging me, "You're energetic today."

"I love you too," I tell him breathlessly, ignoring his last comment. I heard Natalie squeal, but my eyes are only on Austin. His soft brown eyes lit up, but he was looking worried for some reason.

"Are you sure?" he asked tentatively, "I mean, you're not just saying that to please me, are you?"

I grab his face and bring his lips to mine. I give him a long, passionate kiss, my hands gently caressing his hair. His hair was soft and smooth, unlike James' whose was messy...hold on! I shouldn't be thinking about caressing somebody else's hair when I'm kissing my boyfriend! I slowly withdrew from the kiss, feeling guilty.

"Good because I love you too," he replied breathlessly.

I laughed and kissed him again. Godric, I missed kissing him like this. It felt like when we had first started going out, back when we couldn't get enough of each other. I swear, last year, I spent most of first semester snogging Austin. I missed being in that exciting first stage of our relationship. The one where he is the first person you think of when you wake up or when you miss that person so much but it's only been like ten minutes since he left. Maybe, now, we were about to get back to that stage, the one of pure bliss...

"I promised I'd meet Nat in the library. We have to study," Austin told me about an hour later at the breakfast table.

I groaned, "Fine. I'll see you at lunch then?"

"Of course," he said, getting up and giving me a kiss, "I love you."

I grinned, "I love you too."

I watched as Austin left the breakfast table, swaggering out the Great Hall. He had a new air of confidence about him ever since I had told him I loved him. When he had finally gotten out of sight, I turned back to my friends, whom I hadn't noticed were all staring at me.

"You two make me sick," Sirius told me.

"Oh, leave them alone," Alice said, punching his arm, "They're in love!"

"So am I! But you don't see me drooling all over Dorcas like that, do you?" Sirius snapped, shaking his head.

My head snapped up, and I stared openmouthed at Sirius. Did he just say he _loved _Dorcas. I wasn't the only staring at Sirius in shock; everyone around us had snapped up their heads, and were staring at him in disbelief. Frank and Alice looked stunned; Mary had dropped her fork; and James had choked on his orange juice.

"What?" Sirius asked, looking around us confused.

"I'm sorry, mate, but did you just say you _love _Dorcas?" James asked, looking thunderstruck.

Sirius shrugged, "Isn't it obvious?"

"Good point," James nodded, going back to his food.

"You love her!" I squealed, unable to contain my happiness.

"Easy, Evans," Sirius said cautiously, "I haven't told her yet. So don't go blabbing."

"But...how could you?! You two have only been dating a few months! I've been dating Austin for a year, and it still took me forever to say it back to him!" I told him.

Sirius shrugged, "I guess I'm just more sure of my feeling for Dorcas than you are of Austin. Where is Dorcas anyway?" he asked, craning his neck around, looking for his girlfriend.

"I think she and Marlene said they had to go see Jason about something," I said, trying to remember exactly what Marlene and Dorcas had said to me this morning, but my memories were still full of Austin and the kisses he had given me after I had told him I loved him. I hadn't even noticed Sirius face go stony.

"She's with _who_?" he repeated, tightening the grip on his drink.

"Oh, you'r not still jealous of that Jason bloke, are you?" I snapped, getting annoyed.

"I don't want her all alone with him."

"She's not alone with him. She's with Marlene," I said, crossing my arms.

"I still don't like it," Sirius grumbled, taking a sip of his pumpkin juice.

"Why?" I asked.

"That bloke is always drooling all over Dorcas. I just know he fancies her," Sirius said, slamming his goblet down.

"But loads of blokes fancy Dorcas! She's gorgeous!" I exclaimed, "Why is this a sudden problem now?"

"Because," Sirius snapped, "she's attracted to him too."

James and I stared at Sirius.

"No, she's not," I scoffed.

"Mate, you're mad," James rolled his eyes.

"Don't you see the way they talk in Potions?" Sirius said, "They act like a couple sometimes."

"Look, here she comes!" I pointed to the blond girl bouncing forward. Behind her were Marlene and Jason, laughing at something she was saying.

"Over here, love!" Sirius shouted, scooting over to make room for her.

Marlene squeezed between me and James, and Dorcas squished herself next to Sirius, while Jason waved to us and went to his own table.

"So, what were you two doing with Corner?" Sirius asked coyly.

Marlene shrugged, "We were just hanging out."

Sirius made a face, "Why?"

Dorcas grinned evilly at him, "Jason is a nice bloke. He's fun to corrupt."

Marlene laughed, "Dorcas is the only one that can get him to loosen up, to have some fun. It's so funny. Just the other day she convinced him to sneak out with her. I swear, I think it's the worst thing he's done. The entire time he kept saying how we were breaking about a hundred school rules."

I giggled, picturing the ultimate goody goody (Jason) sneaking around the castle, muttering about school rules.

"You were sneaking around with another bloke?" Sirius demanded, turning to Dorcas.

She glared at him, "Is that a problem?"

"Yeah, it is," Sirius growled, "It's completely inappropriate."

"How is it any different than you sneaking around with Natalie Peterson?" Dorcas demanded.

"Because Padfoot, Moony, and Wormtail are always with me. We don't go roaming the castle in the middle of the night alone!" Sirius shouted.

"Neither do we! We were with Marlene!" Dorcas snapped, getting up and stomping out the Great Hall.

Sirius was frowning, "Hold on...is Dorcas _jealous_ of Natalie?" he asked, finally realizing the truth.

Marlene and I exchanged looks.

"She and Natalie have been rivals for years...how could you not realize it sooner?" James told his best friend.

Sirius grinned, "Aw, that's so cute. She's jealous of Natalie?"

"It's not a good thing," Marlene said crossly, "It really hurts her that you two are so close."

"Does it?" Sirius asked thoughtfully, a grin suddenly spreading across his face.

I watched him warily. I didn't like the look on his face. It was the same look James got when he was up to something.

* * *

The weather the rest of the week had been very rainy and cold. We all wondered whether snow would come early this year, but none came. On one particular sunny Saturday morning, Sirius dragged us all outside, claiming we needed to be relish in the sun before it started raining again. So, I put on several layers of cloaks, took all my books, and followed my friends outside.

Marlene and Remus were sitting with their feet in the water, chattering away. James had stolen a quaffle and he and Peter were playing catch with it. Dorcas and Sirius sat beside me, talking and occasionally snogging. I didn't much mind their company. Surprisingly, they weren't as gross and lovey-dovey as I expected; they actually had real, meaningful conversations. Sometimes I would put my book down and participate in their conversation until it would turn to Quidditch or something else just as boring, and I would go back to my studies.

"_Hogwarts, A History_. Interesting book. I've probably read it a thousand times," I heard a voice above say to me. I looked up to find Jason Corner standing over us, his light blue eyes squinting down at me. Sirius scowled, but Dorcas grinned and invited Jason to sit down.

"I don't understand why you two like that book so much," Dorcas told us, shaking her head, "It put me to sleep after reading the first sentence."

"That's because you've got the attention span of a two-year old," Jason told her matter-of-factly. Dorcas stuck her tongue out at him and he smiled. Sirius glared at the two of them accusingly until I elbowed him to keep cool.

"Anyway, I didn't invite you here to talk about books," Dorcas told him, straightening up.

"No?" Jason asked, his eyebrows raised.

"Jason, what do you look for in a girl?" she asked seriously, taking out a pen.

"Excuse me?" Jason sputtered.

"I'm serious!" she said, "You need a girlfriend! That Rachel chick isn't worth your time!"

"See!" I muttered under my breath to Sirius, "Jason obviously isn't over his ex-girlfriend. There's no way he's into Dorky."

Sirius looked dubiously at me but I smiled at his encouragingly.

"...don't know..." Jason was saying uncomfortably.

Dorcas clucked her tongue impatiently, "You really are hopeless. How am I going to find you a decent girlfriend if you don't tell me who you want?"

"I don't want you to find me a girlfriend!" Jason snapped, looking over helplessly at me.

"Why?" Dorcas demanded, "Look, I'm sure we can find you somebody brilliant."

"Well, I think I've already found somebody brilliant..." Jason muttered, his face turning a violent shade of red.

Dorcas and I perked up at once, grinning jovially at him.

"Who is it!" Dorcas asked, straightening up as Sirius absentmindedly played with a piece of her golden hair.

"Nobody..." Jason said, looking at the ground.

"Do I know her?" Dorcas demanded, excitement bubbling into her eyes.

Jason looked up, his light blue eyes meeting her striking dark blue ones. "Yeah, you do," he told her meaningfully, staring her right in the eyes, "and she's brilliant."

Dorcas looked slightly confused for a second before her eyes widened a bit in understanding. Sirius, who had been absentmindedly twiddling with Dorcas' hair, froze and he slowly turned to face Jason. _Shit. _I thought. Either Jason was the bravest bloke at this school or he was just plain stupid.

"I should go..." Jason finally said after a long silence, in which I silently prayed Sirius wouldn't attack the poor boy.

"Did he...did he just...did he mean _you?_" I asked Dorcas, stunned. Sirius growled.

Dorcas bit her lip, "It sounded...but...I'm sure it was nothing. He was probably talking about somebody else and we just took it to mean the wrong way..." she said more to herself than to us.

But I wasn't listening to Dorcas; my eyes sought Sirius, who looked both jealous and angry, but underneath it all, he looked scared. Almost as if he thought Dorcas might actually return Jason's feelings.

Dorcas too seemed to sense Sirius' unease for she slowly leaned into him, letting her head gently rest on his shoulder. Sirius relaxed a bit at her touch but he still looked worried, even as he gently wrapped his arm around her.

* * *

"...the way they look at each other. And they always stick up for one another. Haven't you noticed?" I said to James, my arms crossed. We were in the library during our free period. I had retreated away to try and do some studying, but five minutes later a certain messy haired boy strode in and completely distracted me. Our conversations moved easily from serious things like You-Know-Who to trivial matters like whether Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore had a thing. Personally, i thought they were in love, and I imagined them taking secret strolls around the lake at night under the moon. It was such a sweet visual. James, on the other hand, thought Dumbledore was gay.

"He wears _dresses, _Lily," James said, putting emphasis on the word dresses.

"They're not _dresses," _I told him defensively, "They're robes!"

James snorted.

"So, what are we talking about?" I heard Sirius ask as he pulled up a chair.

"Lily thinks that Dumbledore's in love with McGonagall," James informed him, rolling his eyes.

"That's impossible," Sirius told me, "Dumbledore's gay."

"Told you!" James said, banging his hand on the table, a triumphant gleam in his eyes.

"He's not gay!" I exclaimed to both of them. Sure, Dumbledore was eccentric and all but that didn't mean he was _gay_.

"Who's not gay?" I heard Natalie say, as she laid her books down on our table.

"Dumbledore," I told her, hopeful she'd take my side.

"Hmm...I never thought about it...blimey, I think he is!" she said, her eyes widening.

"Thank you!" James said, thumping her on the back. Natalie gave him a small smile. Her eyes lingered on him for a minute before she turned around to say hello to Sirius and me.

"What are you lot all doing here?" she asked us, looking around for another chair.

"Free period," I told her, "I came here to study."

She raised her eyebrows at my unopened backpack, "I can see you've gotten a lot of work done."

I grimaced, "I haven't exactly gotten to the studying part yet. James distracted me."

Natalie laughed, but I noticed a hard look of resentment in her eye. What was _that _all about? Before I could ask Natalie if she was okay, though, Dorcas barged in, dragging Jason behind her.

I looked to Sirius and noticed his eyes flashed. This wouldn't turn out good...

"Dorcas, hi!" I said cheerfully, standing up from my seat.

Dorcas ignored the others' hellos and turned to face me importantly, "I need your help," she said seriously, pointing to an embarrassed looking Jason.

"Dorky, we really don't have to involve anyone else in this," he piped up, looking around us nervously.

"Did you just call her Dorky?" Sirius spat, standing up.

Jason looked confused, "Isn't that her nickname?"

"Well, _I _made up that nickname for her so _I _get to call her that. I sometimes allow the others to use the same nickname, but I haven't given you permission to call her that, now have I?" Sirius snapped.

Dorcas glared at him.

"Erm..._what_?" Jason asked, looking stricken.

"Actually, I think I was the one who made up that nickname..." James said. Sirius flicked him on the head impatiently. "Well I _was._" James muttered, rubbing his head where Sirius had just flicked him.

"_Anyway,_" Dorcas said sharply, "we really need your help," she said to me.

"No, we _don't,_" Jason said, his face resembling a tomato with how red it was.

"She can help," Dorcas told him.

"Look, I don't want anyone's help. I can do this on my own," Jason said. He didn't raise his voice, but there was a definite tone in it. Obviously, Dorcas heard it too, and she shut up and allowed him to leave.

"I still think he should've just let me help him," she mumbled under her breath, looking annoyed.

"Dammit! All the chairs are taken," Natalie said, craning her neck to look around the room, her eyes searching for an empty chair.

"You can sit with me," Sirius suggested, scooting aside.

"Really?" Natalie asked, throwing Dorcas a wary look.

"Yeah, I'd _love _it," Sirius said, smirking. Natalie shrugged and squeezed herself next to Sirius.

Dorcas glared at him. I thought it was a miracle she wasn't pulling out Natalie's hair yet. We all silently watched as Sirius swiftly put his arm around Natalie, their bodies touching intimately. Their was a slight red creeping up Dorcas' neck.

"Well, I'll see you all later!" James exclaimed, looking terrified at the look on Dorcas' face. I watched as he quickly ran out of the library. Coward.

"Oh, look," Dorcas said sweetly, "There's an empty chair."

"Looks like you have a seat now," Natalie said, leaning in closer to Sirius.

"Yeah, I do," Dorcas smiled viciously before roughly grabbing Natalie's arm and pushing her into James' empty seat. She, then, went over and sat herself gracefully on Sirius' lap, "and it's on _my _boyfriend't lap."

I glared at Sirius. He knew exactly what he was doing. Somehow he had forced crazy, jealous Dorcas to come out, and he was loving every minute of it. He noticed me glaring at him, and gave me a sweet, innocent smile. But I wasn't buying it. What was he playing at, anyway?

* * *

"I think your hair looks brilliant that way," Natalie simpered, playing softly with Sirius' hair. I made an impatient cluck. They had been like this the entire day, ever since we left the library. Dorcas had to go to muggle studies, and she begrudgingly left behind a flirting Sirius and Natalie.

Natalie had been drooling over Sirius all bloody day. And I had to hear it. The only reason I hadn't ditched these two was because I promised Dorcas I would keep in eye on them. Though, now I was regretting ever making that promise. I knew it had been a bad idea, and now I was stuck here listening to Natalie simper over Sirius. It seemed that Sirius only flirted back with Natalie when Dorcas was around, which pissed me off even more. I really hated this jealousy game he was playing with her. I knew it was going to end up biting him in the arse later. But did he listen to me? No! I swear, nobody ever listens to me.

"Where are we going?" Sirius asked me.

"Astronomy tower," I replied, wondering whether he would follow me up. No doubt if he went, Natalie would follow.

"And _why _are we going to the Astronomy tower?" Natalie asked impatiently.

"James usually goes up to the Astronomy tower to think," I said automatically. Bloody hell...how did I know that?

"So, we're going to see James?" Natalie asked, perking up slightly.

Sirius looked surprised, "I didn't know Padfoot went up to the astronomy tower."

We found James on the balcony, leaning against the rail. He was looking over the lake, deep in thought. I wondered what he was thinking about...probably his parents...I started to back away to give him a private moment alone, but he turned around, sensing us behind him.

"Hey," he said, looking surprised to see us.

"Hey," I replied quietly, smiling.

There was an awkward pause in which Sirius and Natalie stared at us. Natalie looked at me accusingly while Sirius smirked knowingly at me.

"So, what are you guys doing up here?" he asked, breaking the silence.

"Looking for you," I answered truthfully.

"Me?"

"I came to return him to you," I said, grabbing Sirius' arm and shoving him to James.

"Well, I don't want him," James said, putting his hands up in protest.

"He's _your _best friend," I reminded him, "and he's been driving me mad all day," I added.

Sirius scowled at me. "She's just made because she couldn't get any work done," Sirius told him, turning to face James. I noticed Natalie awkwardly hovering in the corner. I hated to admit that it pleased me that James hadn't even said a word to her yet.

"That's right," I told them, backing away, "and now I'm going to leave to see if I can actually get some work done."

Sirius rolled his eyes, but James jumped up.

"Wait!" he exclaimed, "I'll go with you!"

I hesitated. I didn't want to break my promise to Dorcas and leave Sirius and Natalie alone, but I really wanted to get back to my studying. And it's not like Sirius would ever _cheat _one Dorcas. He was just using Natalie to make Dorcas jealous...

I took one look at James' light, hazel eyes, and my heart instantly melted.

"Okay," I agreed weakly, my knee had suddenly gone wobbly. I numbly followed James out the astronomy tower, only vaguely listening as he chattered about Transfiguration homework.

"Shit," he said, "I left my stuff back in the tower."

We turned around and climbed up again. I told him all about how Sirius was using Natalie to make Dorcas jealous, and I was extremely pleased when James agreed with me and said it was a stupid idea.

As we turned the corner into the tower, I saw Sirius and Natalie talking. I smiled. Good. Sirius wasn't even sitting that close to her. Natalie giggled at something he said, flipping her hair. Sirius smiled slightly when he noticed me and James watching them. James spotted his backpack on the balcony, and we started forward to retrieve his belongings. Natalie, though, hadn't noticed us yet, and next thing I knew, she had thrown herself onto Sirius. Her mouth reach his and she kissed him wildly. I froze, praying that Dorcas wouldn't walk in. Sirius seemed shocked, and I was grateful he didn't kiss her back. In fact, he worked hard to get her off of him. James and I stared at the two of them in stunned silence. When Sirius finally managed to pull Natalie off of him, she stared at him in embarrassment and anger.

"What did you do _that _for?" Sirius managed to choke out.

Natalie looked confused, "I thought you wanted me to...you've been flirting with me all day..."

Sirius looked embarrassed, "I didn't mean...I'm sorry I led you on...I was...I was just trying to make Dorcas jealous...she's been spending a lot of time with that Jason bloke...you know, the prefect..."

But I didn't hear the rest of Sirius' uncomfortable stammering for James had grabbed my arm and pulled me away.

"That prat!" I shouted as soon as I had managed to gain my voice back, "He just cheated on Dorcas!"

James looked uncomfortable, "Well...you saw what happened. _She _kissed _him_. He tried to stop it..."

"He shouldn't have led her on in the first place!" I spat furiously.

James struggled to say something to defend Sirius.

"Oh, what am I going to tell Dorcas?" I anguished, imagining my friend's heartbroken face.

"Nothing," James said firmly.

"Nothing!" I repeated, outraged.

"It's not your place to tell her," he said firmly, "it's Sirius'."

"What if he doesn't want to tell her?" I snapped. No way was I about to let Sirius Black cheat on my best friend.

"You won't need to worry about that," I heard the furious voice of Natalie from behind me, "because_ I'll_ tell her."

"Nat, I don't think that's a good idea," James said weakly.

"He _used _me, James!" Natalie spat, her normally sleek blond hair looking wild.

"I understand that-" James began before he was cut off again.

"You _understand_? Do you realize how embarrassing that was?" she laughed manically.

"Look, Nat, I know you're angry, but think about how hurt Dorcas will be. I just think Sirius should be the one to tell her. You know, that way he can explain what really happened." I said soothingly, trying to calm Natalie down. I had never seen her so angry.

"You think I care what happens to Dorcas Meadowes?" Natalie said cruelly, "The only reason I put up with her is because of you. But I'm done with that! She's embarrassed me for the last time!"

She turned around, allowing her blond hair to whip around her. She quickly strode away.

"She's not about to tell her _now_ is she?" I asked James fearfully as Natalie began sprinting away.

"It's _Natalie_." James reminded me, grabbing my head as we ran after her. On the way down the hall, we bumped into Sirius.

"Let me explain...you saw what happened!" Sirius begged, his eyes pleading with me.

"No time for that," James said, beginning to run again, "Natalie is about to tell Dorcas!"

"No!" Sirius gasped, sprinting ahead. We followed him, our eyes searching through the masses of Gryffindors that had just gotten out of class. My eyes searched for the tall, pretty blond who would probably be chattering with Jason or Marlene.

"Over there!" James shouted, pointing to two girls standing in the distance, "No! Natalie's gotten to her!"

We stopped running, watching as Dorcas' face hardened, her face trying to hide the hurt and betrayal. Ahead of us, I saw Sirius begin sprinting toward her. I grabbed James' hand and followed. As we reached Dorcas and Sirius, Natalie turned around, a satisfactory smile on her lips. I fought back the urge to punch her and ran to my friend's side.

"You kissed her?" Dorcas asked Sirius quietly.

"No! She kissed me! You've gotta believe me!" Sirius begged her. I looked to James, wondering if maybe we should leave, but Dorcas had grabbed my hand for support so I stayed put.

"You were flirting with her earlier," Dorcas reminded him, trying to keep her voice even.

"It's not like that!" Sirius told her desperately, grabbing her hand, but she snatched it away.

"No? Sirius, you flirt with another girl right _in front _of me and then she comes and tells me you two kissed..." Dorcas said, her eyes flashing.

"Dorky, it's not like that. The only reason I flirted with her was to make you jealous. Natalie took it the wrong way and she kissed _me. _I swear! Ask them!" Sirius said, pointing to me and James.

"It's true," James nodded, but Dorcas was looking at me for confirmation.

"It's true. Sirius tried to push her off," I agreed.

Sirius smiled in relief and he gently grabbed Dorcas' hands, "See?" he said.

Dorcas' expression didn't change though, and her body didn't soften at his touch like it usually did. Instead, she gently pushed Sirius away, a sad gleam in her eye.

"It doesn't change things..." she said quietly, "Why would you do that to me? Why would you try to make me jealous? Why would you want to hurt me like that?"

Sirius looked dumbstruck. "I didn't want to hurt you! I was just...I was jealous because you were spending so much time with that Jason bloke..."

"Sirius Black, you prat!" Dorcas shouted angrily, making all of us jump, "The reason I was spending so much time with Jason was because he fancies Marlene and I was trying to set them up!"

Comprehension and relief spread across Sirius' face.

"I'm so sick of these games, Sirius!" Dorcas said, her eyes shining with tears.

"What games?" he asked, confused.

"These jealousy games! If you had a problem with me spending so much time with Jason, then you should have come to me and talked to me about it," she cried, "That's what a mature person would do. Godric, I thought you had changed. I thought you had matured. But you're the same as ever! You keep playing these games with me, Sirius, and they hurt! Okay? They really hurt me! They're not fun! Do you realize how much it hurt to see you cuddle with that bimbo in the library? Or how much it hurt to hear that you two kissed? I thought we had moved past this! I thought we could finally have a real, mature relationship!"

"We can!" Sirius cried, grasping Dorcas' hand.

"No, we can't! You're not ready for a relationship, Sirius," she said, tears trickling down her cheeks, "and I really don't want to be with somebody who's not ready to treat me right."

"But what about you!" Sirius demanded, looking outraged, "You were jealous of Natalie and you never came to me about it!"

"But I never tried to make you jealous!" she pointed out, "I never played a stupid jealousy game with you! I wasn't even mean to her about it! But you're right...I should have talked you...maybe we're both not ready to be in a committed relationship..."

Sirius' eyes widened in panic, "Dorky, don't say that."

Dorcas shook her head, "I can't be with you, Sirius. I'm sorry. We're both not ready."

"Dorcas, don't say that!" Sirius said, looking heartbroken, "I love you!"

"I love you too," she managed to say through her tears, "but that doesn't change anything. No matter how much I love you, I'm not ready. And neither are you..."

With that, she turned away from him. Before she ran away, I swore I could hear a sob. I cast Sirius and apologetic look and ran after Dorcas. I was sure it was the first time they had said 'i love you' to each other, and sadly, it might be the last time they said it too.


	9. Muggle Dueling

**Chapter Nine: Muggle Dueling**

* * *

Marlene checked her reflection in the mirror, making sure her make up hadn't run or messed up in any way. I had been watching her get ready all afternoon, occasionally offering my opinion. I had never seen her get so excited over a boy before. It was actually quite endearing. She and Jason were taking things slow, but I could tell she really liked him, even though she had been careful not to get too excited around Dorcas.

Dorcas pretended she was fine, and if I didn't know her, I would have totally believed her. She and Sirius were polite to one another, but they were far from friends. I think Dorcas missed him, though she would never admit it. She would smile, laugh, make jokes, and act like her usual self, but occasionally, I would catch her being vulnerable. They were rare and tiny moments. Like the other day when we were talking about Quidditch, I noticed her get very quiet, and she had a lost look in her eye. For a split second I thought she might lose it, but then the moment was gone, and she was laughing along with the others. They were tiny moments like that that made me realize how sad she really was.

Dorcas wasn't exactly known for being in long, committed relationships. The fact that she had given Sirius a chance was a big deal. She truly gave her heart to him, and now she was heartbroken. In those moments, when I would see Dorcas' true feelings, I actually hated Sirius Black. I hated him for doing this to her. I hated him for playing his stupid games.

But then, when I was sure I didn't want anything to do with Sirius Black anymore, he would show up and give me one of his brilliant grins, and I was a goner. As much as I hated it, Sirius was my friend and I loved him.

It seemed that as Dorcas and Sirius' relationship was painfully dying, Jason and Marlene's was blossoming. They had only gone on one official date, but it had been brilliant, according to Marlene. She couldn't believe she had found such an amazing bloke.

I was truly happy for her, but there was something else that bothered me about her and Jason's relationship. Something that itched away at me every time I saw them together...almost jealousy. I wasn't jealous of Jason! Not at all! I was more envious of their _relationship_.

I know I was supposed to love Austin and all, but I couldn't help but notice that we weren't like Marlene and Jason. I mean, Marlene and Jason couldn't get enough of each other. After five minutes of being apart, they would run to each other as if they hadn't seen each other in ages. Marlene would doodle his name on the side of her notebook. Jason had this small smile playing on his lips every time he looked at her.

"Well, what do you expect?" Marlene said, pulling on her boots, "You two have been dating a year!"

I sighed, "I know. I guess I just miss the first stage of a relationship, you know? The one where you're still getting to know each other and everything is new and exciting and you just can't get enough of each other."

Marlene smiled, "Yeah, but what you and Austin have is much deeper than that. You two are _in love!_"

Yeah, _love_. I wasn't a big fan of love at the moment. I mean, I thought people in love where supposed to be sickening and happy all the time. But that just wasn't the case with me and Austin. I could go days without seeing him, and be fine. I wouldn't even miss him! Is that normal? Is that really love?

"Or maybe you're _not _in love," Marlene said, pausing.

"What do you mean?"

"I said it before and I'll say it again: _James__."_

I rolled my eyes, "Not this again."

"Lily, I swear, you spend more time with James than you do with your own boyfriend. Look, I see the way you two look at each other. When you're with him, I don't know...you're always smiling..."

"Yeah, because we're _friends,_" I told her, emphasizing the word friends.

"You keep telling yourself that, but one day it'll be too late. One day he might actually move on and you'll regret not admitting your feelings for him," she warned me.

"Good! I want him to move on! I want him to find somebody that can _return _his feelings," I told her.

Marlene smiled gently at me, "He has. And she's standing right in front of me. She just won't admit it."

I stared at her. Why was she so insistent on me being with James?

After a few more minutes of primping, Marlene finally decided she looked good and left, excited to be going on her date with Jason. I plopped down on my bed and took out my books, feeling a little resentful. It was a Saturday night. Marlene and Jason had gone on a date, while I was left alone in my dormitory, wondering what Austin was up to. When I had suggested earlier that we do a date night, Austin turned me down and said he had plans with his buddies. I, being the supportive and amazing girlfriend that I am, told him it was fine. But it wasn't. The only time I saw Austin, nowadays, was in between classes and during mealtimes, and even then, things aren't the same between us. I could tell he'd rather be with his friends, and I'd rather be with mine. In the end, we just both end up sitting apart from each other other.

"You look miserable," I heard Dorcas say. I hadn't even noticed her come in.

"Would it be terrible if I said that I was jealous of Marlene?"

Dorcas grimaced, "No. It sucks, doesn't it? She gets to be all wooed tonight, and we're stuck here boyfriendless."

"Umm, I _have_ a boyfriend," I reminded her.

"Yeah? And where is he tonight?"

"With his friends," I grumbled.

"Yeah, well, you're lucky. Austin's a good bloke. _He_ would never play games with you or kiss other girls," Dorcas said bitterly.

"Is it much better that he'd rather go to a book club meeting than snog me?"

Dorcas laughed, "Really?"

"Last night, all I wanted to do was a little kissing and some cuddling, but he couldn't wait to get away from me and go to his stupid book club," I told her before slumping on my bed miserably.

"This sucks," I said.

"Tell me about it," Dorcas agreed, slumping on her own bed.

"Oh, my godric! I can not stand to hear you two complain about this anymore!" we heard Emmeline Vance proclaim. Dorcas and I swiveled around to find Emmeline pushing back the curtains from her bed. She was a small girl, but a powerful witch nonetheless. She had light brown hair that came to her shoulders and light brown eyes. She really was tiny though, like even smaller than me.

"Emmeline!" Dorcas jumped, "How long have you been there? I didn't even notice you!"

"I came in here hours ago to take a nap. I wasn't feeling well, but instead I've had to hear you complain about boys all night," Emmeline snapped at us. Dorcas and I exchanged looks. Emmeline was usually the nicest girl in our year; she was the kind of person who would take a bullet for a stranger. Not that she couldn't take care of herself. She was one of the best witches in our year.

"What's got your wand in knot?" Dorcas asked.

Emmeline glared at us, "You're Dorcas Meadowes! You're one of the most popular and powerful girls at this school! You don't take anything from anyone! The old Dorcas would never sit around in her room on a Saturday night, complaining about a boy that _cheated _on her. She would never allow a girl like Natalie Peterson to make her cry!"

"You were crying?" I turned to Dorcas, my eyes softening.

Dorcas ignored me, though, and turned to Emmeline, "Watch it, Vance. You don't know the whole story."

"See!" Emmeline exclaimed, pointing at us, "_That's _the kind of Dorcas we all missed! The Dorcas that wouldn't take shit from anyone! You're probably the strongest person I know, Dorcas. Don't let Sirius Black drive you mad like this. Get out there. Have fun. Don't pretend to be okay and then bawl your eyes out when no one's looking."

Dorcas looked thunderstruck, but Emmeline was turning to me, firing up at once, "And you! You're Lily Evans! You're the top in our year, you're gorgeous, and you're genuinely a good person. Why would you let a boy treat you like that? How can you be so powerful and outspoken about everything else, but you let your boyfriend ignore you and treat you like crap? And then you come in here, and mope around. Both of you! Go out and enjoy yourselves! Jeez. I can't believe I used to look up to you girls."

She stomped out of the room, "I think I'll go take a nap in Alice's room. She's always been sweet to me," she said idly, closing the door behind us.

"You cried?" I asked Dorcas as soon as I heard the door click shut.

Dorcas sighed, "Yeah, I really love him, Lily."

"But why hide it? Dorcas, if you just hold everything in, it'll just make it all worse."

"I didn't want to be weak," she admitted, "I didn't want to be that stupid girl who cried over her boyfriend who treated her like crap."

"Dorcas, admitting you actually have feelings doesn't make you weak," I told her gently.

Her eyes glittered a bit, and I knew she was fighting back the tears.

"Come here," I said, hugging my best friend. I allowed her to cry for a few minutes. We just stood there, holding each other. I hated seeing her like this. Emmeline was right. Dorcas was strong and vibrant and full of life; it was rare for her to expose her true feelings, to show others how vulnerable she really was. After a few more moments, she pulled away from me.

"I'm done with that, now," she said, wiping her tears away, "Let's go to dinner."

"Okay, anything's better than staying up here," I agreed.

We made our way out the dormitory, passing Emmeline on our way out. I gave her a small, grateful smile and continued out. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed Dorcas' company. I had forgotten how much we laughed when we were together. The only person that was missing was Marlene. It just didn't feel right having a girl's night without her.

"Oh, but she's with Jason," Dorcas said, "I'm sure she's more than fine."

I nodded, "True. But it's still not the same without her. We're the three musketeers!"

"We're the what?" she asked.

I laughed, "Oh, nothing. It's a muggle thing."

Dorcas smiled slightly but then her face suddenly hardened, "There's Natalie right now."

I turned my head in the direction Dorcas was staring at. Natalie was laughing with a group of her friends. When she spotted me, she smiled and started forward.

"Be nice," I murmured to Dorcas under my breath so that only she could hear. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her nod slightly.

"Lily!" Natalie exclaimed, "Where've you been? I feel like you're never with Austin anymore!"

I shrugged, "We've both been busy."

"Wait, so _this _is Austin's girlfriend?" a girl Natalie had previously been talking to said.

Natalie nodded, "Everyone this is Lily Evans. Lily, this is Nicole Smith, Pauline Richards, and Dina Harrolds.

"Nice to meet you," I smiled kindly, "All of you are Austin's friends too?"

"Yeah, you know, he's always talking about you. He said you're the top of your year. You're a sixth year right?" the girl named Pauline Richards asked me.

I nodded, "Yeah, I am," I turned to Dorcas, "and this is my friend Dorcas Meadowes."

The three girls' eyes widened.

"What?" Dorcas asked, looking confused.

"_You're _Dorcas Meadowes?" Dina Harrolds asked, "Natalie told us all about you. She said she was the reason you and Sirius Black broke up."

"Dina!" Natalie snapped, her eyes flashing.

"You said _what_?" Dorcas growled, glaring at Natalie.

"Let's not get into this right now," I said, holding Dorcas' arm fearfully.

"No, I want to hear exactly what Natalie was saying," Dorcas said, shrugging off my hand.

"I was just telling everyone the truth," Natalie said loudly, making a few people turn around and stare, "The reason you and Sirius broke up was because you obviously couldn't satisfy him. He was always flirting with me and we even kissed!"

A few people around us were staring and whispering.

"Oh, you mean when you _threw _yourself at him, and he rejected you?" Dorcas said, just as viciously.

"Is _that _what he told you?" Natalie laughed.

"It's the truth," I snapped, coming to Dorcas' defense, "I was there! I saw it all. You threw yourself at Sirius, and he just pushed you off."

Natalie looked at me in both shock and anger. Usually, I stayed out of her and Dorcas' little fights, but this time she had gone too far. I hated having to hold Dorcas as she cried into my arms; it broke my heart. And I was not about to let Natalie do that to her again.

"Oh, you mean when you were throwing yourself at James? You know, you're lucky I don't tell Austin about all the flirting you two do," Natalie threatened.

"I don't flirt with James!" I said. Honestly, why did everybody keep insinuating I like James?

"Oh, shut it, Natalie. The only reason Sirius gave you the tiniest bit of attention was because he was _using_ you to make me jealous. That's why you're so angry. Because the first time a boy gave you the slightest bit of attention it turned out he didn't even like you," Dorcas said cruelly.

"Excuse me, Meadowes, but I'll have you know, that I've had loads of guys go after me," Natalie said furiously, her face reddening.

Dorcas laughed, "The only reason they go after you is because you're so easy. Face it, the only reason you've had boyfriends was because they knew they could get into your pants. No bloke in his right mind would want to go out with you because you're not a very nice person. As soon as they get what they want from you, they leave you. Tell me, again, when was the last time you had a real boyfriend? And not one that you just shagged and then broke up with the next day? Just admit it, you're a slag. And that's all you'll ever be," Dorcas said angrily. As soon as she finished, though, Natalie's hand whipped out and she slapped her hand across Dorcas' face.

The entire Great Hall went silent. I stared at the red spot on Dorcas' cheek. Natalie was breathing heavily, her face still red with fury. Everything was silent for a minute, but then, Dorcas just lost it. She reached out and pulled Natalie's hair with all her might. In the next second, a circle of students were gathered around, watching the two girls roll around the floor, fighting. Natalie's friends were screaming, trying to get Dorcas off of Natalie.

"Protego!" I shouted, pointing my wand at Dorcas and Natalie. The two girls were separated by an invisible shield.

"Let me go!" Natalie screeched, trying to push through the shield.

"Ms. Evans, please release that shield," I heard the crisp voice of Professor McGonagall from behind me.

Natalie and Dorcas quit trying to push through the shield and froze, turning to see Mcgonagall standing behind me. I put my wand down.

"That was very clever, Ms. Evans. I was about to do the same thing. Five points to Gryffindor for your quick thinking," she informed me, looking impressed.

"Thank you, Professor," I mumbled.

"As for you two!" she snapped, turning around to face Natalie and Dorcas, "I have never seen such behavior from my students! Using muggle dueling? I've never been more diapointed. What could possibly possess you to behave in such a manner? I can not even begin to tell you in how much trouble you are! For starters, fifty points will be taken from each house!"

"Fifty!" Dorcas shouted, looking horrified. The other Gryffindors and Ravenclawes in the circle also gave shouts of protest.

"Do you want more?" McGonagall asked Dorcas severely, "As for the rest of you, I'm sure you've got some homework to attend to!" she added to the rest of us. We watched in silence as the group slowly dissolved, casting furious glances at Dorcas and Natalie. Natalie began to back away with her friends, hoping to leave unnoticed, but McGonagall has eyes like a hawk. _  
_

"Not so fast, Ms. Peterson. On top of that, both of you will have detention every Saturday for the next month."

"A month!" Natalie exclaimed.

"Do you wish to make it two?" McGonagall asked, "Both of you are lucky you weren't expelled. Now, both of you go to the hospital wing and have Madam Pomfrey look at your wounds."

"I'm fine," Dorcas said, straightening up.

"It wasn't a question, it was an order. Now, both of you, GO!" McGonagall shouted.

I grabbed Dorcas' hand and quickly led her to the hospital wing. Behind us, I heard Natalie and her friends follow.

* * *

"Just rub a bit of dittany on the wounds and you'll be fine," Madam Pomfrey said, handing Dorcas a small bottle, "I'll come check on you in a few minutes." She turned and went to the next bed, where Natalie was sitting with her friends.

"I'm sorry, Lils." Dorcas said, smiling apologetically, "I can't believe I just lost us fifty points!"

"Forty-five," I corrected her, "Remember, I won us five points."

Dorcas grimaced, "Forty-five isn't much better than fifty."

"Good point."

The doors to the hospital wing burst open, and a stricken Marlene rushed in. She took one look at Dorcas, who had several scratches and bruises over her face and arms, and said, "So, it's true?"

"Who told you?" Dorcas asked, smiling guiltily.

"Sirius heard McGonagall tell Flitwick about it and he rushed to find me," Marlene explained.

Dorcas sighed, "I'm really sorry, Marlene. I lost our house so many points."

Marlene shook her head, "It was only a matter of time. You and Natalie have been going at it for sixteen years."

Madam Pomfrey hurried back to us, "Feeling any better, dear?" she asked Dorcas, "Hold on, let me check for any concussions..."

"I'm fine..." Dorcas protested, but Madam Pomfrey was already examining her.

"Oh, Ms. Peterson wishes to speak with you," Madam Pomfrey added to me.

I looked over at Dorcas, who shrugged. Marlene bit her lip, worried another fight would break out, but she nodded at me encouragingly. Slowly, I turned away from the safety of Marlene and Dorcas, and walked to the opposite side of the room where Natalie was rubbing dittany over her arm.

"You wanted to talk to me?" I asked her tentatively.

Natalie looked up, "You took her side."

"You shouldn't have said what you said," I told her quietly.

"And you shouldn't have gotten in the middle!" she snapped.

"Natalie, I didn't mean to upset you, but honestly, what did you expect? You kissed my best friend's boyfriend and then go around telling everybody," I said, closing my eyes, trying to keep my patience.

"Well, I thought you were my friend too!"

"I was...but Dorcas...she and Marlene are my _best _friends. They're my family. And nobody-not even you-hurts my family."

Natalie glared at me, "She said some pretty terrible things to me too, you know."

I nodded, "And I don't think she should've said those things, but you were the one who started it," I reminded her.

"You act like you're so perfect, Lily. And you really have everybody fooled," Natalie said quietly, putting down the bottle of dittany.

"Excuse me?"

"Austin won't ever shut up about you. Everyone in this school loves you; they're always saying how nice and sweet you are. James practically worships the ground you walk on..."

"No, he doesn't! James used to have a little crush on me, but he's moving on!" I snapped at her. I couldn't believe she was bringing up James _now. _

"I know you like him," she said, staring at me dead in the eye.

"No, I don't!" I scoffed, "Don't be so daft."

"You know, you're really lucky I don't tell Austin. It would break his heart to know that his beloved Lily has feelings for some other bloke," Natalie said.

"James is my friend! My best friend! He's nothing more than that!" I exclaimed, a little aggressively.

"But you want him to be."

"No, I don't."

"Lily, you can deny it all you want, but I can see the way you two look at each other. You _never _look at Austin like that."

"You don't know what you're talking about," I told her in a low voice.

"No, I know exactly what I'm talking about. You look at James the same way I do. You want him just as badly as I do."

I stared at her. "You fancy James?"

She nodded, "I wasn't _trying _to upset Dorcas. That was just and added bonus. Really, I was using Sirius to make James jealous. Merlin, I was so mad when it didn't work. I thought for sure he was starting to fancy me too."

I suddenly understood why Natalie was so quiet around James that first weekend in Hogsmeade. It was because she had a crush on him and she was nervous to be around him. How could I have been so daft? How could I have not seen it before? The way she holds his hand...the way she laughs at everything he says...I wanted to hurt her so badly, I wanted to make her hurt as badly as she hurt me. How could she threaten me like that? How could she be so cruel? How could she like James? _My _James...well, he wasn't really _my _James...but still...he could do so much better than her. She was manipulative and mean. He needed someone nice and sweet. Someone who wouldn't use his friends to make him jealous. Not that it even worked. HA!

"Well, he doesn't," I said with satisfaction. _He fancies me._

Natalie shrugged, "So? What do you care? You just said you didn't have any feelings for him."

I froze; I didn't! I loved Austin! But that didn't mean I wanted James to be with such a horrid person.

I smiled, "You can scheme all you want, but James will never like you. He's brave and kind, and he'll never see anything in someone like you."

I did my best imitation of her hair flip, and stalked away, back to Dorcas and Marlene, who were giggling about something or other. When they saw me coming back, they grinned and beckoned me forward, ready to include me in the joke.


	10. The Thin Line Between James and Lily

**Chapter Ten: The Thin Line Between James and Lily**

* * *

I woke up with a start, my dark red hair splattered across my face. Yawning, I sat up and looked around the empty dormitory. _Where was everyone? _I glanced over at the watch on my bedside table, and jumped out of bed in panic. Class started in five minutes! Dammit! Why didn't Marlene or Dorcas wake me?

Quickly, I undressed and pulled on my school robes. I dashed to the bathroom, where I quickly brushed my teeth and pulled my hair into a messy ponytail. I stood there a second longer, grimacing at my appearance. There were dark circles under my eyes, and I was paler than usual. I ran back to the dormitory to grab my books and rushed down.

"Lily," I heard Mary call from the couch, "what's going on?"

"Late for class!" I shouted over my shoulder, climbing out the portrait hole. I took the steps down two at a time, ignoring anyone who was saying hello to me. As I ran past the Great Hall, I noticed Hagrid dragging in Christmas trees. Merlin, I'd forgotten it was the first of December. I didn't even notice a skinny boy with greasy, black hair walking toward me. I crashed right into him, sending all my books flying.

"Shit! Why today of all days!" I cried, kneeling down to gather my books.

"I'm sorry," I heard the boy say from above me.

"Oh, it was my fault," I said before looking up to find Snape peering down at me, "Oh, it's you," I grumbled, snatching my books out of his hand.

"Hey, Lily," he said pleasantly, "you're late for class," he observed.

"So are you," I snapped, throwing my books back in my bag.

"I'm glad I ran into you," he said sincerely.

"Well, I can't say the same for you," I snarled, trying to walk past him, but he grabbed my arm. "Let go of me!" I said angrily, snatching my arm away from him.

"Just listen to me," he pleaded, "Remember the warning I gave you a few months ago? The one where I told you to be careful?" he asked.

"Oh, thought you were being funny, were you?" I asked furiously, "Well, nothing happened! I can't believe I actually thought you were telling the truth! I should have known it was just a stupid joke to try and scare me!"

"It wasn't a joke, Lily. I was serious," he said, looking around the room, making sure we were alone.

"If it wasn't a joke, then how come nothing's happened?" I snapped.

"Because we know you told Dumbledore. We've had to push back the date but it's still going to happen. And you're our biggest target right now," he told me desperately.

"Biggest target for _what_," I asked, feeling more confused than ever, "and why aren't you in class?"

He shrugged, "Let's just say that I don't need to be bothered with Defense Against the Dark Arts anymore."

With that, he slouched away from me, not even looking back. I stared after him, wondering what in the world he was talking about. Finally, I sighed, and began running to class again. Boy, was I late.

I ran inside the room, shouting an apology, before I realized the professor still wasn't there.

"Where' the teacher?" I asked Marlene, taking my usual seat next to her.

She shrugged, "Why are you so late?"

"I overslept," I said, flaring up at once, "Why didn't you wake me?"

She shrugged, "You've been so tired lately. I thought you might need some rest."

"But I'm late for class now!" I exclaimed impatiently.

She rolled her eyes, "Lil, the teacher isn't even here yet. It's not like you're in trouble."

"But what if he had been here? I could've gotten detention! He could've docked points from us! I could've missed a vital part of the lesson! Did you ever think about that? Huh? Did you?" I questioned her wildly.

"Why is Lily freaking out?" Sirius asked, coming up from behind me. I noticed Dorcas stiffen a bit; she still didn't feel comfortable around Sirius.

"She overslept," Marlene informed him.

I took out a mirror, checking out my reflection. "Merlin, I look horrible. I only had time to brush my teeth this morning," I sighed. Usually, I wasn't one for appearances, but I was suddenly very aware of the fact that James was sitting a few feet away from me.

James took the mirror out of my hand, "Don't say that," he told me, my eyes locking with his, "You look beautiful."

I stared at him, my startling green eyes studying his light, hazel ones. I watched his expression, wondering if he was being serious.

"Thanks," I said, a little breathlessly. He gave me his usual cocky grin, which made my heart melt.

"So, is that why you were so late?" Remus asked me. I noticed he looked pale, paler than me. And the shadows under his eyes were even darker and bigger than mine. In fact, I noticed there were several scratches all over his arm. He noticed me staring at his arms and quickly pulled his jacket on.

"Erm...no..." I said, tearing my eyes away from the scratches and bruises on his arms, "I ran into Snape."

Sirius made a face, "What did Snivellus want?" he asked. I turned my head to Sirius and noticed that he also had circles under his eyes. They weren't nearly as noticeable as Remus' but they were still there. I noticed that he too had scratches all over his arms and face. I turned around to find that James and Peter also had scratches all over their bodies.

"Did you lot get int a fight or something?" I asked them, nodding at the bruises and scratches all over their arms. Dorcas frowned at Sirius. I could almost see the worry in her eyes.

James and Remus exchanged looks.

"Nah, just the usual marauders pranking," Sirius laughed easily, but I could tell from the slight look of panic in Remus' face that they were all lying. I turned to James expectantly, but he just gave me his most forced smile. Blimey, for boys who spent most of their time pranking and tricking people, they were all bloody terrible liars.

"Anyway," Remus said loudly, attempting to change the subject, "What did Severus want?"

"Snivellus," Sirius corrected. Remus and I shot him a look.

I shrugged, "Same thing he wanted last time. He was warning me to be careful."

"Again?" Dorcas said impatiently.

"Careful from what?" James asked me severely.

"He wouldn't say. He just kept going on about how I was their main target," I grimaced, annoyed.

"What's he playing at?" Sirius asked, frowning.

"Should we tell Dumbledore again?" Marlene asked.

I shook my head, "We already did. I'm sure Dumbledore's still on the look-out."

James didn't look like he agreed.

"What? You don't agree?" I asked, daring him to argue with me.

"Maybe I should talk to him," he suggested.

"Why?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"You know, just to tell him to back off and leave you alone," he said.

"I can take care of myself," I told him angrily.

He was about to protest but the Professor came in and silenced all of us. "Sorry, I'm late eveybody. Now, please take out your books and wands and turn to page 374," he said, striding to the front of the room.

"I'm just saying, I could help," James whispered to me.

"James, just leave it, okay?" I snapped. He sighed dramatically and went to his seat.

I took out my book and turned to page 374 and started reading the text until I realized Dorcas and Marlene were watching me.

"What?" I asked, looking up at them.

Dorcas grinned, "He called you beautiful."

"Oh my godric. Not this again," I groaned, smacking my head.

Marlene smirked, "Your face lit up when he said it."

"No, it didn't!" I scoffed, feeling my face grow hot.

"Now, everybody read the first paragraph," I heard the teacher announce to the class, "and then turn to the person beside you and take turns trying it on each other."

* * *

"Marlene," I complained, "I'm hungry!"

"Oh, alright, don't get your wand in a knot," Marlene said, coming out of the dormitory.

"As much as I love that you're happy with Jason and all, but do you really have to get all dressed up to go to dinner?" I asked as we climbed down the stairs.

"May I remind you that when you and Austin first started going out, you spent hours picking out the perfect outfit," Marlene shot back, smirking.

"Fair enough," I grumbled as we climbed out of the portrait hole.

As we neared the end of the hallway, we saw a group of people circled around something.

"What's going on over there?" Marlene asked, standing on her tippy-toes, trying to see through the crowd.

"I don't know," I said, "let's go see."

We squeezed through the crowds of people, trying to make it to the center.

"Oh, there's Sirius!" Marlene exclaimed, pointing to the handsome face of Sirius. He was standing beside James, and they were both looking furiously at someone. As I came closer, I realized there was someone hanging by their ankles.

"Is that the levicorpus spell?" I shrieked, "Why isn't anybody helping him down?"

"I don't know," Marlene shouted back. She grabbed my arm and we pushed ourselves to the front of the crowd, whom were all pointing and jeering. As we reached the middle of the circle, I realized the person hanging by his ankles was Snape. His greasy, black hair was covering his face, but I could still tell he was shouting because he was squirming hopelessly.

"Who's doing that to him?" I demanded, searching for the culprit. My eyes rested on Sirius, who had his wand pointing to Snape. James was standing beside him, shouting something at Snape.

"DON'T EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!" James screamed. I flinched for a second. I had never seen James so...angry. I had seen him pick on Snape hundreds of times, but I had never seen him look so...furious. He was literally trembling in anger.

"James," I heard Marlene shriek through all the noise, "put him down!"

But it was too loud and James and Sirius didn't hear her.

"JAMES!" I screamed, tugging on his arm violently. James looked down at me in surprise, and his face begged me to understand. "PUT HIM DOWN!" I told him furiously.

"I can't, Lily," James said, turning back to Snape.

Sirius, who hadn't noticed me until a second ago, turned to me and asked, "Lil, can you do us a favor, and get rid of all these people?"

"SIRIUS BLACK, PUT HIM DOWN!" I shouted furiously.

"Everybody show's over!" Marlene said, but nobody listened to her.

"James, why are you doing this?" I asked him, tugging on his arm, but he just ignored me.

"SNAPE! I'M GOING TO ASK YOU ONE MORE TIME!" James shouted again.

"What are you asking him?" I demanded, pinching his arm, but Sirius and James just ignored me.

"James, stop this!" Marlene said furiously, waving her hand in front of his face. He just stepped away from her and continued glaring at Snape.

Angrily, I snatched Sirius' wand out of his hand, and allowed Snape to slam into the floor. Sirius looked at me in surprise as everyone laughed at the way Snape landed.

"EVERYONE OUT!" I shouted, straightening up importantly, "I WILL TAKE TEN POINTS FROM ANYBODY WHO DOESN'T CLEAR OUT IN ONE MINUTE!"

I watched as everyone grumbled and left the hall. Finally, I turned to Sirius and James, whom were both glaring at me.

"What'd you do that for?" Sirius said, "We were finally getting him to talk!"

"Talk about what?" Marlene questioned, crossing her arms.

"Nothing," James said quickly, shooting Sirius a warning look. Sirius shut up instantly.

Marlene crossed her arms, "Fine, don't tell us, but what the hell were you two thinking?"

"We weren't hurting him!" Sirius said defensively.

"You should have heard what he was saying!" James added furiously.

"I don't care what he was saying, you don't hang people by their ankles!" I told them angrily.

"If you had shown up five minutes earlier, you wouldn't be saying that," Sirius told me.

"Well, I'm taking twenty points from both of you," I told them frostily.

"Twenty!" Sirius yelped, "but we're in the same house as you!"

"I DON'T CARE!" I screamed, "I THOUGHT YOU TWO HAD CHANGED! I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE JUST MAYBE YOU HAD MATURED!"

"We have-" James began but one look from me shut him up.

"I can't believe I actually thought we could be friends," I said, backing away from them.

"We are friends!" James said, looking slightly hurt.

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Don't be so dramatic, Evans."

"You two are never going to change, are you? You're bullies! You may not be death eaters, but you're just as bad! You hurt people for no reason!" I told them.

"Don't compare us to death eaters!" Sirius snarled, his eyes flashing dangerously. I knew I had struck a nerve; Sirius was sensitive about the fact that his own brother was on his way to becoming a Death Eater.

"Why not?" I challenged, "Death Eaters hurt people just for the hell of it, don't they?"

"It wasn't for the hell of it!" James said angrily.

"What could he have had possibly said to make you embarrass him in front of half the school?"

"It wasn't _half _the school. It was only like fifty or so people," Sirius corrected me.

"Shut up, Black! Or else I'm going to take another twenty points from Gryffindor!" I warned him.

"From your own house?" he asked me, looking horrified.

"Don't you think you're overreacting, Lily?" Marlene asked me tentatively.

"No, I don't! Okay, because I feel like an idiot! I actually believed you!" I said, turning to James, "I thought that you had actually changed! I thought you were honestly sorry for treating people the way you did!"

"I am!" James said.

"No, you're not! Snape was right about you! You're an arrogant bully! You disgust me! I want nothing to do with you!" I shout at them, backing away.

"Lily, don't say that," James said quietly. His eyes looked full of pain, and I almost took it all back right then and there, but then I remembered Snape hanging by his ankle in the air as everyone laughed at him.

"Stay away from me," I warned him, before turning around and stomping to the Great Hall. A few seconds later, I heard Marlene catch up with me.

"That was a little dramatic, Lily," she said, sounding a little angry. I knew James and Sirius were like her brothers, and it probably hurt her just as much to see them upset.

"I can't believe I actually thought they were good people," I grumbled, feeling stupid.

"They are," she said firmly.

"They're arrogant toe-rags," I said, reverting back to my old catch-phrase for James.

"That's not fair. You didn't even let them explain how it all happened," Marlene said rationally.

"I don't care how it happened. You don't hang innocent people by their ankles," I told her coldly.

"Oh, you know very well Snape isn't innocent," Marlene snapped.

"If you're going to defend James, then you can just leave," I told her frostily.

"Oh, so now you're mad at me?" she retorted, crossing her arms.

I sighed, "No, I'm sorry."

"Look, whatever you're feeling is between you and James. I'm not going to get in the middle, but can I just say something?" she asked.

I sighed, "Fine."

"Ever since you and James became friends, you've been lighter and happier. You're always smiling and laughing when you're around him. Don't let Snape come between you guys," she said.

I shook my head, "How can I be friends with him? James is just too wild for me and we argue all the time. That's never going to change. How can I be friends with him, if I don't agree with half the things he does."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard," Marlene told me, "and you're going to regret yelling at James. You just wait."

* * *

While I hated to admit, Marlene was right. Life without James was...boring. Usually, Dorcas could keep me entertained, but she was boy-crazy again. She had decided that the only way to get over Sirius was to date as many blokes as she could. Personally, I thought the idea was stupid, but does anyone ever listen to me? Anyway, she had gone on several different dates, and snogged several different guys in only two weeks. According to Remus, Sirius was acting the same way. They were in some sort of twisted competition, each of them trying to date more people than the other.

So, instead, I turned to Marlene to amuse me, but she was too busy with Jason. The two were inseparable and I really didn't want to ruin Marlene's happiness by complaining, so I allowed her to talk about Jason for hours, and I didn't complain once.

Really, the person I was spending most of my time with was Austin. I was glad Natalie hadn't attempted to sabotage my relationship with him, but that didn't mean our relationship wasn't in trouble. As much as I loved Austin, I just wasn't ready to sleep with him. Several times when we were snogging, his hands would travel further than I liked, and I would have to pull his hands away. And each time I did so, he would grow impatient.

"Lily, we've been dating a year now," he told me one particular cold night as he rolled over beside me. We had snuck into an empty class room, and we were behind the desk.

"I'm still not ready, Austin," I said, "can't you just wait a little bit longer?"

"Lily, I've been waiting a year."

"Good, then a few more months shouldn't be that hard."

"Months?" he exclaimed, outraged.

"Don't worry," I said, rolling over on top of him, "I'll be worth it."

Besides Austin, Remus was the main person I hung out with. Remus was actually great company, and Austin didn't get crazy jealous about our friendship the way he did with James. In fact, Austin really liked Remus. He said that Remus was a great bloke and he was extremely impressed with Remus' intelligence and maturity. The only issue Austin had with Remus was that he was often running around with the other marauders. Though I would pretend to get annoyed with him whenever he was hauled away by the others, I was actually glad inside, because I knew he would return with more stories and news of James.

"Why don't you just talk to them?" Remus asked me, annoyed.

"Because I'm still mad!" I sniffed, crossing my arms stubbornly.

"But you miss them," he pointed out, "and I know they miss you. I even heard Padfoot admit it."

"Sirius said he missed me?" I said doubtfully.

Remus shrugged, "He took it back instantly, but I know he still meant it."

I nodded, smiling, "And James?"

"He's been trying to talk to you, Lils," he said quietly.

I sighed, "I know, but I really don't want to talk to him."

"Right, you'd rather just mope around and pine after him."

"I'm not pining!" I said defensively.

Remus shrugged, "I still don't understand what happened between you lot."

"I told you," I said impatiently, "they were hanging Snape by his ankles again. And they were teasing him in front of everyone, just like in fifth year. I honestly thought they had both changed. I thought they were better than that. I never thought they would sink to that level."

Remus frowned, "But you haven't heard James and Sirius' side of the story. You only know about the part you saw."

"What else do I need to know?"

"How about what caused James and Sirius to attack Snape," Remus said.

"I know what caused it. They're arrogant toe-rags who were bored and thought it would be fun to pick on a slimy, sniveling bloke who wouldn't be able to stand up for himself."

"You don't know that," Remus said severely.

"Yes I do! It's happened a thousand times before! Why should this time be any different?"

"Because they've changed. Sirius and James are no longer arrogant toe-rags. They've changed. You've seen how much they've changed. And as for Snape? He's no longer a poor, defenseless creature; he can take care of himself."

But I wasn't listening, I had spotted James out of the corner of my eye. He hadn't seen me yet, which was odd, because he _always _saw me. He was talking animately to Natalie, and as he spoke every syllable, I could see her lean closer to him, her hand finally resting on his chest, her head snapping back in laughter.

"Are you even listening to me?" Remus asked, looking amused.

"Why is James talking to _her_?" I asked him, disgusted. I couldn't believe he would even dare to go near her after all the trouble she had caused. She attacked Dorcas-his best friend!

Remus looked confused, "Why wouldn't he?"

"Because she's an evil cow."

Remus laughed, "I didn't know you had a problem with Natalie. I thought you two were friends."

"After what she did to Dorcas? Not to mention the things she said to me!"

"What'd she say?" he asked curiously.

"It doesn't matter, " I said impatiently, "_Why _is James talking to her?"

"Didn't you know?" Remus asked me.

"Know what?"

"Well, ever since you and James had that big falling out, he and Natalie have gotten extremely close."

"What," I gasped, "when did this happen?"

Remus shrugged, "I think after you told him you wanted nothing to do with him. He was really upset and Natalie comforted him. She was a really good friend to him."

I couldn't believe it. I had pushed James right into Natalie's arms.

"Remus, you have to stop this! You need to tell him what a horrible person Natalie is! She makes Snape look like a fairy princess!" I panicked.

"No way," he said firmly, "I am not getting in the middle of your little love triangle."

"It's not a love triangle!" I snapped. Why did everybody keep insinuating that I had feelings for James. Honestly, this was getting a little out of hand.

Remus merrily shrugged, though, and simply said, "Either way, if you want to talk to him, then do it yourself."

I glared at him. "You're useless."

"Careful," he warned, "If you're not nicer to me, then I'm not going to talk to you anymore."

"Oh, the horror," I said sarcastically.

"It is," he said knowingly, "because I'm the only one that can keep the love of your life from falling in love with somebody else."

"James is _not _the love of my life!" I exclaimed impatiently.

"Who said anything about James?" Remus grinned, raising his eyebrows.

I opened and closed my mouth, not knowing what to say.

"I hate you," I finally grumbled. He just grinned more widely and led me to my next class, where I tried my hardest to avoid any eye contact with James.

* * *

The week before we all left for Christmas Break, I still hadn't spoken to either James or Sirius. Peter had approached me the other day and asked if I was cross with him too, and I couldn't even begin to apologize. I felt so guilty! I hadn't even realized I had been ignoring him too. It's just that he spent so much time following around James and Sirius that I didn't really see him as much.

While I had tried convincing Remus to talk to James about Natalie, he was adamant in wanting to stay out of it. He would continuously remind me that _I _was the one that had a problem with Natalie, not him. So, instead I turned to Dorcas. I was sure she would would be furious that her oldest friends with so chummy with Natalie Peterson, the girl who ruined her relationship.

"...and they're friends now!" I finished dramatically.

Marlene shrugged, "Haven't they always been friends?"

Dorcas nodded, "Yeah, I thinks so. It used to drive me crazy that he would actually talk to her."

"I guess they're just closer now," Marlene shrugged, going back to the magazine she had been reading before.

I gaped at them, "Don't you care?"

Dorcas snorted, "Lily, I'm not going to tell James who he can and can't be friends with. Besides, I think Natalie actually likes him. It'll be more likely that he end of hurting her than she hurting him."

"That's not true," I said, outraged, "Think of all the terrible stuff Natalie's done!"

Marlene raised her eyebrows, "I've never seen you this jealous before."

"Jealous?" I scoffed, "I am not jealous! Why does everyone keep suggesting that?"

"Because it's true," Dorcas said matter-of-factly.

I glared at them. They were being completely unhelpful.

"Look," Marlene sighed, putting down her magazine, "if you're really that worried about him, then why don't you just talk to him?"

"Because I don't want anything to do with him or Sirius," I said, though I sounded unsure of myself.

"If you don't want anything to do with them, then why are you so worried about them all the time?" Dorcas asked.

I bit my lip, "I still care about him. A part of me really hates him for doing what he did to Snape, but a part of me really misses him," I admitted.

"Then talk to him!" Marlene groaned, "This has got to be the dumbest fight ever. Admit it, Lily. The only reason you haven't spoken to James is because you're afraid to admit that you actually have feelings for him. And so, what do you do? You find the first excuse you can to pull away from him, just so you don't have to admit it to yourself that you're falling for him."

Dorcas and I stared at Marlene.

"Wow," Dorcas said, "I never thought of it that way."

"Of course you haven't, because it's _insane_! I would never in a million years ever fancy Potter!" I said.

"See," Marlene said, nodding wisely, "You're in denial."

"You're both insane!" I snapped, "I think I'm going to go find Austin."

I stalked out of the common room, desperate to find the tall, blond boy that I called my boyfriend.

"Austin!" I called out, nearing the library. I should have known he would be here studying. He looked up from the stack of books he was carrying and grinned at me.

"Hey," he said, setting his books on the nearest table. He leaned down and kissed me. "You look terrible. Is everything alright?"

I forced a smile, "Marlene and Dorcas keep pressuring me to talk to James."

Austin frowned, "Why? If you ask me, you're better off without the bloke."

"Why would you say that?" I asked, backing away.

"Are you kidding me? They have no ambition whatsoever. If it were up to them, they would probably stay at Hogwarts forever, pulling their stupid pranks."

I thought of that one night, under the hoops of the Quidditch pitch, where James had told me all about his dreams of joining the Order of the Pheonix and becoming an auror just like his dad.

"That's not true," I said quietly.

"No?" Austin asked, not believing me.

"They're top of the class," I informed him, "I'm pretty sure James has an 'outstanding' in nearly every class. Well, except Charms. For some reason, he always has trouble in that class."

Austin raised his eyebrows, "Sounds like you miss him."

"I do," I admitted, ignoring the annoyed look that had just crossed Austin's face. I knew it bothered him that James and I had become so close, but couldn't I be honest with my boyfriend? Whether he liked it or not, James had become my best friend. It was only natural that I missed him.

"Well, do you want to talk about it?" he asked, though it pained him to do so.

I hesitated, "No, it's okay. It's just been bothering me lately that he and Natalie have gotten so close. That's all."

"Why?" he asked.

"I know Natalie's your best friend and all, but I really don't like her. Especially after what she pulled with Dorcas! I mean, that girl is really full of it. I just don't want her to hurt James."

"Things got out of hand with Dorcas, but Natalie's a good person. She's the one that has supported our relationship from the beginning. It's thanks to her that we're still together," he said, a little defensively.

"Well, her intentions weren't that noble," I muttered under my breath. The only reason she hadn't stirred up any trouble for me and Austin was because she saw me as competition for James.

Austin glared at me. I should have known he would react this way; I would've acted the same way if he had said anything about my best friends.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, wrapping my arms against him, "It's none of your business. I shouldn't have brought you in the middle."

"It's fine," he mumbled, leaning down to kiss me.

We snogged for a good bit until I decided it was time I go to bed. I hated to admit it, but I felt nothing kissing him. Sure, it was enjoyable, but I didn't get that rush of passion and excitement I used to get. When we first started dating, it took all my will power not to rip his clothes off. But now it felt more like an obligation, something I had to do in order to keep him happy.

As I wandered down the halls, I realized how empty they are. I wondered if it was past curfew, in which, it would be really bad if I got caught in the halls after hours, considering I was a prefect after all. Vaguely, I tried to remember who was on duty tonight. I knew I had duty the next night with Remus, but tonight...I think it might be that Hufflepuff fifth year and the Ravenclawe sixth year...

As I turned the corridor, still wondering who was on duty, I saw Snape and Mulicber, huddled at the end of the hallway, whispering about something. As I came nearer, Mulciber noticed me, and an evil grin appeared on his face. He looked me up and down, his eyes hungrily searching me, his hands cracking menacingly.

"Evans," Snape said curtly, when he too noticed me.

"It's after hours," I told them, "I'm afraid you two need to be getting back to your dormitories."

"I wouldn't take up that tone with your superiors," Snape said coldly. It was if someone had slapped me.

"Watch it, Snivellus," I sneered, "that's five points from Slytherin for your cheek."

"Let's go, Severus," Mulciber grunted, "we'll get our revenge on the mudblood soon enough."

"Excuse me!" I snapped, "what's that supposed to mean?"

"You'll find out soon enough," he said, smirking nastily.

"Another ten points from Slytherin for foul language and disrespect," I snarled, feeling my face grow hotter in anger, "Now go back to your common rooms," I warned, turning around.

"I wouldn't go that way," Mulicber called after me, "Not unless you want to see your little boyfriend snogging somebody else!"

I frowned, but didn't look back. What was he talking about? Austin would never snog somebody else! And besides, he was all the way on the other side of the castle, probably being kicked out of the library by Madam Pince.

But as I turned the corner once more, I realized what Mulciber was talking about. At the end of the silent and empty corridor, I saw the most horrific, stomach-turning sight: James was leaning against the wall, his eyes closed. Natalie was kissing him furiously, while his hands ran wildly under her shirt. I slowly backed away, feeling sick. They were glued together, not even my loud gasp breaking them apart. I fought the urge to pull out Natalie's hair and take her spot in James' arms, and I slowly backed away. Once I had finally regained the feeling in my legs, I turned on the spot, and ran in the opposite direction.

It had to be some sort of sick joke. James fancied _me_! And only me! I mean, I was perfect for him! I understood all of his jokes, he could talk to me about anything, I was the only one that could make him crack a smile when he was feeling down about his parents...we were perfect for each other.

Hold on! What am I saying? _Austin _is perfect for me...Well, at least he used to be. Nowadays, I even got bored snogging him! I mean, who gets bored snogging their boyfriend?

I found an empty hallway, and sat against the cold, stone wall, burying my head in my hands. It was time I finally admit the truth: I _was _falling for James. But it was too late. He had finally done what I had been asking him to do for ages: he'd moved on.


	11. The Worst Christmas Ever

**Chapter Eleven: The Worst Christmas Ever**

* * *

**A/N: The italics mean that it's a flashback! Hope you all enjoy:)**

* * *

I slid in the car, sitting as far away as possible from Vernon, which was quite difficult considering he took up half the car.

"Scoot over," Petunia said stiffly, standing by the door, her arms on her hips.

I grimaced in Vernon's direction and scooted closer to him, making room for Petunia to slide in. Up front, Mum was already turning the car on, and Dad was fiddling with the radio, searching for a good station. I had arrived from Hogwarts yesterday, where I was surprised to find Mum _and _Petunia waiting, though I suspected Mum had forced Petunia into coming.

The next day we were up early, ready to pick up Dad from the hospital. I was absolutely giddy with excitement; it had been ages since I'd last seen Dad. The only downside was that Petunia had invited Vernon to come along. Now, we were all driving home, and I was squished between Vernon and Petunia, listening to Dad trying to make conversation.

"...company are you working for now, Vernon?" Dad asked pleasantly.

"Grunnings," Vernon replied proudly, "it's a drill manufacturer."

"What an exciting line of work," I said sarcastically. Mum and Petunia glared at me, while Dad held back a smile.

Vernon, on the other hand, didn't catch my sarcasm and said, "Yes, it really is."

"He's excellent at what he does," Petunia simpered, "The bosses absolutely adore him!"

I made a face. I had never seen Petunia so affectionate with anyone before. Mum told me that they had even begun discussing marriage, which was beyond me. Petunia was barely eighteen years old! How could she be talking of marriage already?

"Your parents are coming over for Christmas dinner, are they not?" Dad asked Vernon eagerly. While all of us (except Petunia) thought Vernon the most boring man on earth, we all agreed to be nice to him since he made Petunia so happy. So, by extension, we had to be nice to Vernon's family too.

Vernon nodded, "They're very excited to meet Petunia's family."

"As are we to meet them!" Dad replied excitedly. Petunia smiled slightly, pleased with how the conversation was going. I, on the other hand, felt my stomach sink. No one had told me Vernon's family would be joining us.

"Lils, you've been quiet," Dad remarked, smiling kindly at me, "tell us, how's school?"

I tensed up slightly. Last time we had discussed school in front of Vernon, I ended up storming out of the house with Marlene and Dorcas.

"Brilliant," I said, "My favorite class is by far Potion-I mean...er...chemistry," I corrected myself, looking nervously at Vernon, desperately hoping he hadn't caught my mistake. Thankfully, he had lost interest in the conversation, and was humming to himself. Petunia, on the other hand, looked livid. I cast her an apologetic smile, but it was too late. She was pissed, and I knew I was going to get hell for it later. Oh, well. You win some, you lose some.

I continued telling Mum and Dad about school, although I was careful not to mention anything related to magic, which is actually very hard. I never realized how much my life centered around magic.

"...and I'm still top in every class!" I said proudly, bragging a little.

Mum looked pleased, "That's terrific, Lily. You know, your Professor Slughorn wrote to us a few weeks ago. He kept going on and on about how pleasant you are in class. He mentioned something about a fish..."

I smiled to myself. With James' help, I managed to transfigure a lily petal into a fish. I had given it to Professor Slughorn, and ever since then, he'd been nothing but pleased. After he'd shown the entire Hogwarts staff, he placed it proudly in his study, telling anybody who would listen about the impressive fish I had gifted him.

"And how are Marlene and Dorcas?" Dad asked. I grimaced sadly, thinking about the last conversation I had had with my two best friends.

_"I really wish you could come stay with us over break," Dorcas pouted. We were on the Hogwarts Express, five minutes from arriving at King's Cross. Dorcas and Marlene were helping me bring my trunk down. _

_"Well, I would, but I really want to see my father," I told them, a little sadly. As much as I missed my parents, I couldn't help but feel a little sad at leaving behind my best friends for three weeks. I kept imagining all of them gathered in Marlene's house celebrating._

_"I understand," Marlene said, carefully handing me my trunk. _

_"So, erm...we saw you talking to James..." Dorcas stated awkwardly. _

_I shook my head, "It was nothing..."_

_"It looked like something," Marlene said seriously, "Did you two get into another fight?"_

_"No," I said honestly, "but things did get a little...intense..."_

_"Well, lay off him, okay?" Dorcas said, a little roughly. _

_"Why?" I questioned. In the past, when James and I would argue, Dorcas tended to stay out of it. _

_Marlene grimaced, "His parents...they never came back..."_

_"What?" I shrieked, "I thought they would be back by now..."_

_"So did Dumbledore..." Dorcas said, a pained expression on her face, "He sent out more members of the Order yesterday to go search for Mr. and Mrs. Potter."_

_"His parents...they're still missing?" I asked, strained. Just at that moment, I saw James walk by, Sirius following him. Both boys looked worried and grim. _

_"They're staying with me," Marlene said, "for the break. My parents asked James and Sirius to come stay with us..."_

_But I barely heard her, my eyes were following James as he passed our compartment. His head was bowed, and the usual light in his eye had diminished, leaving them looking hollow and empty._

"Home sweet home," Dad said, as our house came into view. I blinked in confusion, trying to forget the conversation about James my friends had had with me on the train.

"I think I'll finish unpacking," I said to no one in particular. Petunia and Vernon had already gotten out of the car, deep in a different conversation. Mum was cooing over Dad, being careful not to hurt him as she helped him up the steps. I slid out of the car and followed my parents inside. Unnoticed, I went upstairs. Distantly, I heard car doors slam, and I knew Petunia and Vernon had left. Downstairs, I could hear the t.v. go on as Dad had probably seated himself on the couch.

* * *

The rest of break was alright, except for Christmas. It had to be the worst Christmas ever.

Funny enough, Christmas morning started off pleasant enough. I had awoken with the smell of blueberry pancakes. Downstairs, still in their pajamas, sat Mum, Dad, and Petunia. They were chatting happily about their Christmas gifts. When they noticed me walking in, they all gave me smiles...even Tuney. I stared at her, stunned. It had been ages since Petunia had given me a kind smile, but then again, it was Christmas. I guess miracles really do happen.

"Let's not fight today, okay," Petunia whispered to me, "...for Dad."

"Good idea," I smiled.

"How'd you sleep, Lil?" Mum asked as I sat down.

"Brilliant," I grinned, dumping some pancakes on my plate.

"You know you talk in your sleep," Petunia informed me.

"I do not!"

"Do too!"

"How do you know?" I asked, feeling my face burn. Did I talk in my sleep at Hogwarts? Merlin, what did I say?

"I heard you last night when I was going to the bathroom. You kept mumbling something, so I went into your room to make sure you were alright, and that's when I saw you talk...while you were sleeping. It was quite creepy actually."

"What did I say?" I gasped.

She shrugged, "Something about a potter."

"Potter?" I asked, my face flushing. Bloody hell, I couldn't believe I had been dreaming about James. Mum and Dad looked at me suspiciously, wondering why I was so embarrassed, but I didn't dare tell them about James.

We all talked about the gifts we had gotten this year. Even through all the money struggles my parents faced this year, they still managed to get me amazing presents. They had given me a book of Shakespeare's greatest works, which was probably the thickest book I'd ever seen (and that included all the books in the Hogwarts library). I couldn't wait to get started reading them. Even Tuney had taken the time to buy me a gift. It was actually a very nice gift too. She had given me an expensive, leather purse. Purses weren't really my thing, but I found that it did in fact come in handy, and the purse was actually quite adorable.

Marlene had sent me a wand polishing kit. For most people, this would probably be the worst gift ever, but I _loved _it. I hated the tiny fingerprints left on my wand. It drove me mad that James didn't care nearly as much as I did about the tidiness of his wand. I would always take his wand out of his bag, and secretly clean it for him. I doubt he ever even noticed. If he did, he never said anything, so I took it to mean that it was okay that I did that.

Dorcas, who had vacationed to Italy, bought me a sneakscope. It was a nifty little dark detector. Anytime somebody did anything untrustworthy, it would light up and whistle. I thought it would come in handy whenever James or Sirius tried to pull something on me...but then I remembered I wasn't speaking to either of them..._  
_

Remus, who was one of the few people who understood my love for reading, sent me a pile of books he recommended I read. The books were all used, but I didn't mind. Actually, I preferred used books. It was something in the way they smelled...

Austin had also sent me a gift. He had sent me a frame with a picture of us. We were smiling up at the camera, while Austin carelessly wrapped his arm around me. I showed Mum and Dad the picture, and they were absolutely ecstatic about it. They had never seen a moving picture before. Austin's gift was actually romantic, but in the back of my mind, I kept thinking of James. Why had I been so jealous of Natalie? I love Austin. James had just been a friend. I kept trying to convince myself that I wasn't jealous of James and Natalie, but no matter how I spun the story, I still ended up wanting to rip Natalie's head off, and then sneak into a dark closet with James and snog him.

It was absolutely pathetic and completely unfair to Austin. I mean, I still deeply cared about Austin, and I wasn't ready to break up with him, but at the same time, I sure as hell didn't want Natalie to be with James.

After breakfast, I headed upstairs to my bedroom, where I was supposed to be getting ready to go downtown. It was our tradition, to go walk the streets of London, watching the parades and visiting the different shops. Usually, we would meet up with old friends, and have a small lunch there. Then, we would all go back home, where the three of us would all help Mum in the kitchen, prepare the usual Christmas feast. In the past, Grandad would join us at Christmas, but this year, he was no longer with us. It was quite a depressing thought to realize that our last living grandparent had passed away and would never join us for Christmas dinner. Sometimes, our neighbors would join us, but this year they had vacationed to Australia. So, it was just the four of us and Vernon's family. I was dreading Christmas dinner this year. I knew the conversation would revolve all night around Vernon and his stupid job at Grunning's.

Once I finished getting dressed, I opened the window in my room, and noticed an impressive owl flying toward me. Eagerly, I rushed to it, wondering which of my friends had written to me. As soon as I took the letter into my hands, the bird flew off. I looked down at the envelope. Written in impressive cursive was my name. At once, I recognized the handwriting. It was James. I remembered the last conversation I had with him.

_"Lily, can we please talk?" James asked. He had grabbed my arm before I could climb onto the Hogwarts Express. _

_"The train's leaving soon," I said, shaking my arm off him. I couldn't even look him in the eye. All I could think about was the way he had eagerly kissed Natalie, running his hands under her shirty. _

_"I miss you," he whispered, taking my hand. I felt my heart flutter, and I almost let myself look into his eyes, but at that moment, I saw Natalie in the distance. She was standing a few feet away, watching us. Obviously, he didn't miss me that much if he had already found that blonde bimbo to move on to. _

_"No, you don't," I snapped, snatching my hands away. _

_"You're the only one who understands what I'm going through," he pleaded, "I need to talk to you."_

_I hesitated. He sounded so pained and hurt. I wondered what was causing him so much pain, but I knew that if I allowed myself to look into his hazel eyes, I would immediately give in to him. _

_"Marlene and Dorcas are waiting for me," I finally said. _

_"Lil, tell me what I can do to earn your forgiveness," he said desperately. _

_"Nothing," I said firmly, "There is nothing you can do to make this better. We're no longer friends, James. Quite frankly, I can't believe we ever were." I told him angrily, and I wasn't angry about Snape. The truth was, I didn't care about what happened to Snape anymore, but I was pissed about Natalie. It was one thing to hang out with her, but then to snog her? I mean, come on! Had he gone mental?_

_I did my best imitation of Natalie's hair flip and stalked away. I found a compartment alongside Marlene and Dorcas, and I was relieved when James chose not to sit with us. _

_It was only toward the end of our trip that I learned James' parents were still missing. I knew instantly that that's what he had wanted to talk to me about, and I felt immensely guilty for treating him so poorly. At the same time, though, I didn't know how to talk to him. Every time I saw him, I was consumed with jealousy, knowing that he and Natalie were now a couple. Still, that was no reason to turn away a friend who needed me. _

I shook my head, trying not to think of the last time I had seen James. Slowly, I opened the envelope he had sent me, noting that his handwriting was quite impressive. Knowing James, you would expect his handwriting to be big and sloppy, but it was actually really pretty.

_Lily, _

_I know seeing me treat Snape a certain way must have brought back bitter memories for you. I can't even begin to apologize for it. It was stupid and immature, but I swear I've changed. I'm no longer the arrogant toerag you hated so much. You've seen how much I've grown and matured. It hurts me that you so easily see the worst in me. I've done nothing but try and please you, and still, it seems as if you're always angry with me. _

_I've finally gotten the message, though. I realize you'll never want to be with me, and I respect that. In fact, I've even begun moving on. I know you have issues with Natalie, but she's really been there for me these last few weeks. _

_Anyway, I know you said you never wanted to date me, but could we at least go back to being friends? I miss you so much. These last few weeks without you have been extremely hard, and I'm sorry I wasn't there for you sooner. I just really need someone like you to talk to. I know, you're probably rolling your eyes, thinking I have loads of friends I could talk to, but they're no you. You're the only one who can say the right thing and make me feel better. _

_With love, _

_James_

_P.S. I've attached your Christmas present. I chose it because I thought it would bring out the color of your eyes. _

At the very bottom of the letter, he had attached a small silver chain. At the end of the chain, was a small stone the color of emerald green. I gasped, taking in the beauty of such a simple yet elegant necklace. I clasped it around my neck, admiring how it really did bring out the color of my eyes. I looked down for a split second, noticing the picture frame Austin had sent me. I had laid it carefully on my nightstand. I clutched the necklace gently, wondering whether it was appropriate for me to be wearing James' necklace. After several minutes of silent thinking, I tucked the necklace under my shirt. I couldn't bare to take it off; it was so beautiful. Besides, _James _had given it to me. I bet he never gave Natalie anything this nice or beautiful. It was special.

It looked as if Christmas about to turn out nice. I wondered whether I should write James back, but I kept picturing him and Natalie together, and I trembled in anger. He had even said in the letter that he was with Natalie. I had my chance with him, and I lost it. There was no point in writing him back. In fact, there was no point in keeping the necklace, but it was truly beautiful. And a part of me felt like I had James when I wore that necklace. Every time I looked at it or felt it, I imagined James' cocky smile, grinning at me, and I felt slightly happier.

"Lily, hurry up!" Petunia screeched, knocking on my door. I carefully put away James' letter and followed Petunia downstairs.

"I'm coming!" I bellowed back, tossing the picture frame Austin had given me on my bed and rushing out to meet my family.

"What time is Vernon's family meeting us?" Mum asked as she buckled Dad into his seat.

"I can do it myself," Dad told her gently, slowly moving her hands away. We all watched him tensely as he strapped himself in. "Girls," he muttered, when he noticed all of us watching him anxiously, "so dramatic about everything."

Mum and I chuckled. Even Tuney gave him a small smile.

"So, _anyway," _Dad said, reverting back to the old conversation, "What time are Vernon's parents meeting us?"

Petunia pursed her lips, looking over at me nervously. I could tell she was afraid that his family would find out I was a witch or something.

"Don't worry," I sighed, "I'll behave."

Petunia narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously, but she finally answered, "They've already gotten their seats for the parade. I've asked them to save us some too," Petunia informed Dad as we slid into the back seat of the car.

Mum started the car and we began driving off.

"Excellent!" Dad exclaimed, "How very kind of them!"

"Yeah, I'm sure they're all just bundle of joy," I muttered sarcastically. Dad chose to either ignore me or he didn't hear me, for he just continued chattering on about hospital food.

Since Dad had just left the hospital, it was still difficult for him to pull all his energy into doing something. I could tell, even in the car ride, that Dad was putting up a brave front, while on the inside, he was actually tired and just needed to sleep. Silently, my mum, my sister, and I all agreed to skip walking around the city, and we headed straight for the parade. When we got there, though, we realized what a bad idea it was. We had to navigate through the thick crowds, searching for Vernon's family, while making sure Dad didn't collapse or get lost in the sea of people.

"Petunia, darling!" I heard Vernon call, "Over here!"

I whipped my head around, looking for the fat man that would probably some day soon become my brother-in-law. He wasn't that hard to miss, actually. He was the biggest man in a good one mile radius. I followed Petunia as she led our family to Vernon. I watched as she gave him a small peck and turned to greet his family.

At once, I noticed that Vernon's family looked just as unattractive and unpleasant as he was. His mum was a big woman, who wore loads of black, and a strange maroon hat. His Dad was an older version of Vernon, minus the mustache. His sister, who I had learned was a few years older than Vernon, was the grossest looking woman I had ever seen. Looks wise, she wasn't attractive, but I absolutely hated her personality. She spoke in an arrogant, harsh tone. If she hadn't been such a cruel woman, she might have been alright. But she was dreadful. Oh, and her dogs drove me mad. Normally, I love animals. In my third year, I had taken in a small tabby cat I found in Hogsmeade. He died two years later, but I never forgot old Snickerdoodle. But Marge's dogs were evil little things, almost as cruel as she was.

"Down, boy," Marge instructed as the ugly pug growled at Petunia. Petunia grimaced at the little thing. Unlike me, Petunia loathed animals. When we were younger, Dad got each of us a small bunny. At first, Petunia was absolutely in love with hers, until four hours later when it pooped in her hand. She kept the rabbit for about another week, until she realized how messy bunnies actually were.

I spent most of the afternoon, huddled in the corner, watching the parade, trying with all my might to avoid Vernon's family. They were the most unpleasant people I had ever met. Mum and Dad, whom were to sweet, missed all the Dursley's rude remarks about our family.

"Well, _both _of our children have grown up exceedingly well," Mrs. Dursley sneered, glaring in my direction. I felt my face grow red. Heavens knows what Petunia and Vernon had told them about me.

Dad smiled politely, "Well, we're very happy Petunia has found Vernon."

I gritted my teeth. I loved Dad and all, but sometimes he could be so thick. He was just way too nice and good-natured to see the bad in other people. I, unfortunately, was not so lucky. I saw right through the Dursley's fake smiles and snide remarks. They were vile people. Petunia could do better.

I mumbled an excuse about getting coffee. As I walked through the crowded streets, I tried looking for familiar faces. I wished desperately that it could have been Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade, so that I could see familiar faces, but alas it was not. It was good old London. I recognized several of my parents' friends and I saw several of Petunia's old friends, but I didn't recognize anyone else. Occasionally, I saw a familiar face from my childhood, but I hadn't talked to most of those kids in years. I'm sure they all thought I was some snobby girl who thought she was too cool to hang out with them since she went to some fancy boarding school. I had tried to keep in touch with several of my friends that lived in the neighborhood or who had gone to elementary school with me, but we had all drifted apart.

"One coffee, please," I said, handing the girl behind the counter some money.

"Lily?" I heard an annoyingly familiar voice ask.

"Hello, Snape," I mumbled, attempting to turn away from my old childhood friend.

"I thought I'd find you here," he nodded, "Your family usually comes to the annual parade. It looks as if everybody from the neighborhood showed up, huh?"

"Looks like it," I muttered monotonously. _When was this coffee going to be ready?_

"The parade should start in a few minutes. I was really surprised when Mum suggested we came," he informed me, trying to make conversation.

"What do you want, Snape?" I snapped, irritated.

He sighed, looking defeated. "I came to warn you again," he told me quietly and seriously.

I rolled my eyes, "Not this again."

"I'm serious, Lily. Watch your back second term," he advised me. I wasn't sure if he was threatening me or not.

"You're coffee's ready, ma'm!" the woman behind the counter said before I could respond to Snape.

"Thank you," I said politely, taking the small cup. When I turned around, Snape had already left.

Worst. Christmas. Ever.

Not only was I stuck listening spending the day with Vernon's family, but I couldn't get Snape's warning out of the way. Was he being serious? Or was it all a joke? I mean, what kind of lame joke would that be anyway?

I wished James was here. He would know what to do. Actually, I knew exactly what he would say. He would suggest that I write to Dumbledore, and then I would probably blow him off and tell him that I can take care of my self. Merlin, I could be so rude sometimes. He was just trying to help.

I gently touched the emerald stone on my necklace, thinking of James.


	12. Platform Nine and Three-Quarters

**Chapter Twelve: Platform Nine and Three-Quarters**

* * *

"Lily!" Dorcas shrieked, running at top speed toward me. I had just passed through the barriers of Platform Nine and Three Quarters, after saying an emotional good bye to my parents.

"Dorcas!" I screamed, running toward my best friend. We met half way, and hugged tightly.

"Where's Marlene?" I demanded once Dorcas had finally released me.

Dorcas looked at me darkly, "With James."

"How's he doing?" I asked, automatically reaching for the emerald necklace he had given me.

Dorcas sighed, "He's putting up a brave face, but Sirius told me that he saw James cry on Christmas morning. Not that he'd ever admit it, of course."

"He cried?" I asked weakly.

She nodded gravely.

"Wait, hold on," I said suddenly, "_Sirius_ told you this?"

Dorcas blushed, "We talked on New Year's Eve. Marlene's parents had a small get together and me and Sirius got to talking...it was nothing, really..."

"Just talking?" I raised my eyebrows, not believing her.

She looked down at her feet sadly, "It doesn't change things, Lil. He's still too immature to be in a relationship."

"What happened?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"We kissed...but that was it! I swear!"

"You kissed!" I shrieked.

"Shhh!" she said, frantically covering my mouth with her hands, "Well, dont't yell it out for everybody to hear!"

"What does this mean?" I asked, grinning.

"Absolutely nothing," she said firmly.

"Nothing?!"

"Yes, nothing!"

"But-but why?" I complained.

"Excuse me, but weren't you the one against me and Sirius getting together?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Well, that was before I saw how happy he made you!"

"I can find somebody else that makes me just as happy."

"Maybe you won't."

"There's the positive attitude I was looking for," she said sarcastically.

"I'm just saying what you and Sirius had...it was more than just two kids fancying each other...you were _in love_."

"Now you sound like Sirius," she sighed, "He's been relentless lately."

"What do you mean?" I asked, smiling.

"He's just always going on about how much he loves me and that we're soul mates."

"And you don't believe him?" I challenged.

"Considering he shagged half the school after we broke up? I don't think so."

"Oh, you know Sirius! That was his way of dealing with the pain. And you weren't much better! I seem to recall you snogging three guys in one night!"

Dorcas glared at me, "Are you ever going to let that go? I had one too many firewhiskys."

"Lily!" I heard Marlene shout from behind me. Next thing I knew, she had thrown her arms around me so that all I could see was her dark, silky hair..

"How's James?" I asked, after hugging her back just as tightly.

Her face, which had lit up just a few seconds ago, looked crestfallen, "I left him with Natalie. Maybe a little snogging would cheer him up."

I felt my body stiffen. _James is not your boyfriend! He's Natalie's. Austin is your boyfriend, remember? Remember him? Perfect Austin? _I said to myself.

"Well, where's Sirius, then?" I asked.

"Why?" Marlene asked suspiciously.

I sighed, "Because I need to apologize."

Dorcas grinned, "So, we're all friends again?"

I shrugged, "Just as long as they accept my apology."

"They will," Marlene said confidently, "they missed you."

"I missed them too," I smiled, spotting Sirius climbing onto the train. He was being followed by Remus and Peter. Remus seemed to be talking to him quietly, probably giving him words of comfort. After all, Sirius thought of Mr. and Mrs. Potter as his real parents. He was probably just as heartbroken as James. Peter, meanwhile, was pulling his trunk with all his might. I giggled. The trunk was probably the same size as him. I watched as he huffed heavily, dragging his trunk behind him, trying to keep up with Sirius and Remus.

"Sirius!" I called out, beckoning him forward, but the crowded train station was too loud, and he couldn't hear me.

"Louder," Marlene instructed me.

"You go after them, we'll save you a seat," Dorcas said, taking my bags. I knew she was trying to avoid any contact with her ex-boyfriend.

"OI! BLACK!" I shouted, striding toward the handsome bloke with dark, wavy hair.

Sirius looked up, his eyes full of anguish. I faltered for a second, taken aback by how truly upset he was. I couldn't even imagine what James must be like.

"What do you want?" he said, his voice tired.

"How are you feeling?" I asked softly. We both stared at each other for several long seconds. He seemed to be contemplating something. I knew he was sizing me up, wondering whether I came to yell at him or not.

"I could use with a hug," he suggested, holding out his arms, deciding I had come with good intentions. I grinned in relief, and rushed forward, allowing him to smother me.

"I'm so sorry...for everything," I mumbled into his chest.

"Nah, you were right. James and I were being pricks."

"True," I said, "But Snivellus had it coming."

Sirius grinned, "Snivellus?"

Remus groaned, "Not you too!"

"I've gone over to the dark side," I admitted.

"What brought this on?" Sirius asked, ignoring Peter's heaving. I glanced worriedly at Peter, as he toppled over his trunk, breathing heavily.

I grimaced, "He talked to me again."

"Snivellus?" Sirius demanded, outraged.

"When?" Remus asked.

"Over break...I ran into him over Christmas..." I said, trying to recall all the details of my encounter with Snape.

"What did he want?" Remus urged.

I shrugged, "Same thing as always. He just keeps warning me to be careful."

Sirius punched the train, "Dammit! I wish I knew what that greasy slime ball was up to!"

"Me too," Remus said, sighing.

"Me three!" Peter wheezed.

The three of us turned in Peter's direction with amused faces. We had completely forgotten about him.

"Alright there, Wormtail?" Sirius asked, his lips twitching.

"You could help, you know!" Peter said angrily.

"Where's the fun in that?" Sirius asked, "Besides, it's not my fault you're a fat prick."

"It's baby weight!" Peter said defensively.

"Mate, you're nearly seventeen. Let's be real, here. It's not baby weight," Remus said, patting his shoulders gently.

I glared at the two of them. "You could at least _try _to be nice!" I snapped.

"Thank you!" Peter said, pointing to me at me, "See! This is why I missed having you around!"

"You need help?" I asked him kindly, bending over to help. Just in that moment, though, I heard the most wonderful voice speak from behind me.

"Padfoot, how many times have I told you? You can't just-" James stopped, noticing me. He was standing a few feet away, staring in my direction, completely at loss of what to say.

"Hello, James," I said, smiling weakly. He stared at me. I noticed his eyes travel down to the emerald necklace I was wearing.

Sirius cleared his throat, "You know, Moony, maybe we _should_ help Wormtail bring his bags in..."

"Good idea!" Remus said a little too enthusiastically. The two of them dragged Peter and his luggage away. Before he left though, Sirius turned and winked at me. I snorted. _Smooth, Sirius._

"You're wearing the necklace," James observed.

"I was told it brings out my eyes."

"You like it," James noted.

"I _love _it," I corrected.

"You never wrote back..." he said, tearing his eyes away from the necklace, his soft hazel eyes meeting my sparkly green ones.

"I know," I sighed guiltily.

"Why didn't you?"

"I wanted to talk to you in person."

"About what?"

"About what a daft twit I am," I said.

"You're not daft," he said slowly, still not sure what I wanted.

"Yes, I am," I said, stepping closer to him, "I missed you, James. I just didn't want to admit how much I truly needed you...And I'm so sorry for all the horrible things I said to you. It wasn't fair of me. You've become such an amazing person, and it's not fair of me to take all that away from you because of one silly little mistake. And I know Severus must have said something to provoke you, not that that makes violence okay, but I know Snape isn't a defenseless creature."

"He knows my parents are missing," James whispered.

I froze, unsure of what to think. "I thought nobody knew your parents were missing..." I said slowly.

"No one's supposed to," James said quietly, "The ministry just thinks they're both very sick..."

"So how does Snape know?"

James shrugged. "No idea...Sirius and I have been thinking though...If Snape's on his way to becoming a Death Eater, he must know what Voldemort is up to, right?"

"Right," I said uncertainly.

"And if my parents were on a mission that involved Voldemort, if they were captured...Snape would know, wouldn't he?"

_I'm going to ask you one more time!_

_James, what are you asking him?!_

The memories of James and Snape's altercation came flooding back to me. I knew instantly what had happened, or at least I could picture what happened. No doubt, Snape and James had run in to each other, and with no one to keep them from fighting, the two probably got into it. Then, Snape probably made some nasty remark about the whereabouts of James' parents, and James lost it. Or at least, something to that degree happened.

But the real question was: How does Snape know?

"James," I sad tentatively, "Even if Snape _is _on his way to becoming a Death Eater, do you really think Voldemort would trust a sixteen year old boy still in school with the capture of the Head of the Auror Department and a celebrated Healer?"

James just stared at me.

"What?" I asked self-consiouscly.

"You said Voldemort!" he gasped, pointing to me.

"A friend of mine told me that fear of the name only increases fear of the thing itself."

He smiled, "Must be a smart friend."

"He is," I said softly, nodding.

There was an awkward silence, in which the small twinkle in James's eyes diminished.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly, taking his hands.

"They're just...gone, you know?"

I gently caressed his cheek, surprised at how soft his skin was. "They're going to be okay," I assured him.

"You don't know that," he said stubbornly.

"Yes, I do."

"How?"

"Because, I know _you. _And no one in their right mind could stay away from you that long. They're going to come back to you. You just wait and see."

"I hope you're right."

"I am. Just look at _me_! I couldn't survive more than two months without you," I told him.

"That's true," he grinned, closing the small space between us, "I guess I am pretty irresistible."

_Yes, you are. _I thought to myself as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I buried my face in his shoulder, taking in his scent. He smelled faintly of Christmas pie, but mainly he smelled manly and husky. It's almost as if he had this natural cologne...or maybe it _was _cologne. Who knows. The point was that he smelled _good. _

"I missed you," I whispered in his ear.

"Good," he said, hugging me tightly.

After several long moments, I came to my senses and pulled away from him.

"So...Natalie..." I said awkwardly as he bounced on his heels uncomfortably.

"Oh," he grinned sheepishly, "She's brilliant..."

I felt the smile on my face stiffen slightly. "Are you sure about this?" I asked.

"She's not that bad, Lil. You should give her a second chance."

"After what she did to Dorcas? To me!" I exclaimed, outraged.

James frowned, "What'd she do to _you_?"

I froze. "Nothing," I muttered, "Let's go."

He grabbed my arm firmly. "Lily," he said seriously.

I sighed, "Look, it's not a big deal. Besides, it's none of your business. You're right. My personal grudges against Natalie shouldn't get in the way of how you feel about her. If she really makes you that happy, then go for it."

"You're really okay with this?" he asked.

I stared into his his light, hazel eyes, noting that they had tiny specks of green in them. Merlin, I'd never noticed that before. That boy sure was attractive. And smart. And funny. And caring. And brave. And perfect. My perfect James. The one who had chased after me for years, but I was too daft to give him the time of day. And now, that I'd finally realized how perfect he was for me, it was too late.

But maybe it wasn't! If I just told him how I felt, I knew he'd forget all about Natalie. This was my moment. The moment of truth. The moment where James would finally get what he wanted. The moment where _I _would finally get what I wanted. All I had to do was tell him that I wasn't okay with him being with Natalie and that I wanted him to be with _me. _

I opened my mouth, ready to finally tell him my feelings, ready to finally throw my arms around him, ready to finally kiss those soft, pink lips I'd dreamt about for so long. But then I saw Austin. _My _Austin. The one who loved me. The one who, despite my feelings for James, I loved back. At least I think I did.

He was striding forward, waving enthusiastically at me. I gave him a small smile and turned back to James, who was waiting for my answer patiently.

"Yes, James," I said, "I'm okay with it."

He studied my face for a second, a tiny look of disappointment etched upon his face. I think, deep down, he wanted me to say no. To tell him I _wasn't _okay with him being with Natalie.

But I couldn't do that to Austin. Not when he'd been so good to me.


	13. The Slug Club

**Chapter Thirteen: Slug Club**

* * *

James rested his head against Natalie's shoulder, slowly closing his eyes. Natalie smiled and patted him gently. It was a simple gesture, but it was intimate. They had only been dating a few weeks. It was nearly the end of January, and I was still hoping James would come to his senses and realize what a horrible person Natalie was.

"What are you looking at?" Sirius asked, waving his hands in front of my face frantically.

I blinked, snapping back to reality. "Nothing," I muttered.

Sirius frowned and turned around, looking in the direction I had previously been staring at. "Oh," he said, his voice a little to understanding.

"What were you saying?" I asked, fearful that Sirius had just discovered my secret.

"He was just begging you to help him win Dorcas back," Remus said, not looking up from the book he was reading.

"I wasn't _begging,_" Sirius said, "I was just...you know...wondering if you could help me out..."

"Sirius," I sighed, "you really screwed up."

"I know."

"You broke her heart."

"She broke mine!"

"You kissed that slag Natalie!"

Sirius sighed, "She kissed me! And you can't call her a slag anymore. She's James's girlfriend now."

"And you're okay with that?" I challenged.

"Are _you_?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you secretly love James," Remus said in a bored voice, still not looking up from his book.

"You stay out of this!" I snapped.

"Why?" Sirius smirked, "Because he's right?"

I glared at him, "Do you want my help or not?"

Sirius' eyes widened, "You'll help me?"

"Maybe," I sighed, "But Dorcas is probably the most stubborn person I know. And you'll have to prove to her that you're willing to change."

"I am," he said seriously.

"And you!" I said, snatching Remus's book out of his hand.

"What'd I do?" he complained, staring at his book with an expression of longing.

"What's this about me fancying James?" I snapped.

Sirius laughed. "Oh, Evans, it's all over your face. You love Prongs. Just admit it."

"I do not!"

"Do too," Sirius said smugly as Remus made an attempt to grab his book back.

"Do not," I said, shifting the book to my other hand, out of Remus's reach.

"Do to."

"Do not!"

"Do too."

"Oh, will the both of you shut it!" Remus exclaimed, grabbing his book, "Sirius stop annoying Lily. She's not ready to admit her feelings for Prongs yet."

"Yeah," I said, frustrated, "because I don't have any!"

"Whatever you say," Sirius smirked.

"I hate you."

"Ahem," said a tiny voice. I looked down to find a terrified looking first year.

"Oh, hello!" I said kindly, straightening up, ready to do my prefect duty, "Did you need help with something?"

"Erm...are you Lily Evans?" he asked.

"That's me," I said, elbowing Sirius as he ogled the tiny child.

"This is from Professor Slughorn," he said, handing me an invitation.

I rolled my eyes. It was an invitation to another Slug Club party. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed those parties, but I just wasn't in the mood. I usually went with Austin to those, and he usually ended up spending the entire night, talking to officials, trying to make connections for his future. Honestly, he hardly ever paid any attention to me. Not that I ever complained, of course. I didn't want to be one of those needy girlfriends who wanted their boyfriend's attention 24/7.

"Thanks," I smiled, taking the invitation.

"You know," Sirius said to the first-year, "You lot get shorter and shorter every year."

"It's not that they're getting shorter, it's that we're getting taller, idiot," I said, rolling my eyes at him as the first-year walked away uncertainly.

Sirius looked at me a second before saying, "You know, there's a nice way of saying things."

"Because you're such a sensitive bloke?" I asked.

Sirius glared at me, "I don't know what Prongs ever saw in you. You're vicious."

I rolled my eyes.

"Looks like you got one too. Well, I knew you would." I heard James say from beside me. I looked around at him in surprise; I didn't even notice he had been standing there.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

James grinned, "Our invitations to the Slug Club party!"

"You were invited?" Sirius asked disbelievingly.

"But you're not in the Slug Club!" I exclaimed.

"Well, he is now," Natalie simpered, pecking him on the cheek.

"How did this happen?" I asked, trying to avoid any eye contact with Natalie.

James grinned, "You know, I'm not completely repulsive. Some people actually find me a charming bloke."

"So, you're in the Slug Club now?" Sirius asked in disgust.

"Hey!" I said defensively, "It's actually quite fun!"

Sirius shook his head, "No, the Slug Club is for kiss-ups like you."

"Who's in it, anyway?" James asked me, ignoring Sirius.

"Well, me, obviously. And then, there's Austin...Amelia Bones...Frank Longbottom...Emmeline Vance...Sidney Jones..."

"-and Snivellus!" Sirius reminded us darkly.

"He's in it too!" James asked, outraged.

I shook my head, "No, Slughorn stopped sending him invitations last year. As far as I know, he hasn't been in it for ages."

"Good," Remus said, "we don't want any more trouble."

"Are you saying I cause trouble?" James demanded.

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Remus nodded, "Let's face it. Wherever you or Padfoot go, something's bound to happen."

"I believe the word you're looking for is fun," Sirius corrected him, "Where ever we go, something _fun _is bound to happen."

"Call is what you will, but I don't want anymore points taken from Gryffindor," Remus told them sternly.

"Fine," James grumbled, "I'll be on my best behavior."

"You're going?!" Sirius and I shouted at the same time.

"Why wouldn't I?" he asked.

"Well, it's just...not exactly your thing..." I said, struggling to find words that wouldn't offend him.

"My _thing_?" James asked, raising his eyebrows, "And what exactly _is _my thing?"

"Your thing is sneaking out...pulling pranks...it's certainly not going to parties thrown by teachers!"

"Are you going to be there?" he asked.

I nodded, "Of course. Austin always insists we go."

"Then I'll be there."

I smiled, my eyes locking with his for a moment. I was momentarily breathless, taken away by the sincerity of the grin he was giving me.

"When's the party anyway?" Sirius said, looking put-out.

"This weekend," I replied, tearing my eyes away from James.

"Great!" Sirius grumbled, "What am I going to do for fun?"

I raised my eyebrows, "You need James with you to have fun?"

"No! But we're a package deal. It's just not the same," Sirius complained.

James nodded understandingly, "I know what you mean, mate."

"Do you two need a moment alone?" I asked, amused.

James grinned, turning to face me again, "So this weekend, it's you and me!"

"And Austin," Natalie reminded him.

"And Austin," James conceded.

* * *

I looked at my self in the mirror, wondering whether I should change into my green dress robes. I had never been one for getting dressed up, but I needed to look nice for Slughorn's party. Loads of people were going to be there! Last year, even the prime minister showed up.

"You look nice," Marlene commented.

"I've got the slug club party today, remember?" I reminded her.

"Are you sure that's what you're getting dressed up for?" Dorcas smirked.

"What else would it be?" I asked.

"I heard James is also going tonight," Marlene said idly.

I glared at the two of them. "And so is Austin."

"Yeah, but you never get _that _dressed up for Austin," Dorcas said.

"And I do for James?"

"You might," Dorcas shrugged.

"Will you two stop it with this?" I snapped, feeling annoyed.

"Fine," Dorcas said, still grinning, "What else do you want to talk about?"

"How about you and Sirius?" I asked. _Ha! Payback!_

"What about us?"

"You two seemed very friendly in class today," I said.

"We're friends," she said firmly.

"Yeah, right," I scoffed.

"It's true!" Dorcas said, straightening up, "I've actually met somebody else."

Marlene put down the letter she had been writing, and looked up at Dorcas warily. "What're you going on about, now?" she asked, her voice tired.

"Drew Collins," Dorcas announced, grinning.

"The bloke who works in Hogsmeade," Marlene nodded, "He's cute."

"But-but what about Sirius?" I asked weakly.

"We tried a relationship and it didn't work. There's no point to continue crying about it. And besides, Drew is different. He's older and mature!" Dorcas said.

"_How _much older?" I asked sternly.

"He's nineteen. I'll be seventeen next month. It's not even that big of an age difference," Dorcas informed us.

Marlene bit her lip, "Are you sure about this?"

"It's the first time I haven't thought about Sirius. And it's thanks to Drew that that happened."

"OI! LILY, ARE YOU READY?" I heard James shout form downstairs, making me jump.

"I better go," I said, "but tell me about Drew later, yeah?"

"I will," Dorcas promised.

I cast her one more worried glance before rushing downstairs.

"You didn't have to yell," I told James as we climbed out the portrait hole.

"Sorry. Ready to go?" he asked, offering his arm.

"Ready," I smiled, looping my arm into his.

"You look great, Lil," he told me as we headed down the stairs.

"You do too," I said, blushing, taken off guard again by the sincerity in his voice.

"Are you meeting Austin there?" he asked. I noticed an edge in his voice.

"Erm...that's the plan."

"So, you'll be with him most of the night?"

I looked away, "No, I don't think so."

"No?" James said, surprised, "I thought he would use this opportunity to make a big romantic ordeal about everything."

I laughed humorlessly, "I wish! Austin pretty much ignores me at these parties. He's more worried about the connections he's making than if his girlfriend is having a good time. Not that I want all of his attention or anything. But just some would be nice."

"Well, you're in luck tonight," he grinned, "because I really don't care about meeting fancy people. Besides, I'll probably know most of them anyway."

"Why is that lucky for me?" I asked.

"Because, now I get to keep you company all night long! And not in a dirty way. Not that I wouldn't mind that either."

I grinned. The thought of spending the entire night with James was not displeasing at all.

"Good," I said, leaning in closer to him.

I had such a good time walking with James to the dungeons that I didn't even notice Snape.

"A word please," he said to me.

"I don't have anything to say to you," I snapped

"Lily, I suggest you turn around right now, and go back to your dormitory," he said urently before I could walk away.

"Sod off, Snivellus," I snarled as I started to stomp away.

"Wait," James said, holding me back.

"What?" I asked, frowning.

James turned to face Snape. "Why would Lily need to go back to her dormitory?"

"I'm not talking to _you_!" Snape snarled, turning away. We watched as he stomped away, mumbling something under his breath. I watched as James fought the urge to send a hex in Snape's direction.

"James, it was nothing," I said cautiously.

"Maybe we should go back to the dormitories," James suggested lightly, "It'll be fun to spend a nice relaxing evening inside."

"No," I said firmly, "I'm not letting Snape scare me out of living my life."

"Lily," James pleaded.

"No."

James sighed, "I hate Snivellus."

"I know you do."

"Well, let's go then." he sighed, holding out his hand.

* * *

"Ah, James! So good to see you!"

I sighed, turning around to see who else was coming up to talk to James. It seemed that every adult in this place knew him and his family.

"Nice to see you too, Mr. Crouch," James replied politely. Mr. Crouch was a severe, tired looking man, but I had read all about him in the Prophet. He was Head of the Dept. of Magical Law Enforcement. The Prophet was always going on and on about how many Death Eaters had captured.

"I haven't seen your parents in a while, boy. I hear they're sick," Mr. Crouch said.

I took James hand, scared he might lose it then and there. "Oh, they're very ill, sir, but they're getting better," James replied, forcing a smile, but I felt his body stiffen as he answered.

"Excellent," Mr. Crouch said approvingly, "I need your father very much. He's our best auror."

"I'm sure he can't wait to get back either," James nodded.

"Mr. Crouch!" I heard Austin say.

"Ah, Austin! How are you!" Mr. Crouch said, shaking his hand.

"Very well, indeed, sir. I was just talking to your son," he said, beaming.

Mr. Crouch nodded proudly, "Passed all his NEWTS, did you hear? He did fantastically."

James took my hand and we slowly backed away.

"No offense, Lily, but your boyfriend is a kiss up," James told me.

"No offense, James, but your girlfriend is a slag," I retorted.

"You do realize that every time someone important approached us, Austin comes running in, taking all the attention to himself?" James pointed out, ignoring my comment about Natalie.

"So? It's not like you want to talk to them anyway."

"Good point," James nodded, "I should be thanking him."

I felt Austin's hands wrap around my waist.

"Hey," I smiled, giving him a quick kiss.

"We were just talking to Barty Crouch Sr. He's probably the most important person in this room. They say he's next up for minister," Austin told us.

James made a face, "Crouch? Really?"

"You don't like him?" Austin asked incredulously.

"I certainly wouldn't like him for prime minister!" James exclaimed.

Austin looked at him disbelievingly. "He's the reason we've caught so many Death Eaters."

"But look at the way he does it!" James countered, "If you ask me, he's getting to be as bad as them."

"That's true," I said, agreeing with James, "I read in the Prohpet that he's advocating sending people to Azkaban without trials."

"Those people are Death Eaters! They deserve whatever's coming!" Austin protested.

"But that doesn't mean we have to sink to their level!" James snapped.

"So, you'd rather they kill the rest of us? You'd rather they torture people like Lily for no reason?" Austin said angrily.

"He never said that, Austin," I said, worried that this stupid little debate would get out of hand.

"Lily, why don't we go get a drink," James suggested, reaching for my hand.

"No, it's okay," Austin snarled, "Lily's fine with me."

"Why don't you bring us back some?" I told James placidly, "We'll be waiting here."

James nodded and disappeared into the crowd. Once he was out of sight, I turned to face Austin angrily.

"What the hell is your problem?" I whispered furiously to Austin.

"My problem? My problem is that I've been watching the two of you flirt all night long!" he retorted angrily.

I groaned, "You're jealous of James?"

"I'm not jealous! I just don't think it's appropriate for a girl who has a boyfriend to be spending an entire evening with some other bloke."

"He's not just some bloke. He's James."

"That makes it even worse!"

"How?"

"Because he's fancied you for years and you act like you fancy him too," Austin said.

"Oh, really? You think I fancy James?" I asked furiously.

"I'm starting to, yeah," Austin said.

"How about now?" I asked, before cupping Austin's chin into my hands, bringing his face closer to mine, and kissing him furiously. I allowed him to grasp my bum and I slowly let my tongue play with his.

"_Ahem_." I heard someone clear their throat loudly. I released Austin, and to my horror, found James staring at us, holding two glasses in his hand.

"Oh, hello," I heard Austin say, his voice arrogant and smug. I shot him a look.

"I'll give you two a minute," James said dully, turning around and disappearing into the crowds.

"James, wait!" I said, going after him, but Austin had grasped my arms firmly. "I need to go talk to him!" I told Austin, trying to disentangle his hands from my arm.

"Don't," Austin said, pleading with me.

"I _have _to," I whispered, "I'm sorry."

Austin released my hands, and I backed away, looking at him apologetically. He stared at me a second longer before turning around and slouching away from me. I sighed, turned around, and began searching the crowds for James. I finally found him talking to Emmeline Vance.

"Hey," I said, grinning.

"Lily, hello!" Emmeline smiled, her eyes glittering.

"You look amazing, Emmeline," I told her earnestly.

"Thanks!" she said, pleased.

"Where's Austin?" James asked me pointedly.

I shrugged, "No idea."

"Drinks, anybody?" a server said, holding out a tray full of drinks. I looked at him in surprise. I didn't know there were servers. Now that I thought about it, the server looked oddly familiar, like I'd seen him before. I shrugged, I'd probably seen him walk around the party or something.

"Thanks," I said reaching out for the wine.

"Have this one," the server said, handing me a glass before I could take one from his tray.

"Thanks," I smiled, turning back to face James, who had already chugged down his wine.

"Thirsty?" Emmeline chuckled, taking a sip of her own wine.

I cast James an apologetic look, though, I really had no reason to be apologizing. I had every right to kiss my boyfriend. But still.

I took a tiny sip from my glass, before I felt my entire body go cold. Everything around me began to go fuzzy, except for James' face. He was staring at me in horror. Suddenly, I felt as if my stomach was about to burst. I shrieked in agony, falling down to the floor. Still, all I could see was James' look of panic as he knelt over me. My mouth began foaming, and my body began twitching. I had no way of controlling it. All I could do was scream in pain, as I watched James shriek orders to everybody. Distantly, I heard him shouting, until slowly everything faded into complete darkness.


	14. Dreaming Out Loud

**Chapter Fourteen: Dreaming Out Loud**

* * *

_My eyes fluttered open to find the blinding sun shining down on me. I closed my eyes again, allowing the warmth to flood through my shivering body. Distantly, I heard birds chirping, singing the usual songs they do in the morning. Knowing I would probably be late for class, I sat up, groaning. _

_I realized, then, as I opened my eyes that I wasn't in my bed inside my dormitory. I was sitting outside, in a clearing out in the woods somewhere. The grass below me was soft and slightly wet, and little flowers poked out every now and then, adding color to the otherwise dull green. A butterfly flew past me, so close that I could see every little detail of its wings. _

_"Where the hell am I?" I wondered out loud. _

_"Good question," I heard a familiar voice chuckle. I swiveled around to find James walking toward me, still in the dress robes from Slughorn's party. I looked down, and saw I had the same dress too. Hmm...what was going on here?_

_"James!" I exclaimed, relief washing over me. This little meadow was cute and all but I had no idea where I was. _

_"Hey, Lils," he grinned, helping me up. _

_"Where are we?" I asked, straightening out my dress. _

_James shrugged, "You tell me."_

_"Me? How should I know?"_

_"Well, this is all in your head, after all."_

_"What are you going on about?" I sighed, rubbing my temples. Merlin, I was tired. _

_James smiled, "What is this place, Lily? Look around."_

_I frowned, turning my head around, observing the scenery. Distantly, I heard a waterfall. _

_"When I was little, Petunia and I discovered this clearing...it was out in the woods...it used to be a favorite hiding spot," I said slowly, remembering. _

_James laughed, "Really? I thought you had just made all of this up in your head."_

_I smiled, "Blimey, I'd forgotten about this place. Hey! What are we doing here? How did we get here? And what's this about my head?"_

_"I told you. We're inside your head," James said calmly. _

_"But what does that mean?"_

_James hesitated, "What's the last thing you remember, Lily?"_

_I scrunched up my face in concentration. I remembered admiring James's bum as we climbed out the portrait hole on the way to Slughorn's party. I remembered Snape interrupting our pleasant conversation to give me another of his creepy messages. I remembered walking into the party and seeing Austin. We didn't talk much. I remembered laughing with James. I remembered dancing with James. I remembered Austin accusing me of fancying James. I remembered snogging Austin just to make him shut up. I remembered the look on James's face when he saw us. I remembered going after James. I remembered the excruciating pain. Pain I had never felt before. It was like I was being tortured. And then I remembered the look of shock and panic that crossed James's face. I remembered everything becoming a blur...except for him. I remembered him yelling, screaming instructions to others. I remembered him bending over me, his eyes fearful. And then it went dark. _

_"What happened to me?" I managed to choke out. _

_"You were poisoned."_

_"So, I'm dead?" _

_"No."_

_"I'm alive!"_

_"Not necessarily."_

_"You know, you're not being very helpful," I snapped. _

_He grinned, taking my pale hands into his. I felt a tiny shiver on my back when he touched me. _

_"I don't understand..." I said, confused. _

_"It's your choice now, Lily. You can either choose to move on or fight to stay alive. I think you should go for the latter."_

_"Will it hurt?"_

_"Maybe." _

_I looked around glumly, "I don't want to leave this place."_

_James grinned, "It is very pretty. Why'd you pick this place?"_

_"What do you mean?" I frowned. _

_"I mean, of all the places in the world to dream about, why did you dream about this one?"_

_"It's not like I can control my dreams!"_

_"But why is this place so significant?" he asked, genuinely curious. _

_I bit my lip, "I don't know...I guess it represents a happier time. Back then, when Tuney and I were little, before I even knew I was a witch, we were best friends. We discovered this place...and it sort of became our secret spot. I miss her. I miss my sister."_

_"That makes sense," he nodded. _

_"I have to go back don't I?" I sighed. _

_James took my hand, caressing them gently, "Only if you want to."_

_"Can I spend a little more time here...with you?" I asked, stepping closer to him. If this really was a dream, then I wouldn't be cheating on Austin. Well, technically, if this was a dream, then I'd be cheating with a figment of my imagination, which really meant I would be cheating on Austin with myself...if that made any sense. _

_James pulled me closer, his hands resting on my waist. I wrapped my arms around him and allowed my head to rest against his chest. _

_"Lily, can I ask you something?" I heard James say hesitantly. _

_I looked up, my eyes staring into his. "Sure," I smiled. _

_"Why me?"_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"You picked this garden thing because it represents the relationship you want with your sister. But why am I here?" he questioned. _

_I shrugged, "Dunno. I guess...if I could have anyone with me at a time like this, it would be you."  
_

_"Me? Why?"_

_"You're my best friend."_

_"So are Marlene and Dorcas. Why aren't they here?" he asked. _

_I frowned. How was I supposed to know? "Dunno," I shrugged. _

_James hands, which had been resting on my waist, dropped to his side. Hesitantly, I moved my arms away from him too. _

_"What's the matter?" I asked. _

_"Lily, I have to know...why am I here?" he asked, sounding frustrated. _

_"I don't know!" I exclaimed, equally frustrated, "I guess...I guess you just know me."_

_"Marlene and Dorcas know you too," he pointed out. _

_"Yeah, but you know me better than anybody else."_

_"Okay, what do you mean by that?" he asked, rubbing his temples. _

_"Mean by what?" _

_"About me knowing you better than anybody else."_

_"Exactly that. You know me in a way that even Dorcas and Marlene can't understand," I said, confused by all the questioning. _

_"Ugh! You can't keep doing this to me, Lily!"_

_"Doing what?" I exclaimed, completely confused. _

_"Acting like...like you have feelings for me or something! It's like...we have these moments when everything is just perfect and you...you look at me like...like-"  
_

_"Like what?!"_

_"Like you feel the same way about me that I do about you," he said quietly. _

_"Maybe I do," I whispered. _

_He looked up, his twinkling, hazel eyes gazing into my emerald green ones. "You mean that?" he asked. _

_I took his hands, drawing him closer to me, so that our faces were almost touching. _

_"I love you, James," I whispered. I didn't know how one second I went from hating a bloke for six years, to falling completely head-over-heels in love with him. I knew it was true. No matter how much I tried to deny it, no matter how much I tried to kill it, I was always drawn back to James. When I kissed Austin, James's face would pop in my mind. When I saw him in class, I could feel my face light up. Whenever we touched or accidentally brushed up against each other, I would get tiny shivers up my back. _

_I loved everything about him. I loved the way his eyes twinkled when he was happy or excited. I loved the way his lips twitched, fighting a smile, whenever he did or said something he knew I would disapprove of. I loved the way he ran his fingers through his hair whenever he was nervous or trying to impress me. I loved the way he laughed. I loved the way he hugged me. I loved how he always knew exactly the right thing to say. I loved how he would stick out his tongue whenever he was concentrating on something. I loved the way he was a natural born leader, often taking charge when everyone else didn't know what to do or were in sheer panic. I loved the way he stood up for his friends. I loved the way he held my hand. I loved the way he would look at me, like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. I loved every part of his body, down to every single freckle. I loved everything about him. _

_"I love you too," he whispered back, a grin on his face. I closed my eyes and began leaning in, ready to do the one thing I had been longing to do since summer: kiss James Potter._

* * *

My eyes slowly fluttered open. At first everything was blurry, but as things came into focus, I saw Austin's face peering at me. He was sitting in an armchair beside my bed. I wondered where James was. Actually, I wondered where all my friends were. Not that I expected a huge party of mourning people around my bed, but I did expect to see a few worried faces.

I smiled at Austin, grateful that he was there when I woke up, but he didn't smile back. He just continued staring at me.

"So, what exactly happened?" I asked, sitting up.

Before he could answer, though, Madam Pomfrey came bustling out. Madam Pomfrey was a young woman, just out of the Healer's program. They said she was one of the best Healers out there, but she'd always preferred working with kids. She prided herself in her student's health.

"Miss Evans, thank heavens you've awoken!"

"Yeah," I smiled, "How long was I out?"

"A week," she informed me, fluffing my pillows. I winced. My body still ached. "Does it hurt?"

"A little," I admitted.

"Take this," she instructed, waving her wand, sending a bottle of something green flying into her hand. She took out a spoon, carefully poured a decent amount, and forced me to drink it. Immediatly, I felt the aches and pains of my body fade away. "Better?" she asked.

"Much," I nodded.

"You can watch her, can't you?" she asked Austin, "I really must go tell the Headmaster you're awake! He's been quite worried about you, you know," she told me, "Oh, thank heavens you've awoken. They were talking about sending you to St. Mungo's if you didn't wake soon."

Once she was gone, I turned to Austin, who still hadn't said a word to me.

"So, I missed a week, huh? I bet I missed so much schoolwork," I said pleasantly, trying to make conversation.

He nodded.

"I'm sure they'll give me plenty of time to make it up, though, right?" I continued, wondering if he was going to say anything.

"I'm sure they will," he nodded.

There was an awkward silence. I fidgeted with my hands, wondering what was wrong. Finally, when I couldn't take it any longer, I turned to him and asked, "Austin, is everything okay?"

He didn't answer, instead contemplating my question in silence. "You know...you were dreaming out loud," he finally said after a long pause.

"Dreaming out loud? What does that mean?"

"You were dreaming...and sometimes you would talk...say things..." he finished a little awkwardly. I frowned, trying to remember what I had been dreaming about. I remembered being in a beautiful field. The sun was shining and it had felt nice...but really that was it. I couldn't remember anything else about my dream. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more the dream seemed to fade away.

"What sort of things did I say?" I asked.

"Well, you mentioned your sister's name a few times. And then...you mentioned Potter...a lot."

I gulped. "What do you mean I mentioned him a lot?

Austin looked down at his feet, "You said you loved him."

I stared at him, stunned. That was just ridiculous. I may have been loads more attracted to James lately, but that didn't mean I _loved _him.

"It was just a dream," I shrugged, brushing him off.

"Do you know how long it took for you to say it back to me?" he asked.

"Say what?"

"That you loved me."

I sighed. Not this again. "Austin, you took me by surprise, that's all. Besides, I said it back, didn't I?"

"But did you mean it?"

I stared at him, not sure of what to think. "Honestly?" I asked meekly.

"Honestly," he nodded, his eyes suddenly going cold.

"No," I whispered.

He looked as if I had just slapped him. He looked at me with cold, hard eyes but I could still see the pain behind the facade.

"At the time, I thought I did...I thought I meant it..." I rambled, tears welling up in my eyes.

"So, you don't love me?"

"I could...maybe one day...I don't know..."

"Lily, we've been dating a year and a half. Don't you think you would have felt it by now?" he demanded.

"Austin, you can't rush these things!" I exclaimed.

"We've been going out over a year, and you still can't say you love me. But you've only just started being friends with Potter a few months ago, and already, you're professing your love for him," he said quietly.

"It was a dream!" I whispered, the tears streaming freely down my cheeks.

"I think it's more than that," he said, standing up.

"Please don't go!" I cried, "Can't we talk about this?"

Austin sighed, resting his hands gently on my arm. "Can you honestly tell me you have no feelings for Potter?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words could come out. I couldn't lie to Austin. Not anymore. If I had to be completely honest with myself, then I'd have to admit I wanted nothing more than to have James by my side, holding my hand. I wanted nothing more for him to hug me, to kiss me the way he kissed Natalie.

"Now tell me this, Lily," Austin whispered, "Can you honestly tell me that you _do _still have feelings for me?"

"I really care about you, Austin," I said, squeezing his hand.

"But not in the way you care about Potter," he said. It wasn't a question.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to respond to that. I wanted to deny it. I wanted, with every fiber of my being, to tell Austin it wasn't true. I wanted desperatley for _him _to be the one I loved, but no matter how I tried to spin it, I knew what I felt for James wasn't what I felt for Austin. When I was with James, I wouldn't worry so much. He made me a better person. He challenged me. He made me laugh. He made me smile. He made me feel all warm and fluttery inside. I don't think I ever felt such things with Austin, even when we were doing well in our relationship. With Austin, it was always that he treated me right, and I liked that about him. I felt comfortable around him. But with James, I would get a rush from just touching him. Every time I heard his name in the hallways, I would get an excited, jittery feeling just from thinking about him.

How could I have treated Austin so horribly? How could I have led him on for so long? I kept trying to feel the same way about him that I felt about James, and it was wrong. I shouldn't force myself to like someone. Austin deserved better. He deserved someone that would feel the same way about him. At one point, maybe, I did feel the same way about Austin as he felt about me, but as far back as I can remember, it was always Austin pursuing me. He was the one who initiated our first kiss. He was the one who wrote to me in the summers. I hardly ever wrote back to him, often responding with short or one-word answers.

Despite the fact that he spent too much time with his friends, he was a good boyfriend. He never cheated on me. He never raised his voice at me. Even now, when he had every right to yell, he chose to calmly speak to me. He never said anything rude to me. He never tried to control me. He always made sure to write to me in the summer or during breaks. He always made an effort to try and walk me to class, even if his own class was on the other side of the castle and he had to sprint to make it on time. He always listened to what I had to say. He always tried to help me with what he could.

"I think that answers my question," he finally said, when I didn't respond.

"Austin, wait-" I cried, holding out my hand as he slowly turned away.

"Just let me leave with _some _pride, Lily," he said, turning to face me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered miserably.

He gave me a small smile, "I know."

I watched him slowly walk out of the room, the doors softly clicking shut behind him. I wiped away my tears, willing myself to stop crying. _Keep it together, Lil. The Headmaster will be here any second now. _I said to myself, paranoid that Dumbledore would walk in while I was crying.

Outside, I heard several loud footsteps and a chatter of excited voices. The door burst open, revealing several people running toward me. In the lead was Dorcas, her blond hair bouncing behind her, her face relieved and excited. Beside her, Marlene was sprinting toward me. Her hair was in a messy bun, and her eyes had bags under them; she looked as if she hadn't slept in ages. Her expression looked worried yet relieved at the same time. It was an odd combination. Behind the girls were Remus, Sirius, and Peter. They were all pushing each other aside eagerly, trying to get ahead. Behind the three marauders were Alice, Mary, and Frank. Frank was holding Alice's hand, while Alice was running toward me, her face looking terrified. Mary, on the other hand, was galloping toward me, her face looking completely happy and relieved.

"Finally!"

"You're awake!"

"We were on our way up here when we heard the news!"

"Madam Pomfrey passed us in the hallway. She told us you'd awoken."

"We came running when we heard!"

"Sirius didn't even get to finish his dinner."

"Oh, Lily, we've been so worried!"

"You know, you drool when you sleep."

"Shut up, Sirius."

"She wasn't sleeping! She was in a coma!"

"Same difference."

"Forget that. Lily, how are you feeling?"

"You look pale."

"She's always pale."

"She looks paler."

"Where's Austin?"

"Oh, yeah! Where is that bloody git?"

"Some boyfriend he is! Ha! It was his turn to watch you."

"Oh, Lily, did you wake up all alone?"

I stared at all of them talk at once, unsure of what to say.

"I think, maybe, we should let Ms. Evans speak, now. Don't you?" I heard a pleasant, but firm voice come from behind the crowd of my friends. My friends parted aside, revealing the impressive figure of Albus Dumbledore. He was watching us all with an amused expression. Meanwhile, Madam Pomfrey was watching all of us with a severe, annoyed look on her face.

"Only seven visitors at one time!" she snapped.

"But she just woke up!" Dorcas complained.

"Yeah, we haven't been able to talk to her in a week!" Alice agreed.

"Come on, Poppy!" Sirius begged, "We thought our Lily here was going to die."

_Poppy? Oh, boy, she was going to get him for that one._

"Oh," she said, her expression softening, "Well, alright, then. But only for a few minutes."

"Let's give these kids some privacy, shall we?" Dumbledore suggested, "Poppy, I would rather enjoy a nice cup of tea. Maybe, we'll return in say ten minutes?"

"Oh, alright," Madam Pomfrey grumbled, eyeing us all suspiciously.

"Thanks, Professor," I said, smiling at the Headmaster.

"I'll need to speak with you, after," he said seriously. I nodded.

"Thanks, Poppy!" Sirius called out, grinning.

"How do you _do _that?" I exclaimed, turning to face Sirius.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"You just called her Poppy," I pointed out.

"That's her name, isn't it?" Sirius shrugged.

I rolled my eyes, "So, where's James?" I asked, looking around. I expected him to be the first one in here.

Dorcas and Marlene exchanged looks.

"What?" I asked.

"James...he's with his parents..." Sirius said gravely.

I squealed, "But that's a good thing!"

"They're in St. Mungo's, Lily," Remus said quietly.

"Made-Eye Moody, you know him, right? Well, he's this auror. They say he's one of the best. But anyway, he's an old friend of Dumbledore's and he's in the Order too. He was the one who found them," Marlene told me, handing me a newspaper.

I looked down to read the newspaper.

**Head of the Auror Department and Head Healer Hospitalized in St. Mungo's Due to Death Eater Activity:**

**Charlus Potter, Head of the Auror Dept., and Dorea Potter, Head Healer at St. Mungo's, were found last night by Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody. The Potters, who are rumored to be members of the 'Order of the Pheonix', were caught and tortured by unnamed Death Eaters. According to recent reports, the Potters had been missing for months. Moody, a close friend of the Potters and their rescuer, had been secretly searching for them for a while now. **

**"Andrea hadn't come to work for months. It was all very fishy. I'm just sorry we didn't catch on what was going on sooner. She's a great witch, really she is," says a close friend and coworker of Mrs. Potter. **

**"We all wondered where Charlus was. He never misses a day of work. His greatest goal is to put a stop to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Every day, he saves innocent people. It's sick what has been done to him and his wife," an unnamed Auror tells us on his way out of work. **

**As for the Potter's wounds, the details are all very hazy. From the information gathered, it looks as if their condition is critical but stable. **

**"When Moody found them, they were nearly dead," Gladus Truedale, a patient at St. Mungo's tells us, "I was there when Dorea Potter was brought in. Oh, the blood on her. It was dreadful. I was told that if she had been found just an hour later, she would have been dead."**

**"It was that dreadful snake You-Know-Who carries around with him," officials at St. Mungo's tell us, "Mr. and Mrs. Potter's wounds are severe but it looks like they'll make it. We're very sorry for what's happened to Dorea. She's a great leader, and we can't wait until she's fully recovered and we can have her back on our team."**

**We've reached out to Moody, but he has remained silent throughout this entire ordeal. James Potter, son of Mr. and Mrs. Potter, has been picked up from Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where he is attending his sixth year, to see his parents at St. Mungo's.**

**"The poor boy knew the entire time his parents were missing. He was asked to keep quiet about it. I saw him being escorted to the hospital early this morning. He was a handsome bloke, but he looked dreadful. I can't imagine what he must be going through," Maggie Trump, another patient at St. Mungo's says. **

**As for who did this to the celebrated auror and his wife, it is all still a mystery. The community is both outraged and shocked that this was done to Mr. and Mrs. Potter, and they are demanding the ministry find the Death Eaters who did this to them.**

I looked up at my friends, stunned.

"He would have been here," Alice assured me, "He sat here at your bedside the entire week."

"He wouldn't leave. We had to bring him breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day," Sirius laughed humorlessly.

"He would even come here in between classes," Dorcas informed me.

"It drove Austin mad," Mary said, "He and James got into it everyday. I still can't believe they haven't killed each other yet."

"I don't care about that," I said, shaking my head, "How's James?"

Remus shrugged miserably, "We have no idea. We only found out about his parents this morning. When we woke up, he was missing. We all just thought he had already come down to see you, but then we got to breakfast and we read the _Prophet..._"

"He wrote to me!" Sirius said suddenly, remembering.

Dorcas smacked him, "You git! Why didn't you say anything sooner?"

Sirius rubbed the spot on his arm she had just said. "I forgot," he grimaced, "And I only just got it an hour ago."

"Well, what'd he say?" Pete demanded.

"He said not to worry and that his parents were slowly getting better. And that he was talking to Moody about coming to get me too. He knows how much I want to be there," Sirius said quietly.

"Well, that means they're getting better, doesn't it?" Franks said, relief washing over his face.

"What about you, Lil?" Mary asked me kindly, patting me softly.

"What about me?"

"You were poisoned!" Sirius exclaimed, rolling his eyes.

I flinched, remembering the excruciating pain of before.

"Do you remember anything?" Marlene asked me gently.

"I remember it hurting...a lot. But that's it really..." I said, struggling to remember all the details.

"James was with you," Remus whispered.

"I know," I sighed, "He was the last person I remember seeing. He looked terrified."

"He _was _terrified. We all were," Dorcas said, shuddering.

"We thought we were gonna lose you, Lil," Alice said quietly, tears trickling down her cheeks.

I smiled, "But you didn't."

"Do you remember who served you?" Sirius asked suddenly, his eyes flashing.

I scrunched up my face in concentration. Nothing. I couldn't remember anything. All I remembered was drinking my wine, and then falling over.

"No, I'm sorry..." I sighed.

"Let's not talk about this right now," Mary said severely, "Remember what Dumbledore told us?"

"What?" I asked, looking around.

Dorcas rolled her eyes, "He said he didn't want us asking you too many questions right when you woke up."

"And we should _listen _to him," Alice said, her voice firm.

Sirius and Dorcas looked like they wanted to protest but Marlene elbowed both of them in the ribs. I was kind of relieved, because, really, this was the last thing I wanted to be talking about.

"So," Remus said, trying to change the subject, "do you want us to go tell Austin you're awake? He's been very worried about you."

"He knows," I said.

Sirius made an impatient sound.

"Problem?" I asked, turning to face my handsome but annoying friend.

Sirius scoffed, "Yes, there's a problem! He's your boyfriend! Why isn't he here?"

I smiled. I'd never before realized how protective Sirius was of me. Almost like an older brother.

"He's right," Dorcas said angrily, "Why did Austin leave you?"

"Because we broke up," I said nonchalantly, pulling my hair back into a ponytail. I didn't want to make a big deal about my newfound single status and I really didn't my friends questioning me about every single detail.

"What?! Why?" Sirius demanded.

I shrugged, "Because I was dreaming out loud."


	15. Birthday Wishes

**Chapter Fifteen: Birthday Wishes**

* * *

"Sir, if you don't mind me asking, what day is it?"

Dumbledore peered at me, his brilliant blue eyes searching my face. "Thursday, January the 29th."

"It's my birthday is tomorrow," I said, more to myself than to him.

Dumbledore smiled, "I know. Your mother told me."

I gasped, "You spoke to my mother!"

"Certainly! You were poisoned, Ms. Evans. I had to inform her after all."

"Are they worried?" I asked miserably.

"Your mother came down here the first night, but she had to return...for your father. I've already written to them, telling them you've awoken and that there's no need to worry."

"So...erm...you want to talk about the...incident?" I guessed, sitting up.

He sighed, "I've already spoken to Mr. Potter. He gave me all the details, but we just can't seem to locate the man responsible for giving you that drink."

"He looked familiar, sir...like I'd seen him somewhere..." I recalled, struggling to put a name to the face that had been haunting me all day.

"James said the same thing. I don't know why the waiter would look so familiar...I wonder if he was a former student here...maybe you'd seen him in the halls or something..." Dumbledore muttered, thinking, "Or maybe, he'd been watching you...maybe, you haven't seen him at all...or maybe you were just an innocent victim..."

"Well, there's something else I have to tell you, sir. Severus Snape...remember last semester when I told you about Snape's warning? Well, he warned me not to go to the party...He said that I'd be safer back in my dormitory..."

Dumbledore nodded, "Yes, James has already told me everything. I've already questioned Mr. Snape and several of his friends. Fortunately, they all have airtight alibis that night."

"But he knew!" I said, outraged, "Snape knew that somebody was going to try and poison me that tonight!"

Dumbledore nodded sadly, "He refuses to admit any part in it, Ms. Evans. And there's not enough evidence to incriminate him in the first place."

"But he _knew_!" I said, emphasizing the word 'knew'.

_And he didn't do shit to stop it, _I thought bitterly.

"Headmaster, I really must ask you to leave the poor girl alone," Madam Pomfrey said crossly, striding out of her office, "Now, it's after hours and I must insist Ms. Evans get her sleep. Heavens knows she's been through enough."

"I'm okay," I said, sitting up.

"No, no," Dumbledore smiled kindly, "Poppy is right. You need your rest, Ms. Evans. We can continue our chat tomorrow."

"Rest?" I scoffed, "I've been sleeping for the past week!"

"Then another night won't do you any harm," Madam Pomfrey said firmly, closing the curtains around my bed. I grimaced at Dumbledore, giving him a final wave goodbye. He grinned at me, his eyes twinkling.

* * *

"Evans, wake up!"

I opened my eyes slowly to find Sirius and Peter's grinning faces staring down at me.

"What?" I groaned, sitting up.

"We have news!" Sirius whispered, squeezing in next to me.

"You're in the hospital wing," I said.

Sirius nodded.

"It's after hours," I told him.

"Trust me, this is a tame night for us. Usually, by this time of night, we'd probably be in Hogsmeade, getting wasted," Sirius said matter-of-factly.

"And that's something to be proud of?" I asked.

"Extremely proud," Peter said, smiling.

"Then why waste a perfectly good night on me?" I said, laying down again, "The night's still young. I'm sure you still have plenty of time to get into Hogsmeade."

"So a prefect is actually recommending we sneak out?" Sirius asked.

"Are you going to tell me what you want?" I asked, snuggling into my pillow.

"Prongs is coming back tonight," Peter said. Though my eyes were closed, I could tell he was grinning.

I sat up again, "When?"

"No idea."

"So why are you here?" I asked, confused, "I thought you lot would be waiting for James."

"We are."

"I'm confused," I said, rubbing my eyes.

"Well, the first thing James is gonna do when he arrives is come see you, obviously," Sirius said, rolling his eyes.

"So, we're just waiting for him to come see you. We don't know what time or where he's arriving. But we're counting on his excitement that you've finally woken up," Peter explained.

"Then, we'll see if we can convince him to join us in opening a firewhiskey or two," Sirius finished.

"I see," I said, "And you couldn't have done all of this quietly, without waking me up?"

"No, they couldn't have," I heard Remus hiss.

"MOONY!" Sirius exclaimed, jumping out of my bed eagerly.

"SHH!"

"Sorry," Sirius whispered, glancing at Madam Pomfrey's door.

"I told you guys not to sneak out," Remus whisper-yelled.

"And you actually thought they would listen?" I snorted, sitting up again.

"It was a misjudgment on my behalf," Remus grimaced at me.

"Moony, don't you want to see Prongs?" Peter asked impatiently.

"Of course I do," Remus said, "but I'm a prefect. And I intend to take my job very seriously."

"You were a prefect last year too," Sirius pointed out.

"Yeah," Peter nodded, "And you never cared whether we snuck out or not."

"In fact," Sirius said, "you used to sneak out _with _us."

"Remember those days?" Peter sighed dreamily.

"Ah, the good ole' times," Sirius said dramatically.

"Yeah, well, times change," Remus snapped.

"Wait," I said, grinning, "Is this about Caroline?"

Remus turned a dark shade of red, "No..."

"Who's Caroline?" Sirius demanded, snapping his head up.

"No one," Remus said firmly.

"Lily, tell me who she is!" Sirius ordered me.

I raised my eyebrows, "So you can torment the poor girl? I don't think so."

"Come on! You know I'll find out eventually."

Remus sighed, "She's just this prefect I met this year. She's a fifth year in Hufflepuff."

"So? What does she have to do with whether we get to sneak out or not?" Peter asked.

"I want to set a good example for her, that's all."

Sirius smirked, "And you obviously want to get into her pants."

"No, I don't!"

I glared at Sirius, "You know, not all blokes are disgusting pigs like you."

"But do you fancy her?" Peter asked before Sirius could retort.

"She's a nice girl," Remus replied.

"Right, because that's not vague at all," Sirius said sarcastically.

"She's very fit," I said thoughtfully, "and she's actually very smart, you know. I think she'd be good for you, Remus."

"You think so?" Remus asked, smiling slightly.

"Yeah, I do."

Sirius looked at his watch impatiently, "I thought Prongs would be here by now."

I yawned, "Can't you lot wait for him somewhere else. I doubt he'd come here."

Remus rolled his eyes, "Are you kidding me? The bloke spent every waking minute he could by your bedside."

I smiled, leaning my head against Sirius's shoulder. I wanted to see James...but I was so tired...

I drifted in and out of sleep, barely listening between the easy conversation Remus, Sirius, and Peter were having. I remembered the boys eventually cast a 'muffliato' spell on Madam Pomfrey's door so that they could be as loud as they wanted, but I was still terrified she would hear us.

"It's been an hour...why don't you go check to see if James is in your dormitory," I told the boys, my head buried in Sirius's chest.

"But we're having so much fun talking to you," Sirius exclaimed.

"I've been asleep half the time," I pointed out, sitting up.

"Yeah, well, I take comfort in knowing you'll eventually wake up," Remus said seriously.

Sirius nodded vigorously, "You really scared the hell out of us there, Evans."

I smiled, "I know. I'm sorry."

"You're not the on that should be apologizing," Remus said firmly.

As he said this, the door creaked own, and Dorcas and Marlene quietly slid in.

"Dorcas, this is a bad idea. Lily needs her sleep," Marlene whispered.

"She slept for an entire week. I think she can survive one night with-OI! What are you lot doing here?" Dorcas demanded, seeing the four of us together.

"I tried to get them to leave," Remus said guiltily.

Beside me, I saw Sirius's face light up as Dorcas bounced in, her blonde wavy hair flowing behind her. She ran to my bed, pulled Sirius off, and slid in beside me. Marlene rolled her eyes, but squeezed in on my other side.

"What are you two doing here?" Peter asked.

"We missed Lily," Marlene replied.

"What are _you _doing here?" Dorcas asked Sirius.

"Waiting for Prongs," Sirius replied promptly.

"He's coming back tonight!?" Marlene gasped.

"Yes, he is. And he's wondering why nobody's letting Lily sleep," James said.

We all turned our heads to the doors, where James was standing, carrying a rucksack, staring at all of us disdainfully.

"James!" I squealed, delighted.

"Hey, Lils," he grinned, "How are you feeling?"

"Brilliant," I replied.

Sirius cleared his throat loudly.

James turned his head in the direction of his best friend and rolled his eyes, "Yes, Padfoot?"

"Well?" Sirius demanded, "How are they?"

James's face broke into a wide grin, "They're alive."

I felt Dorcas's stiff body relax at the good news; Marlene sighed in relief, Sirius and Remus laughed jovially, and ran to James. Peter slumped into a chair, smiling contentedly.

After hugging both of his best friends, James slowly made his way to me. I held my breath, taking in his appearance. It felt as if it had been ages since I'd seen him, though it'd only been a week. He looked older somehow...more mature.

"You're awake," he remarked nervously, standing beside me.

I rolled my eyes and pulled him forward, hugging him tightly. Immediately, he relaxed at my touch, and wrapped his arms around my waist. Beside me, I felt Dorcas and Marlene slither out of the bed, but I didn't move. I rested my head against James, and allowed him to gently stroke my hair. After several long seconds, I realized I was crying.

James pulled away from me, and gently wiped the tears away. "It's okay, Lily," he murmured softly.

"No, it's not," I croaked. I had held it together all day. I didn't break down when Austin broke up with me. I didn't break down when I finally awoke to see the worried faces of my friends. I didn't break down when I learned what happened to me. I didn't break down when I realized Snape, my former best friend, might have had something to do with poisoning me. I didn't break down when Dumbledore questioned me about it. But seeing James...it did something to me. I felt like I could be vulnerable with him.

"You're okay now, Lil," Marlene whispered from behind James.

I shook my head, the tears still flowing down my cheeks.

"Give us a minute?" James said to the others. Dorcas nodded before taking Sirius's hand and leading him out. Sirius allowed her to take him away, but he kept his worried eyes on me. Peter gave me a sympathetic look before bobbing after Dorcas and Sirius. Marlene and Remus exchanged worried looks but eventually followed the others out.

Once the door clicked shut behind Remus, James dropped his rucksack on the floor and hopped on to my bed.

"How are your parents?" I managed to choke out.

"They're going to be okay," he smiled, the old twinkle in his eye returning.

I grinned at him, mesmerized by the beauty of his eyes. It took my breath away with how they just twinkled like that, like a little kid on his birthday.

"What?" James frowned, confused by my sudden mood swing.

"Your eyes," I said.

"What about them?"

"They're twinkling," I smiled, my eyes locking with his.

He groaned, "Evans, my eyes don't twinkle."

"Yes, they do."

"No, they don't."

"Why is it so bad that they twinkle?" I demanded, "Your twinkling eyes are my favorite feature of you."

"Really?" he smirked, raising his eyebrows cockily.

"Yes, really," I said firmly, taking his hand into mine. I gently stroked them. James closed his eyes, surprised by my sudden display of affection.

"Lily, how are you doing?" he asked after several long moments.

I looked up into his eyes, trying my hardest not to cry again.

"You can tell me," he whispered, gently cupping my chin into his hands.

"Why would he do this to me?" I said angrily as more tears trickled down my cheek.

"Who?"

"Snape! I was his best friend! How could he hurt me like this?"

"Because he's a bad person," James said firmly, "It has nothing to do with you. I don't know if he was a good person when you were friends, but I can tell you now that he's changed. He's gone bad. He went over to the dark side and there's nothing you can do about it. He's not the same Snape you used to play with when you were little."

"He tried to warn me," I rationalized.

"And that makes it okay?"

"No! But...at least, deep down, a small part of him is still good."

"That's enough," I heard Sirius say. James and I turned around to find Sirius standing in the doorway, watching us impatiently. "I want you to listen to me very carefully, Lily. Snape is a bad person. We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are."

"And he chose to act on the dark side," James nodded approvingly at Sirius.

The tears still flowing down my cheeks, I buried my face into James's chest. I heard Sirius come closer and then I heard a soft creek beside me, and I knew had sat down beside me.

"It's not your fault, Lily," James whispered as Sirius patted my back.

"You want me to kick his arse?" Sirius suggested.

I giggled.

"I'm sorry. I'm over here crying over something silly when both of you are going through so much," I finally said, sitting up, "How are your parents?"

"I have to go back, Lily," James said.

"And I'm going with you," Sirius said firmly. It wasn't a question.

I nodded, "I understand."

"I really want to be here for you, Lil, but they're still very ill," James said croakily.

"You're their son, both of you are. I'm fine, aren't I? You go be with them. They need you more than I do," I said to both boys.

"So, erm...did they wake up? Did they say anything?" Sirius asked hesitantly.

James smiled, "Yeah, Dad woke up for a second. He asked why his second son wasn't there too."

I smiled as I watched Sirius's eyes light up. "I'll be there next time," he promised.

"We're leaving in the morning," James replied.

"But you just got here!" I complained, hugging James tightly.

"I know," he sighed, "but I only came back to see you, Lil."

"What time are we leaving tomorrow?" Sirius asked.

James shrugged, "Before breakfast. Dumbledore is escorting us."

Sirius nodded, "I should go tell Dorcas."

"I'll meet you in Dumbledore's office in a few hours," James agreed.

Sirius hugged me tightly, kissed my forehead, and went his way. I watched him slouch out, not even noticing as James slid in beside me. He threw the covers over the both of us and with a wave of his wand, closed the curtains around our bed.

I laid back down, cuddling into James as he put his arm around me. I was shocked at how easily our bodies fit together, at how easily we cuddled into one another. It wasn't awkward at all. It felt so natural for me to compress my body with James's, our bodies intimately entangled together.

"Lily?" James whispered. I looked up into his twinkling hazel eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Happy birthday."

I gasped slightly. I had completely forgotten it was my birthday. I glanced at the watch on James's hand, and noticed it was about three a.m. I had been seventeen for three whole hours, and I didn't even know it.


	16. Two Weeks Later

**Chapter Sixteen: Two Weeks Later**

* * *

Over the next two weeks, all I could think about was that stupid James Potter. How did he get into my head like this? Over and over, I thought about the night we spent together. I kept replaying the way he held me, the way our bodies entangled together intimately, how he knew not to make any moves, but to just hold me while I cried. He knew me in a way no other person did, in a way no other person could ever understand. All day, I had been threatening to explode, but his mere presence brought a level of calmness over me that nobody else could bring. I could be vulnerable and weak with him because I didn't have to worry about what he'd do. I knew he would say exactly the right thing and he would do exactly what I needed him to do. James just got me.

I wished that I could have realized it sooner, though. He was with Natalie Peterson now. Natalie was stunning, almost as stunning as Dorcas or Marlene. I could never compare to her looks-wise. But I knew I was a better match for him personality-wise. Natalie's no dumb bimbo, I'll give her that. She's unbelievably smart (she is in Ravenclawe after all), but she lacked the ability to listen to him, the ability to know when he needed his space and when he needed you to just be there for him. She didn't know what books he read or what music he listened to. She didn't know what his dearest ambition was, what his greatest dreams and hopes were, what his greatest fears were, who he looked up to the most, simple, little things like that. She didn't know what made him happy or what ticked him off. She just didn't know him like I did.

But it was too late for me. He spent years pining after me, dreaming that someday I'd come to the realization that we were truly perfect for each other. And sadly, I did eventually come to that conclusion, it was just too late by then. He had found somebody that realized what an amazing bloke he was within seconds of meeting him. And I was left as the dimwit who didn't realize the man of her dreams was standing right in front of her all along, actually he was chasing after me, begging me to take a chance on him.

It was mental that he had left two whole weeks ago, and I was still thinking about him everywhere I went. Everything reminded me of him. We would be sitting in Charms, and I would be reminded how James struggled so much in that class, his face scrunched up in concentration. Or we would be relaxing in the common room, and I would be reminded of James and Sirius huddled up in a corner, glancing over their shoulders every so often, no doubt planning their next greatest prank. Or I would just be eating strawberries, and I would be reminded of how James always ate strawberries in the morning with his breakfast. He claimed his mum always made him eat a fruit in the morning, and strawberries were the only things that tasted good to him.

I couldn't wait for him to get back already. James wasn't just some bloke I fancied; he was my best friend. Someone I never wanted to lose. I had gotten a taste with what life was like without James, and it was horrible. For those two months we were in a fight, I had never realized how big of a role James played in my life. Waking up on my birthday with James gone was like we were in that fight all over again. I knew I wouldn't talk to him for a while, and the prospect of not having James around terrified me. I remembered waking up and looking over to find that James was gone. He had left me a small note, saying goodbye and that I looked so peaceful that he didn't want to wake me up. I was miserable all day throughout my birthday, feigning a smile for all my friends.

As much as I loved daydreaming about James, there was something else nagging at my subconscious. _Someone had poisoned me_. Just thinking that was terrifying. Everywhere I went, I took extra measures to make sure I was the only person who handled my food and drinks. Someone dangerous was out there. Someone who wanted to hurt me. This person obviously didn't care whether he took lives, and I was terrified that somebody else would end up in the hospital wing like me. I was lucky because Madam Pomfrey had been summoned in time, but if she had been a mere ten seconds late, they said I would've died. What if the next person wasn't so lucky? What if Madam Pomfrey didn't reach them on time? Who would be the next person to be poisoned? Were they only aiming for muggleborns? Or was it anybody in general? Was anybody at Hogwarts safe?

"OI! Lily, are you even listening to me?" Dorcas yelled, throwing a pillow in my face.

"Sorry," I said as I pulled on my skirt, "What were you saying?"

"Never mind," she said, rolling her eyes, "Are you two ready to go?"

"Yep," Marlene announced, pulling her dark hair into a ponytail.

I made sure my skirt was on properly and followed the girls out.

"You know, it's Valentine's day," Dorcas said as we climbed out the portrait hole and made our way down to the Great Hall.

"Really?" Marlene said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah," Dorcas nodded, either not getting Marlene's sarcasm or choosing to ignore it, "And apparently Jason has something really special planned for you," she said in a sing-songy voice.

"That's nice," Marlene said coolly, though she was blushing furiously.

"He told me all about it," Dorcas said importantly as we pushed open the doors to the Great Hall.

Inside, I spotted Remus sitting at the edge of the Gryffindor table. He was listening painfully as Natalie chattered on about who knows what. Honestly, that girl never seemed to stop talking. When he noticed us, he waved us over frantically, desperate for help.

"Should we help him out?" Marlene asked, noticing Remus's miserable face.

"No," Dorcas said automatically.

Marlene raised her eyebrows at Dorcas.

"It's _Natalie!" _Dorcas complained.

"Aw, come on, Dorky. The poor bloke looks miserable," I said encouragingly.

"Fine," she said dramatically, "If we must."

Marlene rolled her eyes but followed Dorcas as she plopped down next to Remus.

"Hey," Dorcas smiled at Remus, ignoring Natalie.

Remus looked at us gratefully as we plopped down next to them.

"So, what were you two talking about?" I asked politely, carefully examining the muffin on my plate.

"I was just saying how much I miss Jamie," Natalie sighed.

"Jamie?" Dorcas scoffed. I elbowed her.

"Yes," Natalie sniffed, "Today is Valentine's Day and I can't share it with my boyfriend. Oh, it's so difficult to maintain a long distance relationship."

"But you're not _in _a long distance relationship," Dorcas corrected her, "He's only been gone two weeks."

"Yeah, he should be back soon," Marlene added, rolling her eyes, "And Lily, just eat the muffin. I can assure you it's not poisoned."

"How do you know?" I challenged, "Did you personally bake and deliver this muffin?"

"Yes," she said forcefully, "Now eat."

"Don't tell me what to do," I grumbled childishly before slowly taking a bite of the muffin.

"Now, back to this Jamie thing," Dorcas said, turning back to Natalie, "That's go to be the stupidest nickname I've ever heard. I bet he hates it."

"He does not!"

As Natalie and Dorcas began bickering, I zoned out and began to daydream about the last time I had seen James. He had wrapped his muscular arm around me, and whispered happy birthday. I had curled up into him, fighting the urge to kiss those soft lips that had only been a mere inches from mine..

He looked so innocent when he slept; it was quite endearing. I remembered gently caressing his face, counting the tiny freckles on his face. They were so light and small, that I could only see them up close.

Up ahead, hundreds of owls came flying down. A familiar looking owl landed in front of us, halting Dorcas and Natalie's argument. The owl was large and brown, and he held out his leg. Tied to his leg were a dozen red roses and a small note. We all looked impressively at the romantic gesture.

"That's James's owl," Marlene said certain of herself.

"Oh! It must be for me!" Natalie squealed.

She snatched the roses and sniffed them happily. After spending quite a bit of time grinning stupidly at her flowers, she retrieved the small letter still tied to the owl's leg. At once, the owl took off, and Natalie read the letter, her face growing redder with each line. I stared at her, wondering what James had written in that note.

Marlene had taken out a Quidditch magazine and was reading it; every now and then, she would pause to take a sip of her tea. Meanwhile, Dorcas was talking animately to Remus, repeating a joke Drew had told her. Apparently, things with Drew were going exceptionally well. Dorcas was trying to take things slow, especially after what happened with Sirius.

"He's _so sweet!_" Natalie gushed, putting down the letter.

"I wonder when Prongs and Padfoot are coming back," Remus said thoughtfully.

"James told me yesterday that his parents were doing extremely well," I said.

Natalie narrowed her eyes at me, "James _writes _to you?"

I frowned, "Yeah, why wouldn't he?"

"Well, you're not his girlfriend," Natalie pointed out.

"But she _is _his friend," Marlene interjected.

"Has James written to either three of you?" Natalie snapped.

Dorcas and Marlene exchanged looks. It was clear that James hadn't written to either one of them. Remus, on the other hand, nodded.

"Hey!" Dorcas exclaimed, "How come he wrote to the two of you and not us?"

"I'm his best mate," Remus shrugged.

"We've been friends way longer, though," Dorcas said.

"_And _he and his parents are basically like family to us," Marlene said, looking slightly hurt.

Remus smiled, "Well, if it makes you feel better, the only reason he wrote to me was for me to send him his schoolwork."

"That doesn't sound like James," I frowned.

"At all," Dorcas agreed.

Remus laughed, "Yeah, his mum made him write to me."

Marlene nodded, "Now _that _sounds like our James."

"And what about you Ms. Lily?" Dorcas said, turning to face me, "How come James has written to you?"

I shrugged, "I don't know...we just talk..."

Natalie looked furious, "About what?!"

"My dad...erm...he was in the hospital too...actually, he's still very ill..." I muttered, playing with my food.

Natalie's voice softened, "Oh, I'm sorry."

I looked up at her, shocked. Was she being sincere? I turned to Marlene and Natalie for answers, but they looked just as thunderstruck. Ever since the day Dorcas and Natalie had gotten into that fight, Natalie had been nothing but cold to me. She was only nice when James was around.

"Thanks," I said uncertainly.

"Anyway," Remus said, knowing I didn't want to keep talking about my dad, "has Sirius written to any of you?"

I noticed Dorcas look down, and she began playing with her food the same way I had a few moments earlier.

"_Dorcas,_" Marlene said sternly.

"Only once," Dorcas sighed, looking defeated, "He just needed somebody to talk to, that's all."

The conversation slowly shifted to different topics, but to my annoyance, Natalie kept simpering about the roses James had sent her. _Oh, they're so pretty. Oh, James is so sweet. Oh, don't they smell delightful! Oh, isn't James the best boyfriend in the whole world?_

"Oh, shut it!" Dorcas snapped, after Natalie made another comment about her flowers.

"Excuse me?" Natalie asked, her voice eerily calm.

"Nobody cares about your flowers," Marlene told her matter-of-facty.

"If you ask me, James would probably rather send them to Lily anyway," Dorcas said nastily.

"Dorcas!" Remus said warningly.

"And what makes you say that?" Natalie snapped, flaring up at once.

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because he came back just to see her and they ended up spending the night together," Dorcas sneered.

"Dorcas!" I barked. Marlene had smacked her hand to her forehead, while Remus looked between both girls uncomfortably. My eyes sought Natalie, and I was stunned to see the hurt in her eyes. _Wow. She actually does cares about James._

"It wasn't like that," I assured her quietly.

"Oh, yeah?" she challenged, "Then what _was_ it like?"

"He only came by for a few hours when he heard I had woken up. Honestly, he didn't even come back for me. He just came back to get Sirius. But he was just comforting me while I was upset about the whole 'almost being killed' thing," I said, tweaking the truth a bit.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the confused looks of my friends, but I kept my gaze on Natalie. I knew they were wondering why I was being so kind to her, but I wasn't being nice out of consideration of Natalie's feelings. I was being nice because of James. I knew he really cared about Natalie, and I didn't want to ruin his relationship. Not when he had finally found somebody. I had spent years hurting him, rejecting him over and over again. I didn't want to cause him _more _pain, not when he had finally moved on. Forget _my_ feelings. When you care about somebody, they always come before you. And right now, if Natalie was what made James happy, then I wasn't about to be the person that ruined it. I didn't care if Natalie was suddenly being nice again. She would always be the girl who attacked my best friend, she would always be the girl who threatened to ruin my relationship with Austin, she would always be the girl who stole James away from me.

"Nothing happened?" she asked quietly.

"Nothing happened," I told her honestly. Really, nothing _did _happen. We just cuddled for a bit. While I agree, it was completely inappropriate, especially since James had a girlfriend, it really did make me feel better at the time.

Natalie nodded, but she still looked unsure and hurt. I looked around to Remus or Marlene to change the subject, but they were just staring at me incredulously. Thankfully, at that moment, Peter chose to finally show up.

"Hey, guys!" he beamed, looking ecstatic.

"You look happy," Dorcas observed.

"I am happy," Peter smiled, sitting down next to Natalie, much to her obvious disgust.

"There's a Hogsmeade trip soon," he announced.

"So?" Marlene shrugged.

"Well, people from the ministry are going to be there," he said happily.

"And that's a good thing?" Dorcas asked, looking confused.

"Yes! They're going to be there for the apparition tests!"

"We're going to be able to get our licenses!" I yelped, startled.

"Yeah, McGonagall just told me. I was in the common room when she put up the flyer and I asked her about it and..."

As Peter continued his story, I noticed Austin walk by...with a girl on his arm. She was very pretty. She had short blonde hair and a pretty face. I stared at them as they walked by, talking animately about something. I thought that when I saw Austin with somebody else, I would feel jealous or possessive, but I felt...nothing. The fact that he had a new girlfriend did nothing to me. I didn't feel angry, jealous, sad...nothing.

In fact, I felt happy for him. I knew I had treated him horribly, and he deserved to find somebody that would treat him better. We had our issues, but Austin really was a good boyfriend. Realizing that I was still staring at my ex-boyfriend, I turned back to my friends, ready to join in the conversation, but I caught Natalie's eye. I had the odd feeling she had been watching me stare at Austin the entire time, because she had a sad, understanding smile on her face.

"I understand," Natalie murmured, "You must miss him."

I didn't know what to say. The truth was, I didn't really miss Austin that much. We had been so out of sync in the last few months of our relationship, but I was shocked that Natalie was being so kind, especially considering she was the one who threatened to break us up.

"He misses you too," she told me, a kind smile on her face. I was touched that she was trying to be so nice, but I didn't know what she was playing at. I knew I couldn't trust Natalie. She had the annoying ability of being able to easily manipulate people, and I didn't want to be another sucker that fell for her tricks. But at the same time, she was genuinely trying to be nice. At least, I think she was.

"Lily, you've barely touched your food," Marlene said, a worried note in her voice.

I looked down at my porridge and muffin.

"Eat," Dorcas ordered me.

"I'm full," I lied, my stomach growling.

"Lily, no one's going to try and poison you again," Remus reassured me.

"Yeah, we all ate the same food and we're fine, aren't we?" Dorcas said.

I grimaced, slowly bringing a spoon full of porridge to my mouth. Everyone watched me expectantly until I finished.

"I'm done," I announced, showing off my empty plate.

"Good," Marlene smiled, "Let's go."

Dorcas and I followed Marlene out the Great Hall, leaving behind the others talking about apparating licenses. The doors to the Great Hall had just slammed shut behind me when I bumped right into Snape. He was looking at me anxiously, his greasy hair drooping lamely over his shoulders.

"You're in my way," I said nastily, shoving him aside.

"Lily, I'm so sor-"

Before Snape could finish his sentence, I saw several hexes flying in his direction. From beside me, Dorcas and Marlene had their wands pointed at Snape, different lights coming out of their wands, and from across the room, two boys had their wands pointed at Snape, different spells coming out of each one.

I glanced back at Snape, who now resembled a giant slug in a Slytherin uniform.

"What spell did _you _use?" Dorcas asked Marlene, examining Snape's new body with interest.

"Several different ones," Marlene replied, "And you?"

"Same," Dorcas muttered, "Our different hexes combined must have resulted in this," she said, poking Snape with her wand.

"Hey!" said an incredulous voice, "Don't forget about us!"

"Yeah, we want some credit too!" said another voice.

The three of us looked up to find James and Sirius walking towards us, hastily putting their wands back in their pockets.

"James!" I shrieked, running into his arms. He seemed taken aback by my warm welcome, but hugged me back just as enthusiastically. When I released him, I ran to Sirius, hugging him tightly.

"So, you guys jinxed him too?" Marlene asked, hugging James.

"Well, of course _we _did," he replied, rolling his eyes, "I can't believe _you _lot hexed him too."

"Not my best moment," Marlene replied shaking her head.

Sirius, who had his arm wrapped around Dorcas's waist, laughed. "I'm surprised our little prefect here didn't get mad," he said, teasing me.

I grinned, "Are you kidding me? I just wish I had gotten a go at him too."

Dorcas laughed, "Blimey, that felt good. You know what i mean? To just hex that git! Oh, I've been wanting to do that for years."

Sirius looked at Dorcas with amusement, "Oi, Prongs, I think we've been a bad influence on these girls."

James looked at me and grinned cockily, "I kinda like this bad girl side of you, Evans."

I laughed and hugged James again. Merlin, I missed that cocky smile of his.

"You're such an arse," I rolled my eyes. He grinned, but didn't let go of me when I tried to pull away from the hug.

"You're not going anywhere, Evans," he said, holding me firmly.

"So, now that your parents are well, you're back to your arrogant self again?" I asked, smiling.

Sirius sighed dramatically, "Oh, it's good to have him back."

I noticed Dorcas and him were now holding hands, and she was beaming up at him. I'd never seen her so happy. I wondered if this thing with Drew was that serious. She never smiled like that when she was with Drew. Granted, I'd never actually seen them together, so maybe she _was _like that around him.

"It's good to have both of you back," Marlene said sincerely.

James grinned at his best friends and finally released me, He and Sirius lunged for Marlene, both of them giving her spin-crushing hugs.

"That's enough," she gasped. Both boys released her again, but hey kept their arms around her.

"So?" I asked impatiently.

"What?" James asked, confused.

"Tell us about your parents!" Dorcas exclaimed impatiently, rolling her eyes.

"They're alive, recovering, and well," Sirius announced jovially.

"Why didn't you stay with them longer?" I asked, "You said they're going to be at St. Mungo's at least another month or so."

James rolled his eyes, "Mum made us go back."

Sirius nodded, "She was fed up with us missing school. Plus, I think we were kind of annoying her."

"We kept pulling pranks on the Healers," James grimaced.

"Why would you do that?" Marlene asked.

Sirius shrugged, "We were bored."

"Dad thought it was funny, though," James said rationally.

"Yeah, we gave him a right laugh everyday," Sirius said importantly.

"Then again, that man laughs at anything," James said thoughtfully.

"That's true," Marlene nodded, "Put that bloke in front of a blank white wall, and he'd probably find a way to make a joke of it."

Dorcas giggled, "Oh, you're Dad's so much fun at parties. Remember that one time when he mooned all those muggles in town?"

Marlene and Sirius cracked up, but James looked horrified.

"No! When did he do that? Merlin, that's embarrassing," he said, shuddering at the thought.

I smiled, "That's funny. I want to meet him."

"Oh, you'll love his parents," Dorcas said earnestly, "His Dad's hilarious. It's where James gets his sense of humor from."

"And his Mum is amazing," Marlene added, "She's the ultimate mum. You know? She bakes, cooks, knits, rubs your back when your sick, the who ordeal. Plus she's just about the sweetest woman to ever live...well, just as long as you don't cross her."

"That woman can be terrifying. Remember when we almost burned the house down when we were thirteen? I'd never heard a person yell for so long before," Sirius recalled.

"I told you it was a bad idea," James said.

"Excuse me, but who was the one lighting them all up?" Sirius said.

I smiled, listening to the different stories my friends told about the Potter family.

"Merlin!" yelped James after several minutes, "I should probably go find Nat. It is Valentine's Day, after all."

We all watched him sprint to the Great Hall, shouting Natalie's name. I felt a twinge of jealousy at how excited he was to see her. I imagined they would probably be snogging all day, if not doing more. James and Natalie's reputations weren't exactly good ones. Granted, they weren't quite as bad as Sirius, but they were still both known for...erm...what's the word...not taking things slowly?

I felt sick to my stomach, imagining James and Natalie going at it. _I _was supposed to be the one James wanted. Not her.

"It's Valentine's Day?" Sirius asked, looking shocked.

Dorcas rolled her eyes, "Of course you'd forget."

"Who said I forgot?"

"You just said you did."

"No, I asked if it was Valentine's Day."

"Why would you ask something if you already knew the answer?"

"Because I'm annoying."

"Can't argue with you there."

"Plus, I needed a build up to what's coming next."

Dorcas frowned, "What's coming next?"

"This," Sirius replied, pulling out a single white rose. He handed it to Dorcas, who looked thunderstruck. Sirius usually wasn't one for romantic gestures. Marlene and I squealed happily as we watched the two of them. Dorcas stared at the rose, slowly taking it into her hands.

"That's really sweet, Sirius," she said, grinning. Their eyes met briefly, but she quickly looked away.

"There's more," he said, handing her a card and a small box.

Dorcas stared at him, "Sirius, this is too much. I'm not even your girlfriend."

"Yet," Sirius corrected her.

"Not ever," Dorcas said firmly, handing him back the rose.

I felt my stomach drop at the heartbroken look on Sirius's face. "Why not?" he asked quietly.

"I've been seeing someone," she muttered, staring at her feet.

"Oh."

Marlene and I exchanged looks, unsure of what to do.

"It was a very sweet gesture, though," Dorcas said, resting her hand on his shoulder.

"Keep the rose, please...and the other gifts..." Sirius said, handing her the presents.

Dorcas shook her head, "I couldn't..."

"It'd make me happy," Sirius told her earnestly.

Dorcas hesitated before taking the card and small box into her hand. She gently shook the box next to her ear.

"What is it?" she asked.

Sirius looked embarrassed, "Erm...it's just earrings...I thought it would match that purple necklace you wear sometimes...I know it's your favorite..."

Dorcas stopped shaking the box and just stared at it, looking stunned.

I felt Marlene nudge me, and we both slowly backed away, allowing Dorcas and Sirius to have a private moment.

"Where are we going?" I asked once Dorcas and Sirius were out of earshot. I doubted they noticed we were gone.

"The library?" Marlene suggested.

I nodded, "Good. I need to get that essay on goblin wars finished."

"Ooh! Me too!" Marlene remembered.

"Hey, what should we do about Snape?" I asked after a quiet pause.

"Just leave him, I guess. I'm sure someone will notice his absence."

"I think, most likely, the people will notice a giant slug running around the school," I said, rolling my eyes.

"That too," Marlene laughed.

"Hey! Wait up!"

We turned around to find Dorcas running toward us. As she came closer, we noticed a sad gleam in her beautiful blue eyes.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," Dorcas mumbled, staring at her feet.

"Okay, how about we talk about what Jason has planned for me tonight?" Marlene asked lightly.

Dorcas looked up, grinning, "You know I can't tell you that."

"It was worth a shot," Marlene sighed.

"How are things going with you two, anyway?" I asked as we started walking again.

Marlene blushed, "I really like him. We might...I think...I think I'm possibly ready to take things to the next level with him."

"What do you mean?" I frowned.

Dorcas rolled her eyes, "What do you _think _she means, Lil?"

I thought about it for a second before it occurred to me. "You you're going to _sleep _with him!" I whispered.

Marlene smiled, "I think I'm ready."

"Are you sure about this?" I asked worriedly.

"I think I might love him."

"Already?" I asked, outraged. Honestly, people nowadays used 'love' way to frequently.

"I loved Sirius when we did it, and it I don't regret it at all. We were in love at the time, and it was a great experience," Dorcas said wisely, "So, just make sure your feelings for him are real, okay?"

Marlene considered this, "Fair enough."

"Looks like I'm going to be the only virgin left in the group," I said, sighing.

Dorcas and Marlene stopped walking and stared at me. I turned around to find their stunned faces gazing incredulously at me.

"What?" I asked uncertainly.

"You and Austin...you never-"

"Nope," I told them, feeling uncomfortable with the conversation.

"Why not?" Dorcas demanded.

I shrugged, "I never wanted to, I guess."

Marlene looked disbelievingly at me, "But Austin was perfect. You were obssessed with the bloke. He was smart, nice, and _fit_. Plus you went out with him for over a year. He was the perfect guy. If you didn't want to do it with _him_, then who _do_ you want to do it with?"

As she said this, James's face popped up in my head, his twinkling hazel eyes winking mischievously at me; him running a hand through his messy hair, making it even messier; his thin lips smirking cockily at me. He was everything I wanted.

"I don't know," I lied.


	17. The New Dorcas

**Chapter Seventeen: The New Dorcas**

* * *

As March approached, and thankfully it began to warm up outside, I noticed something odd happening. Dorcas. She wasn't...Dorcas-y anymore. Usually, Dorcas was the wild, crazy party-girl. She was known for sneaking out and chugging down bottles of firewhisky in less than a minute. She was outgoing, smart, beautiful, funny...She could even do that weird thing where you tied a cherry stem with your tongue. She was the kind of person that everyone knew her name, whether they hated her or loved her.

Lately, though, she'd been quieter, less outspoken. She spent most of her time in the library, studying. Yes, Dorcas Meadowes, queen of last-minute cramming, was actually doing her work ahead of time. She was even acting differently in class. Usually, she would just sit in the back corner, doodling in her notebooks, but I'd noticed her taking actual notes lately. She would even participate in class and answer questions. Anyone would think that Dorcas had just gotten her act together, that she was finally focusing on school and not on boys. But I knew better. It wasn't just her attitude toward school that had changed, it was everything.

No more crazy hairstyles and outfits. No more drinking. No more partying. No more sneaking out. No more flirting with boys. No more jokes. No more spontaneousness. No more Dorcas.

Really, I'm not being dramatic. She was a completely different person. She wore the regular school robes just like everybody else; she wouldn't tweak it or add a dash of color here or there. The crazy (sometimes tacky) jewelry had all been thrown at the bottom of her trunk, gathering dust. Her hair was kept natural and down. She wouldn't wear make up, only a tiny bit of concealer to cover up a blemish or two.

When the marauders invited her to sneak out with them, she would always decline, giving them stern, patronizing looks. Instead, she would suggest they spend their time doing something productive like studying or reading a book.

On Saturday nights, when Sirius would spontaneously throw parties in the common room, Dorcas would just shake her head, looking around disdainfully at all the students drinking and partying. Which was a bit hypocritical considering she was coined the champion of shots, even beating Sirius sometimes.

When blokes came up to her, she would shoot them down, not giving them the time of the day. Which was _very _odd since she was probably the biggest flirt I knew (again, not counting Sirius).

She would be the first one up every morning, which was weird because usually we had to drag her out of bed. It was all so odd. And once she was up, she would go down to the Great Hall, grab a biscuit, and head straight to the library. Even during free periods, she would be in the library. Not even _I _spent that much time in the library.

Her new behavior would be fine, except, it wasn't just her actions that had changed, it was her personality too. Dorcas was the most obnoxious, outspoken, sarcastic, funny, dramatic girl I'd ever met. Except, she wasn't anymore. She was very quiet now, reserved. She would barely speak to us, and when she did talk, it was usually about something involving school. She wasn't Dorcas.

And it was freaking all of us out. Especially Sirius.

"I can't believe it," he said, "we've lost Dorcas."

"She has been acting very strange lately, hasn't she?" I said, scratching my head.

"She's like a Lily 2.0," Marlene said, "except worse."

"Yeah," James agreed, "at least Lily has a personality."

I shot them both a look.

"We need to do something," Sirius said firmly.

"Like what? She won't talk to us!"

Marlene checked her watch, "Blimey, I'm late. I'm supposed to meet Jason at the entrance hall."

"See you in Hogsmeade," I smiled, waving.

"Looks like it's just the three of us," James grinned, holding out his hand for me.

"Where's Remus and Peter?" I frowned, taking his hand.

Sirius and James exchanged looks.

"Sirius...is...erm...he's ill..."

"Again!" I exclaimed miserably.

"Don't worry, Peter is with him," James said.

"Why isn't he coming?"

Sirius laughed, "Are you kidding? The bloke can't apparate to save his life."

"He did it last time!" I recalled.

"He left behind his fingernails," James reminded me.

"So? It's not like he left behind his legs! How important are fingernails, anyway?" I asked.

"Important enough," I heard Dorcas say.

I whipped my head around to find Dorcas walking on the other side of James. "Dorky!" I exclaimed.

She smiled, "Hey, Lil."

"Glad you could join us," Sirius grinned.

She nodded, and continued looking forward, not saying another world.

"Usually, this is where you would say something cute and witty, and we'd all laugh," Sirius told her.

Dorcas gazed at him for a moment, her deep blue eyes studying his face. There was no trace of humor or laughter in her eyes. She just looked at him blankly.

"Never mind," Sirius said, irritated.

"Are you angry?" she asked.

"Damn right I'm angry," he snapped.

"What did I do?" she asked, frowning.

"Sirius, not now," I heard James murmur. Sirius glared at Dorcas another second, and then walked ahead of us, looking sour.

"That was odd," Dorcas said calmly, not even bothered.

I frowned, "Don't you want to talk to him?"

"About what?"

"About why he's so upset!"

Dorcas raised her eyebrows, "Should I?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed, shocked she was being so dismissive of Sirius.

Dorcas considered this, "I'll speak with him later, if he's still upset."

"You ready for the test?" James asked, tearing his eyes away from his best friend, who was now walking with Jason and Marlene.

Dorcas nodded, "That reminds me, James. You're not old enough to take the exam. You don't turn seventeen for another two and a half weeks."

"That's true!" I exclaimed, suddenly realizing this.

"You think I'd miss the opportunity to go to Hogsmeade?" he asked, smirking obnoxiously.

"But you're not allowed to go! What if you get caught?" I worried.

"Then I'll probably get detention," he shrugged.

I laughed, and I expected to hear a giggle come from Dorcas's lips but she was silent, watching us disapprovingly.

"Problem?" James asked lightly, though I could see the frustration in his eyes.

"I just don't think you should go, that's all," she said simply.

"Why not?"

"It's breaking the rules," she said, shaking her head warily.

"Look who's talking," James barked a laugh.

Dorcas gazed at James for a second. "I'm not that person anymore. I've changed," she finally said.

"I can see that," he replied coldly.

"I'm a better person now," she said quietly, looking ahead as we approached the gates.

"I wouldn't say better," James muttered. I elbowed him.

Dorcas didn't appear to hear him, though. She was staring up ahead of her, a look of sadness but determination etched on her face. I wondered what was going through her mind. Why was she being like this?

In the distance, I saw a handsome looking bloke standing in the middle of the street, his neck craning around as students jumbled around him. He seemed to be looking for someone. He looked to be about our age, but I'd never seen him before. I wondered if he was home schooled, or maybe he went to a different school. Wouldn't that be brilliant? To meet somebody from Durmstrang or Beauxbaton?

"Who's that?" I wondered.

"Drew," Dorcas replied, a small smile on her face. I gasped, turning back to look at Drew. He was tall, taller than even Sirius or James. He had light blue eyes, not nearly as deep as Dorcas's but they were still pretty nonetheless. He had bright blond hair that had been slicked back neatly, making him look mature and intellectual. He had glasses that made him look, not nerdy, but smart and classy. To perfect the look of maturity, he was carrying several heavy books, while still keeping a perfect posture. It was incredible; he was the complete opposite of Sirius. A few feet from him, Sirius was standing, talking to Marlene, waving his hands around energetically. His handsome face was wide and grinning, but his eyes looked tired and sad. His hair was dark and sleek, but he wore it lazily and messy. Not nearly as messy as James, but still messy in a ruggedly-handsome kind of way.

"Wow," was all I could say.

"You want to meet him?" she asked us, her eyes lighting up. It was the happiest I'd seen her in days.

"Okay," I smiled, following her as she led the way to Drew.

"Hey," he smiled, finally spotting her. He leaned down and gave her a sweet kiss. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Sirius. He had frozen in the middle of telling his story, staring in the direction of Dorcas and Drew. Marlene and Jason turned around to see what he was looking at, and their faces dawned with comprehension once they saw us. James grimaced apologetically to his friend before turning back to face Dorcas.

"These are my...erm...friends, Lily and James," Dorcas told him.

"Nice to meet you," he said politely.

"You too," James replied coolly.

"Are you lot excited to get your licenses. I remember when I got mine. Blimey, I was so nervous," Drew recalled.

"Really? How old are you?" James asked, his protective-older-brotherly-ness coming out.

"I turned twenty last week," he told us, a smile on his face.

"He's studying to become a Healer," Dorcas said proudly.

"Really?" I asked surprised. And here I thought he was just some bloke who worked in a shop.

"Yeah, I just work in the shop to help pay for school. Mum and Dad don't exactly have loads of money," he told us, completely unembarrassed. As much as I hated to admit it, I was impressed.

"He's met your mum, James," Dorcas said, smiling. And it was a real smile, one where her eyes lit up and her whole face was glowing. I hadn't seen her smile like that in weeks.

"She said I had potential," Drew said in wonder, "and that's really saying something. They say she's one of the best in the business."

James blushed, "She's pretty good, yeah."

"When did you meet her?" I asked.

"Erm...a few weeks back...I was attending to her and she said I had quite good instincts..." Drew said, trying to remember.

"What do you mean you were attending to her?" James asked.

"Oh, well, I was just reapplying her bandages," he shrugged.

"So, she's doing okay? I mean, the poison...they...they've found a cure right?" James asked urgently.

"That's classified information," Drew grimaced apologetically, "They would never tell a trainee like me something like that."

"Hello," I heard Marlene say, coming in between me and James.

"Oh, Drew, this is Marlene," Dorcas said.

"Hi," Marlene said, staring at Dorcas. I knew she was thinking the same thing I was: Dorcas was actually smiling!

"We really should get going," I said, glancing at my watch.

"Oh, right. Well, I'll just wait in the Three Broomsticks for you, okay?" Drew said, turning to face Dorcas.

"Sounds great," she smiled, giving him a kiss.

We all trudged down the small street.

"So, did you lot like him?" Dorcas asked tentatively.

"He makes you happy," I mused, noticing that Dorcas was smiling for real.

"He does," she nodded, "He's exactly what I need."

"What do you mean?" Marlene frowned.

"He's smart and mature. He's helped me realize that I shouldn't be wasting my life away worried about silly things like what kind of earrings go best with my glow in the dark socks. "

"I love your glow-in-the-dark socks," James said.

Dorcas smiled, "He's helped me grow up. I'm not a silly little girl anymore. I really wish you could understand."

"What do you mean?" James asked.

"You guys waste your time worried about parties and drinking, but I've realized that none of it matters. We should all be focused on school. Once we finish our sixth year, we only have one more year at Hogwarts, and then what? All that drinking and all those parties, they won't mean anything. They'll just be distant memories. Without Drew, I wouldn't have realized how much I was wasting my life. I have a plan, now. I have goals."

"I have goals!" James snapped, clearly offended.

"I know," she said placidly, "but you're really not doing anything to reach them."

"That's not fair, Dorcas. James is an excellent student," I told her, defending James, who was looking at Dorcas as if he didn't know her.

"Dorky, we have all of our lives to worry about work. Right now, we're young. We can still have fun. Yes, we need to focus on school, but that doesn't mean you have to draw away from us," Marlene said, sensing an argument.

Dorcas shook her head, "You don't understand. When I was with Sirius, it was so much fun, but what happened in the end? He broke my heart, and then I met Drew...and he was there for me. He listened, and even though he disapproved of everything I did, he still gave me a chance. He still wanted to be with me. He helped me realize my mistakes, and he's helped me become a better person."

"So, that's it," Marlene said, "this whole new Dorcas...it's because of Drew...he's the one forcing you to change."

"He's not forcing me to do anything! Okay, I saw what it was like to be like him, and it felt good. It felt good to be respected and thought of as the smart and classy girl, and not as the girl who snogged both the Prewett twins in one night. I don't want to be that girl anymore. And being with Drew, I get to start over. He doesn't look at me like all the other kids at Hogwarts do."

"Dorcas, everyone loves you," I said, struggling to understand where she was coming from.

She sighed, "Lil, no one takes me seriously. I'm just another of those blond twits who has it all in school, but once I leave, what have I got going for me?"

"You're not a bad student," Marlene said fairly, "and you're a pretty damn powerful witch."

"I'm trying to change for the better! Why can't you guys just be happy for me?" Dorcas said, agitated.

"Dorcas, I love that you're more excited about school, but it's not just your attitude towards education that's changed. It's your entire personality," I told her.

"I'm still the same person," Dorcas said.

"No," James said, "you're not. The old Dorcas was brilliant. This new one? Not so much."

Dorcas opened her mouth to retort but James had already stormed off.

"I'll talk to him," Marlene sighed.

I grabbed her arm, "No, it's okay. I will."

Marlene looked surprised that I had volunteered but she obliged.

"OI! James wait up!" I shouted, running after him. He paused for a second, allowing me to catch up.

"Can you believe her?" he said furiously, "I have goals!"

"I know you do. Listen, Dorcas went through a lot after her break up with Sirius. She just chose not to show it. And Drew is the first bloke that's made her forget about Sirius. She's just trying to please him," I said soothingly.

"Please him? Lily, she's a completely different person. She's trying to become the perfect girl for this Drew bloke, but that's not how it should be! When you're with someone, you shouldn't have to change to be with him. He should accept Dorcas as she is."

"She's just going through a phase. Once she gets bored of playing good, she'll go back," I said.

"I'm not so sure. It goes beyond that. I think she genuinely dislikes the person she used to be. Did you hear the way she talked about herself? Dorcas is so much more than a dumb bimbo. She's the bravest, most sincere person I know. She's been my best friend for years, and she's stuck with me through everything. I've done and said so many stupid things in my life, and she never judged me. She listened, and she helped me get through so much. And she always stands up for what she believes in. Have you ever heard her stay quiet on anything she disagreed? I mean, she's made so many people cry when they make fun of Pete. I just...I don't understand why she's trying to change herself."

"Maybe you should tell her that," I said quietly.

"She won't listen to anything I say. She's too stubborn."

"There's one person she'll listen to, though," I told him.

"Sirius?"

"It's worth a shot."

"I'm not so sure. Things have been odd between the two of them since she made it official with Drew," James said thoughtfully.

"Listen, not matter how weird things get between them, we both know that deep down Dorcas still cares about Sirius. And Sirius is obviously still in love with him. No matter what happens, they'll always have this...this understanding of each other...a unique bond. Sirius knows her in a way that even you and I can't comprehend. He'll know what to do and say."

James grinned at me.

"What?" I asked.

"I'm just really glad we're friends."

"Me too."

"No," he said, taking my hand, "I mean it."

"Where is this coming from?" I asked, frowning.

"You've just always know what to do and say. With my parents...and now Dorky...you're a good mate. I think maybe you're right. We're really good as friends, you know? I spent so much time pining after you, and I should have realized it would never work. I've found Natalie, and she's brilliant, and on top of that, I have you too. You were right. We're just meant to be friends."

I stared at him, wondering if he knew how much he was breaking my heart in that moment.

"Anyway, I think I'll go to Zonko's for a bit while you lot take your test," he said thoughtfully, "I really need to restock on some screaming yo-yo's. It's hilarious to play those by Wormtail when he's sleeping. He screams like a little girl."

I smiled as I watched him walk away. Wondering if he really meant what he said. All this time I had clung to the fact that deep down, I knew James fancied me. Even though he was dating Natalie, I always felt that he would rather be with me. I was just biding my time, waiting for him to realize it, allowing him to be happy with Natalie, but I shouldn't have done that. I gave him too much space, I pushed him too far. I forced him into dating other people, begging him to move on, and now that he had, I realized how wrong I was. But it too late. He really seemed to like Natalie. And no matter what I did, I couldn't take back all the things I had done and said to him. I practically pushed him into the arms of another girl, and now, after all this time, I couldn't just take him back.


	18. One Dark Cloud

**Chapter Eighteen: One Dark Cloud**

* * *

I slowly opened the doors to the hospital wing, my eyes landing on the two boys in the corner, laughing. Immediately, my eyes sought the skinny boy lying on the bed. He was propped up against a pillow and he looked happy and well, but I winced as I noticed the dark circles under his eyes. He looked absolutely exhausted.

"Hey," Remus smiled, beckoning me forward.

"Did you pass?" Peter demanded as I approached them.

Remus rolled his eyes, "Of course she did."

"How are you feeling?" I asked, sitting in the chair next to his bed.

"Brilliant."

I looked at him dubiously.

"Honestly, Lily, I feel fine. I'm just angry I couldn't go into town with everyone else."

"No, you're not," I said seriously, "Believe me."

"Why not?" he frowned.

"We met Drew," I told him.

"The boyfriend?" Remus questioned.

"You don't like him?" Peter asked.

"Oh, no, I think he's fine. But James and Sirius...not so much...they accused him of 'breaking' Dorcas."

"Breaking Dorcas?"

I nodded fervently, "They said she's not the same person anymore and that he's the reason she's so different."

"She has been acting very oddly," Peter nodded.

"I don't understand what's going on with her," I sighed, frustrated.

"She'll come around," Remus said soothingly.

I grimaced, "She's different, Remus. Like a completely different person."

"No, she's not," Remus said firmly, "Merlin, you sound like Sirius. Both of you are being entirely too dramatic."

"Poor Sirius," I sighed, "He looked so miserable today."

"Why? Didn't he pass?" Peter asked, alarmed.

"Passed? Oh, no, no...he passed just fine. It's just that, afterward, we all went to the Three Broomsticks, and he met Drew there...and oh, he looked so heartbroken seeing them together. And Dorcas looked so happy with him...oh, I could tell it was killing Sirius. And then Dorcas said she never wanted to speak with him again..."

"Wait, what!" Remus barked.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you: Well, Sirius and James got annoyed listening to Dorcas gush about how Drew wanted to become a Healer and how smart and amazing he was, and they just sort of lost it."

"What do you mean?" Peter asked curiously.

"Well, they accused Drew of 'breaking' Dorcas, and Sirius looked like he was ready to punch him, but Dorcas got really angry. She told Sirius and James that her future was with Drew and that she didn't need friends who would attack her boyfriend and who wouldn't support her. And then she said that she didn't want to talk or see either one of them ever again."

"Blimey, we missed a lot," Peter said, looking upset he had missed so much drama.

"I'm sure they'll make up," Remus said.

"Yeah," I said, "but this time they all took it too far. They all said horrible things to each other...it's gonna take time..."

"They all love each other. They won't let some silly argument get in the way of that."

I nodded, "I don't want to talk about them anymore. How are you feeling Remus? Do you need me to bring you anything? Any books from your dorm? Homework? Chess board? Anything?"

He smiled, "Just the company of you and Peter is enough."

* * *

James and Dorcas hadn't spoken in weeks, not since their big fight in Hogsmeade. I could tell that James missed her; they'd known each since they were practically babies. He had apologized for his behavior, but he still thought he was right. Dorcas forgave him immediately, but she said she didn't want any friends who wouldn't support the new decisions she was making in her life. So, after that, James and Dorcas's friendship had ended. They were polite and courteous to one another, but Dorcas refused to be anything more. She claimed she only wanted to surround herself with positive people.

I could tell that they both missed each other, but they were both too darn stubborn to admit it. I would catch both of them sneaking glances at each other from across the room, a sad look on both their faces.

As for Sirius, he was never very good at expressing his feelings. He would pretend he didn't care that the love of his life wasn't speaking to him. It was quite a different tactic he was trying. A few month ago, he was following Dorcas around, begging her to take him back. Now, though, I think he's finally given up. Which, in my opinion, is really very sad. They only dated a few months, but I'd never seen either of them so happy than in those few months. I watched as both of my friends went through hell, trying to move on, and now I was watching as both of them pretended not to care, faking a smile and laugh everywhere they went.

Dorcas wanted Sirius to apologize for attacking Drew, but we all knew he would never apologize. So, both of them, just sort of ignored each other, pretending they were complete strangers. I wondered if Dorcas had any feelings at all left for Sirius. Sometimes, when no on else was looking, I would see her smiling at him. And not just any ordinary smile, a real smile. The kind of smile where your whole face lights up, and there's a small twinkle in your eye.

A few months ago, Dorcas would always be smiling like that, but now, it seemed she never smiled. She never had any fun. She never laughed. She never played. All she did was sit in the library or her room, doing schoolwork or reading a book.

Over the Easter holidays, James and Marlene wrote to me nearly everyday. James wrote about how his parents were finally home and were slowly getting back to work. He also told me that he was helping Sirius look for a flat. Sirius didn't want to be a burden on the Potters anymore, so he was moving out. I knew James was disappointed he wouldn't be living with his best friend anymore, but I still thought it was a very mature thing for Sirius to do.

Marlene, on the other hand, wasn't nearly as cheerful as James. She complained that she barely saw Dorcas at all, and when she did, Dorcas was a completely different person, not at all acting like herself. Even her parents were starting to worry about her.

Petunia had gone on a vacation with Vernon and his family, so I was glad to be spending some alone time with my parents. Though I cherished every moment I spent with my Dad, I also hated them at the same time. Every minute I spent with him, I could tell he was getting weaker. His body was failing him, simple as that. I tried to think positively, but a part of me knew that there was a chance he wouldn't make it. At the end of the break, when Mum was driving me to the train station, I really didn't want to leave her. She was so sad and heartbroken...I didn't want her to have to deal with Dad alone. It was too much for one person to handle. I couldn't imagine what she must be going through; to have to watch the person you love slowly grow weaker and weaker, with little hope of getting better. And worse, she had to do it all alone. Petunia was almost never around and I had to go away to school. I really didn't want her to be alone, but at the same time, I knew she needed this time with Dad.

"You be good now, okay?" she said, waving as I leaned casually into the barrier.

She didn't cry, not once. Throughout the entire week, even when we had to rush Dad to the hospital one night, she never cried. She stayed strong and positive. I knew she didn't need me, but I still wanted to there for her.

"Took you long enough," Sirius said impatiently, taking my trunk.

"Nice to see you too," I said, following him onto the train.

"So, you want to hear the good or the bad news first?" he asked.

"What bad news?" I frowned, my heart suddenly racing. I had scanned the pages of the Daily Prophet everyday, looking for deaths of people I might know, but I hadn't found any.

"Remus...he's erm...he's very ill...he won't be back for another couple of days," Sirius said.

"Why is he always ill? You know, he never tells me what it is that he has..."

"Anyway," Sirius said loudly, "don't you want to hear the good news?"

"Okay," I sighed, "what's the good news?"

"James and Natalie broke up," Sirius smirked at me, a knowing look in his eye.

"And why would that be good news?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because you're secretly in love with him," he said, rolling his eyes.

I scoffed, "Don't be ridiculous."

"You can deny it all you want, but I know the truth," Sirius smirked.

"Hey, James wrote to me all of break. How come he didn't tell me about Natalie?" I frowned.

"Because it happened about ten minutes ago," Sirius shrugged.

"How's he doing?" I asked as we made our way down the aisles. As we passed the compartments, I noticed Austin. He was hugging someone, whispering something in her ear. I stopped in my tracks, staring at him. It had been months since we'd spoken. I wondered how he was doing. I'd seen him with a girl a couple of times, and i wondered whether he was seeing her.

Sirius, who was still rambling on about who knows what, bumped into me.

"Oh, sorry," I mumbled.

"You miss him?" Sirius asked, looking in the direction at which I was staring.

"It's not necessarily that I miss him...it's just weird, you know? You go from seeing one person everyday to not speaking to them in months..." I said.

"I heard he was going out with Patricia Miller," Sirius said, waiting for my reaction.

"She's a nice girl," I said distantly, noticing the other person in the compartment with him. It was Natalie. She had been the one he was hugging.

"She looks upset," Sirius said, stating the obvious. Natalie's face was streaked with tears, her gorgeous eyes red with puffiness. She was listening intently to what Austin was saying, the tears still quickly streaming down her cheeks.

"How'd it happen?" I asked.

SIrius shrugged, "No idea. James just came in and told me Natalie broke up with him."

"She broke up with _him_,"I gasped, not believing him. We slowly started back down the aisle, looking for the compartment with all of our friends.

"That's what he said," Sirius shrugged, pushing me into the compartment at my right. I quickly slipped into the compartment to find James, Marlene, and Peter all huddled together. James looked miserable. Marlene and Peter were saying something to him, but he looked completely uninterested.

"Hey," I said softly, staring in his direction. Immediately, his eyes found mine, and they slowly filled with emotion.

"You heard," he said.

"She look upset," I said, slowly making my way toward him. I sat down beside him

"I don't understand why...I thought things were good between us," he said miserably.

I leaned into him, wrapping my arms around him. He followed in my lead while the others looked on smugly as two of us embraced.

"Where's Dorcas?" I finally asked, pulling away from James. He reluctantly let go of me.

"She said she should be here soon," Marlene said, poking her head out of the compartment to look up and down the aisle.

I sighed, getting up. "Well, I'm going to go talk to Austin," I said.

"Why?" James asked, frowning slightly.

"I need to apologize," I admitted, "I treated him terribly in the last few months of our relationship. And when I saw him earlier, I just...I want to apologize, to make things right."

The others looked at me dubiously but they allowed me to leave. I quickly made my way down the aisle, walking purposefully to Austin's compartment. Outside, I heard the loud horn of the train, and beneath my feet, the train slowly started to move. I stood in front of the compartment door, allowing the train to pick up speed. Finally, after several odd looks from people passing by, I hesitantly knocked on the door and opened it.

"Lily?" Austin asked.

I smiled hesitantly, "Hey."

"Is everything alright?" he asked, frowning.

"Erm...I just...I wanted to speak with you, that's all..." I stammered, aware that several of his friends were staring at me. Natalie, in particular, had narrowed her eyes at me. I noticed her eyes were still puffy, but she was no longer crying. Though she still had that distant, miserable look in her eye that James had.

"Oh," he said, "well, okay."

He stood up and followed me out. I closed the compartment door behind us.

"Is everything okay?" he asked, evidently confused.

I sighed, not sure how to begin apologizing.

"I just...I wanted to apologize for the way I treated you. I lead you on for months, making you believe I loved you, when in truth I didn't. And it was wrong, and I am so sorry. I should have apologized to you months ago, I know. It's just...seeing James so upset about Natalie. I really hope you didn't feel the way he does. It sucks what I did to you and I'm so sorry."

He gazed at me intently for several seconds. "You didn't have to apologize," he finally said.

"Yes, I did. You were such an amazing boyfriend. You didn't deserve what I did to you."

"That's true," he nodded, "but I wasn't that great of a boyfriend if you think about it. I always put you second. I can understand why you would fall for somebody else."

I stared at my feet, not wanting to get into a discussion about James.

"How come you haven't told him how you feel?" he asked me.

"I pushed him away, and he's moved on. Believe it or not, but he actually genuinely has feelings for Natalie. I don't know why they broke up..."

"She broke up with him, Lil, because he's so obviously still in love with you. And if I'm not mistaken, I think you love him too."

I groaned, "Why does everybody keep saying that? Merlin, do you people not realize that 'love' is a big word. You can't just go tossing it around!"

Austin laughed, "Look, I know what it's like to be in love with somebody. I was in love with you, Lily, even if you didn't return my love. I know what it looks like when you're in love with someone. The look that I used to give you, it's the same way you look at James. I see the way you smile and the way your eyes light up when you look at him. He does the same thing to you."

"He also looks at Natalie the same way," I said softly, "Sometimes, when I'm looking at James, I notice him looking at her. And he has this look on his face, like he can't believe he's lucky enough to be with her. I can't compete with that. Whatever issues I have with Natalie, if she's what makes him happy, then who am I to stand in their way?"

Austin nodded, "Maybe you should try telling Natalie that."

"She wouldn't listen to me."

"Why not?"

"She hates me!"

Austin smiled, "No, she doesn't. Listen, she told me about everything...about what she said to you at the hospital wing, and she's really sorry, Lily. She misses you. Natalie...she doesn't exactly have loads of friends that are girls. She really cared about you, and she's been trying to make up for it. You were one of the few people who didn't judge her and you were always there for her. She made a mistake, but she's willing to make up for it, if you let her."

"How do you know?"

"Because I told him," Natalie said, opening the compartment door.

"I'll give you two a minute," Austin muttered, heading back into his compartment.

"Austin!" I said before he could close the compartment door, "thanks."

"For what?" he frowned.

"For that year and a half we went out. I really did care about you."

"I know," he smiled, slowly closing the door to the compartment, leaving me and Natalie alone.

"Lily, Austin was telling the truth. I'm so sorry for what I said, and for how I treated Dorcas."

I scoffed, "You expect me to think you're sorry for what you did to Dorcas."

"Dorcas and I have always been...competitive...but I never meant for it to ever get physical."

I nodded, "Well, it's Dorcas you should be apologizing to."

"I did."

"You apologized to Dorcas?" I asked in disbelief.

She nodded, "Yeah, before Easter break, I told her I was sorry."

"What'd she say?"

"She said she forgives me."

"Dorcas wouldn't give in that easy. She'd make you work for it," I said, shaking my head.

Natalie nodded, "Yeah, I didn't think it'd be that easy either. But she's changed a lot, you know? Ever since she started dating that kid in town."

I gazed out the window sadly, thinking of how much Dorcas has changed. What was going on with her?"

"You're worried about her," Natalie said.

I nodded, "She just...she says she's happy, but I can tell she's not. All the humor and happiness is gone from her, and I don't know how to make it better. She's been so distant and quiet...it's so not like her..."

"James said the same thing," Natalie nodded.

I narrowed my eyes, "Yeah, about James. What the hell did you do to him? He seemed miserable!"

"He'll get over it."

"No, I don't think he will."

"The only person for James is you, Lily."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, for starters, he left his parent's bedside, and travelled all the way back to Hogwarts just to see that you woke up. He spent years chasing after you, begging you to go out with him. Over Easter break, he only wrote to me once. And then I find out, he wrote to you every single day! He's always staring at you, and always gives you that stupid dopey smile. I tried to deny it, but there's no changing the fact that it's always been you."

I stared at her, my head spinning.

"It wouldn't have worked out between us anyway. I'm going to be finishing school in a few months, and I don't think we would have made it through that."

"Well, if it makes you feel better, he did...he _does _still really care about you."

She smiled sadly, "Yeah, I really care about him too."

I watched as she shrugged and turned back around, heading back to her compartment. I turned around too, going back to my own compartment, where James and everyone else would be awaiting me.

Inside, everyone had already gathered into comfortable positions, each of them doing their own thing. Dorcas had arrived, and she was sitting far away from both James and Sirius, whom where both avoiding eye contact with her. She looked up from the book she was reading, and briefly smiled at me before going back to her reading. It was an odd greeting. Usually, Dorcas would be the one who got up, running to you, hugging you tightly until you couldn't breathe. Marlene was sitting beside her, talking to Alice and Mary. Frank was talking to Peter and Jason about Quidditch. Sirius was sitting beside James, avoiding eye contact with Dorcas, while scanning the Daily Prophet, whispering something to James. I plopped on James's other side, and leaned into their conversation.

"...muggle disappearances. I don't know what Voldemort would want with muggles..." Sirius was saying in a low voice.

"Probably just bored," James laughed bitterly.

"Any deaths?" I asked fearfully.

Sirius sighed, "No one we know."

I nodded, relieved. I still felt for the people who died, don't get me wrong, but my heart had lifted, knowing everybody I knew was still perfectly safe.

"Did you talk to _Austin_," James asked pointedly, looking away from me.

"Yes, I did."

"And?"

"He was really nice. I'm glad I spoke to him. I don't feel guilty anymore..."

James and Sirius exchanged looks.

"What?" I asked.

Sirius shrugged, "Nothing...it's just...you never told us why you and him broke up in the first place."

I blushed, and looked away from James. "I told you, I was dreaming out loud," I muttered, knowing I had turned scarlet.

"What does that _mean_?" Sirius pried.

"It means she'll tell you when she's ready," James told him firmly, coming to my rescue.

"Exactly," I said, throwing James a grateful smile.

Sirius glared at the two of us, "Oh, why don't you two just snog already?"

"Excuse me," James said, "but I just got out of a relationship."

"You don't seem that heartbroken to me," Sirius snapped.

James considered this, "Would you rather I mope around?"

"Good point," Sirius nodded.

"You know, I spoke to Natalie too," I told them absentmindedly.

"Oh, no."

"What'd you say to her?"

"Please tell me you didn't make her cry."

"Why do you hate her so much, anyway?"

I glared at the two of them. "What kind of person do you think I am? Why would I make her cry?"

"Because you hate her guts," James said, rolling his eyes.

"I do not! In fact, we actually made up. All is forgiven."

James stared at me.

"What now?" I sighed.

"You and Natalie make up _after _we break up?" he asked me incredulously.

"So?"

"Why couldn't you two have played nice when we were together? Do you know how hard it was for me to keep the two of you from clawing each other's eyes out?"

"Okay, first of all, not everything is about you. And second, I was totally nice to Natalie when you two were together!"

James shook his head in disbelief.

Sirius snorted, "Yeah, but it was so obvious you wanted to hit her half the time."

"Did not," I retorted.

"Did," Sirius shot back.

"Didn't."

"Did."

"Didn't."

"Did."

"I swear, you two have got to be the most annoying arses in the entire planet!" I groaned.

James grinned cockily, "But think of how boring your life would be without us."

"Very true," Sirius nodded.

I rolled my eyes and leaned into James. He wrapped his arms around me as I cuddled into him, closing my eyes. I was finally free. I had settled things with Austin. Natalie and I had made up. James and Natalie were broken up. The only thing that bothered me was Dorcas. I glanced over at her, to find her staring dully out the window, refusing to participate in conversation. I could see the sadness in her deep blue eyes. She was the one dark cloud in my otherwise perfect evening. I couldn't help but worry about her. What had driven her to be this withdrawn?

I caught Marlene's eye, and we both exchanged worried looks. Marlene and Dorcas had grown up together, there was nobody who knew Dorcas better than Marlene (well, maybe Sirius). No one could figure out what was going on with her. We wanted to get Dorky back. We just didn't know how to do it.


	19. Yellow Lilies and Firewhiskey

**Chapter Nineteen: Yellow Lilies and Firewhiskey**

* * *

I glanced at my watch, "It's nearly midnight."

"He'll be here," James soothed me.

"Argh! Moony's always on time. Why is he late now?" Sirius said, pacing around the common room.

Marlene, who was doodling in her notebook, looked up, "Where has he been anyway?"

"At home. He was...erm...sick," Sirius said.

"He's _always _sick," I complained, "and he never tells me what disease he has."

"Right!" Marlene exclaimed, straightening up, "whenever I ask him, he just changes the subject."

James shifted uncomfortably next to me.

"Hey, remember when Snape used to have all those crazy theories as to why Remus was always sick?" Marlene said to me.

"Oh, yeah!" I giggled, "He was convinced that Remus was a werewolf at one point."

Sirius coughed uncomfortably.

"He said that?" James asked me quietly.

"Yeah, in our fourth year he was obsessed with trying to find out what Remus had. And then, remember that night Sirius played that stupid joke on him? And you ended up saving his life? Well, ever since then, he just sort of quit snooping around," I recalled, frowning.

"Git," Sirius muttered under his breath as the portrait hold swung open revealing a skinny boy with thin brown hair.

"Remus!" I shouted, running to him.

"Moony!" Sirius and James exclaimed at the same time.

"Woah, there, I wasn't expecting to have all of you waiting for me," he smiled, obviously touched.

"Yeah, well, Wormtail was waiting too, but he fell asleep," Sirius said, pointing to the round lump on the couch under a red blanket.

"And Dorcas was really tired," Marlene explained, hugging him.

Remus nodded, looking slightly disappointed Dorcas wasn't there too.

"Poor Wormtail," James sighed, "he almost made it through the night without falling asleep."

"You know what I always wondered?" Marlene said suddenly.

"What?"

"What does Wormtail mean? I mean, where did you guys come up with these nicknames?" she asked curiously.

"Oh, yeah. What's with Prongs? And Padfoot? Or even Moony?" I questioned.

The boys exchanged looks.

"What do you mean?" James asked blankly.

"You know, what's the reason behind your nicknames," Marlene asked.

"Erm...you know, I'm actually really tired," Remus said, faking a yawn.

"Oh, it _is _getting rather late," James added, backing away.

"Loads of work to do tomorrow," Sirius said, sprinting up the stairs. James and Remus followed him up, leaving me and Marlene staring, open-mouthed at them as they left.

"Well, that was weird," I mused.

"Well, it's the marauders. What do you expect?" she shrugged.

"Good point," I nodded, following her back up to our dormitory. We found Dorcas fast asleep, not even remembering it was the night Remus had returned. I knew she didn't mean to forget, and that she was still going through a lot, but I also knew she had hurt Remus by being the only one not there to greet him.

I jumped into my bed, instantly falling asleep, all my worries about Dorcas forgotten as I dreamed of a certain raven haired boy with honey-brown eyes.

* * *

"...notes you missed," I said the next morning, handing Remus a stack of notes I took while he was gone.

"Thanks," he said, relieved, "I didn't know how I was going to get caught up in my classes."

"You only missed two days," James pointed out, rolling his eyes.

"Two days is a lot!" Remus replied, skimming the notes I had carefully taken for him.

"Anyway, I organized everything by color," I told him, "and the dates are all highlighted...oh, and I left extra notes in the margin...just things I thought were important even though they weren't mentioned in the lecture..."

Remus looked impressed, "These are almost as organized as my notes."

"Almost," I scoffed.

"Oh, yeah, Remus has a whole system," Marlene interjected rolling his eyes.

"Really?" I asked.

"Oh, yeah," Remus nodded.

"I'm impressed," I said, nodding at him approvingly.

Sirius stared at us. "Why am I friends with you people?" he asked, shaking his head.

I grinned, "Oh, you love us."

"It's sad, but true," he sighed.

I went back to my breakfast, absentmindedly playing with my scrambled eggs.

"You're still not eating?" James asked me, looking worried.

"It makes me nervous, that's all," I replied, slowly bringing a spoon full of eggs to my mouth.

James watched me until I had finished chewing and swallowing my food.

"Stop staring at me like that," I snapped, "you're making me self-conscious."

"I'm going to keep staring at you until you finish eating," he said, crossing his arms.

I glared at him, but continued eating. As I ate though, I noticed Dorcas sitting in the corner, not even bothering to participate in our conversation. She was staring at her food, her dark blue eyes flooded with worry and sadness. There was look of desperation etched on her face.

"Hey, Dorky," I said softly.

She looked up, surprised someone was speaking to her.

"Are you okay?" I asked hesitantly. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Sirius stiffen up, listening closely to our conversation.

"I'm fine," she forced a smile.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Positive," she nodded.

"You seem so sad all the time," I countered stubbornly.

"Well, I'm not," she said in a tired voice.

"Dorcas-" I began.

"I have to get to class!" she suddenly said, standing up.

"But class isn't for twenty minutes!" I called after her as she raced out the Great Hall.

"At least you tried," Marlene said, patting my back.

The rest of the day seemed to go zoom by, as in each class teachers hammered us with reviews. Exams were only a month away, and the slight panicky feeling that both teachers and students got this time of year was quickly approaching. I got nervous just listening to McGonagall and Flitwick tell us that if we don't pass the exams, we won't go on to our seventh year.

When the day finally ended, Marlene and I decided it was better if we skipped dinner and headed straight to the library to study. We invited Dorcas to join us, but she said something about going down to visit Hagrid. Marlene went straight to the library, while I went back to our dormitory to grab some helpful books.

I peered over the stack of books I was carrying, making sure I was headed in the right direction to the library.

"Watch it, Evans," I heard a husky voice bark at me.

"Sorry, Sirius," I mumbled.

"You need help?" he asked, taking several books from me.

"I'm going to the library," I told him.

"Obviously," he said, rolling his eyes, "So, why exactly are you carrying around all of these books?"

"Me and Marlene are studying for exams."

"But that's not for like another month."

"So?"

"It's ages away!" he exclaimed as we turned into the library.

"No, it's not. Just watch, a week before the exams, you'll be cramming desperately, while the rest of us will be utterly prepared and relaxed," I told him, spotting Marlene in a far table in the corner.

"Because you're _always_ so relaxed before an exam," Sirius retorted sarcastically.

I grimaced, "Good point."

"What took you so long?" Marlene demanded as we approached the table she was sitting at, "and why are you carrying so many books?"

"We'll need them all. Trust me," I said, carefully placing my stack of books on the table.

"Sirius, _you're _going to study with us?" Marlene asked in disbelief.

Sirius laughed, "Don't be ridiculous. But I do need to talk to you two about something," he added seriously.

"What?"

"Dorcas," he said seriously, slumping into a chair.

"We've tried talking to her...loads of times. But she won't listen," I told him miserably.

"You're her best friends!"

"There's no getting through to her, I'm telling you," I said.

Sirius turned to Marlene, "You've known her since you were little kids. If anyone can get her to talk, it's you."

"I tried everything. Usually, I have to try getting her to shut up, not the other way around. I don't know why she's shutting me out all of a sudden," Marlene said.

"Have _you _tried talking to her?" I questioned Sirius.

"Me? No way; she wants nothing to do with me," he replied, shaking his head.

"She loves you," Marlene whispered.

"Lov_ed," _Sirius corrected.

I shook my head, "Either way, you two have a special bond. You know her on a level that the rest of us don't understand."

Sirius looked dubious but said, "I'll try talking to her..."

"Brilliant," Marlene said, checking her watch, "Merlin! I nearly forgot! I told Jason I would meet with him!"

"But we have to study," I protested.

"Sorry, Lil. Tell you what, you bring all these books back to our room and we can study tonight," she suggested, packing up her things.

"Fine," I grumbled.

"Tell Jason I said 'hi,'" Sirius called as Marlene rushed out.

"When did you and Jason get so chummy? I thought you hated the bloke," I frowned.

Sirius shrugged, "That's when I thought he fancied my girlfriend. He's actually a really nice bloke. Anyway, see you later, Evans."

"Bye," I smiled, turning back to my books.

It had barely been five minutes, when somebody softly tapped my back. I turned to find a terrified looking first year.

"Erm...a letter arrived for you..." she said uncomfortably, "The owl was just sort of flying around. I hope you don't mind I got it for you..."

"Oh, it's fine," I told her reassuringly, "Thank you."

I turned back, frowning at the letter. It was addressed from Petunia, which was very odd considering she _never _wrote to me. Confused yet intrigued, I opened the letter, wondering what was so urgent that she had to write to me.

_Lily, _

_It's Petunia. I'm only writing because I thought you should know that Dad was rushed to the hospital this morning. Mum woke up to find that he had collapsed in the bathroom floor. It was quite terrifying, but he's okay now. The doctors are taking good care of him but they don't want him going home. He's going to stay in the hospital permanently now. Mum would have written to you, but she's quite distraught. Anyway, don't worry too much. He's feeling perfectly fine and he says he misses you. _

_-Petunia_

I put the letter down, allowing the tears to freely trickle down my cheeks, dripping onto the letter Petunia had written. Even though she didn't show much emotion, I knew it meant a lot that she had written. I knew, deep down, she cared. Even though she didn't like to show it.

Still, that didn't stop the tears from coming. All I could think about was my poor, weak dad lying in a cold, dark hospital room all alone. He needed me. He needed me to be there for him. My mum needed me too. She sounded so weak and fragile...

No. I couldn't allow let myself to cry all alone in the library. If my mum and Petunia were being strong, then surely I could too. After all, school ended in about two months, and then I could see Dad. He would be all mine for an entire summer again. I began packing my things quickly, wanting to get out out of the library, wanting to be alone in my room with nobody to ask me questions or give me pitying looks.

"Lily?" I heard James ask me softly, his voice full of worry.

"Yeah," I said in a fake-cheery voice, turning to face him.

He looked up at me a second, studying the fake smile I had plastered on my face. I knew he wasn't buying it.

"Come here," he whispered, holding out his arms. Without thinking about it, I rushed into his arms, sobbing. He hugged me tightly, allowing my tears to stain his shirt. I knew people were probably staring, but I didn't care. Just being held by James was making me feel better. He held me, gently rubbing my back until my sobs slowly subsided.

"Better?" he asked.

"No," I hiccuped.

"Come on," he smiled, throwing my backpack over his shoulder and taking my hand.

"Where are we going?" I asked as he led me out of the library.

"To my dormitory," he replied.

"Why?"

"So we can talk about whatever's bothering you without those prats staring at us," he said. I squeezed his hand, smiling.

We made our way up to his dormitory in silence. I was too preoccupied with my own thoughts to say anything. James would every so often glance at me, wondering what I was thinking.

When we entered his dormitory, I numbly went over to his bed, and sat down, hugging his pillow. I could feel the tears threatening to escape, and I looked away from him, ashamed. I hated crying so much. I hated being so weak and vulnerable.

James stood in front of me, watching me avoid eye contact with him. After a minute, he bent over and grabbed a pair of his socks from the floor.

"What are you doing?" I asked curiously, temporarily forgetting about the tears clinging to my eyelashes.

James mumbled something under his breath, and looked up at me smugly.

"What?" I asked, frowning.

He handed me a bouquet of beautiful yellow lilies, a cocky smile on his face.

"Where did these come from?" I gasped, mesmerized by the beauty of such a simple flower.

"Pretty impressive magic, huh?" he grinned.

I laughed, "You're so full of it."

"Do you like them?" he asked, his eyes softening, and the smile becoming less cocky and more sincere.

"I love them," I told him honestly.

"I picked lilies because...well, that's your name. And yellow seemed like a bright, happy color. And you need some of that in your life. Brightness and happiness, I mean," he explained, embarrassed.

"They're perfect," I told him, carefully conjuring a glass full of water to place them in.

"My dad always brings my mum flowers when she's sad. It always makes her smile, so I thought, maybe it would make you smile too," he said.

"Your dad's a smart man," I said.

"Oh, and I've got something else," he added, grinning. He walked around his bed, digging through his trunk. I watched him curiously, wondering what else he was about to pull out.

"Firewhiskey?" I said doubtfully as James pulled out an impressive looking bottle.

"It's what I drink when I'm upset," he shrugged.

"And it helps?"

"Well, it only helps for a few hours. And then you feel like rubbish again," he replied.

"A few hours is all I need," I said, snatching the bottle from his hand. Hesitantly, I took a sip, wondering if it really would live up to the hype. In all honesty, I had never tried firewhiskey. Back in my fifth year, Dad let me try some whine, but I thought it was disgusting. And firewhiskey is supposed to be loads stronger than that. As soon as the firewhiskey touched my tongue, I found myself spitting it back out.

"So, maybe it isn't for everyone," James said, taking back the firewhiskey from me.

I laughed, "That was disgusting."

"You'll get used to it," he assured me.

"I sure hope not," I shuddered.

James grinned.

"How do you do that?" I demanded.

"Do what?" he asked, bewildered.

"A few minutes ago, I never thought I would smile again-"

"That's a bit dramatic, Lil," he laughed.

"-and then a few minutes with you, and I can barely remember why I was so upset. How come you can always make me laugh?"

He shrugged, "I just know you, I guess."

I stared at him as he squeezed beside me into the bed. Our shoulders were barely an inch apart.

"He's sick," I whispered.

"Your dad?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said softly as I slowly leaned into him. I felt him wrap his arm around me as I cuddled into him, closing my eyes.

* * *

I opened my eyes to the sound of someone clearing their throat loudly. I slowly sat up, allowing my eyes to adjust to the brightness. I looked beside me to find James missing. _Where was he?_

"He's taking a shower," I heard Sirius say. I swiveled around to find Sirius laying in his bed, smirking at me.

"It's not what you think," I told him.

"Looks like James finally got lucky," Sirius smirked, looking absolutely gleeful.

I rolled my eyes, and threw a pillow at him. Sirius ducked just in time.

"I told you not to annoy her," James scolded him, standing in the doorway.

Sirius chuckled, "I tried, mate."

James rolled his eyes at Sirius, before turning to face me. "You're awake," he smiled.

I nodded, "Sorry about last night. I didn't mean to be such a bother."

"Why? What happened?" Sirius frowned, looking worriedly at me.

"Later," I murmured, climbing out of bed.

"Breakfast?" James suggested.

"Sounds perfect," I smiled, taking his hand. He squeezed my hand and the three of us headed down to the common room.

As we traipsed down the stairs, Sirius turned to me and said, "You know, Lil, you look like-"

"_fine_," James finished, shooting Sirius a look.

I grimaced, "How bad is it?"

"You look beautiful," James told me earnestly.

I rolled my eyes, "Give me five minutes. I'll be right back."

"Prongs, that was such a line," I heard Sirius say as I bounced up the girl's dormitory. I found both Dorcas and Marlene were both gone when I arrived, so I quickly threw on a different set of Hogwarts robes. One look in the mirror, and I shuddered, embarrassed James had to see me like so horrid. I washed my face and tossed my hair into a messy ponytail. Once I had quickly brushed my teeth, I sprinted downstairs, where I found both James and Sirius waiting for me.

"Ready?" James asked, beaming at me when he saw me. I grinned back widely at him.

Sirius looked between the two us, his eyebrows raised. "Merlin, why don't you two get together already?" he asked, turning around and climbing out the portrait hole. James and I followed, blushing furiously.

"Where _were_ you last night?" Marlene demanded as we sat down across from her.

"Let's just say James finally got lucky," Sirius smirked. I kicked Sirius under the table.

"Is that true?" Marlene gasped, turning from me to James.

"What kind of slag do you think I am," I demanded angrily, "of course not!"

"I wish," James muttered under his breath.

Sirius roared with laughter, while i just threw James a dirty look. Marlene looked at us in disbelief but went back to her breakfast. Dorcas, on the other hand, didn't even look up when we arrived. She just kept staring off into the distance, an odd expression on her face. It was so odd for her to be behaving this way. Normally, she would be the center of attention, probably teasing me about spending the night with James or making some sort of inappropriate joke.

The rest of the week seemed to go by quickly, what with the load of homework we had to do. It seemed we spent almost every waking hour in the library, trying to get work done. Even Remus, who was top in our year, was falling behind, his already thin hair seeming to become thinner and thinner. Peter, who was always lost anyways, had completely given up. James and Sirius, poor blokes, looked completely lost. Sometimes I felt bad, but it was their own fault, really. They're the ones who left everything at the last minute. Still, I knew that the three of them would pull through. They always did. They _were _the marauders after all.

I, on the hand, was not so sure about myself. I prided myself in my organized note taking, but it seemed no matter what i did, I still couldn't remember all of Jupiter's moons or explain why the goblin riots of the eighteenth century started.

Not to mention, my mum refused to tell me how my dad was really doing. She would always sugar code things to make them seem like they were no big deal. But I knew behind the cheeriness and exclamation marks, she was terrified. There was an actual fear that we would lose him now. And I wasn't ready to lose my daddy yet.

"Lily, are you okay?" Marlene asked from her bed.

I tore my eyes away from the mirror I was staring at and turned to Marlene. "Yeah, why?"

She shrugged, "You've been brushing that same piece of hair for the past ten minutes."

"I'm just tired, that's all," I told her, setting my brush down.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Who could that be?" I frowned.

Dorcas checked her watch, "It's nearly midnight."

I shrugged and slowly opened to find a grim looking McGonagall staring at me behind her glasses.

"Good evening, Ms. Evans," she greeted me, an odd look of sadness etched across her face. I had never seen her look sad before. I'd seen her annoyed. I'd seen her happy. I'd seen her angry. But I 'd never seen her...sad.

"Good evening," I replied.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm going to need you to come with me to the Headmaster's office," she told me softly.

"Am I in trouble?" I gasped, silently panicking.

"No, not...I'll explain it all in a second," she said, her lips quivering. I shot Dorcas and Marlene a questioning look before following McGonagall out, wondering what this could be about.


	20. The Abyss

**Chapter Twenty: The Abyss**

* * *

It was a beautiful day, it really was. The sun was out, birds were chirping, there was a slight breeze, making my hair blow in the wind. I loved days like these. Normally, I would have taken out a book, and cuddled under a tree, soaking in the warmth of the sun while I enjoyed the latest novel I had picked up at the library. But today, I was burying my dad. It sounded so simple when I said it. Dad was dead. Gone. There was nothing I could do about it. I couldn't bring my him back to life, no matter how hard I tried. What was the point of magic, if I still lost the most important man in my life? The one man who had loved me since the day I was born. It wasn't fair. I would never again hear his laugh. I would never again roll my eyes when he told one of his many lame jokes. I would never again her his voice. I would never again see his smile. I would never again suffocate as he gave me one of his bone-crushing hugs.

I squinted as I heard the pastor say words. I knew he meant well, but all of his words were empty. He didn't know my dad. He didn't know how kind and genuine he was. I closed my eyes, imagining all of this wasn't real. Imagining that I was still a little girl, playing outside with Petunia, waiting for Dad to come home from work.

But my mind kept drifting to the last conversation I had had with Dad. I was grateful I had gotten a chance to say goodbye to him, but there were still so many things I wish I could have said...

_"Hey, Lil," Dad smiled. _

_"Daddy," I greeted, standing in the doorway. Mum was beside him, holding his hand, crying her eyes out. Tuney was on his other side, clutching his hand as if she just held on tight enough, he wouldn't go. I slowly made my way to his bed, terrified of how fragile and weak he looked. _

_"This is great," he grinned, looking around at all of us, "the whole family is together!"_

_"I'm sorry, but in what universe is this great?" I demanded angrily. _

_"Lily," Mum said softly, closing her eyes. _

_"No!" I shouted, turning to face Dad, "You're dying!"_

_"But I'm not dead yet," he said calmly. _

_"But you're going to!" I said, tears quickly streaming down my face. _

_"And what a great way to die, isn't? This is exactly what I wanted, my whole family here with me," he said, smiling. _

_"But I don't want you to die," I said childishly, "I still need you."_

_"No, you don't," he said shaking his head, "Lily you're such a brave, kind, beautiful young woman. You've made me so proud. You and Petunia are everything I ever wanted in daughters, you're absolutely perfect. I know both of you are going to go so far in life. You'll accomplish great things, I just know it. And that's a father's greatest wish, that his daughters are not only strong and healthy, but that they're also kind, genuine people."_

_"I need you to take care of me," Petunia implored, the usual cold hard look in her eyes going soft and vulnerable, "I'm not ready..."_

_"You've got Vernon," Dad said, smiling, "And I can just see how much the two of you love each other. Petunia, you've been lucky enough to find the love of your life, just like I did with your Mum. Don't let that go. Take care of each other."_

_"What about me?" I pleaded._

_"You've got your mum, and Petunia, and Dorcas, and Marlene, and that Potter boy," Dad replied, patting my hands. _

_I blinked, "You know James?"_

_Dad smiled, "I met him at the train station. You know, he's got quite a thing for you."_

_"He never told me..." I whispered._

_"I don't think he knew I was your dad," Dad laughed, "but the point is, you've got so many people that love you. You may miss me, Lily, but you don't need me."_

_I smiled weakly, knowing these could possibly the last moments I had with him, "I love you, Daddy."_

_"I love you too, Princess," he whispered, squeezing my hand. _

Beside me, I heard Petunia sobbing. The sound gave me chills, for I rarely ever heard Petunia cry. In fact, I think the last time I saw her cry was when Dumbledore had written to her, explaining that she couldn't go to Hogwarts with me. I turned to comfort my sister, but found that Vernon had already made his way to her, wrapping his beefy arm around her tiny body. He nodded curtly to me. The gesture wasn't much, but I knew it was his way of showing his condolences, and that was enough for me. I nodded curtly back, and turned to the front again, watching as they slowly lowered Dad's body. It was the last time I would ever see him again, and I studied every inch of his face, memorizing every line and freckle that I could.

After a few silent moments, everyone around me began to move, but I found myself glued to the same spot. Mum had made her way to the front, greeting all of the guests that came to pay their respects to Dad. Right now, Mrs. Lee, our neighbor, was shaking Mum's hand, kindly whispering something in her ear. Mum nodded, a single tear trickling down her cheek. I skimmed the crowd for Petunia, and found her in the corner, bawling her eyes out, Vernon gently hugging her.

Crowds of people were mingling, sharing stories of Dad, reminiscing about old memories. I wanted badly to join, but I found I hardly knew any of these people. Sure I'd known the Montgomery's since I was five, but I'd hardly spoken a word to them since I started Hogwarts. And I'd met all of Dad's coworkers at one point or another, but I'd never had a full conversation with any of them before. And I'd known the McMillions for years, but again I'd hardly spoken to them since Hogwarts.

I knew I would lose Dad eventually, everyone died at some point. But I thought that that would be years from now, after I was married, and he'd walked me down the aisle. After I'd had kids. After my kids were nearly grown, and I was getting old myself. I never, in a million years, imagined I'd lose him at such a young age. He was the glue of our family, what held us together. He was the one that insisted in Friday night dinners. He was the one who insisted on family movie night. He was the one that planned out family vacations. He was the one that loved home movies. He was the one that recorded every event, from blowing out the candles at my seventh birthday party, to ballet recitals, to Petunia's graduation.

Even though he was sick, I'd never thought he'd actually die. I always imagined he'd make some miraculous recovery. It never even registered in my mind that I might actually lose him. Sure, sometimes I would cry out of fear, but I'd always pushed the thought away, telling myself he was going to survive. It was what kept me going all those months, the small little thread of hope that he would be okay. But someone had cut that thread, killing all my hopes for a bright, happy future. Even when McGonagall came to tell me the news that my father was dying, I still didn't believe her, thinking it was some sick joke.

I hated not knowing. I hated surprises. I needed to know everything, to plan everything out. I hated not being in control of my life, of having others make decisions for me, of surprises that completely changed my life. Before Dad died, I knew exactly what was going on with my life. With his death, everything was thrown out of whack. It was like I was standing on this cliff looking out into this huge foggy abyss, not knowing what was going to happen or what lay ahead for me in the future. I have always known exactly what is in front of me and I've always known exactly where I am going and now, I didn't know what was out there, and I hated not knowing what was out there.

What I really needed right now were my friends. Marlene. Dorcas. Sirius. Remus. Alice. Mary. Frank. Peter. And James. Especially James. Dad was right; I had so many people that loved me. And I needed those people, every single one of them. I didn't care whether the Montgomerys were here or not; what I needed right now where my friends. And it sucked that they couldn't be here when I needed them the most.

I noticed my lower lip was trembling now, and I slowly took out a tissue from my purse, knowing that at any moment I was ready to lose it. I buried my head in my hands, breathing heavily, willing myself to calm down. After several deep breaths, I put my hands down, and straightened up, regaining my composure. I tucked my hair neatly behind my ears, and that's when I saw them. All of them. Marlene. Dorcas. Sirius. Alice. Remus. Mary. Frank. Peter. And James.

They were all grouped together, looking around nervously. Dorcas spotted me first, and she nudged James, who's eyes immediately found mine. I smiled weakly at all of them, stunned they had all somehow gotten here.

"Evans," James smiled, his eyes twinkling sadly.

"Potter," I nodded before running toward all of them. I found myself in James's arms, while he carefully cradled me against him. I hadn't even realized I was crying until then. I felt all of the others join in the hug, each of them patting me gently or softly rubbing my back.

* * *

It had been hours since the funeral, and we were all gathered around my kitchen. Alice, who was the most sensitive of us all, was crying even though she had never met my dad. Frank was hugging her, his expression torn between sadness for me or bewilderment for Alice's behavior. Mary, who handled situations best by keeping busy, was serving everybody, cleaning dishes, even though it wasn't her house. Marlene, who had known my dad very well, had her head on Remus's shoulder, a look of deep shock and sadness etched upon her face. Remus and Peter were comforting her, whispering soft words in her ear. James was holding my hand, listening as I told him stories of my dad. Sirius was watching Dorcas, a look of deep concern in his eyes. While my dad loved Marlene, he had a special bond with Dorcas. Out of all my friends, she was probably his favorite. He loved her sense of humor and the fact that she wasn't ever afraid to say what she thought. He admired that she never cared what anyone thought of her, and he always told us we needed to follow in Dorcas's example. Dorcas, too, adored my Dad. She always said he was like a second father to her. We both knew that she, out of all of my friends, would probably take his death the hardest.

Mum came in a few minutes later, telling us that Frank's mum, an odd little witch who wore a hat with a stuffed vulture on it and carried a bright red handbag, had arrived to pick them up. I said a goodbye to Frank, Mary, and Alice, who all left, looking back worriedly at me.

"So, when are you lot leaving?" I asked miserably.

"Whenever you want us too," James promised.

I frowned at him.

"What?" he asked.

"You met my dad?" I questioned, wondering why he never brought it up before.

James frowned, "No..."

"He told me he met you..."

"When?"

"He said that he thought you had quite a thing for me," I told him, grinning.

I watched as James's face turned from confusion to shock, "That was your dad!"

"Who?" Sirius asked, confused.

James turned red, "Remember that bloke in our fifth year?"

Sirius's face lit up, "Oh, yeah!"

"How did you meet Mr. Potter?" Marlene asked curiously.

Remus chuckled, "James was drooling over Lily, and Lily's dad saw him."

"And?"

James shrugged, "He said something like 'she's a pretty girl' and I said 'yeah, too bad she hates my guts' and then we just sort of got to talking. He was a nice bloke."

"He's the reason James never gave up on you, even when you called him an 'arrogant toe-rag.'" Peter said.

I smiled sadly, "He was a wise man."

James stared at me, "Was he?"

"Yeah," I smiled, taking his hand.

James's eyes sparkled as he squeezed my hand tightly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Marlene and Sirius exchange smug, knowing looks. Almost as if they knew all along I would eventually fall for James Potter. Not that I would admit it to anyone yet. I didn't want to have to deal with the smug looks they would give me if I told them about James.

"I'm going to miss your dad," Marlene remarked suddenly, spotting a picture with my dad, me, Marlene, and Dorcas hung up on the wall.

"When was that taken?" Dorcas asked quietly.

I shrugged, "Probably when you guys stayed over last summer. I never even realized we had it up in the house."

Dorcas got up and walked over to the picture, studying our smiling, happy faces. It always amazed Dorcas that muggle pictures stayed put. Marlene, Dorcas, and I were beaming at the camera while Dad was in the corner, tilting his head back, laughing like a little kid.

"I should go," Dorcas suddenly said.

"Already?" I asked.

"I'm sorry, Lily," she said, with little emotion in her voice.

"Oh, come on, Dorky please stay," I said, smiling warmly at her. Marlene nodded fervently.

Dorcas shook her head, "I'll see you at Hogwarts."

"Dorky, _please _I need you right now. You knew my dad the best..." I whispered imploringly.

"I can't Lily," she replied, putting on her jacket.

"Why?" I demanded.

"Because," she said stubbornly, not even bothering to look at me.

I felt tears well up in my eyes, and silently cursed myself for allowing Dorcas to get to me. James and Marlene exchanged looks. But Sirius, he was _mad_.

"Just stay a few more minutes," I begged.

"Lily," she said seriously, "I can't."

She forced a smile at me before turning around, heading out the door.

"What's happened to you?" Sirius asked, his voice shaking in anger. Dorcas froze at the doorway, not saying anything.

"Sirius, don't," Marlene whispered severely.

"Do you even care that your best friend is crying right now?" Sirius spat.

Dorcas turned around, staring at Sirius, an odd expression of detachment on her face.

"Do you realize Lily needs you right now?" Sirius continued, "she just lost her father and you can't even be bothered. She's your best friend and she needs you. Nice work, Snape 2.0."

Dorcas stared at Sirius a second longer, before turning around again, ready to leave.

"ARE YOU GONNA SAY _ANYTHING_ OR ARE YOU JUST GONNA ACT LIKE YOU DON'T CARE LIKE YOU HAVE FOR THE PAST THREE MONTHS?" Sirius shouted, slamming his fists on the kitchen counter, "OR ARE YOU GONNA GET DRUNK AGAIN? AM I GONNA FIND YOU DRINKING IN THE BATHROOM AGAIN? MAYBE YOU'LL POUT A LITTLE? CRY?"

"YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU?!" Dorcas screamed, turning around to face her ex-boyfriend, "I used to be somebody! Do you understand that? I used to be Dorcas Meadowes and I used to be great! I used to have a future! And I let it all go to waste, and now I have nothing! I'm nothing!"

"You have _nothing_? _I _have nothing! My parents disowned me! I'm better off dead to them! I don't even speak to my brother, and he goes to the same damn school as me! I'm barely seventeen years old and I have no family whatsoever. BUT LOOK AT YOU! You still have two parents, and a shit load of friends who are willing to put up with all the crap you've been putting us through!" Sirius yelled, looking a bit manic.

"Fine, you win! You have nothing! Now, what do you want from me?" she cried.

"I want Dorcas back," Sirius said quietly.

"I'm right here."

"No," he said, walking past her, "you're not."

"Sirius," she called but he had already gone, slamming the door shut behind him.

"Dorcas," Marlene said hesitantly, stepping forward, "where is all of this coming from? You're one of the brightest people I've ever known. Who said you were 'nothing'?"

Dorcas looked down, staring at her feet. "You know I met Drew's parents a few months ago," she whispered.

"Did they say something to you?" James asked.

"They're very rich and ambitious people. They're so proud of Drew. He works all the time but he still manages to go to school to become a Healer. I mean, what parent wouldn't be proud?"

"Where is this going?" I asked, realizing that Dorcas was actually crying now.

"They think he can do better than me. They thought I was just some silly girl who had no ambitions and wouldn't aspire to anything. His dad actually said that the only future I had was working as a waitress at Mike's Magical Night."

"The stripper place?" James asked, looking furious.

Dorcas nodded, "I was wearing a rather short dress when I met them."

"You can't possibly be defending what that pig said to you!" I exclaimed.

Dorcas wiped away her tears, but they kept coming. "But they're right, aren't they? I have nothing going for me. I've got no goals, no ambitions, nothing. I've been trying so hard lately to get my act together, but nothing I do is good enough. I'm still just some sill girl who gets drunk in the bathroom and is found by her ex-boyfriend who has to carry her all the way back to his dormitory because she could barely walk on her own!"

Marlene closed my eyes, "I can't believe you're letting what they said get to you."

"Wait, I thought Drew said his family was poor," James interjected.

Dorcas sighed, "His parents are filthy rich, but his grandparents are practically dirt poor. Drew left home when he was fifteen because he couldn't stand to be around his parents any longer and he went to live with his grandparents. His parents didn't want to pay for his school unless he moved back, but he refused to, so now he's all on his own. And I know he's trying to rebuild his relationship with his parents, and it makes me feel even worse because I know I'm just getting in the way."

"I don't understand why you're so upset about this. Dorcas, you're brilliant," I said.

"But I'm not! His parents were right! I'm not good enough for him, and I'll probably end up working as a waitress somewhere while everyone else becomes successful ministry officials or something."

"Dorcas, stop it," James said, "that's enough. You used to be the most confident person I knew, actually, a little too confident. But that's not the point. THe point is that you can't let what they say get to you."

She shook her head, "I'm beneath him."

James stood up, "Dorcas, I said that's enough!"

Dorcas looked up at him, "I don't know what's going to happen to me. All of you have goals and your futures all planned out, and I have nothing. The only thing I'm sure of is what nail polish color I'm going to wear tomorrow! I don't know what my future holds. It's like I'm looking out into this...this-"

"Abyss?" I suggested.

"Exactly! Abyss! It's like I'm looking out into this abyss, with nothing to offer except shiny hair and cute clothes, and I have no idea what lies ahead."

Although I had no idea why Dorcas was letting these two soulless pricks get the best of her, I understood part of what she was going through. She was terrified of what lay ahead of her. She didn't know what would happen to her, or why she was feeling so miserable, and it scared her. Just like it scared me. She had an abyss in front of her too.

I glanced briefly at Marlene and James, and noticed they were shaking in fury. I hated the Collins family. They had broken Dorcas. They had beaten her down, broken her will and spirit. They had taken the fire out her eyes, the swagger out her walk. She was just a broken, fragile little girl, silently crying for help.

I was going to kill Drew's family. And I knew Marlene and James were right behind me.


	21. Moony's Attack

**Chapter Twenty-One: Moony's Attack**

* * *

Although she wasn't completely back to her normal self, Dorcas was slowly getting there. She was still hurt by what the Collins had said to her, but we were helping her realize what a bunch of arrogant prats they were. Her old radiance and confidence wasn't back yet, but she was no longer sulky and detached. The first step was letting us in, and now that she had, we could help her kill those stupid Collins.

Just thinking about their arrogance and snobbiness made me tremble in fury. Never, in the six years that I'd known Dorcas, had I ever seen her so beaten down. It took a lot to hurt her feelings. That's why I didn't understand why the thoughts of snobby family would affect her so much.

Sirius, though, wasn't helping. He still refused to talk to her, and any mention of Dorcas, and he would change the subject or ignore you completely by talking loudly over you. It was completely infuriating, especially since, he would be the best person to help Dorcas out of her funk. He knew her best (even better than Marlene), and he knew just how to get her to talk. As much as I hated to admit it, we needed Sirius's help. He brought out a different side of her, a much happier and freer one.

Dorcas was trying her best to earn Sirius's forgiveness, but he was just as stubborn as she was. Anytime he would even see her in the hallway, he would turn in the opposite direction, even if it meant being late to class. Then again, I doubted Sirius cared about tardiness. And when she was lucky enough to get him alone, he would completely tune her out, acting as if she weren't even there.

"Have you tried speaking with him?" I asked James, once again bringing up the topic of Sirius and Dorcas.

He looked up at me, "Evans, I'm not getting involved."

"Why not?" I demanded angrily.

"Because Dorcas asked me not to," he said solemnly.

"And you choose _now _to start listening to people?" I asked him in disbelief.

He grinned, "Hey, if you want to go and talk to Sirius, then go right ahead. But I'm warning you, he's a stubborn pain-in-the-arse."

"Right, because you're _such _a push-over," I said sarcastically.

James shrugged, "You think I'm stubborn? Try convincing Sirius to do something he doesn't want to do."

"But the thing is," I said seriously, "I think he _does _want to talk to Dorcas. I mean, obviously, there are still feelings there."

James grimaced, "She's with Drew. He knows that."

I made a face, "I hate Drew."

"No," James corrected me, "you hate Drew's family. Drew did nothing wrong. In fact, I was talking to him just the other day, and he was worried about Dorcas too. He hadn't realized how much his parents had affected her."

I glared at him, "And since when are _you _such a big fan of Drew?"

"I'm not a _fan_."

"Didn't you two get into a fight at Hogsmeade?"

"That was Sirius, and I've already apologized for that. I completely regret my role in giving Drew a black eye."

I shook my head, "You're an idiot."

"An idiot that you love," he smirked.

"An idiot that I love," I agreed, rolling my eyes.

James grinned at me, his eyes twinkling the way I love so much.

"I'm starving," Sirius exclaimed, plopping down in the bench across from us, "I'm so hungry I could eat a hippogriff."

"How about chicken instead," I suggested, pushing a plate in front of him. I quickly served him everything in front of me, making sure his plate was completely full. When I rested the plate in front of him, I noticed him and James staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"Thanks, Mum," Sirius, rolling his eyes.

"Just eat," I commanded.

"Are you always so _motherly_," Sirius asked, shoving a forkful of food in his mouth.

"Yes," Marlene said squeezing in beside Sirius, "she is."

"McKinnon," Sirius greeted, smiling at her.

"Black," Marlene grinned.

"Hey, Sirius," Dorcas said hesitantly. Sirius nodded coldly in her direction, before turning around and starting an abrupt conversation with Peter. Dorcas sighed, but sat beside me anyway. I kicked Sirius under the table. Git.

"You look...erm...different," I said to Dorcas, noting her outfit. Dorcas was known for her...experimenting with clothing.

She grinned, "Weren't you the one complaining about how my outfits were _so _boring and you wanted me to dress like a freak again."

"Well, I think you look great," James interjected, eyeing Dorcas's extremely short skirt, "but as your only brotherly figure, I must say, don't you think that skirt is a little short."

"And as your only sisterly figure, I must say, shove off, James," she snapped, rolling her eyes.

Normally, James would counter with a snarky comeback, but I could tell that he was so glad to have Dorcas's old personality back, that he just sat there and grinned at her.

"Why are you grinning at me like an idiot," she finally sighed, after James kept glancing at her, a smile on his face.

"I missed you," he admitted.

She paused for a second, giving James a warm smile. It had been ages since Dorcas had been so...happy again. I wondered what had caused the sudden turnaround. Throughout the rest of dinner, I noticed Dorcas sneaking quick glances at Sirius, a sad look on her face every time he would ignore her. I knew he had been the one to snap her back to reality by yelling at her, but I also knew he had been the one to hurt her the most. Out of any of us, his opinion mattered the most to her, and I hated seeing the way he treated her. Granted, I could understand where he was coming from, but if he really loved her like he said he did, then he would have to learn to let it go and just be there for her.

"Where's Remus?" I suddenly asked, noticing there was one marauder missing.

James shrugged, "He said something about doing homework."

"Homework? Oh, I really need help with that essay on the properties and uses of unicorn blood," Peter exclaimed, jumping up.

"I'll go with you," Dorcas said, throwing her bag over her shoulder, "Remus is always lets me copy off of him."

"Not lately he hasn't," James grumbled, also getting up.

"Maybe you should try doing your own work," I suggested.

Marlene snorted, "Good luck with that."

"See you guys, later," James said, waving, following the other two out.

"So," I said importantly, turning to face Sirius, "looks like it's just the three of us."

He looked up at me warily, "What?"

"Nothing," Marlene said lightly, "we just wanted to talk to you."

"About?"

"Dorcas," I said seriously.

"You've been a complete arse to her lately," Marlene told him, keeping her voice level, though I could see her eyes had flashed.

"She deserves it," he grunted, obviously not wanting to talk about her.

"What did she ever do to you?" I snapped.

"She was a rubbish friend for months. And then she just goes back to being normal? And expects me to pretend nothing happened?" he said, flaring up.

"Maybe if you _talked _to her, you'd find out why she was in such a funk," Marlene said reasonably.

"Well, I don't want to talk to her," he said stubbornly.

"That's incredibly immature of you," I told him matter-of-factly.

"Well, I never claimed to be mature," Sirius retorted.

"Well, you claimed to love Dorcas," Marlene shot back.

"I do," he said instantly.

"Well, you have a funny way of showing it," I said.

"If you really loved her, you would listen to her and be there for her. You'd want to find out why she had been so upset for months and you'd want to help her move on," Marlene told him.

"I tried!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Well, try again."

Sirius glared at us, "What aren't you two telling me?"

"You'd have to talk to Dorcas," Marlene said coyly.

"No," he shook his head, "you're going to tell me now."

"You really don't know, do you?" I said in disbelief.

"Know what?"

"Why Drew's family is a bunch of arrogant prats who think they're practically royalty with their stupid money and blood status," Marlene snarled.

"Sounds like my family," Sirius said.

"They're worse," I said dramatically.

"What'd they do?" Sirius asked, putting his fork down, gazing intently at me.

"Well, they're not _worse_..." Marlene said reasonably, though there was immense dislike in her voice.

"What happened?" Sirius asked again, worry replacing the usual humor in his eyes.

I sighed, "They basically told Dorcas she wasn't good enough for Drew and that she wasn't going anywhere in life."

"And then they basically called her a stripper," Marlene added.

"They what?!" Sirius barked, his eyes flashing.

"Oh, and they told her all this stuff about how Drew deserved better and that she would only hold him back," I said.

"And they said she was just another dumb blonde. It was horrible what they said. We stayed up all night at Lily's house talking about it," Marlene recalled the night of Dad's funeral. Even though I hated that Dorcas was hurting, I loved that I had a distraction. If Marlene and Dorcas hadn't been there, I would have spent all night thinking about my dad, drowning in my own sorrows.

"They killed her confidence," Marlene said sadly.

"She's gotten better, though," I reminded her, "she's almost back to normal."

"She used to be so confident though...it's still not the same," she replied, staring miserably at her plate.

Sirius stared at us.

"Are you gonna say anything?" I asked, irritated.

"What in the bloody hell is wrong with that girl?" he demanded, his face turning red from fury.

"What do you mean?" Marlene asked, her eyebrows furrowing.

"I can't believe she'd let herself get so cut up over some stupid family," Sirius growled menacingly, jumping up from his seat. He threw his backpack over his shoulder and stormed out of the Great Hall, muttering under his breath. Marlene and I exchanged exasperated looks before jumping up to follow him.

"Where are you going?" I asked him nervously as he marched up the stairs.

"I can't believe you two would even let her think something like that!" Sirius snarled, turning on us, completely ignoring my question.

"Sirius," Marlene said seriously, "where are you going?"

"To yell at the stupid blonde twit," Sirius ranted, turning around and stomping back up the steps. Marlene and I exchanged startled looks before following as Sirius marched up the stairs.

"She didn't do anything wrong," I cried, pulling back his arm.

Sirius easily shook off my arm and continued his march. We followed him nervously as he stomped up to the common room, looking for Dorcas. She was sitting against the window, idly twiddling her blonde hair as she read a thick text book, her eyebrows furrowing in concentration. Remus and James were sitting across the room from her, explaining something to a confused looking Peter. James smiled when he saw me enter, but his smile quickly turned to a frown as he watched Sirius march toward Dorcas, a determined and angry look on his face.

I bit my lip anxiously as Sirius approached her, his fists clenched in anger.

"Sirius," she said, her eyes widening as she straightened up, putting her book down.

"What's the matter with you?" he demanded.

"What'd I do now?" she asked warily.

"Oh, don't give me that! Sorry, I'm not the only one of our friends to kiss your arse after you treated all of us like rubbish for weeks. I want to know why the hell someone would allow some idiot family ruin their entire life. Who does that? What's the matter with you? Do you even realize how selfish and ignorant you've been? The old Dorcas would-" Sirius paused as Dorcas tucked her hair behind her ear, revealing the earrings he had given her all those months ago.

She glared at him, "You know I'm really sick of you yelling at me and judging me. First off, who do you think you are, coming in here and yelling at me about something you don't even know the full story about?! Have you even bothered to ask me what _really _happened? Or why I let it affect me so much?"

But Sirius wasn't even paying attention as she yelled at him.

"Why are you wearing those?" he asked, distracted by her earrings.

Dorcas frowned, confused by the abrupt change in subject. "Because it's pretty...and it matches my bracelet," she said uncertainly.

"Oh," said Sirius, sounding slightly disappointed.

Dorcas shrugged, "Plus, you gave them to me."

Sirius stared at her, stunned.

"What are you staring at me like that for?" she frowned.

Sirius shook his head. "Why'd you let them treat you like that?" he asked her quietly.

"I don't know," she said honestly.

He shook his head, sighing, and turned around abruptly. We watched until the portrait hole swung shut behind him.

"Well, that was dramatic," she said, rolling her eyes before going back to her book.

"Dorcas?" I asked hesitantly.

She looked up from her reading, "Yeah?"

"What just happened?" Marlene asked.

She shrugged, "Who knows anymore. Honestly, that bloke is so confusing."

"Did they...make up?" I whispered to Marlene.

"I don't know," Marlene replied, looking bemused.

Our question was answered the next day when we came down to breakfast. As I walked into the Great Hall with James, yelling at him about making inappropriate jokes in front of teachers, I froze halfway down the hall.

"Lily, Minnie knows I was just kid-Lily?" James asked, turning to face me, as I stood there, frozen on the spot.

"They're..._laughing,_" I said, staring as Dorcas giggled at something Sirius was saying.

James rolled his eyes, "Come on."

I grinned broadly and followed as James plopped down next to Sirius.

"I'm glad to see you two finally made up," James said casually, but I could see he looked relieved.

Dorcas grinned, "Oh, you know Sirius can't resist me."

"Watch it," Sirius warned her, but there was warmth and happiness in his eyes that I hadn't seen in months.

Remus, Peter, and Marlene joined us all a little bit later, each one of them looking ecstatic about Dorcas and Sirius's new repaired friendship.

"So, what's the plan for tonight?" I asked Marlene.

"Girls night?" Marlene suggested.

"I was actually going to visit Hagrid," Dorcas said.

"Sounds good. I haven't seen him in a while," I said, nodding.

"You boys want to join us?" she asked, turning to the marauders.

"Sorry," James said, through a mouthful, "We can't."

"Why?" Marlene asked, frowning. The marauders never missed a chance to go visit their giant friend.

"We've got detentions," Sirius said. James nodded.

"_You _have detention," I scoffed, turning to face Remus.

"No, but I do have loads of homework," Remus grimaced.

"Yeah," Peter squeaked, "Remus is tutoring me...Blimey, I honestly don't know how I'm going to pass the final exams this year."

Dorcas stared at Sirius suspiciously, her eyes narrowing slightly. She had the uncanny ability of always being able to tell when Sirius or James were lying. I guess that was one of the perks of knowing someone for so long. After a moment, she sighed in defeat.

"So, looks like it's just three of us!" she said cheerfully, grinning at me and Dorcas.

* * *

"...hope Hagrid doesn't make us any of his rock cakes," Dorcas muttered as we traipsed down the Hogwarts grounds.

"You know he will," Marlene grinned, knocking lightly on Hagrid's door.

"Marlene!" Hagrid boomed once he opened the door, "And Dorcas and Lily too! Good ter see ya lot!"

"Sorry, we haven't visited in a while, Hagrid," I said guiltily, noting that the last time I had seen him was Valentine's day when he allowed me to come pet the unicorns.

"Well, come on in," he said, stepping aside, "You lot bin studying fer yer exams?"

Marlene snorted, "Are you seriously asking us that with Lily in the room?"

"We've been studying non-stop," Dorcas said miserably.

"You'll be thanking me when you get 'Outstanding' on all of your exams," I told them.

"She's even got _Sirius_ and _James_ studying," Marlene told Hagrid.

Hagrid grinned, "I saw James the other day."

"Did you?" I asked vaguely, perching myself on the couch.

"He said you two had gotten loads closer this year," Hagrid continued. Marlene and Dorcas raised their eyebrows at me.

"He's my friend," I nodded.

"But he wants more," Marlene stated pointedly.

"I know," I replied, staring at my skirt.

"You can't keep stringing him along, Lily," Marlene said, sounding slightly angry. It hurt her to see James hurting over me, and she was just trying to protect him, but honestly she needed to stay out of it.

"Marlene," Hagrid said warningly.

"I'm just saying that maybe you shouldn't lead him on so much. You know the bloke is crazy for you, so I don't understand why you insist on hurting him like this. He wants more than friendship, Lil, and you know it," Marlene said.

"Maybe I want more too," I snapped, annoyed.

Dorcas choked, "What?"

Marlene's eyes widened, "When did this happen?"

I blushed, "Let's talk about something else."

"Let's not," Marlene said, crossing her arms.

"Lily," Dorcas said, "do you have feelings for James?"

I sighed. This was the moment of truth. I needed to tell my best friends about James, but I was barely willing to admit it to myself, let alone other people. I had spent so many years hating James; he was my enemy. But now...I couldn't possibly even picture my life without him. I can't even remember what life was like before him. And I know that sounds a bit dramatic and all, but it's true. He was the most important person in my life...and that terrified me.

"I think I might..._love _him," I admitted, closing my eyes. I could hear Dorcas squeal in delight and Marlene's tiny gasp.

"I knew it!" Dorcas beamed.

"Me too!" Hagrid said eagerly, "Called it first year remember? Right when I was takin' you lot ter the castles in the boats and Lily had nearly pushed James into the water? I said it, didn't I? I said those two are gonna end up together one day! I said it, didn't I?"

"I remember!" Dorcas nodded fervently, her grin widening.

"Why haven't you said anything to him?" Marlene asked quietly.

"I'm scared," I admitted miserably. Blimey, why was I such a coward? I'm supposed to be in Gryffindor, where the brave dwell at heart!

Marlene smiled, "Lily, you just said you _loved _him. You could barely say it to Austin and you two were together for over a year."

"You have to tell him!" Dorcas said suddenly.

"Not yet," I told her warningly.

"Why not?" she complained.

"I'm not ready," I told her severely, "and you two better not blab to anyone. Not even Sirius. You got that?"

"Fine," Dorcas said begrudgingly, "not even Sirius."

"Fine, but he's not gonna keep waiting for you forever," Marlene warned me, "You're gonna have to tell him _someday._"

"But not today," I said firmly, "And you too, Hagrid. You have to promise."

Hagrid beamed, "I promise."

"Right, well it's time to go," I said.

"But you just got here!" Hagrid exclaimed.

"But I know the three of you are going to make fun of me all night for this if I stay," I told them, pulling on my jacket.

"You've got a point," Dorcas said, grinning.

Hagrid sighed, and opened the door for us.

"But just because we leave Hagrid's doesn't mean we won't make fun of you," Marlene warned, a wicked grin on her face.

"Oh, I've never been so glad we share a room," Dorcas sighed dreamily.

"I hate both of you," I grumbled as we walked back to the castle, leaving behind a chuckling Hagrid.

"Oh, look the sunset!" I beamed, pointing to the fading sun.

Dorcas and Marlene paused beside me, each of them staring dreamily at the sunset.

"Is that Sirius...and James? Those prats! They told me they had detention," Dorcas exclaimed, pointing to two distant figures.

"Peter's with them," Marlene said, squinting her eyes.

"Where are they going?" I said, tearing my eyes away from the sunset.

"I don't know, but I fancy a word with them," Dorcas huffed, marching toward them.

"There's no need to yell at them," Marlene sighed, going after Dorcas, "I'm sure they have a good reason for lying."

"I wonder what they're up too," Dorcas said thoughtfully.

"Remus isn't with them," I noted, catching up with Dorcas and Marlene.

"It must be something good then," Dorcas said, her eyes lighting up mischievously.

"Why do you say that?" I asked.

"Because Remus is the prefect. He's got morals and all that nonsense," Dorcas said, rolling her eyes.

"It's not nonsense," I told her, "I'm glad at least Remus has the common sense not to participate in whatever rubbish they're up to."

Marlene grinned, "Can I just take the moment to remind you that the bloke with no common sense is in fact the bloke you're in love with."

I glared at her. _Seriously. _

"Shh," Dorcas whispered, "Or they'll hear us."

"We're not going to follow them, Dorcas!" Marlene whisper-yelled.

"Oh, come on, please!" Dorcas begged, her eyes twinkling as the sky darkened.

Marlene and I exchanged looks. We could see the old mischievous Dorcas coming back. It had been ages since we'd seen her this excited or happy about something. Her whole face had lit up, and her eyes were sparkling. I flashed back to three months ago, to a Dorcas that had sat curled up in her bed, refusing to speak to anybody, a dull color in her usual bright eyes.

"Fine," I snapped.

"We'll follow those idiots," Marlene sighed, "but if we get into trouble, it's all on you."

Dorcas grinned, "Let's go."

We tip-toed across the grounds, following the three boys as they stealthily ran across the campus.

"Where are they going?" Marlene wondered.

"Blimey, they're headed for the Whomping Willow!" I squeaked, terrified. My eyes were locked on James as he slowly slowed down as he neared the tree.

"If they get to close, it'll attack," Dorcas whispered, terrified.

And then...Peter disappeared. One second he was there...and the next he wasn't.

"What the-" I began.

"It must be the invisibility cloak," Marlene said, shushing me.

"They have an invisibility cloak!" I gasped.

"How do you think they get away with so much?" Dorcas asked, her eyes locked on Sirius.

"I wonder where he's going..." Marlene said, inching closer.

Her question was answered a few seconds later, though, as James and Sirius started for the tree.

"It's not attacking them, though!" I exclaimed.

"Peter must have touched the knot when he was under the invisibility cloak," Marlene said reasonably .

We watched as Sirius and James quickly looked around before sliding through the tree.

"What the-since when has that been there?" Dorcas exclaimed, staring at the tree, looking thunderstruck.

"I wonder where it leads too...it must be a tunnel or something..." I said thoughtfully.

"Well, let's go," Dorcas said decidedly.

"Dorcas, no! It's going to be after hours soon!" I shrieked, "and the moon is almost up! We'll get into trouble!"

"Don't you want to know where the love of your life is going?" Dorcas demanded.

"He's not the love of my life!" I hissed.

"What if he's meeting some other girl down there? Wouldn't you want to know?" Dorcas asked.

"I'd rather not, actually," I snapped.

"Oh, come on, Lil! Where's your sense of adventure?" Marlene asked.

"Not you too!" I groaned.

"Fine, you can stay," Dorcas said, turning around.

"We need to go quickly before the tree starts moving again," Marlene said following Dorcas.

"OI!" I called after them. When they didn't turn around, I followed them, muttering under my breath.

"Knew you couldn't resist coming," Dorcas said smugly.

"Shut up," I muttered, sliding into the tree. Marlene quickly followed me.

I took in my surroundings, wondering where the blokes were. It appeared I was right, we _were_ in a tunnel. Dorcas, Marlene, and I quickly started down the tunnel, wondering why it was so eerily quiet. As we got further down the tunnel, though, we heard obnoxious laughter,

"Found them," Dorcas said grimly.

I grinned as we neared what appeared to be a room.

"Blimey, is this a _house_?" Marlene asked, looking around.

"How are you feeling, Moony?" James asked, sounding concerned. I frowned.

"Remus is here, too!" Dorcas whispered.

"It sounds like he's ill," I said worriedly.

"It's time..." Remus gasped.

"This way!" Marlene exclaimed, pointing to a flight of stairs. Grinning, we rushed upstairs.

"Aha! Found you-REMUS!" Dorcas cried, rushing into the room.

"Dorcas!" Sirius gasped.

"Marlene! _Lily?_" James yelped as we entered the room they were all huddled in.

"Get out, _now!_" Remus heaved, clutching his chest.

"What's the matter? Remus, are you ill?" I squealed, rushing toward him.

"Get them _out_," Remus gasped to James and Sirius.

"No!" Marlene said stubbornly, "Remus what's the matter?"

"Your eyes..." I breathed, staring as Remus's usual dark eyes turned to a sinister yellow.

"Uh oh," Sirius said.

"Let's go," James said, grabbing my arm.

"James!" I snapped angrily, snatching my arm away from his grip.

"Lily, _now,_" James said, his tone unnervingly serious.

I turned to face him, getting ready to yell, but I heard a crack, almost like a bone breaking. I turned back to Remus and watched in horror as his hands began transforming...his nails extending, fur growing out of his skin. His teeth began to sharpen, and he looked around at us hungrily. I stood there, transfixed by the gruesome image.

Next thing I knew, though, James was pulling me out of the room.

"James, what's happening?" I asked, terrified.

"Where's Wormtail?" James barked at Sirius, "I need him to help the girls out!"

Just as he said this, though, Remus let out a howl, as his legs shot up, fur growing.

Dorcas grabbed Sirius, "Sirius, what's happening?"

"Dorcas, GET OUT OF HERE! RUN NOW!" Sirius roared, pushing her out the door. Next thing I knew, in the spot Sirius had perviously been standing, was a big shaggy dog.

"Oh my, Godric," Dorcas gasped faintly, staring at the shaggy dog that was once Sirius. He licked her hand adoringly, and Dorcas absentmindedly patted his head, looking pale.

"James-" I began, but he was already pulling me out of the room. Remus, who was now almost completely a werewolf, turned his head to me and whimpered. I shrugged off James's grip, and slowly stepped toward Remus. He slowly stepped forward, bowing his head shamefully.

"Remus," I whispered, holding out my hand.

Remus whimpered forward, his yellow eyes locking with my green ones.

"Lily," James hissed , attempting to pull me back .

"Be careful, Lil," I heard Marlene say from behind me.

Remus whimpered again, coming closer.

"It's okay," I said gently, smiling. Remus howled loudly, making me jump, but I stayed firmly in place. He looked at me again and pounced forward. I shrieked, covering my face with my hands, preparing myself for the attack, but it never came. Shaking, I looked up to find Sirius, the shaggy dog, on top of Remus.

"James-" I whispered, turning to face him.

"Run," James said seriously, before grabbing my arm, and leading me out the door.

"James, will Remus hurt him?" Dorcas asked, looking terrified, as we fled down the stairs.

"Nah, Sirius is tough, but he won't be able to hold him for long," James replied, grabbing Marlene's hand, and pulling her ahead of him.

Behind us, we heard a clatter and a loud yelp. I wondered which one of my dearest friends was hurt-Sirius or Remus?

James let out a frustrated groan, "Where the hell is Wormtail?"

"I told you we shouldn't have followed them?" I yelled at Dorcas.

"Lily, so not the time for I-told-you-so's!" Dorcas replied.

"Sorry, but I'm kind of panicking here!" I said, grabbing James's hand. He squeezed my hand but didn't let go. It strangely calmed me down, knowing that he was beside me, protecting me.

I heard a loud bark, and Sirius came flying over our heads, landing at James's feet.

"SIRIUS!" Dorcas shrieked.

"You alright, mate?" James murmured.

Sirius jumped back to his feet, barking confidently. Beside me, Dorcas sighed in relief.

"Go get 'em," James said authoritatively as we heard Remus howl loudly behind us, "I'll be right behind you."

I heard heavy footsteps, and I knew Remus was getting closer. I turned to James, and knew he was thinking the same thing. Sirius's eyes widened in fear for us before he took off again.

"RUN!" James commanded us. Marlene and Dorcas nodded before taking off.

"Lily, come on!" Dorcas screamed, realizing I wasn't beside them.

"What about you?" I asked James fearfully.

"I'll be fine," he promised.

"I can't just leave you!" I told him frantically.

"Lily!" Marlene shrieked, as we heard Remus and Sirius struggling behind us.

James grinned, "I'll be right behind you, I promise."

And then for the third time that night, I witnessed as a close friend of mine disappeared and transformed into a different animal. One minute I was staring at James Potter, the bloke with messy hair and twinkling hazel eyes, and then the next minute, I was gazing at a big, powerful stag with impressive antlers and strong legs.

"Prongs," I whispered, realizing that his twinkling eyes remained even in his animal form.

"Lily!" I heard Dorcas shriek, pointing behind me. I turned around to find Remus running at top speed toward me.

James stopped him, blocking Remus with his hoofs. Sirius jumped on top of Remus, knocking him sideways. James turned and pushed me in the direction of the exit with his antlers. I took off running, grabbing Marlene and Dorcas's arms as we all saw a small light at the the end of the tunnel. Behind me, I heard Remus and Sirius howling and whimpering. James, the stag, was running behind us protectively, afraid Remus might chase after us again.

As we neared the light, the three of us jumped through the small opening, glad to be out in the Whomping Willow. We all sprawled to the ground, breathing heavily. I didn't even notice that James had returned to his regular form, and was lying on the grass beside me, wheezing.

"So," I said between breaths as I sat up, "that's Moony."

"That's Moony," James nodded, sitting up.


	22. Moony's Guilt and The Invitation

**Chapter Twenty-Two: Moony's Guilt and The Invitation**

* * *

"I told you to bring the invisibility cloak!"

"How was I supposed to know that they were gonna follow us?"

Marlene and I exchanged guilty looks as we listened to James and Sirius argue. We were all in the hospital wing, crowded around Remus's bed, watching him as he slept off the long night. Sirius and James were arguing in whispered tones at the foot of Remus's bed. Marlene and I were sharing the chair, squishing our bodies together to fit comfortably. And Dorcas was opposite from us, holding Remus's hand.

"We said we were sorry," Dorcas exclaimed, her startling blue eyes filled with worry and terror as she gazed down at Remus's face. It was hard to believe that just a few hours ago, his sweet, kind face had transformed into something so monstrous and terrifying.

James sighed, "At least no one was hurt."

"Besides, we would've done the same thing if we were you," Sirius said reasonably. James nodded.

"We could've gotten him expelled!" I moaned, gazing down at Remus's snoring face.

"But you _didn't_," James said firmly.

"I still can't believe he's a werewolf," Dorcas said, "Looks like Snivellus had it right all along."

"It makes sense if you think about it," Marlene said thoughtfully, "I guess we should've listened to Snape."

"Snivellus shouldn't be such a nosy git," Sirius snarled.

I sighed, "Snape knows, doesn't he? It's why he stopped poking around and asking questions."

"Like I said," Sirius grunted, "Snivellus shouldn't be such a nosy git."

"It was the night you saved his life, wasn't it?" I pressed on, craving to know all the details of this double life my friends had been leading.

James winced, "I didn't _save _his life..."

"You chose _now _to be modest?" Sirius snorted.

I smiled, "Snape should be more grateful."

"After all the humiliation I put him through?" James snorted, "I just hope this makes us even."

"It does," I assured him. I could feel Marlene and Dorcas's smug eyes on me as James and I grinned stupidly at each other. I swear every time either one of them saw me even _look _at James, they would smile wickedly, like they'd known all along that I'd fall for that stupid prat. Actually, they did know all along that I would end up falling for James, but that's really not the point. If they continued staring at us like that, they were bound to give away my feelings for him.

"So, how long have you been animaguses?" I asked.

"Are you gonna keep asking questions all night?" Sirius snapped.

"Yes," I glared at him.

"Fine," he sighed, "we became animagi to keep Moony company while he made the transition. We felt bad that he had to make the transition all on his own."

"It took a few years, but we finally did it in our fifth year," James said.

"You lot learned to become an animaguses when you were fifteen?" Dorcas asked, impressed.

"Yep. Prongs became a stag, I became a dog, and Wormtail became a rat," Sirius told her.

I frowned, "Pete too?"

"It was the hardest for him," James said, "we really had to help him through it."

I sat there in silence, taking in this new piece of information. I wasn't sure whether to be angry or impressed with James. It was noble of him to go through such lengths to keep Remus company, but it was terribly irresponsible too! Running around with a werewolf every month! He was going to get himself killed one of these days.

"I just heard! Is he alright?" Peter exclaimed, rushing into the hospital wing.

"Where the hell have you been?" Sirius growled furiously.

"Me? I should be asking you lot the same thing! I was waiting in Hogsmeade all night for you, but you never came! I thought you had just ditched me again," Peter panted, catching his breath.

"We would've joined you, except the girls here ruined our plans," James grimaced, gesturing to us.

Peter nodded, "I heard McGonagall and Dumbledore talking about it..."

"Did they sound angry?"

"No, mostly just relieved."

I nodded, glad none of us-especially Remus-wasn't in any trouble. I only vaguely listened as Sirius filled Peter in on what happened the previous night.

"Dorky?" Remus croaked, opening his eyes.

"He's awake!" Dorcas squealed, jumping up.

I rushed beside him, "Remus, I'm so so sorry! I didn't mean to cause any trouble! We just wanted to know why James and Sirius had lied to us about detention. We never imagined how much danger we were putting you in! Please forgive us!"

"Lily, I almost killed you last night, and _you're _the one apologizing?" he chuckled, though I could see his face was pained with guilt.

"It's our fault, mate," James grimaced, patting his leg, "We should have been more careful."

"I told him we needed to bring the invisibility cloak," Sirius said.

"How was I supposed to know!" James exclaimed.

Madam Pomfrey bustled out of her office. "Good! You're awake!"

"We'll see you later, mate," Sirius said.

"We can't just leave him!" Marlene exclaimed.

"Poppy won't let us stay," James grumbled, "it happens every month. She kicks us out."

"With good reason too!" Madam Pomfrey said, hurrying to Remus's bedside.

"It's fine," Remus reassured me, "I'll see you lot later."

"Okay," I said, still unsure as James pulled me away.

* * *

I paced around the common room impatiently, waiting for Remus to arrive.

"Lily, stop pacing around like that. You're making me nervous," Sirius said, closing his eyes.

"What's taking him so long?"

"Why don't you join Marlene and Dorcas down by the lake?" James suggested.

"Don't patronize me, James!" I snapped.

"I wasn't!"

"I'm just worried about him," I sighed.

"Why?"

I glared at the three of them. "Honestly, aren't you supposed to be his best friends?"

"We are!"

"Then you must know the guilt he must be feeling right now!"

The boys looked at me blankly.

"Idiots," I muttered, returning to my pacing.

"Make her stop!" Sirius groaned, slumping down on the sofa.

"Lily, what are you going on about _now_?" Peter said as he idly dug through his schoolbag.

I was about to respond when I heard the portrait hole swing open. _Finally. _

"Remus," I sighed in relief as the sandy-haired boy climbed in.

"Hey," he smiled weakly at me.

"Thank Godric you're here," Sirius said, "she was driving us all mad."

"How are you feeling?" I asked him, ignoring Sirius.

He forced a smile, "Shouldn't I be the one asking _you _that?"

"It wasn't your fault," I told him seriously.

"I could've killed you."

"But you didn't."

"But I could've!" he said, looking anguished.

"Remus, it's not something you can control," I said quietly.

"How are Dorcas and Marlene? I didn't hurt any of you, did I?" he asked.

"Of course not. And Dorcas and Marlene are fine. They're more worried about you than anything else," I replied coaxingly.

"I really didn't mean to, Lil," he said, looking distraught.

"I know," I said, coming closer to him. I could feel the other boys' eyes on us.

"They're not angry?" he asked.

"They understand," I replied.

"They're not disgusted by me? By the horrible monster I've became?"

"We love you, Remus," I said softly, "_all _of you."

"Told you she'd say that," I heard James say from behind me. I rolled my eyes and hugged Remus, because I knew he needed it. Remus wasn't like the others. Ever since the day I'd met him, I knew there was something different about him...something that he didn't tell others. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that it was that he was a werewolf. He was too kind and moral to become something so dark and dangerous. Even as a werewolf, I knew he was holding himself back, like deep in the back of his mind he knew we were his friends. Werewolves were powerful creatures. They weren't something that could easily be controlled by a dog. It's almost as if he allowed Sirius to beat him, just so he wouldn't have to hurt us. I could tell it was killing him that he'd attacked us, and he thought he didn't deserve forgiveness and acceptance, even though it was what he craved the most. I knew the real Remus. The one who would sacrifice his own life for his friends, and that was the Remus I chose to see. He was a good man. And he didn't deserve this. So, I would stand beside him no matter what. I can't even believe he would think that I would allow something like this to get in the way of our friendship.

"Thanks, Lil," he whispered in my ear.

"Your welcome," I smiled, letting go of him.

"Wizard's chess?" Sirius suggested.

"Yeah!" Remus grinned, perking up.

I groaned, "Honestly?"

"Oh, come on, Evans! It's fun!" Sirius said as Remus went over to help set up the chess board.

"I think I'll go down and join Marlene and Dorcas," I said, but Sirius wasn't listening. I rolled my eyes and started out the portrait hole. I hadn't even realized that James was behind me.

"You coming with me?" I asked, smiling.

"Is that okay?" he asked.

I grinned, "Of course."

He frowned at me, "Lily, what's going on with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know...lately, you've been so much nicer to me..."

I raised my eyebrows, "Do you want me to be mean?"

"No...I'm just not used to it I guess..."

"Used to what?"

"To us being friends like this..."

I frowned, "We've been friends for ages..."

"It's different now..." he said.

I didn't respond. Things _had _changed. My feelings for James had intensified in the past couple of weeks. And the fact that he risked his life for a his friend once a month made me want him even more. But I couldn't tell him that...I wasn't ready yet. A part of me just wanted to pull James into an empty class room right now and snog the living daylights out of him, but a part of me also wanted to go hide under a rock. I'd never had feelings like this for anyone - not even Austin. They were so strong and intense, and it terrified me. James cared about me, it was no secret, but James was also very reckless and dangerous. He loved the excitement and danger of not knowing. What if part of his attraction to me was just the chase? What if, after all this time, he finally got me and found that it was boring? What if he preferred just the challenge of getting me?

"How's Remus?" Dorcas asked as we approached.

"Better now that Lily talked to him," James said.

Marlene nodded, "She has that effect on people."

James smiled adoringly at me and I slipped my hand into his. He pulled me closer, letting go of my hand and slipping his arm around me. I relaxed into him, taking in his smell and how he felt. I didn't even mind the impatient looks that Dorcas and Marlene were giving us. They wanted me to tell James how I felt, but I was scared he would lose interest the moment he found out, and I wasn't ready to lose James just yet.

* * *

"You haven't eaten properly since January. Don't you think it's time you get over it?" Peter asked.

"Wormtail, you could be more sensitive you know," Remus said.

I glanced down at my plate. There hadn't been any more attacks since mine, but it still made me uneasy to eat. I knew I was being ridiculous, and the only reason they attacked me was because of my past relationship with Severus, but it still terrified me that they could easily poison somebody else.

"You know Dumbledore is having all the mail checked for any poisons, right?" Sirius said in an attempt to comfort me.

"So? Somebody can still easily concoct a poison with simple ingredients."

"That takes some advanced skill. No Slytherin could do it. They're all dung brains."

"Oh, yeah?" I said darkly, "What about Snape?"

"Slughorn is making us keep all of our Potions kits in his class so that no one can leave class with a potion," Marlene replied.

"You have no excuse. Eat," Dorcas commanded.

I sighed, "Fine."

As the mail arrived, Marlene, as usual, received _the Prophet. _She had subscribed to it a few months ago to keep up with You-Know-Who's activities. Thankfully, no one we knew had died yet, but it was only a matter of time. Several students have been called out of class with news of death. Just the other day Trey Peters was sent home to attend his father's funeral. It was all the school was talking about.

"Any news?" James asked.

Marlene frowned, "Nope, but I suppose the ministry is keeping the big stuff covered up. They haven't even mentioned Trey's father, and he worked for the ministry."

James shook his head, "I've written to Dad about that, but he thinks I'm too young to know about this stuff."

A shabby looking owl landed in front of Dorcas, an envelope tied to his leg.

"Who's that from?" Sirius asked.

Dorcas frowned, "I have no idea. I don't recognize the owl...Merlin, it's from Drew's family!"

"His parents?" Sirius barked, standing up in anger.

"No, no, sit down! It's from his grandparents."

"I still don't like the sound of this," Sirius said.

"His grandparents are very sweet...they're the ones who took him in when he left his home," Dorcas explained, "They don't really have much money..."

"What do they want?" Marlene asked.

"They're having a family reunion in about a week...they want me to come...they want me to make peace with Drew's parents."

"Why?"

"They seem to think it's the only way Drew will make up with his family," Dorcas sighed, her eye brows furrowing the way they usually did when she was in deep thought.

"You can't possibly be thinking about going," Sirius said in disbelief.

"I don't want to be the person who causes a rife between Drew and his parents."

"But they were already fighting before you two even started dating!"

"But I'm the reason they're still fighting. If it weren't for me, Drew wouldn't be having so much money troubles and his parents would be willing to pay for his schooling."

"I think it's a bad idea," Sirius warned her.

"They said I could bring friends," she said, looking up at us hopefully.

"Well, I don't support this. I'm not going," Sirius said stubbornly.

Dorcas glared at him before turning to Marlene.

"What do you say, Mar?"

Marlene bit her lip, "I'll go, but I can't promise you I won't jinx his parents if they say anything rude to you."

"I'll go to," I volunteered.

Dorcas beamed, "What about the rest of you?"

Remus shrugged, "It's the weekend we're supposed to go to Hogsmeade, anyway. Might as well try doing something different."

Sirius glared at Remus before turning to James expectantly.

"I'll go too. I need to have a word with this family of his anyway," James said.

"Traitor," Sirius muttered under his breath before glaring threateningly at Peter.

"Wormtail?" Dorcas asked.

Wormtail glanced nervously at Sirius, "Maybe next time."

Dorcas rolled her eyes but Sirius beamed at the only friend of his who had volunteered to stay behind with him.

"Then it's settled," Dorcas beamed, looking around at us, "I'm going to the Collins family reunion!"


	23. A Collins Family Reunion

**Chapter Twenty-Three: A Collins Family Reunion**

* * *

I tilted my head, examining my appearance in the mirror. I was wearing a simple black dress that was a bit too low cut for my liking, but Dorcas had picked it out for me. My hair was loose and free, allowing it to flow naturally behind me. Marlene had forced me into wearing a small amount of eye liner, and I had to admit it really brought out my eyes. After deciding there wasn't much more I wanted to do with my appearance, I pulled on the heels Dorcas had let me borrow.

"Wow, Lily, you look gorgeous," Marlene said, striding into the room, looking like she should be on the cover of one of Sirius's magazines.

I always admired the simple and natural beauty Marlene had. She was breathtakingly gorgeous in the most modest sort of way. Every small feature on her face seemed to come together perfectly, making her look a bit like a goddess. Unlike Dorcas, though, Marlene was much quieter about her beauty. She never wore any make up, dressed in any revealing clothing, or used her looks to get what she wanted. So, when I saw her walk in, her hair curled and her face holding the most elegant make up, I honestly did a double take. Marlene was already gorgeous, but with the extra bit of help, she looked like the most beautiful yet elegant girl in the school.

"Me? Marlene, have you even looked in the mirror? You look perfect," I gasped.

She smiled uncomfortably, "I hate wearing heels."

"Me too," I admitted, grimacing down at my shoes.

"Ready?" Dorcas asked, striding into the room. Dorcas, of course, had always been stunning. She had wavy blonde hair that she had pulled back into an elegant knot, and her bright blue eyes were absolutely glittering with excitement. I was accustomed to having Dorcas steal the spotlight, in fact I even welcomed it. She loved being center of attention, and she loved the power she held over people. Blokes would literally stop and gawk at her when she passed by, and she loved every minute of it. She was probably the biggest flirt in the school (well, besides Sirius). She would flip her hair, bat her eye lashes, giggle flirtatiously...but by no means was she a slag. When Dorcas committed to a person, she _really _committed. She stood by Drew even through all the rubbish his family put her through. She remained friends with Sirius even though he broke her heart. She protected and defended me and Marlene no matter what. She wouldn't hear a word against James, even back when he was an arrogant toerag.

Most girls at this school just thought she was a pretty girl who often got her way because of the way she looked, but she was so much more than just her looks. I just wish she could understand that. In her entire six years at Hogwarts, she was known as nothing more than that pretty blonde girl who flirted with nearly every bloke she met. Girls would often call her a slag or a flirt, and even though she pretended it didn't bother her, I knew deep down it did. And then, she meets the Collins family, and they tell her she's just another pretty face that would someday get old and her looks would face. Her one insecurity-that she was nothing more than just a pretty face- was brought to light and made a reality because of that family, and they drained out her confidence and spirit, telling her she was nothing and that eventually her beauty would fade.

"You look brilliant, Dorky," Marlene told her.

"Thanks, Mar," Dorcas grinned.

"Ready to go?" I asked them. We all carefully headed downstairs, where we found Peter and Sirius were the only ones in the common room. Sirius, looking completely bored, was throwing chocolate cauldrons at the snoring Peter.

When Sirius heard us coming down, he looked up, and his eyes immediately found Dorcas. His eyes widened and he gasped slightly.

Dorcas raised her eyebrows at his reaction, "I bet you wish you were coming now, don't you?"

"Actually, with the way you look, I wish you didn't have any clothing on right now," he shot back cheekily.

Dorcas threw a pillow at him, but he ducked just in time.

"I was kidding!" he exclaimed as Marlene giggled.

Dorcas glared at him, but her lips were twitching, fighting the smile that was threatening to escape.

"Remus!" I exclaimed as he trudged down.

Remus smiled at all of us, doing a bit of a double take at the sight of Marlene.

"You clean up nicely," Marlene complimented.

Remus smiled, "Thanks."

I felt someone tug at my arm, and I turned around to find myself face to face with James. I held my breath as our faces were barely an inch apart from each other.

"Lily, you look beautiful," he breathed. I blushed fiercely, noting that his breath smelled minty.

"We should go," Dorcas said, "I don't want to be late and make a bad impression."

"Where's this party at anyway?" I asked as we climbed through the portrait hole, leaving behind Sirius and Peter.

Dorcas made a face, "His parent's house."

"And why does it have to be so formal?" Marlene complained, tugging uncomfortably at her dress.

I nodded, "I hate wearing these heels."

"Then take them off," James suggested.

"And walk around barefoot?"

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because the floor is dirty."

He rolled his eyes at me, "You know, I _could_ always carry you."

"With these bony little arms?" I asked, lifting up his arm, "I don't think so."

James grinned mischievously at me, and before I knew it, he was sweeping me off my feet. He held me in his arms like a bride, and I let out a startled cry. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Marlene and Dorcas exchange stupid little grins before walking ahead of us. I turned my attention back to James where I saw he was grinning down smugly at me. Sighing, I wrapped my arms around him and he tightened his hold around me.

"You know, when you told me one day that you'd sweep me off my feet, I never thought you meant it literally," I said.

"I'm a man of my word, Lily," he grinned. I smiled and absentmindedly began playing with his hair, softly caressing his messy locks. He closed his eyes, enjoying my touch. After a moment, I realized what I was doing, and instantly dropped my hand.

"I think we can apparate from here," Marlene said. I felt James turn on the spot and we appeared in front of a giant mansion. Inside, we heard soft party music and laughter. I wondered how many people were at this family reunion.

James slowly put me down, but I kept my hold on his hand. He didn't seem to mind. We slowly started for the house, where we saw a tall bloke pacing nervously in front of the door.

"Drew?" Dorcas called out. Drew looked up, and his nervous smile instantly relaxed when he saw Dorcas.

"Hey," he smiled, giving her a quick kiss.

"Nervous?" she asked anxiously.

"Why would he be nervous?" said the haughty voice of an attractive looking woman around the age of forty.

"Hello, Mrs. Collins," Dorcas said politely as she grabbed Drew's arm for support.

"Dorcas," Mrs. Colline greeted coldly.

"Erm...Mum, these are some of Dorcas's friends. Remus Lupin, Marlene McKinnon, Lily Evans, and James Potter."

"Potter? As in Harold Potter's son?" said the arrogant voice of a tall man with the same gray eyes as Drew, standing in between his wife and son.

"Yes, sir," James said politely.

"Dad, Dorcas is here," Drew said, gesturing to his girlfriend.

Mr. Collins nodded in her direction before turning back to James, "It's good to meet you, son. You're father is quite an influential character in the ministry. Very well respected that man is. I was shocked to hear what happened to him. Captured by Death Eaters! It was horrible."

"Well, he's recovered now," James said rather coldly. Dorcas shot him a look.

"Dorcas! Oh, how wonderful to see you! My, you look lovely tonight!"

We turned to see an elderly couple smiling warmly at us.

"It's great to see you, too!" Dorcas exclaimed, looking relieved to see a friendly face. She turned to us, "Guys, these are Drew's grandparents."

"Nice to meet you," we all chanted together.

"Well, come on in! Don't just stand outside the house!" they said cheerfully, beckoning us forward. We all followed Drew inside.

"I made lemon tarts," Drew's grandmother said to us kindly, "you should really go try some."

"I love lemon tarts! Come on," Remus said, dragging Marlene across the room to a far table.

Drew smiled, glad to be away from his parents. "Come on, let's dance!" he said, holding out his hand for Dorcas. Dorcas grinned and followed Drew to the dance floor, where there was a fast song playing.

"I don't believe we've met," a nice-looking bloke said, appearing in front of me.

"I'm Lily. I'm a friend of Drew's," I said politely.

"Well, Lily, would you care to join me for a dance?" he asked. James shuffled uncomfortably next to me.

I smiled apologetically, "Actually, I've already promised to dance with James here. Maybe the next time?"

"Sorry, mate," James said automatically, pulling me away as a slow song began playing.

"Sorry I had to drag you into this," I grimaced as James rested his hands on my waist.

"Why didn't you want to dance with the bloke?" he asked.

I shrugged, "I'd rather dance with you."

He smiled and pulled me closer, so that our bodies were touching. I held my breath, looking into his sparkling eyes, fighting the urge to kiss him then and there. His eyes...Oh, Godric, his eyes...they were a light brown with flecks of gold and green...how could I have not noticed them before?

My eyes travelled down to his lips, and my heart quickened slightly. They looked so soft and pink...We were so close now that I could smell his minty breath...

"You're eyes are twinkling again," I said, attempting to conversation in order to take my mind off of how close we were standing or how soft his lips looked.

James smiled, "Maybe because I'm with you."

I sighed, "James, don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Flirt with me like that."

"But I always flirt with you. It's our thing."

I raised my eyebrows, "Our thing?"

"Yeah, I flirt with you and you usually roll your eyes and then I grin smugly like an idiot. It's what we do," he explained.

"Let's not do that right now," I said.

"Why not?"

I closed my eyes before saying, "Because I'm trying really hard not to kiss you and you're kind of making it difficult."

I stared into his hazel eyes, trying to make him understand my feelings for him, almost pleadingly. I didn't want to say it out loud, because I knew that once I did it was over. His shocked hazel eyes locked with my green ones, and my love (yes, i know _love_) for him was beginning to over power me. I knew that if I stayed near him a minute longer, I wouldn't be able to resist his minty breath or his twinkling eyes. He stared at me, trying to understand what I meant. Slowly, he began to draw closer to me, and I felt his warm lips brush up against mine. My heart burst with pleasure as I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer as he began to kiss me more fiercely. I moaned softly, kissing him back with the best of my ability. I felt his wet tongue slide between my lips, and I greeted it welcomingly, squirming with pleasure as his hands traveled from my waist down to my bum. After what felt like eons, I drew away from him, needing to catch my breath.

"Let's get some air," I suggested breathlessly.

"Sure," James replied, looking stunned by what had just happened.

I quickly walked outside, my face burning and my heart pounding. _What just happened? Where was my self control?_

Outside, the sun was beginning to set, so the sky was a pretty purplish-blue. I had to admire the Collins' taste. We were standing in the middle of the most beautiful garden, full of colorful flowers and fairy lights...almost like in a movie. And in the center of a garden, was a huge fountain, making soft splashing noises. I walked as fast as I could all the way to the fountain, burying my face in my hands. I knew James was right behind me, but I didn't want to turn around. After what had just happened, I couldn't bear to face him.

"What just happened in there?" I finally said.

"I kissed you," he replied.

"I know that," I said, turning around to face him.

James grinned triumphantly, "You kissed me back."

"I did," I nodded.

"So why don't we do it again?" he suggested, stepping closer to me.

I put my hand on his chest, keeping him from coming closer. "No, this is wrong," I said weakly.

James grinned cockily and came closer, leaning down to kiss me again. I tried my hardest, but I couldn't resist kissing him back. It started off gentle and sweet, but things quickly intensified. James pinned me up against the stone wall of the house, kissing me like no other boy had ever kissed me before, almost like his life depended on it. James started kissing my neck, his hands traveling down to places I'd never even allowed Austin to go. He slowly made his way back up to my lips and we were smashing our lips together again, kissing each other like our lives depended on it.

Eventually, I came to my sense and reluctantly pushed him away, breathing heavily.

"James, im not one of your little slags," I told him severely.

"Of course you're not."

I looked down at my hands uncomfortably, "I don't want just a one time fling..."

"What kind of a bloke do you think i am?" he asked, grinning.

"James, I'm serious."

He gently caressed my cheek, gazing into my eyes adoringly, "Lily, I've waited for you for years. Do you really think I've waited all that time just for a fling. I want to be with you."

I grinned, "Really?"

"Of course, you dense twit," he rolled his eyes, "Tomorrow, after we win the Quidditch game, there's going to be a party in the common room. Would you...erm...would you like to be my date?"

"What makes you so sure you're going to win?" I asked, raising my eyes.

James grinned arrogantly, "Between me and Sirius we're going to kick Ravenclawe's arses."

I grinned, "Don't get too cocky, now."

"Lily, you still haven't answered my question."

I rolled my eyes, "Don't you think the fact that I just spent the past five minutes snogging you answers the question?"

"I've waited six years for you to agree to go on a date with me. I want to hear you say it."

I rolled my eyes, "Fine. Yes, James, I would _love _to go on a date with you."

He grinned, "Good. Now, how about some more of that snogging?"

"How about some more of that dancing?" I suggested.

"Okay, but you know you won't be able to resist me in there."

I rolled my eyes and lead him back to the party, where I could hear the music had now stopped playing.

"...THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" I heard someone shout from inside.

I frowned, "What's going on in there?"

My question was answered as we walked back in, where a crowd had gathered around Mr. and Mrs. Collins.

"Who is that yelling?" James asked.

As we made our way through the crowd, I saw Marlene standing in front of a very affronted looking Mrs. Collins, pointing angrily at her. Dorcas was standing off to the side, looking around helplessly at Drew, and Remus was beside Marlene, trying to calm her down.

"How dare you come into my house and yell at my wife, little girl?" Mr. Collins spat.

"What'd we miss?" I asked, startled.

James pulled me to the center where Dorcas looked relieved to see us.

"What happened?" James asked.

"Oh, I'll tell you what happened-" Marlene began.

"Nothing. Marlene, it's fine," Dorcas said, cutting her off.

Marlene's eyes flashed, "No it's not. These arrogant self-ritcheous toerags need to have their arses kicked."

"What happened?" James repeated, this time directing his question to Remus.

"They said that Dorcas had no business being here and that she was ruining Drew's future," Marlene replied furiously before Remus could answer.

"What?!" James shouted angrily.

"Aren't you going to say anything to them?" I asked Drew.

"Lily, they're my parents," he replied softly, looking torn.

"And Dorcas is _your girlfriend_," I retorted icily.

"We're leaving," James announced authoritatively, grabbing my hand and storming out. He grabbed Dorcas's arm with his other free hand and began pushing through the crowds.

Behind me, I heard Marlene yelling at Remus. "Remus, let go of me! I'm not done talking to those-"

"Marlene," Remus said in a low but firm voice, "we're leaving."

I heard Marlene groan dramatically but she seemed to have obliged.

"Well, that was...interesting," Dorcas said once we had apparated back into Hogsmeade.

"He didn't even say anything to his parents! That prick!" James fumed.

"I know," Dorcas said sadly.

"I bet Sirius and Pete are still in the common room. Should we go join them?"

"Sounds good to me," Dorcas said, her eyes lighting up at the sound of Sirius's name.

Everyone began to trudge off, but James and I stayed behind, looking at each other awkwardly.

"So...that was eventful," I said sheepishly.

"Any regrets?" he asked.

"So, about that date tomorrow..." I said, taking his hand.

James grinned in relief.

"Back already?" Sirius asked as we walked through the portrait hole, "You lot were only gone for less than an hour!"

"Drew's a prick," Dorcas said, sitting beside him on the love seat.

Sirius looked at her sadly, "I'm sorry, Dorky."

She sighed, resting her head on his shoulder, "I don't know what I'm going to do..."

"You mean after you _dump_ him?" Remus said.

"I don't even know _if _I should dump him..."


	24. The Party

**Chapter Twenty-Four: The Party**

* * *

My eyes searched for the blurred figure of James as he zoomed across the stadium, easily catching and passing the quaffle. Between him and Sirius, they'd scored nearly every point Gryffindor had gotten that night. I tuned out as the crowd began screaming his name, and my mind wandered back to the kisses we'd shared the day before. I hadn't seen him since then. This morning, when I'd woken up, I hadn't gotten a chance to talk to him. When I saw him at breakfast, he was absorbed in a conversation with his team. I thought it was best to leave him alone. He was the captain after all, and couldn't afford any distractions. But now, a few hours later, as the game progressed, I wanted desperately for the game to end so that we could go on our first official date.

"GRYFFINDOR WINS!"

I snapped back to reality, just in time to see the Gryffindor seeker zoom to the ground, holding the snitch triumphantly over his head, but my eyes searched the skies for James. I found him and Sirius high-fiving in the air, looking absolutely ecstatic of their win.

"Come on, Lily," Remus shouted, pulling me through the crowds as everyone in the stands ran into the fields. Around me there were blurred visions of red and gold everywhere as Gryffindor celebrated in the fields.

I scanned the crowds for James, keeping my eyes alert for any blokes with messy hair and hazel eyes. Through the crowds, I had lost sight of Remus who moments before was standing right beside me, but that didn't matter as I finally spotted James. He caught my eye in the same moment from across the field, and we grinned broadly at each other.

"Lily?"

I turned around, wondering who had called my name, and found myself face to face with a sheepish looking Austin.

"Congratulations on the win," he said, striding toward me, "You lot were impressive."

I laughed, "I didn't do anything. It was all James and the rest of the team."

Austin smiled sadly, "They played very well."

"Yeah they did didn't they?" I said to Austin absentmindedly, keeping my eyes on James. I didn't want to lose sight of him again.

Austin noticed me gazing at James. "You really like him, don't you?"

I nodded awkwardly, "Is this weird to talk about?"

"No, I think you two make a good couple. He seems to make you really happy."

"Well, nothing's official yet," I said, taking my eyes off of James and smiling appreciatively at Austin. I hated that he was such a nice guy about the whole break up. It made me feel even guiltier for the way I treated him.

"Well, I'm rooting for you two," he told me earnestly, taking my hand into his.

I looked at Austin sadly, "I'm really sorry things didn't work out between us."

He shrugged, "It wasn't meant to be."

"You were a great boyfriend, Austin. You'll make some girl very happy one day," I promised him.

"What if I told you I already have?"

"You have a girlfriend!" I squealed.

"We're going to St. Mungo's training academy together," he told me proudly.

I gasped, "You got in? Oh, Austin, you've always dreamed of going there! Congratulations!"

"Thanks, Lil," he smiled, hugging me tightly. After several long seconds, I let go of him, glad we were finally on speaking terms.

"Where'd James go?" I frowned, looking around me. He had been standing across the field just a few seconds ago.

Austin grinned, and punched me playfully, "Go get him, Lil."

I grinned and quickly backed away. "It was good to see you, Austin," I said before turning around and running off. I found Marlene and Remus celebrating with Peter. The three of them were doing some sort of odd dance. I wondered if they'd had firewhiskey or something.

"Have you lot seen James?" I asked as Marlene did a little jig.

Remus frowned, "I think he already headed for the party."

"Brilliant, thanks!" I grinned before turning around and starting back up to the castle, where I noticed the crowds had mostly thinned. On my way up the steps, I noticed Dorcas and Sirius hugging tightly. I stopped and watched them, wondering what Drew would say if he knew Sirius and Dorcas had gotten so close.

When I got back to the common room, I noticed the party in full swing. There were red and gold banisters and streamers hanging all over the place, and someone had already managed to knick foods from the kitchens. I looked around again, wondering where on earth James had gone.

"Alice! Have you seen James?" I asked my short little friend.

Alice's round little face furrowed as she tried remember.

"Isn't that him, right there? With Emmeline?" Frank said, pointing to a secluded corner. I turned to see James and Emmeline entangled together, their tongues shoved down each others throats. I gasped, horrified. I slowly backed away, my face going red as a lump began to grow in my throat.

"Lily, are you okay?" Alice asked, her small hands reaching out to me.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I managed to choke out, backing away quickly. I could feel my face burn, and all I wanted to do was get out of there. Frank and Alice watched me worriedly, wondering what on earth had happened.

"Lily?" Frank asked tentatively, stepping closer.

"I'll see you later," I squeaked before turning around and running for the portrait hole. But with my luck, as I scrambled out the portrait hole, I ran smack into Dorcas and Sirius.

"Lily?" said a startled Dorcas, "are you okay?"

I shook my head.

"What's wrong?" Sirius demanded, looking around angrily, wondering who he needed to hit.

"James...he was in there...kissing Emmeline..."

Sirius shook his head, "Can't be."

"You must have confused somebody else for James."

"Yeah, James would never do anything to wreck his chance with you after he'd finally gotten you to go on a date with him."

"Oh, yeah? Then, why don't you go in there and see for yourself?" I retorted, pushing past him.

"I will!" Sirius said, not believing me.

"Lily, wait!" Dorcas said, running after me, "Where are you going?"

"Well, I'm not really in the mood to see James snog one of my roomates," I said, striding down the hall.

She grabbed my arm, "This is the last party of the year! You can't miss it!"

"No offense, Dorcas, but I'm not in much of a party mood."

"What's going on?" Marlene asked, running up to us from down the hallway. Behind her, Jason was following awkwardly. He looked slightly annoyed that she had just run off.

"Lily doesn't want to go to the party," Dorcas huffed, crossing her arms.

"What?! Lily, this is the last party that Alice and Mary will be here for! You have to go!" Marlene exclaimed.

"James was snogging Emmeline," I told her.

Marlene gaped at me, "He wouldn't...he's waited so long for you to agree to go on a date with him..."

"Listen, Lily, if he really did kiss Emmeline, then why would you give him the satisfaction of caring? You should just go back in there and act like you don't care. Maybe even snog somebody else."

Marlene glared at Dorcas, "That's terrible advice."

"Well, I don't see _you _giving her any."

"Listen," Marlene said, rolling her eyes and turning to face me, "Lily you're gonna regret missing the last party of the year."

"Erm...Marlene?" Jason called, looking agitated.

"Hold on a minute!" Marlene shouted at him, not taking her eyes off of me.

"Fine, I'll go," I said begrudgingly.

Dorcas beamed, "Excellent! Let's go!"

"Is everything okay with you and Jason, though?" I asked Marlene in an undertone.

She rolled her eyes, "He doesn't want me to go to the party. Honestly!"

I gave her a sympathetic smile before Dorcas dragged me away.

"You know, you and Sirius looked very friendly tonight," I told her.

"You know, for someone who was nearly in tears a few minutes ago, you seemed to have recovered very quickly," Dorcas said, raising her eyebrows.

"You're avoiding the question."

Dorcas sighed, "We're just friends, Lily."

"He loves you, you know."

Dorcas smiled sadly, "I'm with Drew, though."

"But you don't want to be?"

Dorcas looked at me quizzically. Finally she sighed and said, "After Sirius and I broke up, I really needed someone like Drew. He was such a nice guy, and he was dependable and reliable...but after yesterday...I guess I realized that Sirius was the one who stood by me through everything. Yeah, he was mad at me and all, but even through all of that, he still defended me."

"Sirius would climb over mountains for you," I told her.

She nodded, "I know he would...the thing is, though, I don't think Drew would. If it came down to me or himself, he's always going to pick himself."

"But you still care about him."

"Drew was there for me at a time that I really needed someone like him. He helped me grow and mature, and he was just a nice guy, and I fell for him instantly."

"So, what are you going to do?"

Dorcas sighed, "I'm going to have to break up with Drew. As much as I hate it, I never stopped loving Sirius."

"So, what's going to happen between you and Sirius?" I pressed.

"Nothing. It wouldn't be fair for me to be with him knowing that I still have feelings for Drew."

"Does Sirius know that?"

"Sirius knows how I feel about Drew," Dorcas said.

"Does he know how you feel about him?"

Dorcas smiled, "Because it isn't completely obvious already?"

I shrugged, "You never know. I thought I was pretty obvious about my feelings for James."

Dorcas hesitated, "Lily, are you absolutely positive you saw him kissing Emmeline."

"Yeah, I am. And I'm not going to cry over him. I made my feelings for him clear, and he obviously doesn't feel the same way, so why should I even waste my breath?"

"Lily, you have no idea how much he cares about you. There must be some sort of explanation."

I shook my head, "Listen, it's what I was afraid of all along. It wasn't me he liked, it was the chase. The only reason he went after me for so long was because I was a challenge, and now that he got me, he's already moved on to his next conquest."

"I don't believe that. I've seen the way he acts when he's around you."

I looked at Dorcas dubiously before climbing through the portrait hole.

"Lily!" Alice exclaimed, pulling me into a tight hug.

"You're going to strangle the poor girl, Alice," Mary said, chuckling.

"Oh, Lily, what happened earlier? We were so worried about you!" Alice said, releasing me from her tight grip.

"It was nothing important," I said, my eyes locking with James from across the room. When he saw me, he nudged Sirius, and the two of them started toward us.

"Hey," James said, "Sirius said you were upset earlier."

I ignored him and turned to Sirius, "Sirius, brilliant shot earlier. I was really impressed. The other guy didn't even see it coming, did he?"

Alice and Mary exchanged looks.

"Lil, I asked you a question," James said, looking slightly confused.

"You know, I really fancy a drink," Dorcas said, backing away. Mary and Alice quickly followed in her lead, throwing me questioningly looks.

"What? Are you cross with me?" James asked.

I ignored him, "Even Austin said you lot won impressively."

"Oh, if A_ustin _says something then it _must _be true," James interjected angrily.

I glared at him, "What's your problem?

"Mine? Youre the one ignoring me!"

"I'm talking to you right now, aren't I?" I retorted.

"You know I'm actually rather thirsty too..." Sirius said, slowly backing away.

"No! I'm talking to you!" I snapped, grabbing his arm and pulling him back.

"Will you just tell me why you're cross right now?" James said to me, trying to keep his voice calm.

I glared at him. "I'm trying to have a conversation with my friend here!" I snapped, gesturing to Sirius.

"What did I even do to you?" James demanded.

"Oh, sod off, Potter," I snarled.

"Oh, we're back to Potter now, are we?" James snapped.

"What do you want from me, James?" I demanded, crossing my arms, my voice suddenly tired.

"James, we're going down to sneak some more food from the kitchens. You want to come?" Emmeline asked, appearing beside me.

"We're trying to have a conversation here, Emmeline!" I said nastily.

Emmeline blushed before mumbling an apology and rushing away. My insides twinged with guilt. Emmeline had no idea what was going on with me and James. It wasn't her fault James was an annoying prick. I made a mental note to apologize to her later.

"Why'd you talk to her like that?!" James said, outraged.

"Oh that's right, I'm sorry, I forgot she was your new little girlfriend!"

"Don't do that, Lily!" James shouted angrily, "you've already shot me down a thousand times. You can't like a jealous girlfriend."

"I told you how I felt!"

"Yeah, and then i see you flirting with Austin!"

I stared at him, feeling both confused and outraged. "When?!"

"Right after the game!" James exploded.

"You mean when he was telling me about his new girlfriend or that he was rooting for the both of us to get together?"

James stared at me, stunned. "He said that?"

"After I pour my heart out to you, I come to find you snogging one of my roommates? This was supposed to be our first official date, James!"

"I didn't know...i thought you had changed your mind or something..." James stammered.

"So you snogged one of my roommates, knowing it'd hurt me?" I asked in disbelief. I thought he was above this. I thought he had matured.

"I didn't want to _hurt_ you," he muttered.

"How did you think I was going to feel?" I demanded.

"I didn't think you would care..."

I sighed, rubbing my temples, "Maybe this was a bad idea..."

"What do you mean?"

"All my instincts told me not to trust you. That you were a womanizer and that you'd never change, not even for me...I guess I was right..."

"Lil, don't say that," James said quietly, reaching out for my hand.

"I can't believe I even thought about giving you a chance," I said, snatching my hand away from him.

"I didn't know how you felt...if I had known..." James trailed off.

"I told you how I felt!"

"Well, now I know!" James said, his face lighting up with hope, "We can do this, Lil."

"No, we can't. I don't want to be like dorcas. She went into a relationship with Sirius knowing how he was and she came out heartbroken," I said quietly.

"That was completely my fault though. I was too immature for her at that time," Sirius interjected. I looked up at him in surprise. I'd forgotten he was still there.

I turned back to James, "...and you're not ready for a relationship either."

"Yes, I am!" James pleaded, "I've been ready for years!"

I shook my head, "I'm sorry, James, but you're not."

From a distance, I saw Marlene climb through the portrait to greet Dorcas. Both girls laughed at something as they made their way across the room to Remus and Peter. I looked back at James apologetically, "I'm sorry, James...Hey, Marlene! Dorcas! Wait up!"


	25. The Last Summer

**Chapter Twenty-Five: The Last Summer**

* * *

_Alice looked up at me, tears threatening to escape her big brown eyes, "Promise you'll write to me everyday?"_

_"Even if it is just to complain about James," Mary added, grinning. _

_"We won't mind, honestly," Frank said earnestly. _

_"It'll be just like old times," Mary said nostalgically._

_At that point, Alice was overcome with tears, and she rushed into my arms, sobbing hysterically. _

_"I think she's lost it," Dorcas sighed, shaking her head. _

_"Shut up, Dorcas," Alice said, wiping away the tears that were streaming down her face. _

_Dorcas grinned, "Oh, you know you'll miss me when you're off learning to save the world."_

_"I know I will," Alice said, running into Dorcas's arms as Frank and Mary laughed. _

_Off into the distance, I could see James and Remus talking. James was moving his hands around enthusiastically like he usually did when he was telling a story. Remus rolled his eyes at something he said, but laughed nonetheless. I wondered what he could possibly be telling Remus. It was probably something stupid and completely unimportant. It was probably something I would roll my eyes at, but still, I wanted to know._

_"Hey," James said. I hadn't even realized he had approached our little group. Marlene glanced at me nervously. She felt guilty for pushing me so hard to admit my feelings for James. I'd told her it wasn't her fault. What happened was between me and James, and it was both our faults __(well, mostly James's)_.

_"Jamie!" Alice wailed, rushing over to him. _

_"She's feeling a bit sentimental today," Frank explained as Alice ruffled James's hair affectionately. _

_"I can see that," James said, amused. _

_"I'm just going to miss all of you so much," Alice sighed, looking around sadly. _

_"Al, you do realize that you live two blocks away from me right?" James pointed out. _

_"It's not the same!" she exclaimed. _

_Mary rolled her eyes, "Come on, or there will be no more carriages left," she said, dragging Alice away. _

_"But what about Marlene? I didn't even get to hug her!" Alice complained. _

_"You can hug me on the train," Marlene said as Frank dragged Alice onto a carriage. _

_"You lot wanna share?" James asked, "Moony just went to go find us a carriage."_

_Marlene and Dorcas glanced quizzically at me. _

_I sighed, "Sure."_

_James smiled at me, his hazel eyes lighting up. I had to catch my breath for a minute there. I'd forgotten how much I loved his smile. His face would literally light up whenever he smiled. _

"LILY!" Mum screeched, pounding on my door.

"WHAT?!" I shouted, covering my face with a pillow. All I wanted to do was keep dreaming about James's eyes.

"We have guests. Get dressed and come down. Quickly!"

I groaned, wondering who could possibly be visiting.

"I'll be down in a minute," I promised, forcing myself out of bed.

I quickly threw on a pair of shorts and the first white shirt I saw. As I pulled my hair into a messy bun, I glanced quickly into the mirror, and paused, gazing at my reflection. From my neck, hung a silver chain with an emerald stone at the bottom. I'd worn it so long, I'd completely forgotten it was even there.

James had given it to me. It was a Christmas present. I smiled, remembering how even though I was cross with him at the time, he still sent me a gift. I should have probably taken it off, but that necklace was the only remnant of James I had left.

I missed James. It was as simple as that. And I didn't miss him in the romantic kind of way - well, I did - but mostly I missed him in the friendship kind of way. I missed his jokes (no matter how offensive or inappropriate they were), I missed his laugh, I missed the way his tongue would stick out like a little kid's when he was concentrating, I missed the way he would move his hands energetically when he was talking, I missed the way his eyes lit up when Sirius suggested a new prank, I missed the way he would ruffle his hair when he was nervous, I missed the way he would play with the snitch...I just really missed him.

We hadn't spoken much since the disastrous night at the party. It had been awkward, and it still hurt too much to even look at him. Things would have been so perfect if he had just had the sense to ask me about Austin rather than make assumptions and go snog the first random girl he saw. The last time I had spoken to him was on that last day on the train. Even then, I hadn't even said a proper good-bye to him.

"Lily!" Mum called from downstairs.

"Coming!" I responded, tucking the necklace under my shirt, and heading downstairs, where I could see Mum sitting at the kitchen table, talking to somebody.

"Oh, she's here!" Mum announced, standing up when she saw me coming.

"About time!" I heard a familiar voice say.

"Dorcas?" I frowned, stopping in my tracks. Merlin, I had missed that voice.

"Who else would it be?" she asked, stepping into view.

"Dorky!" I squealed, rushing into my best friend's arms, "What are you doing here?"

"Kidnapping you. You're coming to stay at Marlene's!" Dorcas said matter-of-factly.

"I am?"

"Yes, you are," Mum said, "You've been moping around all summer, and frankly, I'm a bit sick of it. I wrote to Marlene yesterday, and she sent Dorcas here first thing in the morning."

"I have not been _moping_," I scoffed.

"Lily, I don't like seeing you so sad. Now, I understand if you don't want to tell me what's bothering you, but can you at least _try _to have some fun this summer?"

Dorcas frowned, "What's there to be sad about? We're seventeen! We're adults now! It's our last year at Hogwarts! This year is going to be _amazing!_"

"I'm not sad!" I exclaimed.

Dorcas looked at me pityingly, "Is this about James?"

I glared at her, "Why do you assume this is about James?"

"Aha! So you admit that there _is _something bothering you!"

"You know, suddenly, I don't miss you that much anymore," I said.

Dorcas rolled her eyes, "Of course you miss me! Now, come on, we have to pack!"

"Now?"

"Yes, now! Marlene will kill me if I don't have you there by lunch," she replied, pulling me back upstairs.

I groaned as Dorcas pulled me into my room, ordering me to pack.

"Come on! Hurry up!" Dorcas commanded as I pulled my trunk out of my closet.

"I wonder if I should take these books..." I marveled, studying the titles.

"Take all of them!" Dorcas said over her shoulder as she made my clothes zoom around my room.

"I don't know if I'll need them all..." I muttered, stuffing all of them into my trunk.

"All ready?" Dorcas asked, as she made the last of my shirts fold themselves into my trunk.

"I think so," I said, looking around my room.

"Good let's go!" she exclaimed, grabbing my wrist and pulling me back down.

"Why are you so excited?" I asked, surprised by her strength.

She turned around and smiled at me, "I don't know...I just missed you, Lil."

_"I don't know...I just missed you, Lil," James said, giving me his most brilliant smile. _

_I crossed my arms, "That doesn't answer my question."_

_He closed his eyes, "What can I do to make this better? Lily, you have no idea how much I miss you. Just tell me what I can do to make it okay."_

_"I don't know," I told him honestly, "I don't know if there's anything you _can _do."_

_"You can't be that mad!" _

_"I'm not mad...I'm hurt, I guess..."_

_"Okay, what can I do to make you not hurt anymore?" he asked desperately. _

_I sighed, "How about you just stay away from me."_

_"Lily," he said, looking both hurt and shocked. _

_"I'm serious, James. It-it hurts to much right now...just stay away from me, okay? Please."_

_"If that's what you really want," he said, in his most defeated voice. I watched as he gave me one last smile before turning away, all the hope from his face gone. _

"I missed you too, Dorky," I smiled, suddenly feeling sad.

"Of course you did!" she said cockily, bouncing down the stairs, her wavy hair flowing impressively behind her.

"You've packed already?! How?" Mum asked, stunned as we came strolling into the kitchen, carrying my trunk.

"Oh, we just used this little thing called magic," Dorcas grinned.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye, then," Mum said, smiling sadly.

I rolled my eyes, "Mum, I would be leaving for Hogwarts in a few weeks anyway. Besides, I can apparate now. I can pop in and out anytime I want. "

Mum smiled proudly, "That's right! I've forgotten, you're a grown witch now!"

"We have to go," Dorcas said, checking her watch, "Can you wrap up this goodbye quickly?"

"What's the rush?" I frowned as Dorcas disappeared with a crack, not even bothering to answer my question.

"Bye, Mum!" I said cheerfully, giving her a quick hug before apparating into a cobblestoned street lined with modest yet expensive looking houses.

"About time!" the loud voice of Sirius Black boomed from behind me.

"Sirius!" I squealed in delight as he gave me a bone-crushing hug.

"I'll take _that_," he said, taking my luggage from me.

"Oh, thanks. That's nice," I said as we started down the street. "So, what'd I miss?" I asked.

"Well, Remus came to visit last week. He seemed a bit down when he left, but that was because the full moon was coming up. Peter stayed with James for about a week at the beginning of summer. Oh, I've officially finished decorating my new flat! Dorcas picked out most of the furniture, so it's a bit girly, but I don't mind."

"You have a flat?" I asked, impressed.

"Where else am I going to live?"

"Don't you usually stay with James?" I questioned.

"He didn't want to be a burden on the Potters," Dorcas answered, gazing at him adoringly.

"What's your flat like?" I asked.

"It's nothing fancy. I don't want to spend all my inheritance."

"I'm surprised you even _have _inheritance," Dorcas said.

Sirius grimaced, "Yeah, I didn't exactly leave home on a good note."

"He's got himself a job too," Dorcas told me proudly.

"You do!" I gasped, my eyes widening, "Oh, Sirius, good for you!"

Sirius smiled, embarrassed, "It's just a summer job. I've got enough money to last me the rent for another year or so, and by then I'll be out of Hogwarts and hopefully having a decent job."

"You've really grown up," I smiled, astounded by his sudden maturity.

He shrugged, "It's what happens when you don't have decent enough parents to take care of you."

Dorcas took his hand, and smiled sadly. She had always felt guilty that she had had such a wonderful upbringing, and Sirius's childhood was tainted with bad memories of his parents and their crazy blood mania.

"How much further do we have to walk anyway?" I asked.

"Marlene's house is just a few more houses away," Sirius replied.

"How _is _Marlene?" I asked.

Dorcas giggled, "She's as mad as ever. She's taken it upon herself to make sure everybody has the best summer ever. She's forcing Remus and Peter to come back tomorrow and stay with James. She's planning a big end of the summer party and _everybody's _invited."

"I think Peter and Remus are going to stay with James. They have enough rooms for everybody in his house," Sirius said thoughtfully.

"So, erm..." I said awkwardly, "How's James?"

"He misses you," Sirius answered.

"I miss him too," I admitted, sighing.

"LILY!" Marlene shrieked. I looked up to find my tall, dark-haired best friend standing in the doorway of her house, grinning broadly at me.

"Mar!" I squealed in delight as we both ran into each other's arms. Dorcas and Sirius watched us smiling.

"Well, come on in, everybody!" Marlene said, ushering us all inside.

"Toby, would you bring Lily's luggage up to her room?" Marlene asked the old house elf kindly. I'd always admired how kind her family was to their house elf. Most wizards treated the poor creatures like dirt.

"Certainly, young mistress," Toby replied, snapping his fingers, my trunk following behind him as he climbed up the stairs.

"Have you had breakfast yet?" Marlene questioned me as we headed into the kitchen, "we have pancakes from earlier this morning. I'm not sure if you want it, though," Marlene said.

"I'll have it!" Sirius exclaimed, grabbing a plate. I rolled my eyes and joined him.

"So, tell us everything that's happened this summer," Dorcas said, plopping in the chair across from me.

I sighed, "Well, nothing. I've been so bored. Severus at least hasn't tried to speak to me once. I think he's finally taken the hint."

"Well, that and he tried to poison you. How do you apologize for that?" Dorcas said.

"Hey, we're still not sure that it was even him," I told her fairly.

"He sure as hell knew about it, though. And if I were him, I would've done a whole lot more than just warn you about it!" Dorcas said bitterly. Sirius nodded vigorously in agreement, his mouth still full.

"Either way, at least he didn't bother you this summer," Marlene said placidly.

"Oh, and Petunia's doing some typing program or something so she's been gone a lot," I said. Blimey, I hadn't even gotten the chance to say goodbye to Tuney...not that she would care anyway.

"Wow," Sirius said, swallowing his pancake, "that has got to be the most boring story I've ever heard."

I rolled my eyes, "I'm sorry. Let's hear about _your _summer then."

He grinned, "Besides getting a job and a flat, I've also had to deal with your crazy friend here," he said gesturing to Marlene, "she's had me and James running all over town getting things for her little party tomorrow."

"That reminds me," Marlene said, perking up, "do you or James have dates? I know Remus is coming with that girl from Hufflepuff..."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "James is still pining over Lily so that would be a no."

"Well, do _you _have a date?" Dorcas asked a little too casually.

Sirius looked down at his plate uncomfortably, "I did ask Sarah Clark to come with me."

"Did you?" Dorcas said, the cheeriness in her voice suddenly becoming very forced.

Sirius shrugged, "Well, I haven't really dated anyone since we broke up, so I thought it was time to get back out there, you know?"

"Yeah, sure. Of course," Dorcas replied, forcing a smile.

Marlene and I exchanged looks.

"_Anyway,_" I said, "when is this party exactly?"

"Tomorrow," Marlene replied promptly, "I think we all need it. I haven't seen Mary or Frank all summer, and I've only seen Alice a few times which is really sad considering she lives a few blocks away."

"Guess who else she invited?" Dorcas asked furiously.

"Who?"

"Natalie Peterson," Marlene replied, rolling her eyes as Dorcas fumed. Dorcas and Natalie were mortal enemies, and they had been since they were kids. Things only got worse when Natalie kissed Sirius last year, causing Dorcas to break up with Sirius.

"Why would you do that?" I asked, making a face.

"To end all this bad blood between five of you," Marlene answered.

"What is she talking about?" I sighed, turning to Sirius and Dorcas.

"Well," Dorcas said, "I hate her because she snogged my boyfriend and then tried to punch me. Sirius hates her because...well, she snogged him. You hate her because she went out with James. And I don't think James hates her, but things are definitely weird between the two of them since they broke up."

"Exactly," Marlene nodded, "we need to end all this fighting and hatred. It's not good, and it's sending out bad energy."

Sirius looked at her as if she had lost her mind.

"Marlene, what are you going on about now?" I sighed.

"Karma!" she exclaimed, "We can't start our final year at Hogwarts with all this bad karma!"

Dorcas rubbed her temples. She had obviously heard this all summer, but Marlene's theory was new to me, and I was intrigued to hear more.

"Is that real?" I asked in wonder.

"Of course not!" Sirius scoffed.

Marlene shook her head, "Best not take any chances."

"Good point," I nodded.

"Which is why," she continued, "you need to fix whatever problems you're having with James."

"On second thought," I said, "maybe Dorcas and Sirius are right. You are mental."

Marlene sighed, "Lily, we can't enter our final year at Hogwarts with all this bad energy around us. We need to wipe our sleights clean."

"Well, I don't hate James, so I don't see the need to even speak with him," I said stubbornly.

"Have you spoken to him at all?"

"Not since the last day on the train," I replied, remembering the last time I had seen James.

_"Lily, wait!" James called out. _

_I sighed. I had told him I needed my space. Why couldn't he just give it to me?_

_"Yes?" I said, gritting my teeth. _

_"Your wand fell out of your pocket," he said, handing me my wand. _

_"Oh," I said, surprised, "thanks."_

_"Anyway...I'll see you around then?" he said, ruffling his hair nervously. _

_I nodded, "Erm...yeah..."_

_He nodded awkwardly and turned away, pushing his way through the crowds, searching for his parents. I watched as his mum hugged him tightly, whispering something into his ear. Smiling sadly, I turned away and walked to my own mother. _

I had expected some dramatic goodbye, in which he begged me to forgive him or something...but he didn't. I knew I was the one who had asked him to give me space, and I was glad he did, but it was at times like those that I really missed him. It was in those small moments in which he would ruffle his hair uncomfortably or his eyes would light up as he smiled that I realized how much I really cared about him. I hated that I loved him, I really did, but I there was no more denying it. I had never felt like this with anyone before, not even Austin. It literally broke my heart every time I thought of him or I saw my emerald necklace in the mirror.

It terrified me how much I loved that boy, and I don't think I was ready to commit myself to somebody like that. I wasn't mature enough to handle all those feelings and emotions. And James certainly wasn't either, if at the first sign of trouble, he ran into the arms of another girl.

But that didn't make it any easier. I thought that a summer apart would do me some good, that maybe I would forget about James and move on, but I was slowly starting to understand how he had felt all those years. No matter how hard I tried to forget, something would always remind me of him. I could never understand why James had never moved on from me, but I think I understood now. It wasn't _just _the chase, but when you felt so strongly about someone, you couldn't just forget about them the next day.

Also, a part of me didn't want my feelings to go away. While there was a lot of pain and heartbreak that came with my love for James, there was also so many laughs and warm bubbly feelings. We had so many wonderful memories, and just thinking about the way he used to make me laugh would automatically bring a smile to my face and my insides would go all warm and fuzzy.

"...oh no, it's raining," Marlene said, bringing me back to reality.

Beside me, Sirius got up, "Well, I should really go. James and I are going into town."

"Tell him we said 'hi,'" Dorcas said as he left.

I watched Sirius leave, wishing I could go with him to see James.

* * *

"I'm really glad I got to see you, Lily," Natalie said.

I forced a smile, "Yeah, me too."

"I know we had some issues in the past, but I'm really glad we've put it behind us," she continued, taking a sip of her drink. On the opposite side of the room, I could see Sirius dancing with Sarah Clark, his hands exploring her body. Not far from them, Dorcas was watching furiously, her arms crossed. I scanned the rest of the room, searching for messy hair and hazel eyes. _Where could James be? _I still hadn't seen him yet, which was very strange considering he lived next door to Marlene.

"You're looking for James, aren't you?" Natalie guessed.

"No, of course not!" I scoffed unconvincingly.

"It's okay if you still have feelings for him, you know. I know from first hand experience that he's a really hard bloke to get over."

"Well, there wasn't much to get over. We never even really went out," I told her.

Natalie raised her eyebrows, "Come on, we all know that what you and James had was much deeper than what James and I ever had. I always hoped he would care about me in the same way he cares about you. Honestly, the only reason we went out for so long was because he was just trying desperately to move on from you. Not that it worked."

I shook my head, "James was only interested in me because I was a challenge. It was nothing more than that."

Natalie stared at me, her deep blue eyes piercing into mine, "Lily, we both know that's not true. Now, if you don't want to accept the fact that James might actually love you is a whole different problem."

"Oh, no," I said, distracted as I spotted Dorcas chugging down the rest of her firewhiskey. She slammed her cup down, and started toward Sirius and Sarah with a determined look in her eye.

"What's the matter?" Natalie asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

"I need to go and stop Dorcas from doing something that is probably very stupid," I said as Dorcas began marching toward Sirius. I pushed my way through the dancing crowd, making my way to Sirius and Sarah.

"Hi, Dorcas!" Sarah said cheerfully.

"Hey," Dorcas replied venomously.

"Great party! I was just telling Sirius how you and Marlene always throw the best ones!" Sarah said sweetly.

"Aw, thanks," Dorcas said in her most fake-cheery voice, "Now, why don't you leave it?" she added forcefully.

"Dorcas," I warned in an undertone as I finally reached them.

Sarah's dark blue eyes widened in confusion, and she looked up at Sirius uncertainly.

"Erm...why don't you go get us some drinks?" Sirius suggested, "I'll be with you in a second."

Sarah nodded, "Okay, sure. It was good to see you, Dorcas. Oh, and you too, Lily!" she added, spotting me.

"Bye, Sarah," I smiled.

"Bye, Sarah!" Dorcas exclaimed, imitating Sarah's cheerful, perky voice.

Sirius's eyes flashed as he turned to her, "_What is your problem_?" he demanded, "You're angry because I brought someone?"

"Why would I be angry? You brought a date, good for you! You're dating, that's just bloody brilliant," Dorcas replied indifferently, pushing past him.

Sirius grabbed her arm, and forced her to turn around and look at him.

"Okay, should I _not _be dating?" he asked.

"Hey, you're the one who wanted to get back out there, right?"

"Cause if I shouldn't be dating all you have to do is say something," Sirius said, "If you don't say something, then I'm going to keep dating."

"What would I say? There's nothing _to _say," Dorcas said stubbornly.

"Don't do that, Dorcas! I've waited for you all year, and you've shot me down a billion times already. I'm not going to keep chasing after you all of my life, not unless you make it clear that you want me-"

Sirius was cut off mid-sentence as Dorcas threw her arms around him, their lips smashing together. I stared at them stunned. How did that even happen?

"Dorcas?" I said weakly, "Sirius?"

"Well, some things never change, huh?" Marlene said, coming up behind me, watching Sirius and Dorcas snog furiously.

"Well, at least one of us is having fun," I sighed, turning to face Marlene.

"Lily, I love you, but you're kind of depressing me."

I laughed, "Gee, thanks, that really lifts my spirits."

Marlene smiled sadly at me, "Is James really bothering you that much."

"I meant it when I said I loved him, Marlene," I sighed, "You just don't get over something as big as that...look at Dorcas and Sirius."

"Then why can't you talk to him?"

"You don't understand! It hurts, okay? It hurts, Marlene, it _really _hurts."

"Oh, Lily," Marlene said, reaching out for me.

"I need some air," I said suddenly, hating that I showed weakness over James Potter.

"Okay," she said, nodding to the backyard. I gave her a forced smile and made my way outside, pushing open the large glass doors. I breathed in deeply as the door shut behind me, muffling all the noise from inside. A safe distance away, I spotted a wooden bench, surrounded by beautiful pink flowers, but what caught my attention wasn't the flowers or the beautifully detailed bench. It was the boy sitting in the bench.

James's bright hazel eyes looked up at me. It broke my heart to see his face etched with sadness and hopelessness. Slowly, I made my way to the small bench, and sat myself a good distance away from him. If I sat too close, I wouldn't have been able to resist the smell of his cologne or the sparkliness of his eyes.

"So," I began awkwardly, "I haven't seen you in a while."

"You asked me to stay away," he replied, looking away from me.

"That's true," I nodded.

There was a long pause, in which we both stared off into the distance, deep in our own thoughts.

"Why aren't you inside?" he asked me, breaking the silence.

"I'm not much in a party mood," I shrugged.

"Me neither," he admitted.

There was another long pause, in which I studied James's face as he looked off into the distance, allowing his mind to wander. He had a pensive, thoughtful look on his face, and I wondered what was going through his mind.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked tentatively.

For the first time, James smiled sadly at me. "You know, backyards are pretty special for us."

"It was in Drew's backyard that I first told you how I felt about you," I recalled, smiling.

He nodded, "And it was in this backyard, right here, about a year ago that we first became my friends."

"I can't believe it's been a year already," I said, remembering the day clearly. I had come to apologize to James for being such a snotty brat. I remembered it clearly because that was the first time that I realized how beautiful and bright his eyes were. I was so breath taken with his loyalty to Sirius, and I remembered admiring and respecting what a genuine person he was. I think that it was on that day that I had slowly starting falling in love with him, and then I just woke up one day, without ever having realized how head-over-heels in love with him I was.

"A lot's happened since then, hasn't it?" he said.

"Yeah, I guess it has."

"So, what now?" he asked, finally turning to look at me.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I've given you your space, Lily, and I don't mean to be pushy or anything, but what's going to happen? Do you still hate me?"

I sighed, "James, I could never hate you."

"Yes, you can, and you should after the way I screwed everything up," he said miserably.

"You didn't screw _everything _up," I told him.

"So...what now?" he said after a quiet pause in which he smiled gratefully at me.

I shrugged, "I don't know. All I know is that I _really _missed you this summer."_  
_

"I missed you too. More than you can even imagine," he told me.

"But...that doesn't mean I want to be with you," I said, "I just don't think it's a good idea...given what's happened..."

"Lily, I can change. I want to do whatever it takes to make you happy," he promised, gazing hopefully at me.

"I know, James. And I truly believe that you think that, but it's just not a good idea...the two of us together..."

"So, what now? We're just going to go back to being friends?"

"I would really like that."

He shook his head, "I don't think I can do that, Lil...to just go back to pining after you day after day. It just hurts too much. I'm sorry, Lil."

I sighed. I knew he would feel this way. In fact, I kind of felt the same way. How could things ever go back to how they were before? How could there never be any anger or resentment? How could I watch him flirt with other girls, knowing I was still head-over-heels in love with him? How could I sit there and watch his smile or hear his laugh, and not have my heart break into a million little pieces?

"I understand," I finally said, gazing into his twinkling hazel eyes.


	26. Head Boy and Girl

**Chapter Twenty-Six: Head Boy and Girl**

* * *

James hadn't spoken to me since the night of Marlene's party, and as much as I tried to ignore it, it was really starting to bother me. Okay, sure, he didn't want to be friends, but he didn't have to abruptly leave the room whenever I walked in, and he didn't have to completely avoid Marlene's house all summer, and he didn't have to send Sirius and Dorcas as messengers whenever he wanted to speak with Marlene. Honestly, it was getting to be ridiculous. Couldn't we both be mature about this?

"...says he wants to speak with you," Sirius was saying, his head poking through the glass door in Marlene's kitchen.

"I'll be there in a minute," Marlene called out as Sirius shut the door behind him and traipsed back across her backyard and into James's backyard.

"Honestly!" I grumbled, angrily shoving a spoonful or porridge in my mouth.

"Oh, James will come around. He's just hurt, Lil," she said gently, patting my arm on her way out the door.

"Yeah, well, maybe I'll give him a real reason to hurt," I muttered under my breath as I was left alone in the kitchen. Sighing, I flicked my wand, and sent my bowl flying into the sink. I watched as the water turned on and the bowl began washing itself.

"Impressive," Mrs. McKinnon said from behind me, "you're getting better at the household spells."

"You think so?" I asked, my eyes lighting up with pride. I was never particularly good with spells involving cleaning or cooking.

"Definitely," Mrs. McKinnon assured me, "Where is everyone anyway?"

"At James's house," I told her, trying to keep the bitterness out of my voice. I was just imagining all of them holed up in his living room, laughing together. Dorcas was probably sitting on Sirius's lap; they'd been inseparable since they'd gotten back together. It was like they were trying to make up for lost time or something. And then I could imagine Remus chuckling in the background, only half paying attention to the conversation as he stuck his nose into a book. Marlene would probably be sitting beside him, her head tilted back as she let out a big belly laugh. And then I could practically see James standing in the middle, his hands moving wildly as he finished telling a story. Traitors. Of course they would all go to James's house, and leave me behind.

"Why aren't you there too?" Mrs. McKinnon asked absent-mindedly as she poured herself a drink.

I shrugged, "Well, James isn't too keen on seeing me right now."

Mrs. McKinnon chuckled, "Isn't it usually the other way around? Aren't you usually the one cross with him?"

"Yeah, I am!" I exclaimed, coming to the realization. Why was James avoiding _me_? He was the one that snogged Emmeline, not me. I had come, fully prepared to go on a date with him, and yet, there he was, snogging Emmeline. I should have punched him. But no. I had been the bigger person and tried to at least be his friend. He was the one who refused to have any relationship with me. I should be the one angry with him.

"Sorry about that," Marlene said, opening the kitchen door as she entered.

"What'd he want?" I asked.

She shrugged, "Well, his letter for Hogwarts arrived this morning."

I beamed, "You know, I was made Head Girl!"

Marlene laughed, "Yes, I know, Lily. I was there when you opened the letter, remember?"

I grinned proudly, "I know. I just like hearing it. It has a ring to it, doesn't it? Lily Evans, Head Girl."

Marlene rolled her eyes.

"I wonder who's Head Boy...Merlin! Maybe it's Remus! He'd be perfect choice...but they wouldn't have _two _Gryffindors, would they? Maybe it's that Ravenclawe bloke...but they couldn't pass up Remus! He's the perfect pick," I rambled out loud.

"No," Marlene said slowly, "Remus isn't head boy..."

My face fell, "Oh, he must be so crushed..."

"No, he didn't seemed to mind at all. In fact, I think he was a bit happy."

"Happy?"

"Well, yes," Marlene said carefully, "he was happy for James..."

"Why would he be happy for James?"

"Because...well, James is Head Boy..."

I gaped at her. James Potter. _The _James Potter? The one who once jinxed balloons filled with Bulgeye Potion to fly at Slytherins, making each one of their eyes to swell at an alarming rate? The one who once filled the entire third floor with Garroting Gas, causing all classes to be cancelled for the day? The one who once tricked the house elves into serving canary creams at dinner, temporarily turning nearly every person in the Great Hall into a canary? The one who was an illegal animagi that turned every full moon to keep his werewolf best friend company? This couldn't be right. It just couldn't.

But then again, James was a natural born leader, and he was indisputably the bravest bloke in the year. I mean, he risked his life every month to make sure his friend didn't feel like an outsider. Some may call it stupid (which it was), but it was also unbelievably brave. He even risked his life to save his enemies-Snape. James could have easily looked the other way and allowed Snape to continue into the Whomping Willow, but he had saved Severus. He had changed a lot over the last year. I couldn't recall any major pranks he had pulled. And now that I thought about it, he didn't have nearly as many detentions last year as he had had in the past.

Not to mention, James was top of nearly every class, without even trying! He was top of our transfiguration class. Besides me and Snape, James was the best in our Potions class. Occasionally he had trouble in Charms, but he still ended the year with an E. He did excellent in Astonomy. Though he didn't care much for Care of Magical Creatures, he still did very well in that class. The only class he had ever failed was Divination, and that didn't even really count as a class. It was a load of rubbish to me.

"Well, I guess it makes sense..." I said slowly, smiling. No matter how angry I was with him, I was still proud. He was Headboy!

Marlene raised her eyebrows, "Does it?"

"Yeah, I mean, have you met a bloke that was braver than James? Besides, he's a natural born leader, and his grades are pretty good. I mean, he's a good choice."

Marlene stared at me, "You sound like Remus. He said the same thing."

I smiled sadly, "Well, tell James I said 'congratulations'."

"Why don't you tell him yourself?"

"Because that arse refuses to speak to me!" I exclaimed angrily, "Oi, how are we going to do our duties as headboy and headgirl, if he refuses to communicate with me?"

Marlene shrugged, "I'm sure by the time school starts, you two will be friends again."

I shook my head, "It's different this time. He's not mad at me or anything..."

"What exactly happened between you two anyway? You never even told me."

I sighed, "I wanted to go back to being friends, and he didn't. It's as simple as that."

Marlene groaned, "When will you two realize that you're meant for each other?"

"You don't understand, Marlene. I poured my heart out to him, and he completely broke it. Everything I was afraid was going to happen, happened. He's not ready for a relationship, and I don't want to be with someone who isn't ready. It would never work."

"Knock! Knock!" Dorcas said in a sing-song voice as she banged the door open.

"Dorcas," Marlene winced, "don't bang the door open like that. Mum'll kill me if you lot break it again."

"Sorry," Dorcas said apologetically, gently closing the door behind her, "So, what are we talking about?"

"Lily and James," Marlene replied.

"Not anymore," I said, "let's talk about something else."

Dorcas gave me a pitying look before launching into a story about something Sirius and Peter had done. I only half-listened, my mind wandering to the messy-haired boy next door. Although I hadn't known him as long as Dorcas or Marlene, I probably knew James better than anyone. I couldn't tell you what his favorite color was when he was five or what he wanted to be when he was eight, but I could tell you how he was feeling just by look at his face and I could tell you what kind of mood he was in with just one peek at his eyes. I understood James in ways that nobody else did, not even Sirius.

So, I definitely knew now, that James was not too happy about being Headboy. I knew he thought he didn't deserve it, and that the only reason Dumbledore had given him the prestige title was because he was good friends with his parents. And I knew he felt bad that Remus didn't get it. And I knew he was terrified to disappoint his parents. A while ago, James had told me his dad had been Headboy, and he had been a lot to live up to. So, I knew that James was scared that he might not live up to the expectations of Headboy and his father would be disappointed in him.

But he was wrong. James would be an excellent headboy. I just wished he could see it himself. I wanted to go over there, next door, and hug him, and assure him that he would do a wonderful job. But I couldn't.

So, I just sat there numbly, half-listening as Dorcas and Marlene chattered animately.

* * *

"Lily," Mrs. Potter greeted me warmly.

I smiled, "Hello. Sorry to bother you, but Mrs. McKinnon sent me over to give you these," I said, handing her a plate full of custards and pies.

"Oh, she made her special custard! Ooh, James loves these," Mrs. Potter exclaimed, taking the plate from me.

Mrs. Potter was probably the sweetest woman I had ever met, and she had taken an instant liking to me. She had the same hazel eyes as James that lit up whenever she smiled or laughed, but other than that, she looked nothing like her son. Instead, she was a tiny woman with a loud voice. I had heard her several times, shouting at James or Sirius for something or other. Just the other night, James and Sirius had accidentally sent their chandelier flying down. We could hear her yelling at them all the way from Marlene's house. I felt bad for her sometimes. Raising James must not have been easy. And then having to raise a teenage Sirius? Lord, help that poor woman. I had never met two more troublesome blokes in my entire life.

According to her, James always talked about me, so she felt as if she had known me for years, which was very nice of her to say, especially since I had felt so disconnected from James lately.

"Would you like to pop in and say hello to James?" she asked, her chin jerking toward stairs, "He's upstairs with Sirius."

"Oh, no, I really have to get back," I said quickly. I really didn't want to see James. I knew it would be awkward.

"Oh, alright then," she smiled, holding the door open for me, "Congratulations, by the way! I heard you were made Headgirl!"

I grinned, "Thanks! I heard James is Headboy too."

Mrs. Potter beamed proudly, "Just like his father!"

"Yeah," I smiled, walking down the front steps.

"Lily, wait!" she called.

I turned around, wondering if I had forgotten something. Instead, I found a worried looking Mrs. Potter, staring down at me sadly. "Is everything alright?" she asked, "James seems a bit down this summer."

I shrugged, "Oh, he's fine. I wouldn't know anything."

Mrs. Potter studied my face, "Well, he's gotten much better ever since you showed up, but he still seems a tad upset. Did something happen between the two of you?"

I opened and closed my mouth, wondering how I was going to answer her. How much did James want her to know? How much was appropriate to tell her? _Should _I even tell her?

"Lily?" James said, coming up from behind my mother.

"Hey," I smiled awkwardly at him.

"Lil!" Sirius bellowed eagerly.

I winced, "Hi, Sirius."

"Lily dropped off Mrs. McKinnon's special custards, James. I know how much you love them," Mrs. Potter informed her son.

James grinned, "Blimey, I haven't had those in forever."

"Yeah, they were good," I smiled, "but anyway, I'll see you lot later."

I began to walk down the Potter's front steps again, when James shouted my name.

"Lil, wait!" he called. Forcing another smile on my face, I turned around again.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Congratulations...on headgirl. I knew it would be you," he said sincerely.

"Thanks," I grinned, "you too."

Mrs. Potter and Sirius looked between me and James suspiciously.

"Well, I should go..." I mumbled, gesturing to Marlene's house next door.

"Erm...yeah..." James said awkwardly.

"And James?" I added before turning around, "You'll be great."

He stared at me.

"Dumbledore wouldn't have picked you for Headboy if he didn't think you weren't up for the job. You were meant for this," I assured him.

His face broke into an actual smile, all the worry and stress from his face quickly fading. It was as if he had been waiting for somebody to assure him.

"Thanks, Lil," he said wholeheartedly.

"No problem," I smiled, turning around, and slowly walking back to Marlene's house.


	27. The Last First Day

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Last First Day**

* * *

"It's weird, isn't?" I said in wonder as Marlene and I made our way into the Great Hall.

"What?" she asked.

"This is our last first day of Hogwarts," I said dramatically, taking in every last detail of my surroundings.

"And Alice and Mary aren't here," Marlene added sadly.

"Yeah, it is a bit weird...I'd rather not think about it," I said. I was determined to make this our best year yet, and that wasn't going to happen if I kept thinking about Alice and her big brown eyes or Mary and the big grin that usually stretched across her fair face when I ranted about James.

Marlene nodded, and we continued down into the Great Hall, searching for our friends. At the table, I saw Remus with his nose buried in a textbook, his brow furrowing slightly as he concentrated. Beside him, Peter was stuffing his plate with every bit of food he could get his tiny, mousy hands on. And then my eyes found Dorcas and Sirius. They were sitting close together, talking animately to one another. Sirius had his hand gently resting on her knee, and my insides gushed with warmth at how sweet they were being. It wasn't like last time. This time, there was something different about Sirius and Dorcas's relationship, something deeper. They had both reached some sort of understanding, and if I didn't love both of them so much, I would have been green with envy at how perfect their relationship was.

"Where's James?" Marlene wondered out loud as her eyes travelled down the table, searching for his messy hair.

I shrugged. Things with James had been extremely awkward. The worst was on the train yesterday when we both had Head duty. He was extra careful not to touch me or come anywhere near me when we were giving the prefects instructions. I had done most of the talking, and James would throw in an occasional joke or two, making me smile, but that was it. As soon as the meeting had ended, James had bolted out of the compartment, muttering something about finding had a meeting tonight with McGongall to discuss our new duties and responsibilities, and I was absolutely dreading it. Don't get me wrong, I was really excited about being Head Girl, but every time James would avoid eye contact with me or look the other way when I walked into a room, I felt like running to my bed and crying under the covers. I hated that he had so much power over my emotions. I hated it. I really did.

"McGonagall's handing out schedules," Marlene noted as we headed toward our usual spot at the table.

I swiveled around, searching for the tall woman in the firm bun. "Oh! I need to see my schedule!" I cried, scampering after McGonall.

Marlene rolled her eyes. "Somethings never change, I see!" she called after me, giggling.

I stuck out my tongue at her quickly before focusing my attentions on the strict teacher up ahead of me.

* * *

"...stupid McGonall...every year..." I grumbled unintelligently under my breath.

"What's got your wand in a knot?" Sirius asked, amused.

"McGonagall!" I said furiously.

"Ah, good old Minnie," he sighed, shaking his head as if Professor McGonagall was a badly behaved two-year old, "What's she done now?"

"She refuses to give me my schedule!" I fumed.

Sirius and Dorcas exchanged amused looks.

"It would only take her a total of two seconds to hand me my schedule!" I grumbled.

"This is starting to feel like deja vu," Sirius said, "Didn't we have the same conversation last year?"

"Except this year she didn't insult your behavior at school," Remus pointed out, looking up from his book.

"Not _yet_," I corrected.

"It's only the first day! I haven't even done anything wrong yet!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Notice how he ends the sentence with 'yet'," Dorcas pointed out, chuckling.

"Well, you can't expect me to be this good for long, can you?" Sirius defended himself.

"Good?" I scoffed, "Sirius, just yesterday you went around the train using the Bulgeye spell on the first years. It took me and the other prefects hours to get the swelling down from their eyes."

"Well, I haven't done anything bad _today_, have I?" Sirius retorted.

"Yeah, but it's only breakfast," Dorcas pointed out, "that's not much of an accomplishment."

Sirius stared at his girlfriend, "Sweetie, you're not being very helpful."

"What are we talking about?" James asked as he plopped down next to Remus.

"Lily here has turned Dorcas against me," Sirius grumbled.

James quickly glanced at me before clearing his throat and changing the subject. Marlene, who was perched beside Peter rolled her eyes at James and shot me a comforting smile. I sighed and watched as James snatched the book from Remus's hands as he began chattering to him about Zonko's. Remus glowered at at him, but didn't say anything and listened. I wondered how James was planning on avoiding me...I mean, we had the same group of friends and we had nearly all of the same classes (I was taking Ancient Runes, and he wasn't). And on top of all that, we had to constantly meet up for Headboy and Headgirl duty. Just tonight, we had a meeting with Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore. Whether he liked it or not, he was stuck with me in his life.

"Look who's coming, Lil," Peter said, pointing to McGonagall, who was marching towards us.

"Our schedules?" I asked her hopefully.

Her lips twitched a bit, "Yes, Ms. Evans. I've got your schedule."

After sorting through everybody's schedule, McGonagall finally handed me a piece of paper.

"Ancient Runes first," I announced.

"Me too," Remus nodded, consulting his schedule.

"Brilliant," I said, pulling Remus up with me.

Sirius made a face, "You two are still taking that class?"

"It's an excellent class, Sirius," Remus said reproachfully as I began dragging him away.

I looped my arm around his as we marched down the Great Hall. "Are we leaving already?" Remus asked, "There's still loads of time before the first bell."

"I couldn't stand being near James a second longer," I muttered quietly.

He sighed, "When are you two going to quit avoiding each other. You had all summer. Don't you think it's time to get over it?"

"I am over it. It's him that's decided to become a stubborn arse," I retorted.

"He doesn't know how to handle everything, Lil. Go easy on him," Remus soothed.

"Why do you insist on defending him?"

"Because he's my best friend," he replied solemnly.

I sighed, "I hate that he hates me."

"He could never hate you."

"Then why is he doing this?" I cried.

"Because it's easier," Remus replied, "And it hurts less for him to be away from you."

I stared at my feet, "He's the one that ruined it. Not me."

"And the fact that he was the one who ruined his chance with you makes it all even worse. So, cut him some slack, Lil."

I nodded and walked in silence, my head swirling with new thoughts. Remus watched me quietly, wondering what I was thinking about. We turned into a corridor to take a short cut, and found ourselves in the same hallway with Severus Snape and Regulus Black. They were huddled in the corner, whispering.

"...don't want to do this anymore," Regulus cried.

"It's too late," Snape said coldly.

"Severus, please!" Regulus begged.

"If I couldn't stop them poisoning Lily last year, what makes you think I can stop them now?" he snarled. Remus pulled me against the wall, and we crouched behind the statue of a handsome knight.

"...I don't want to be the one to do it," Regulus cried again.

"It's too late to back out now. We just have to embrace it," Snape told him.

"I don't want to," Regulus squeaked.

"Then, why'd you join in the first place?" Snape snapped.

"Why did _you_," Regulus retorted, getting angry.

Snape glowered at him, "That's enough. If you don't have the guts to carry out the plan, then they're going to hurt you. And then they'll hurt your family. Especially your beloved brother."

"Don't bring Sirius into this!"

"You already did by joining," Snape countered, "And besides, from what I hear, your brother hates you. He's one of the blood traitors, always running around with Potter. What good is he anyway?"

"He's my _brother_!" Regulus growled, a fiery in his voice I had never heard before. Regulus had always looked like a coward compared to the bold and daring Sirius Black. So, I was a bit taken aback with how fearless and impressive he sounded.

Snape sighed. "Look, we're not even dealing with the real Death Eaters here. They aren't even in the Dark Lord's inner circle. We're lucky we're not dealing with any of those, because then we'd be in _real _trouble," he warned.

"Lucky? Those blokes are threatening to hurt my family!"

"Exactly! Imagine what would happen if you angered a high-ranking Death Eater or the Dark Lord himself!"

Regulus groaned, "But why must they include my family in this?

"Because you promised your allegiance to the Dark Lord."

"Well, I didn't think there would be all these strings attached," Regulus sniffed.

"You're a bloody idiot."

"Well, so are you," Regulus retaliated, "you joined too, didn't you?"

"And rightly so!" Snape said, "They've got the right idea...getting rid of those filthy mudbloods."

Regulus let out a humorless laugh, "You weren't saying the same thing last year when their target was Lily Evans."

"I tried to stop them, and you saw what happened to me," Snape said, "Just do what they say, and they won't hurt your filthy brother or your parents."

Regulus sighed, "If it'll keep Sirius and my family safe...I won't tell anybody, but I'm not helping. I want no part of this."

"You can't bargain with these people! If they want you to help, then you help."

"I'll find a way..." Regulus muttered under his breath.

"Do what you want, but I'm telling you now that it's in your best interest to do what they say," Snape warned, "Anyway, let's go. Classes are starting soon, and everybody's going to be coming down this corridor. We can't have anybody overhearing our conversations."

I stared at Remus, his stunned face mirroring my shock. We waited until Snape and Regulus had turned the corridor before we slithered out from behind the statue.

"What do we do?" I breathed, not sure of what to say, my hands trembling slightly.

"After what happened to you, we can't take any risks. We need to tell Dumbledore," Remus instructed me firmly.

"I agree. I don't want anybody else being poisoned," I nodded, "I'll tell him tonight...at the Heads meeting."

Remus looked at me, concern etched across his tired looking face.

"I'll be fine," I assured him.

"Lil, you were _poisoned_. These people tried to _murder _you...We don't know what they're capable of," Remus whispered, terrified.

"Well," I said reasonably, "at least one good thing came out of this."

Remus looked at me like I was deranged, "And what's that?"

"At least now we know Regulus can still be saved. He doesn't want to be a Death Eater...he's still good..." I muttered as we made our way into the classroom.

* * *

"What's the matter?" Sirius asked, the smile fading from his face. Remus and I had just left Ancient Runes, and we were surprised to find Sirius and Dorcas already in Defense Against the Dark Arts.

"What makes you think anything's wrong?" Remus asked, glancing nervously at me.

"Because I know you," Sirius replied, crossing his arms, "And right now you have that look on your face."

"What look?"

"The look where you want to tell me something, but you're not sure how I'll react."

"Well, you are known for doing stupid things sometimes," I said, perching down in the seat next to Dorcas.

Sirius glared at me, "What are you two hiding?

I bit my lip. It wasn't that I didn't want to tell Sirius about Regulus, it was just that Sirius and James were a bit...impulsive. The minute I told them, they would have tracked Severus down and beaten his slimy little body. Both Remus and I agreed, we had to tell Dumbledore first, and see what he thought. That was best.

"Maybe we should tell him," Remus murmured guiltily to me twenty minutes later.

I peeked over at Sirius beside me, who was playing hangman with James under the table. James was grinning smugly at him, clearly winning, while Sirius was sticking his tongue out in concentration. I snorted. If only he put that amount of concentration in his schoolwork.

"I still think we should tell Dumbledore first," I finally replied.

"I hate keeping secrets," Remus sighed.

"Me too," I admitted, glancing over at Dorcas and Marlene. The two of them hadn't asked what I was hiding from them and I loved them for it, but I still felt bad for not telling them. Marlene noticed me watching her and she gave me a small smile before going back to her reading.

Even though it was the first day, I couldn't be more glad when dinner came around. All I could think about was telling Dumbledore what Remus and I had overheard. It was driving me absolutely mad. Someone needed to stop them. As I looked around the Great Hall, I didn't know who to trust anymore. How many students had gone over to the dark side? How many of them had given over their lives to the Death Eaters? How many of them were being threatened?

Regulus Black was staring at his plate, not even touching his food, while Severus kept elbowing him, angrily muttering something under his breath. Regulus quickly looked over at Sirius and nodded to whatever Severus was saying. I looked over at Sirius, dread washing over me. The Death Eaters were threatening poor Regulus by using Sirius. My stomach gave an uncomfortable lurch for Sirius. If Regulus didn't do what they wanted, maybe Sirius would be the next person poisoned. And I was lucky. If Madam Pomfrey hadn't gotten there on time, then I would have died. What if Sirius wasn't as lucky as me? What if no one was there to help him? What if help didn't arrive on time? What if he got...killed? The thought of a life without Sirius absolutely terrified me. About a year ago, I would have scoffed at the idea of being friends with Sirius. But now, I couldn't imagine my life without him. He was, without a doubt, one of the most kind and brave people I had ever met. He pretended not to care, but he did. He would rather die than betray his friends. That was just the kind of person he was.

"You leaving?" Dorcas asked as I got up.

"Meeting with Dumbledore and McGonagall, remember?" I said, throwing my backpack over my shoulder. Without even looking to see if James was coming, I strolled out of the Great Hall, my head held high. I wasn't about to let James Potter know that I needed him. Especially after everything involving Sirius.

* * *

I marched down the spiral staircase, ignoring as James called after me. I knew he would be angry that I didn't tell him what I overheard, but after everything, I just wasn't in the mood to deal with it.

"Dammit, Lily!" James shouted, finally catching up with me.

"What do you want, James?" I sighed, slowing down my walk.

"What do I _want_?" James repeated, staring at me.

I rubbed my temples, "I'm tired, James. So, whatever speech you're going to make, can you hurry up and make it?"

He glared at me, "You should've told me."

"Oh, I'm sorry, but weren't _you _the one who said you didn't want to talk to me anymore."

"Well, that changes slightly when I find out you're in danger."

"I'm not in danger."

"Oh, and then it just so happens that _my best friend _is in danger too, and you don't even bother to tell me!" James continued, ignoring me.

"I told Dumbledore," I said, crossing my arms.

"Lily!" James barked, looking absolutely furious. I blinked, taking a step back. I had seen James angry before...but never at _me_.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," I sighed, after a long silence in which both James and I glared angrily at each other.

"Why didn't you?" he asked.

I shrugged, "I know you. You would've acted too impulsively. You and Sirius would've probably ripped Snape's head out before I even finished telling you the story."

"He's my best friend, Lily," James repeated seriously, "You can't keep things like that from me. If not me, you should have told him. This involves him more than it does me."

I nodded, "I'm going to tell Sirius..."

"Good."

"Good."

There was an awkward pause, in which we both didn't know what else to say.

"I'll see you around then," I said, waving as I started forward.

"Where are you going?" he asked, "the common room is the other way."

"I'm not going to the common room. I'm going to the library," I told him, trudging along the empty corridor.

"No, you're not," he said, gently but firmly taking my arm.

"What on earth are you doing?" I said confused, looking down at his hand clutched around my arm.

"We're going to the common room," he replied, pulling me forward.

"I don't want to go to the common room," I snapped, "I need to go to the library."

"Fine," he said, "then we'll go to the library. Together."

"No, we own't," I said icily, "_I'm _going to the library on my own."

"Lily, do you honestly think I'm going to let you roam around this castle by yourself after what you heard Snivellus say? Besides you heard what Dumble-"

"I don't need you to protect me," I snarled, cutting him off, "I can take care of myself."

James glared at me, "I never said you couldn't."

"Then leave me alone."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm scared, alright!" he snapped angrily.

"Scared? What do you think Snape's going to be waiting for behind a bookshelf?" I retorted furiously.

"Lily, I care about you too much to take any risks," he said placidly, trying to calm me down.

"Care about me?" I scoffed, "You've barely spoken a word to me all summer!"

"Because I was hurt, not because I stopped caring about you!"

I looked into his eyes, which were full of worry and concern. I wanted to hurt him as badly as he had hurt me, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't allow myself to look into that beautiful face of his, and tell him he meant nothing to me, because in all honesty he meant more to me than anyone on the entire planet.

"Fine," I said, strutting past him angrily, "you can accompany me to the library. But I'm warning you, I may take a while."

He snorted, but followed me anyway, trailing behind me carefully, unsure as to whether I was cross with him or not. As we travelled along the corridor, I took in today's events. There was no denying that it had been quite an eventful first day back, and I had a feeling more days like this were to come. But all the fears of that day faded as I felt James's warm breath behind me and heard his soft footsteps as he hovered protectively over me, and I felt a ghost of a smile stretch across my face.


	28. Protecting Lily Evans

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Protecting Lily Evans**

* * *

"Where are you going?" they all chorused at once as I got up.

"Bathroom," I replied, shooting them all an annoyed look.

"I'll join you!" Dorcas shouted, jumping up at once.

"Me too!" Marlene exclaimed.

I glared at them all, staring around into their worried faces. "I don't think anyone's going to attack me while I'm in the _bathroom._"

"Yeah, try telling that to Moaning Myrtle," James snorted, tossing a biscuit into his mouth.

"Sod off, Potter," I snapped, annoyed.

"Ooh, she called you Potter," Peter snickered, "she _must_ be angry."

"If it's for your protection, then I don't give a rat's arse how angry you are with me, Lily," James told me sincerely before shoving a spoonful of porridge into his incredibly cute mouth. Ugh, it was so hard to stay cross with him nowadays. Not when he was being so _nice. _

"I don't need protection!" I exclaimed, incredibly frustrated. All week, the six of them had been following me around, hovering over me protectively, glowering at any Slytherin that walked by, muttering protective jinxes around my bed, sniffing any food or beverage near me.

"Lil," Marlene said gently, "last term you were _poisoned_. We were scared silly that we might have lost you. None of us are letting that happen again."

"You lot are in just as much danger as I am!" I pointed out.

"Purebloods," Dorcas shook her head, gesturing around to all of them.

"Blood _traitors_," I shot back, gesturing around to all of them.

"True," Remus nodded, "but so is nearly everybody at the school."

"What about Sirius? I was never mentioned by name, but he was! How come none of you are following _him_ around?"

"They are," Sirius grimaced, throwing his friends annoyed looks.

Dorcas ran her fingers through his hair, "I know you don't like it, but I don't want to lose you...not after I just got you back..."

His angry gaze softened under her words, and he went back to his breakfast, resigned.

"I can take care of myself," I protested as Marlene and Dorcas escorted me out of the Great Hall.

"I know, Lily Pad, but it's always better to have back-up," Marlene commented idly.

"Plus, I'll take any excuse to kick Snape's arse," Dorcas added, a mischievous grin spreading across her face.

Marlene nodded, "I'll kick any Slytherin's arse for that matter."

"Except Regulus," Dorcas grumbled, "Sirius won't let me."

"How's Sirius handling everything with Regulus anyway?" I asked, a sympathetic smile playing on my face.

She sighed, "Sirius been trying to talk to him, but Regulus just avoids him."

"It's a shame, really. I remember Regulus when he was little," Marlene commented, "He was a nice kid."

"Til' his stupid parents pushed him in the wrong direction," Dorcas muttered.

Marlene shook her head sympathetically, "Sirius got lucky. He had James and the rest of us to lead him in the right direction, but poor Regulus never stood a chance. He's not as brave or strong-willed as Sirius."

"Yeah," Dorcas agreed, "He'll let anyone push him around."

Marlene grinned, "Remember second year when Sirius made him dress up like a girl?"

"And serve us the tea?" Dorcas giggled, her eyes glittering with nostalgia.

"Oh, the good old days," Marlene sighed.

As we reached the bathroom, Marlene and Dorcas looked around suspiciously.

"What?" I snorted, "Are you going to check every stall?"

"Good idea," Marlene nodded, kicking open the first stall.

"Oh, Merlin," I muttered, rolling my eyes. Ignoring as she and Dorcas kicked open the other stalls, the two of them thoroughly enjoying their little game, I found myself an empty stall.

"So," Dorcas shouted through the stall door, "I noticed James being much nicer to you."

"You seriously want to talk about this _now_?" I said.

"It's as good a time as any," she replied.

"I don't care how nice he's being," I shouted back, "He's not getting away with ignoring me for months."

Marlene sighed, "Oh, will you two just snog and make up already?"

* * *

"Lily, you should really make sure to zip up your backpack," Remus reprimanded, "You never know what someone might put in there without you seeing."

"I thought I'd lost you two," I muttered angrily as he and James appeared on both my sides. To my right, Remus was zipping up my backpack, a disdainful smile on his face. And to my left, James was gazing down at me, studying my expression. At the last corridor, , in an attempt to distract the boys, I had pointed to Nearly Headless Nick, who was attempting to fully remove his head. Once they had turned to see Nearly Headless Nick floating in circles, trying with all his might to pull off his head, they had both broken into hysterical laughter. I took that moment to slip away, slowly at first, but then making a run for it. However, just a few corridors later, they had caught up with me, and were just as determined as before to "protect" me from whomever they saw fit as a threat. Remus, who understood I didn't like the arrangement, kept throwing me sympathetic smiles. James, on the other hand, hadn't spoken a word to me, but he kept a steady gaze on me, as if trying to memorize every single feature on my face.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer," I snapped at him.

He shrugged, "Maybe I will."

I fumed for a few more seconds as he and Remus continued their conversation about Quidditch. I hated that James was there to "protect" me. I hated that everyone thought of me as some fragile little doll everyone needed to be careful around. I was just as skilled as all of them in fighting and dueling. I even beat James once.

"Slytherins!" Remus hissed as a gang of gorilla-faced students came marching down the hallway.

"Remus, you can't freak out _every _time you see Slytherins," I said, shaking my head.

"Yes, he can," James warned, "I don't trust those fat toads."

"Me neither," Remus agreed, shivering slightly.

I groaned dramatically, and tried marching up ahead of them, but they just quickened their pace and kept up with me.

I appreciated all of my friends for trying to protect me, but at the same time they were all driving me completely mad. I never had a moment alone. Even when I was showering, Marlene or Dorcas would be in there, idly reading a magazine, waiting for me. I mean, they even had a schedule for who would be keeping me guard and who would be keeping Sirius guard. Sirius, though, was much better at sneaking off than me, and many times, an out-of-breath Peter would be running around the school, calling Sirius's name.

"How do you _do _that?" I hissed to Sirius on one particular night in the common room.

"Do what?" he asked, confused.

"Just disappear like that!"

He grinned, "This is when my marauding ways pays off. I know this school better than anyone. Only problem is that James knows as much as me and he finds me eventually."

"Help me!" I begged.

He shook his head, "Absolutely not."

"Why?" I demanded furiously.

"Because I don't want to be the one that gets you poisoned again," he said, looking genuinely concerned for me.

"You're in more danger than I am!" I snapped.

"Yes, but I welcome danger. Danger is my middle name, after all," he said haughtily.

I frowned, "I thought your middle name was Orion after your father."

"Yes, well, my father is a bloody idiot."

I crossed my arms, "Well, maybe I welcome danger too."

He snorted, "Lily, you're barely five feet tall and you weigh like a hundred pounds. Let's be serious here. You couldn't hurt a fly!"

"First, of all, I am 5'5 thank you! And I weigh loads more than a hundred pounds!"

"Fine," he said, "you weigh more than a hundred pounds, but that still doesn't mean I want you roaming around the castle all by yourself."

"Sirius, I'm not in any danger! There are loads of other muggleborns at this school."

"I'm not taking that risk," he said, crossing his arms stubbornly.

"Fine," I snapped, stomping out of the room. As I predicted, Marlene and James jumped up to follow me.

"Where are we going?" he asked pleasantly as we climbed out the portrait hole.

"You know," I told them, "when I'm on Head duty patrolling the hallways, the two of you can't be following me around."

Marlene rolled her eyes, "You're forgetting here, that our James is Head Boy too."

"Oh, yeah," I remembered unenthusiastically.

"Don't sound too excited," James muttered sarcastically, although there was a small grin plastered across his face.

"Well, it's not exactly fun having all of you follow me around," I snapped, refusing to look at him.

He sighed, "I can understand that."

"Then stop!" I exclaimed.

Marlene shook her head, "I'd rather have you mad at us, than poisoned and in that hospital wing again."

Groaning, I sped up my walk, not even sure as to where we were going. I loved Marlene (and even James), but if I had to spend one more second with them breathing down my neck...

* * *

"So," I said, handing everyone a piece of paper, "I have"-James cleared his throat loudly-"Okay, _James _and I have made up a schedule for all of you. Each of you will have patrolling duty once a week. Now, your schedule for the semester is here. If you forget or miss even one day of patrolling, ten points from your house will be taken."

"What if we _have _to miss one night of patrolling...if we were sick or something?" a girl with pigtails asked.

"Well, if you have to miss one night, then make sure to ask one of your peers to swap with you for that week," James answered.

"Anymore questions?" I asked authoritatively.

"Yeah," one bloke in particular asked, "are you two together now or something?"

It took me a second for me to realize that he was talking about me and James, and I slowly felt my face burn. As everyone turned to stare at me and James, I wanted, more than anything to rip that stupid bloke's head out. I hadn't even realized how closely James and I were standing. Self-consiously, I stepped away from him.

"No, mate," James answered dramatically, "She's a tough one. But I'm working on it."

"You can work on it all you want, but it's never going to happen," I gritted my teeth, refusing to turn and look at him.

I could practically feel his smirk, "We'll see, Evans, we'll see."

"Anyway," I cleared my throat loudly, "any more questions that are _relevant _to what we were talking about?"

No one answered; they all continued staring at me and James. The only was Remus, who was in the back corner, silently having a fit of laughter.

"Well, dismissed, then," I announced, keeping my cool demeanor, even though I wanted to run and hide under my covers. Never before, had I felt so embarrassed. And what the bloody hell was up with James? One minute he's completely ignoring me, and then the next he's acting like his old cocky self.

"Stop laughing!" I snapped at Remus as everybody filed out.

"The look on your face...it was priceless," he snickered.

Behind me, I heard James chuckle.

"And you!" I swiveled around to James, "What's the matter with you?"

"Me?" he asked innocently.

"You embarrassed me! In front of everyone!"

He shrugged, "I was just telling the people what they wanted to hear."

"I don't care what _the people _want to hear," I growled.

"Oh, I love it when you get angry," James told me fondly, "Your face gets all red and scary."

I shook my head, "What in the world did I ever see in you?"

James and Remus exchanged grins, and I just stormed past them furiously. Predictably, they both followed me.

"James, something fell out of your pocket!" a girl called, pointing to a blank piece of parchment on the floor."

"The map!" Remus hissed, and both boys rushed back to retrieve it.

I took the glorious opportunity to slide into an empty corridor. _Finally, _I thought, _a moment alone_. Even though taking this corridor would take longer to get back to the common room, I was still grateful for this opportunity to be alone. I remembered how good it felt not to have someone breathing down my neck.

Just as I was appreciating my little alone time, two big gorillas came into view. Crabbe and Goyle, the two ugliest and stupidest blokes I'd ever had the displeasure of meeting, were thundering down the same hallway as me. Nervously, I tightened my grip on my wand, getting ready to use it at a moment's notice.

Thankfully, I didn't have to, as both boys shuffled past me, throwing me dirty looks. I exhaled, glad no one had tried to attack me. Or so I thought. Flashes of green and red light flew past me, and I swiveled around to see both boys had shot spells at me. Luckily, Crabbe and Goyle were two big oafs, who had never been good at dueling, and they had both missed me by inches. The only dangerous thing about them was that they had no mercy, and just continued shooting off dangerous spells, completely unconcerned with who their spells were hitting.

"Bad move, boys," I said, trying to sound confident, even though I now wished I hadn't run away from James and Remus, "Besides taking fifty points from Slytherin _each, _I don't think you realize I'm not as easy to push around as I was last term. I spent a week in that hospital wing because of your lot. I'm not letting that happen again."

"How much you wanna bet?" Goyle grinned stupidly.

"Furnunculus!" Crabbe shouted, snickering. I blocked the pimple producing spell, but I knew this wasn't going to be easy. It was two against one, and these boys obviously wanted to humiliate me first before they hurt me for real.

"You shouldn't have done that," Goyle growled, pulling me up by the neck of my shirt. With all the strength I could muster, I managed to pull away from Goyle, but that didn't really help much, as both boys were now firing hexes and jinks at me full speed. I managed to duck and block every single one, but I knew I couldn't hold them off for much longer. They may have been idiots, but they were completely unconcerned with all of the spells bouncing off the walls. It was only a matter of time before a rebounding hex hit one of us. I just hoped it hit them first and not me.

They were throwing spells at me so fast, I didn't even have time to cast my own. I just kept blocking each one of their spells, slowly backing away, and wondering if anybody could hear me so they could help. After realizing I was on my own, I took a deep breath, and then fought back. Eventually, I managed to begin hurtling my own spells at them. But I wasn't as skilled as James or Sirius, and I missed. But the fact that I was fighting back had to count for something. Maybe next time they would reconsider before attacking me.

And then everything seemed to have slowed down. Crabbe shouted stupefy and the spell missed my head by several inches, but it must have hit something behind me, because it came bouncing back and hit Goyle strait in the chest. Goyle's eyes widened for a split second as he realized he had just been hit, and then his body slumped to the ground with a thud. Crabbe and I both froze, staring at Goyle's limp body.

Finally, I tore my eyes away from Goyle and found Crabbe glaring at me, as if it were my fault he had just struck his best friend unconscious. Did I tell him to cast the spell? No! Blimey, it's like all blokes were the same. They just couldn't take responsibility for their own actions.

"Bad move," he spat, throwing his wand aside.

"Me?" I scoffed, "It was your stupid aim that did that to him. Not me!"

I realized a second too late that instead of talking, I should have used those precious seconds in which Crabbe had tossed aside his wand. But it was too late, as he came charging to me, and pushed me up against the wall, holding me by the collar, I realized I was a bloody idiot for not having attacked him first. I looked into his muddy eyes, terrified at the pure hatred that was glaring back at me. Shuddering, I tried to regain my composure, and show him that I wasn't scared, even if he did have his hands around my neck.

"We should have just killed you this way. Much more satisfying," he hissed, "You were so weak...vulnerable...lying in that bed, poisoned..."

"It was you?" I choked out as he tightened his grip around my neck, "_You_ poisoned me?"

"I wish!" he laughed humorlessly, "They don't think we're good enough to join the Dark Lord. They want us to prove we can handle the missions he'd give us."

"Then kill me," I managed to say, "If that's your mission, then kill me."

"Oh, I will," he grinned, "but not now."

"Why not?" I demanded, trying to show him that I wasn't scared, even though my voice was trembling a bit.

"I want you to suffer. You filthy mudbloods don't deserve an easy death. We need to torture you, to hurt you, to make you beg us to kill you."

"Then make me suffer."

He scoffed, "Do you think I'm an idiot? Murder somebody with Dumbledore watching our every move?"

"You were stupid enough to attack me," I snarled.

He shrugged, "Couldn't help ourselves. You were all alone. None of your little friends there to help you. Where are your little friends anyway? Pretty useless, if you ask me. They aren't even here right now, when you need them the most."

"Oh, that's where you're wrong," said the most beautiful voice I'd ever heard in my life.

A confused Crabbe turned around slightly to find a furious looking James glaring at him with so much hatred that I actually shrunk back a little.

"Get away from my girlfriend," he spat, before punching Crabbe with all the force he could muster. To my enormous surprise, James actually managed to knock out Crabbe.

Slowly I stepped closer to James, blinking, and rubbing the spot on my neck where Crabbe had previously had his massive hands on. I stared down at the two unconscious bodies in the corridor.

"Your welcome," James said smugly, turning to grin at me.

"I had it under control," I snarled at him, crossing my arms, suddenly very angry.

He snorted, "Yes, I could see that as he nearly choked you to death."

"And I'm not your girlfriend," I snapped, flipping my hair back.

He flinched, "I may have gotten...a bit carried away in the moment. You know me. I love the dramatics."

"Just let me handle it next time," I told him angrily.

He sighed, "Fine, next time I'll only jump in and save your arse if you're seconds away from death. Happy?"

"Stop it!"

"Stop what?" James asked, bewildered.

"Stop being so _nice_!"

"You want me to be mean? Well, if that's what you're into-"

"James!" I said sharply. The grin that had previously been plastered on his face faded.

"I don't understand what you want from me, Lil."

I threw my hands up in frustration, "I want you to stop being the good guy! You can't just go one minute from treating me like rubbish and ignoring me to acting like...like we're best friends or something! I'm sick of being portrayed as the bad guy when you're the one who broke my heart and acted like prick all summer!"

"You want me to be a prick again?"

"No! Yes! I don't know!"

He stared at me, "Lily, you're really starting to confuse me here."

"I'm mad-no I'm _pissed _off at you! You broke my heart! You kissed _somebody else _on _our _date and then you acted like everything was my fault! Like the reason we weren't together was because of something I did-"

"-I never said anything was your fault," he protested.

"Let me finish!" I snapped, "You made me feel horrible every day for _months_. You know, some nights I even cried myself to sleep."

James stared at the floor, "I didn't know..."

I shook my head, "Look, the point is, I'm not ready to forgive you. I'm _furious _with you. Most of the time, I fantasize about ripping your head off and feading it to that stupid spider Hagrid hides in the forest."

"That's a bit harsh don't you think?"

"No, it's not! Because I might have loved you, and _you _ruined it! Not me!" I shouted furiously, "And it's really hard for me to continue hating you if you're being so damn nice all the time and saving my life!"

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said sarcastically, "Next time I'll just let you die. Would that make you happy? Would that please Lily Evans?"

"Just stop being there when I need you!"

"Fine! Then stop needing me!"

"Fine!"

"Quit yelling at me!"

We stared at each other, breathing heavily, our chests slowly rising in and out. On the floor, Goyle began to stir, and I stomped my feet on his face. He groaned as his nose began bleeding, and fell back unconscious.

"Nice shot," James remarked, sounding impressed.

"Thanks," I muttered, recoiling slightly at the sight of the blood. Even though they were planning on killing me, I never wanted to hurt them. "So," I said, looking back at James, "Would do we do about these two?" I gestured to the two lumps on the floor.

"I guess you should go get McGonagall," he replied, looking at anything but me, "I'll wait here."

I nodded glumly, and made my way past James and the two unconsious bodies sprawled on the floor.

"Lily?" James called after me. I turned back around slowly, wondering if we were about to continuing our shouting match.

"Yeah?" I said hesitantly.

"Did you mean it...when you said you loved me?"

"I might have," I whispered, "I guess we'll never know..."

"I guess not," he said, a sad smile creeping on his face.


	29. Teamwork

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: Teamwork**

* * *

As September went by and October arrived, James and I had reached a silent understanding. We were neither friends nor enemies. He and the others still followed me around all day, but after the whole incident with Crabbe and Goyle, I found that I rather appreciated them "protecting" me. We were on polite terms, each of us acknowledging one another's presence or occasionally making small talk when necessary, but other than that, we were like strangers. I didn't know whether I preferred or detested this arrangement. While I still felt a boiling anger whenever I thought of James kissing Emmeline, I also felt a heart wrenching sadness wash over me whenever I saw him laugh or smile, and I knew I was missing out on some joke or story.

As much as I hated him, I still missed him. James had become a part of me. He had somehow managed to weave himself into my life, and I couldn't find a way to get him out. Even when days passed by when we wouldn't even say a word to each other, I still found myself thinking about him. I didn't understand how I could be so heartbroken over a bloke I never even really went out with.

"Where's McGonagall?" I heard Marlene ask. "She's _never_ late."

I shrugged, not paying much attention to her and Dorcas's conversation. Discreetly, I snuck a peek behind me to where James was sitting with the other marauders. Sirius said something to them, and James threw his head back, laughing like a little kid. Remus rolled his eyes, a small smile tugging at his lips, and Peter snickered loudly.

Peter. Peter Pettigrew...there was something different about him lately. I couldn't quite put my finger on it...There was something dark in him. Marlene thought that the war was finally getting to him, that he was finally starting to realize what sort of danger we were all in. But I wasn't so sure. Don't get me wrong, I loved Pete, but sometimes I wondered about him. I shook my head, clearing myself of such silly thoughts. Peter. Innocent, stuttering Peter would never do anything dark or evil. He had his cowardly moments, but he was a good friend overall, and I knew he would never dream of doing anything to hurt us.

Remus caught my eye, and he gave me a wry smile. Embarrassed, a waved awkwardly to him and turned back to Dorcas and Marlene, hoping James hadn't noticed me staring at them.

"You miss him?" Marlene asked, her dark eyes studying my face knowingly.

"No!" I exclaimed. She gave me a look. "Maybe," I sighed, defeated.

"I don't understand...I thought you two were becoming friends again. I thought you had forgiven him for everything."

"I thought so too," I sighed, "but it's different when I go from barely seeing him to seeing him everyday. I guess it just made me realize that I hadn't really forgiven him..."

"Sorry I'm late!" Professor McGonagall barked, bursting through the doors.

Immediately, all the chatter and laughter in the class died, and everyone stared at Professor McGonagall, waiting for her to begin the day's lesson. McGonagall had the uncanny ability to gain the immediate attention and interest of the class without even having to raise her voice. She would just give us one stern look, and we would shut up instantly.

She made her way to the front, and turned to face the class, peering at us from behind her round spectacles. "You are all in your final year at Hogwarts. This is perhaps your most difficult year yet. It's what will determine your future. Some of you-" her eyes found James and Sirius "-have come to me with the desire to become aurors or-" her eyes rested on Marlene "even Healers. While these are all respectable jobs and I'm sure each one of you can achieve them with the right training and motivation, I must also warn you that these careers are not in the slightest bit easy. They involve an insurmountable amount of skill and talent. Luckily, none of you would have made it into this class if you didn't possess those qualities. That is why I'm not in the least bit worried about you being successful in that department. I am, however, concerned with something else. Many of these careers, aurors especially, involve a great amount of teamwork. Aurors must be able to trust and work with complete strangers. If you can't work together with a fellow auror, then you're as good as dead. If one day you decide to work for the ministry, and you can't come together with other departments, then your head of department will not think twice before firing you. Ladies and gentlemen, in less than a year from now, you will all be entering the work force. You'll be forced to bond with and work with complete strangers. Some of you will be asked to trust these complete strangers with your lives. I want you to look around this classroom. Look at the person sitting next to you. You have known these people since you were eleven years old. You have shared a home with these people for six years. You have shared classes with these people for six years. You have come to regard some of these people as your own family."

I glanced beside me at Dorcas and Marlene. Dorcas with her beautiful blonde hair and her bouncy personality. Marlene with her big, dark eyes and her kind nature. Both these girls were like my sisters. They had been there for me in ways that Petunia had never. I couldn't even imagine what life would be like a year from now, when we wouldn't all be sharing a room together. The three of us were all headed in such different directions. I wanted to become an auror. Marlene had always dreamed of becoming a healer. And Dorcas had expressed thoughts on becoming a curse breaker at Gringotts.

"Potter, what's Mr. Black's middle name?" McGonagall barked, making her way in front of James, who was her favorite student.

"Orion," James said without hesitation.

"And what is his favorite Quidditch team?"

"Puddlemore United," James responded. "Even if they do suck," he added.

"Do not," Sirius muttered under his breath. For a second, I thought I saw the corners of McGonagall's lip twitch but in the next moment her stern expression had returned.

"And would you trust Mr. Black with your life?"

"Absolutely," James replied automatically.

"And would you trust Ms. McKinnon with your life?" McGonagall interrogated.

"Yes," James said, shooting a grin at Marlene.

"How about Mr. Corner?" McGonagall inquired.

"Well...erm..."

"You have known Mr. Corner for six years have you not?" McGonagall asked.

"Yes."

"You have shared a school with him. You have shared classes and teachers with him. You have shared jokes with him."

"Well, yeah-"

"Then tell me, what is Mr. Corner's middle name?" McGonagall demanded.

James and Sirius exchanged dumbstruck looks.

"I don't know," James finally said.

"This term, I want us all to try something different," McGonagall announced, striding back to the front of the classroom, "In order to prepare you for the real work force, I am going to pair all of you up with somebody you don't normally work with. I can easily pair Mr. Potter up with either Mr. Black, and I know that they would be successful. However, I want to take you out of your comfort zone. I want to make you work with somebody you normally wouldn't have to. I want you to realize you will not have the people sitting beside you for the rest of your life."

"For an entire semester?" Sirius demanded, looking horrified at the idea of not having James beside him.

"Yes, Mr. Black, for the entire semester," McGonagall replied.

I looked behind me again, and found James and Sirius exchanging looks. Beside them, Peter looked terrified at the thought of not having Remus to do all the work. And Remus was smiling slightly, amused at his friends' reactions.

"Now, when I call your name, please go sit with the person I pair you with," McGonagall ordered, "James Potter and David Corner."

Slowly, I watch as each one of my friends were paired off with people I'm sure they had never said more than two words to.

"Lily Evans," McGonagall called, "and Nate Abrams."

Relieved I hadn't gotten a Slytherin, I watched as Nate Abrams, a Hufflepuff a had never spoken to, picked up his bags and made his way to me.

"I'm Nate," he smiled, slumping down on the seat next to me.

"Lily," I replied.

We both awkwardly turned back to McGonagall as she announced our assignment for the day. When the bell rang, Nate turned to me and said, "So...you want to get together after dinner in the library? We can get started."

"Sounds good," I smiled as I gathered my things.

"Lil, come on," Dorcas called from the doorway.

"See you tonight, then," I said to Nate before hurrying over to my awaiting my bodyguard.

* * *

Marlene and I trudged down to Herbology, chatting about McGonagall's lesson. It seemed even more real to me that in a year from now everything was going to change. As much as I appreciated McGonagall for shedding light on the very real fact that I wouldn't have Marlene and Dorcas beside me all my life, I also kind of hated her at the same time for it.

"Where's Dorcas?" Marlene asked, realizing our loudest and most obnoxious friend wasn't with us.

I shrugged, "With Sirius probably."

Ahead of us, a group of loud Gryffindors created a minor explosion in the hallway, forcing everybody to run away in shock. As people began clearing the way, I realized that the Gryffindors were none other than Dorcas, James, and Sirius.

"Sorry!" James shouted apologetically over the noise to everybody who had been around them during the explosion. Meanwhile Dorcas and Sirius rolled around the floor, laughing. Some people grumbled at the scorches on their skin while others laughed off the incident.

"Found them," I said to Marlene, shaking my head. I wasn't sure whether to be amused or annoyed.

Marlene rolled her eyes, and we quickly walked past the three of them, ignoring the sudden smoke that had filled the hallways from the explosion.

"Oi! Where'd that smoke come from?" I heard Sirius shout from behind me.

"I _told _you not to open the box!" Dorcas replied.

"Well, how was I suppose to know that it would explode and fill the whole place up with smoke?" Sirius snapped.

"It's from Zonko's. What'd you expect?" I heard the familiar voice of James say as we pushed the door open to go outside, following the path to the greenhouses. As we strolled outside, the noise from the chaos behind us quickly faded. I looked beside me to see Marlene shaking her head. She was used to the many antics of James Potter and Sirius Black. And she'd been best friends with Dorcas since the two of them could walk, so she was accustomed to their shall we say _rules-optional _approach to life.

We walked in silence for a bit, and I found my mind wandering away from the chaos behind me to a certain little marauder with watery eyes and a squeaky little voice.

"Is Peter taking Herbology this year?" I asked Marlene.

"Nah, he didn't manage to pass his exams," she sighed, sounding disappointed.

"So, where do you reckon he is right now?" I asked innocently.

Marlene shrugged, "Probably stuffing his face in the kitchens or something. You know Pete."

"I'm nor sure I do," I muttered under my breath. Unfortunately, Marlene heard me, and she shot me a look.

"Lily, I know what you're thinking," she warned.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, feigning confusion.

"You think there's something wrong with Peter," she said.

I sighed, "I'm worried about him...don't you think he's been acting a bit odd lately?"

"He's a marauder. Of course he's strange." Marlene said, as if this were the most obvious thing on earth.

I shook my head, "No, it's not that...I just can't put my finger on it, but something's changed in him..."

Marlene studied my face, looking completely lost.

"It's probably nothing," I finally sighed as we walked into the greenhouse.

"Lily," Nate acknowledged as we found two empty seats beside him.

"Hello, Nate," I said politely. There was an awkward silence before we both slowly turned back to our friends, not sure of what else to say.

Marlene raised her eyebrows, "Well, that was awkward."

"Right!" I whispered, "We literally have nothing to say to each other. Merlin, this is going to be a long term."

"Everybody here?" the Herbology teacher asked, scanning for any missing persons.

"We're here!" Remus shouted, running into the classroom, "Sorry, we're late!" Behind him Dorcas, Sirius, and James quickly ran in, muttering an apology to the teacher and finding empty seats.

"James, you can sit here," Rachel Walters simpered. James, who had been searching the greenhouse for an empty seat, nodded and went over to sit beside her. I glared at them in fury. Rachel Walters was probably the biggest slag in our year. Figures she would make her moves on James. I'm surprised it took her so long.

"You still fancy him, don't you?" Nate whispered so that only I could hear.

Surprised he was speaking with me, I turned around, ready to argue with him and deny everything, but something stopped me. As I looked into Nate's knowing and sad eyes, I knew he wouldn't believe me if I ever told him anything otherwise. I could tell by the look on his face that he understood what I was going through.

"Erm...Yeah, I guess I do still fancy him a bit," I admitted.

He nodded, "I know the feeling."

"Do you?"

"Rachel Walters? Well, she just so happens to be _my _ex?"

"What happened?" I asked.

He shrugged, "Rachel isn't exactly a relationship kind of girl. It just didn't work out." _In other words, she's a slag that's making her moves on James. James. MY James. _

"Same with James," I sighed, "Except I guess we were never really official."

"Still, I can tell you really like him."

"Yeah, sometimes I think I may have even loved him...Why am I even telling you this?" I asked, suddenly recalling that I had never said more than two words to Nate before this. I felt my face burn, and I knew I was turning red.

He shrugged, "I guess you just trust me."

"Still," I said, feeling my face burn, "I'm sure you don't really care."

"No, it's okay," he assured me, "I kinda went through the same thing with Rachel."

"But you still fancy her," I stated.

He nodded, "Yeah, but I'm moving on. And that's the most important thing, I think."

"I'm trying to move on too, but I can't get him out of my head," I admitted.

Nate smiled, "Well, for me, I first had to learn to forgive Rachel. And once that happened, I felt so much better. Like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder."

I shook my head, "I don't think I'm ready to forgive James just yet..."

Nate shrugged, "You will be. Eventually. I promise."

I smiled, "Even though this conversation is the most humiliating thing I've ever experienced and I'm still not sure why I just told you everything I did, thank you, Nate."

"I guess McGonagall knew what she was doing when she paired us up," he said.

"Yeah, I guess so," I agreed, smiling at the bloke sitting beside me.


	30. Forgiveness

**Chapter Thirty: Forgiveness**

* * *

"Take a jacket," I nagged, "It's chilly outside."

"Thanks, _mum_," Dorcas muttered sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes but didn't say anything. We were planning on going down by the lake, under our favorite tree, and study a bit. I had even invited Nate to join us. We really needed to get started on our Transfiguration project.

"You haven't even started that yet?!" Dorcas exclaimed, her eyes widening as we traipsed down the stairs.

"No," I said miserably, "and it's due in a few days."

Dorcas stared at me in disbelief. "Even _I'm _nearly finished with that."

"Well, that's why Nate is coming with us so we can get started on our project."

"But you two have met nearly every day this week. How come you haven't started yet?" she demanded, her eyes narrowing suspiciously at me.

I blushed, "We got...distracted easily."

"Distracted?"

"Yeah," I said as we climbed through the portrait hole.

"Lily," Dorcas said carefully, "do you _fancy _him?"

"No! Of course not!" I exclaimed. "It's just that...he knows what it's like...with James that is. When I'm with him, I don't think about James. He knows what it's like to have feelings for somebody and not be able to do anything about it..."

She studied my face as if deciding whether I was being truthful or not.

"So, you and Nate...you two aren't..."

"No! Of course not!" I gasped, shocked anyone would think that.

"That's what I thought. But Sirius and Marlene were so sure you two were snogging all those times you were in the 'library,'" she said, putting air quotes around the word 'library' which for some reason made me feel a bit dirty and guilty. Which was ridiculous really since all Nate and I did was talk.

"I can't believe Marlene would think that...Sirius I can totally understand, but _Marlene_." I shook my head, exasperated. Nate was a nice bloke and he was very fit, but that was it. We were friends. Nothing else.

"I still think he fancies you though," Dorcas shrugged.

"And why would you think that?"

"Well, Lily, this may come as a shock to you, but you're actually kind of good looking," Dorcas replied, rolling her eyes.

I blinked, feeling completely embarrassed.

"What took you so long?" Marlene demanded as we reached the lake.

"You thought I was snogging Nate?" I snapped.

She grinned, "So...you're not?"

"No!"

"Why not? He's _fit_!"

"Marlene!"

"Well, he is. Isn't he Dorcas?" Marlene said, appealing to Dorcas.

Dorcas, who had been digging through her bag, looked up, "Yeah, I guess...but he's no Sirius."

Marlene rolled her eyes.

"Well, if you think he's so cute," I told Marlene, "then maybe _you _should snog him."

She considered this. "Hmm...maybe I will."

"Snog who?" Nate asked, appearing out of nowhere.

"No one," I said a little too quickly.

He shrugged, "Okay, so, Lily, we _really _need to get some work done today."

"I know," I grimaced, taking out the notes I had written down in McGonagall's class.

* * *

"He's staring at you," Dorcas whispered so that only I could here. _  
_

"Who?" I frowned, looking around.

"Who do you think?"

"James," I guessed.

"Bingo."

I sighed, "Where is he?"

"Over by the lake with Remus."

I peeked over my shoulder to find James staring at us, while Remus chattered happily with him.

"Well, maybe he's not looking at _me_," I suggested.

"Lily, please. Who else would he be staring at?" she rolled her eyes.

"Talking about James?" Nate guessed, not even looking up from the textbook.

"How'd you guess?" I asked, blushing slightly.

He shrugged, "You have your James face?"

"My what?"

"The face you make whenever your thinking about James."

Dorcas grinned. "You know James has a Lily face too."

"He does not," I snapped at her.

"He's coming over here," Marlene told us.

Sure enough, I looked up to find James and Remus heading our way.

"Hey," I smiled, hating myself for the stupid grin spreading across my face.

"Lil," James greeted, his lips twitching into a smile.

"What do you want?" Dorcas asked.

"Nice to see you too." Remus rolled his eyes, plopping down next to her.

"We're trying to get work done here," I told him, gesturing to the pile of books and notes around us.

"Oh...we should go..." James said, awkwardly hovering over us. "I don't want to bother you lot."

"Don't be silly," Marlene said, rolling her eyes.

"Have you two met Nate yet?" I asked, playfully bumping Nate with my shoulder.

"I'm Remus. And this is James," Remus introduced, "You're Lily's new partner for Transfiguration?"

"Unfortunately," Nate replied, grinning at me.

"Oh, shut up," I rolled my eyes, "I'm the best thing that's happened to you."

Nate laughed and said something snarky back, but I wasn't paying any attention to him. My eyes had found James, who was staring at me and Nate with an odd expression. I suddenly became very aware of how close Nate and I were sitting. I tried to discreetly scoot away from him, but then suddenly his knee was resting against mine, and I saw the spasm of hurt cross James's face. I quickly jerked my knee away from Nate, but it was too late. I had already seen the look of hurt and pain on his face.

"I should really get going," James suddenly said, his eyes staring at the place where Nate's knee had previously been resting against mine.

"James-" I began.

"I'll see you around, Lil," he said, forcing a smile.

I didn't know why I felt so guilty. It's not like James and I were a couple. And even if we were, Nate was nothing more to me than a really good friend. I didn't know why I owed James an explanation. I didn't know why I suddenly felt the need to talk to him, but I did.

"James, wait!" I cried, jumping up and going after him.

"What?" he asked, trying to keep his voice pleasant.

"With Nate...it's not what you think..."

"I didn't think anything?" he said coolly.

"Okay, good. Because Nate and I...we're just friends," I told him.

"I'm not so sure _Nate _thinks the same way," he snapped.

I raised my eyebrows. "What's _that _supposed to mean?"

"Well, it's pretty obvious that the bloke fancies you."

"He does not!"

James glared at me. "Yes, Lily, he does."

"No, he doesn't! And even if he did, then you have no right to be upset about it because we're not together!"

He stared at me. "You're right."

"I am?" I asked, surprised he had caved in so quickly.

"You and I aren't together. You made that very clear. You have every right to date whatever bloke you want to."

"Thank you! And for your information, Nate does _not_ _fancy _me. And even if he did, I'm not interested."

James nodded. "Okay."

"And I told you to stop being nice to me!" I snapped, suddenly flaring with anger. Why was he being so calm and..._reasonable._ Of course he had to be the good guy, and make me look like the bad guy again.

"You're right. I'm sorry, Lil. You're an ugly old slag and I hate you," he said, grinning.

I smiled. "Much better."

"See you around, Evans," he said, turning back around.

"Yeah, see you, Potter," I whispered, turning back around, and running smack right into Nate.

"What were you two talking about?" he demanded.

"Nothing," I answered, leading him back to my group of friends under the tree.

"It looked like something."

"What makes you say that?"

"You had your James face again," he said.

I swiveled around. "I don't have a James face!"

Nate chuckled, "Yeah you do. Because you're still not over him."

"Yes I am!" I cried, knowing it was a lie the instant I said it.

"No, you're not," he told me seriously, "but don't worry. You will be."

And with that, Nate turned back around, walking away from me, not even looking back to see if I was following him. I stared at him in shock, wondering what in the world he meant by that.

* * *

"Lil, your gripping your fork a little hard there," Sirius commented, eyeing me warily.

"How well does James know that Rachel Walters girl?" I asked him.

He stared at me. "Oh, no."

"What?" I asked innocently.

"You're jealous of James!" he accused, the tone in his voice a bit too gleeful for my liking.

I crossed my arms. "I'm not jealous of anyone."

Sirius grinned. "Come on, Lil, it's me. You can tell me anything."

"Sirius, you're James's best friend," I pointed out.

"And this is news how?"

"Because anything I tell you, you'll probably run and tell him," I said, not taking my eyes off James and Natalie. They were at the entrance of the Great Hall, talking about something or other. I didn't like the way she kept leaning into him like that. If you asked me, I'd say she looked a bit desperate. With the way she kept flipping her hair and giggling like a stupid twit.

"Well, if you're allowed to snog that Nate bloke then I think James should be able to talk to whatever girl he wanted," Sirius defended his best friend.

"I never snogged Nate," I told him severely.

"Really?" Sirius asked, not believing me.

"Yes! Nate is just a really good friend of mine. Is that _so_ hard to believe?" I asked.

"Yes," Sirius replied, "especially since I think Nate has more on his mind than friendship."

"You're wrong. He's still hung up on his ex-girlfriend."

"Rachel?" Sirius scoffed, "Oh, please. They only went out for a few weeks."

"Yes, but he's fancied her for years. She's just not the commitment type," I told him.

He shook his head, "Maybe so, but can you honestly say that you have absolutely no feels whatsoever for Nate?"

I looked over at James and his messy hair. He chuckled softly at something Rachel said, fiddling with the zipper on his jacket. One look at him and I knew the truth.

"Yes," I replied, my eyes still on James, "I can honestly tell you I feel nothing for Nate."

Sirius studied my face for a second before shaking his head and going back to his dinner. Not long after, we were joined by Dorcas and Marlene, and soon Remus and James made it to the table too.

"Did you hear what's happening next weekend?" Sirius asked, his eyes glittering with excitement.

Peter grinned. "The party?"

"What party?" Remus frowned.

"A bunch of us are sneaking out to Hogsmeade. There's going to be a _huge _party," Sirius said, looking around at all of us, thrilled at the thought of an adventure.

"And you think you're going to go?" Dorcas snapped. I stared at her, shocked. Dorcas would be the last person to pass up the opportunity to go to a party.

Sirius blinked. "Why not?"

"How about the fact that those death eater wanna-be's are targeting you and Lily?" Marlene answered.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Prongs, tell them they're being ridiculous."

I expected James to take Sirius's side, but much to my surprise, James was glaring at Sirius. "Padfoot, have you lost your mind? We have spent the past month and a half guarding you and Lily so you can be _safe_."

"You and Lily aren't going _anywhere_," Remus said decisively, as if this ended the conversation. Which it didn't. Not by a long shot.

Sirius and I exchanged furious looks. We had put up with them following us around for a month and a half, but it was getting a bit ridiculous at this point. I didn't even want to go to this stupid party, but the fact that they didn't _allow _me to go made me beyond angry.

"And who exactly are _you _to tell us what we can and can't do?" I snapped at Remus.

He blinked. "Lily, you don't even like these types of parties."

"Well, I want to go," I said stubbornly.

"Me too," Sirius agreed, "And if we want to go to a party, then none of you can stop us."

With that, Sirius jumped out of his seat and marched out of the Great Hall, his head high. Dorcas stared after him.

"I'll be right back," she glowered at us, before sprinting after Sirius. We watched as the two of them stomped out of the Great Hall arguing. Dorcas was so angry that her face was reddening and she was making wild hand gestures. Sirius had his arms crossed, and he held his head up haughtily.

When I turned back to everybody else, I saw James glaring furiously at me.

"You're not going to that party," he said. It wasn't a question.

"Yes, I am."

"I'm not letting you," he snapped. For the first time in a long time, I looked into James's hazel eyes. Behind all the anger, I saw fear. Real fear. Immediately, my eyes softened, and I gave him a small smile.

"James," I said softly, "nothing's going to happen. I can take care of myself."

"You're not going to that party. And that's final," he said, standing up.

"You can't tell me what to do!" I snapped, standing up too.

"I'm trying to keep you safe!"

"I don't need you to do that!" I yelled furiously. I was sick of everybody looking at me like I was some sort of fragile little doll. I'd always been able to take care of myself.

"Lily, I'm trying to keep you safe!"

"Well, I don't need you to keep me safe! I can take care of myself. I don't need you to do anything for me. I don't even want your help! Or your protection. In fact, I don't even want you around half the time!" I snapped without thinking. I immediately regretted what I said seeing the look on his face.

"You're not going to that party," he finally said, turning around, and walking out the Great Hall.

"James," I sighed, going after him, ignoring the shocked looks on my friends' faces as I scampered after James.

"Lily!" Nate exclaimed, grabbing my arm and pulling me toward him.

"Nate, I have to talk to James," I said, trying to pull myself free of him.

"James?" he frowned, "Did you two get into a fight or something?"

"Something like that," I responded, still trying to pull free of Nate's tight grip around my arm.

"Again? Seriously. Don't you see a pattern here?" Nate said.

"What do you mean?" I frowned, losing sight of James's retreating figure.

"Maybe you and James were never meant to be a couple. It seems to that all you two do is fight."

"That's not true!" I snarled angrily. I really didn't want to hear Nate bash on James right now.

Nate shook his head. "Maybe no matter how much you care about someone, you were never meant to be a couple with them."

"It's just one fight," I told him, yanking my arm free from his tight clutch.

"Lily, the problem here isn't James. It's you."

"Me?!"

"Yes, you never forgave him for what happened at that party last term. That's why your always so mad at him for every little thing. You'll never move on from him if you keep holding on to that anger."

"You don't understand how much it hurt, Nate," I said.

"Rachel did the same thing to me. But now we're friends, and I'm really happy with our relationship."

"But don't you want to be with her?" I asked, knowing how much I still longed to be with James.

"Like I said: some people were never meant to be a couple, no matter how much they care about each other."

"So, you think that me and James were never meant to be together?"

"I don't know. But you'll never find out if you don't forgive him and try to move on," he told me wisely. I stared after Nate's retreating figure for a second, before I turned around and sprinted after James.

"James!" I called, looking like a maniac as I followed him up the stairs.

Frowning, he turned around. "What do you want, Lil?"

"I...forgive you," I said, finally catching up to him.

He furrowed his eyebrows, evidently confused.

"I've been so angry with you for so long. Ever since that night at the party, and I've been holding onto that anger for so long. But I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to be angry with you. I miss you too much," I said, reaching for his hand.

"I miss you too, Lil," he replied, gently stroking my hand.

"And I want things to go back to normal. I want us to be friends again. Nate's right. We were never meant to be a couple, but I know that you were meant to be in my life. You're too important to me James. I can't lose you. I've lost so many people already...I don't want to lose you too..."

James cupped my chin in his soft hands. "Lily, you'd never lose me."

I closed my eyes, loving the way he was being so kind and gentle. Especially when I didn't deserve it.

"James," I said softly, "I'm sorry for being such cow lately. I shouldn't have been so mad at you for so long and-"

"Don't apologize, Lil," James said, cutting me off. I felt his arms wrap around me, and I leaned into him, burying me head into his chest.

"I missed you," I mumbled into his chest.

"I thought I'd lost you forever," he admitted, finally releasing me.

"You're too big a part of my life now," I told him, "You're my best friend. You could never lose me."

James grinned, holding out his arm for me. "Good. Now, let's take a walk. I have a feeling we have loads to catch up on."

I beamed and took his arm, glad I had him back. Maybe it wasn't in the way I wanted, and maybe it could never be in the way I wanted, but I could never cut James completely out of my life. I loved him too much.


	31. The Almost Kiss

**Chapter Thirty-One: The Almost Kiss**

* * *

Sirius and I sat in the corner of the common room, plotting our escape.

"-completely defeats the purpose if we ask them," Sirius was saying.

"Why?"

"Because we're trying to show our independence! And how what that look if we politely _asked _them? No! We need to take a stand! We need to show them that they're not the boss of us!

"You're right. I'm sorry, but I just feel bad!" I complained, looking over my shoulder to where James and Marlene sat, watching us suspiciously.

"You think they suspect?" Sirius asked.

"Well, we _are _being a bit obvious about it," I told him.

"You're right," he said, straightening up, "We need to act normal. Just remember the plan."

"Okay," I nodded, following in his lead as he strut to Marlene and James.

"What are you two up to?" Marlene asked in a tired voice, rubbing her temples. She sounded like a mother about to reprimand her two young kids.

"We're not up to anything," Sirius lied.

James and Marlene exchanged disbelieving looks.

"Anyway," I yawned, "I'm getting a bit tired. I think I'll head over to the library and finish some homework before I get too tired."

"Brilliant," Marlene said, "I'll join you."

I shrugged, "Okay."

From the corner of my eye, I noticed Sirius give me a small nod in James's direction. Phase One of Plan _Get the Hell Out of this Castle _was nearly complete. Now, all I had to do was get James to come with me too. Sirius and I had been planning all day on how to get away from our friends and go to the party in Hogsmeade. I wasn't much looking forward to the actual party itself as much as ticking all of my friends off off. I wanted to prove to them that I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself.

"James," I simpered, "why don't you come with us too?"

I gently took his hand, already leading him out of the common room, Marlene following closely behind us.

"Well, you're already dragging me away," he said as I pulled him and Marlene along. Phase One was officially complete and Sirius was in the clear. Now, all Sirius had to do was get Nate.

As I marched James and Marlene along the hallway, I felt James slip my hand into his. I grinned to myself. It felt just like old times. Except now we both knew how each other felt. Sometimes I didn't know what was keeping us apart. And just when I felt myself about to give into James's charms, Nate would pop into my head. _Some people were only meant to be friends, no matter how much they care about each other. _Most of the time, I thought Nate was an idiot for saying that, but other times, I completely agreed with him. Every time I felt myself grow closer to James, something would get in the way. Whether it was a fight over Snape, Natalie Peterson, or Emmeline Vance. Something _always _got in the way. Maybe Nate was right. Maybe we just weren't meant to be. I looked up into James's twinkling eyes and his mischievous smirk, and I felt a tiny shiver go up my spine. He was so perfect. How could it not be meant to be? How did everything get so messed up? All I knew was that every time I wanted to take things to the next level with James, Nate's advice would pop up in my head. No matter how hard I tried to forget about it, the nagging feeling that maybe Nate was right wouldn't go away.

As we continued strolling down the hallway, Marlene and James idly chatting beside me, we passed by a group of Slytherins. I felt James tense up beside me, and I could see Marlene clutch her wand tightly, ready for a moment's notice attack. Thankfully, nothing happened, but as we turned the corner I noticed Snape in the midst of those scary looking Slytherins. He stared at me in James holding hands as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Sometimes I forgot how much Severus hated James. It was part of the reason I never wanted to be friends with James in the first place. He was always such a prat to Snape, but in the end, I guess Snape sort of deserved what he got. He turned out to be just as bad as those other Slytherins. Deep down, a part of me still wished my old friend was there, but a part of me also never wanted to speak with him again. I knew what he had become, and it was foolish of me to continue trying to see the good in people. It had been a long time since I'd thought about Snape. I found that I didn't miss nearly as much as I did before. I guess that's what Nate meant when he talked about moving on. I just wished I could move on from James just as easily as I moved on from Snape.

It was around this time last year that James and I had had our explosive fight over Snape. I had found James and Sirius hanging Snape in midair, questioning him about death eaters. Even though Snape had been mocking James about his missing parents, it was still wrong of James to stoop to his level. Granted, sometimes an evil little voice inside my head said that Snape deserved everything he got, but other times I would remember the crying little boy Snape used to be. As much as it might shock other people, Snape hadn't always been an evil prick. He used to be a nice bloke. And he'd been through so much at such a young age. He was my best friend, plain and simple. I didn't care that he was sorted into Slytherin and I didn't care that he was a bit funny looking. However, as time went on, Snape changed. He slowly turned into the sweet bloke I had known into an arrogant twit. He had complained so much about James's arrogance, but little did he know that he was becoming worse than James. He thought he was better than me because of the purity of his blood. And that's when I knew I'd lost him to the dark side. The moment he turned against me when I was trying to protect him. All because of my heritage. I was proud to be the daughter of two muggles. Evidently, to Snape, that was a bad thing. I remembered that he once told me it didn't matter whether my parents were witches or not. But I guess it did. It's the reason I was such a big target. And Snape hadn't even tried to save me. He knew I was going to be poisoned, but he couldn't even manage to give me a proper warning. I could never forgive him for that. Sirius and James may have had their faults (and believe me they had many), but they would never dream of letting anyone hurting me. I knew that both of them would rather die than put me in any form of danger.

I felt a little squirm of guilt. James had been trying so hard to protect me, and I was defiantly sneaking out of the castle to go to a party I didn't even have any interest in going to. But then I thought of how annoying it was to have all of them follow me around the school. I thought of how infuriating it was to be treated like some helpless little girl. I needed to prove to them that I could live my life like a normal person. That I could protect myself, and that I didn't need a team of guards following me around. Besides, I told myself, Sirius was coming with me. And Sirius would never let me do anything if he thought I was in any danger. He would protect me til the death. And I would do the same for him. Besides, it's not like we were in any real dangers. It was just a silly little party.

"What exactly do you need to do in the library?" Marlene asked me, breaking my train of thought.

"Erm..." I said, racking my brains to come up with something. Truthfully, I had finished all my homework ages ago. "Just that Charms essay."

"I thought you finished that," James frowned.

I shook my head. "No, I need at least another seven inches," I lied.

As we turned into the library, I spotted an empty desk, and rushed over to grab the table. I looked around me, wondering when Sirius was going to send Nate. How much time did I have to wait?

"I think I'm going to check out a few books," Marlene murmured, wandering over to the first aisle. She slowly disappeared from view as the hundreds of shelves and books blocked her.

"Looks like it's just you and me," I said, turning to James. He was so close to me that I nearly bumped into him when I turned around. I blinked rapidly, slightly mesmerized with how close we were standing.

"Looks like it," he smirked. His breath was minty...just like the night of the Collins family reunion. The night of our first kiss. The night everything had seemed so perfect. Without thinking about it, I reached up and gently stroked his messy hair. He closed his eyes, allowing me to play with his hair. My hand travelled down to his cheek, and I gently stroked it, loving the texture of his skin. And then I noticed his lips. They looked so soft and thin. I felt myself drawing closer, my lips yearning to touch his.

And then, all of a sudden, Nate's words pulsed through my mind. _Some people were never meant to be more than friends, no matter how much they cared about each other. You'll just get hurt in the end. _I jerked my hand away from him, and I stepped back, cursing myself for almost giving in.

"What's wrong?" he asked, reaching for my hand. The moment he touched me, I felt a tiny spark.

"Nothing," I mumbled, drawing away from him, "I just should really get some work done."

"Okay," he nodded, "Need help?"

"Lily!" I heard the familiar voice of Nate shout. Phase Two was about to start.

"Shhh!" the librarian snarled at Nate as he traipsed in. James looked annoyed, which I couldn't help but feel a small pleasure in the fact that he was still jealous of Nate. It meant that he still cared.

"Hey, Nate," I said pleasantly, "What's up?"

"Erm...I need to have a word with you...in private," Nate recited just like Sirius had told him.

"Okay," I grinned, "Let's go outside. James, I'll be write back."

Nate gave me a thumbs up and we both hurried outside. I turned my head back to see James stare after me and Nate. I knew he was still suspicious that there was something going on between us, but there really wasn't. I just didn't see Nate in that way.

"Brilliant!" Sirius exclaimed upon seeing me.

"We need to hurry before James comes looking for me," I said, grabbing his hand, and running down the hallway.

"And they didn't suspect anything?" Sirius asked, looking amused.

"Nope!" I couldn't help but feel a little bit cocky that we had fooled James and Marlene with such a simple plan.

"Where exactly are we going?" Nate asked as we trudged down the hallway

"Secret passageway into Hogsmeade," Sirius replied, pulling me behind a statue.

"There's a secret passageway here?" I gasped. I had probably walked past that statue a hundred times.

"Leads right into Honeydukes," Sirius responded dragging me into an opening I swore had not been there a few seconds before.

"And, babe, why exactly would you need to go to Honeydukes?" I heard Dorcas ask, "Last time I checked, you still had loads of candy in your trunk."

Sirius and I exchanged looks before we slowly turned around to find Dorcas and Remus sitting lazily against the wall. Dorcas appeared to have been doing her nails while Remus was marking a spot in his book.

"Dorky," Sirius grinned, "I was wondering where you had gone to."

Dorcas did not look amused.

"So, what are you two doing here?" I asked her and Remus pleasantly.

"Oh, you know us," Dorcas drawled, "We just _love _hanging out all day in secret passageways."

"You've been here all day?" Sirius asked in disbelief, "Why?"

"Because I just _love _having spiders crawl around me all day," Dorcas answered sarcastically. "What do you think, idiot?" she snapped at Sirius.

"We knew you two would do something stupid like this," Remus sighed, handing Dorcas five sickles.

"I told you they would fool Marlene," Dorcas gloated, pocketing the money.

Remus shook his head, "But I never dreamed they'd be able to fool James."

"I told you the plan was too simple," I snapped at Sirius who was staring at Dorcas with an odd expression. It was like he was annoyed with her but at the same time turned on.

"Hey," he said defensively, turning to face me, "it was a good plan."

"Then why'd we get caught?" I snapped.

"How'd you know we'd use this passageway?" Nate asked, surprising me. I'd forgotten he was there.

"It's Sirius's favorite. Plus we have others stationed at other passageways," Dorcas replied.

Sirius grinned, pulling Dorcas toward him. "My girl is so smart."

"Your girl is also _pissed_," she snapped.

He sighed, "Dorky, what would you have done? If your friends were all forcing you to do what they wanted. If they were forcing you to hide out while they protected you. How would you like that?"

She paused, studying his face. I knew that she would have done the same thing. Dorcas would never let _anyone _risk their life for her. Plus, it would have driven her mad to be followed around all day.

"I just wanted one night off where I didn't have somebody breathing down my neck all day," I told her.

"And we can protect ourselves," Sirius added. I knew his pride had been shot this year. Usually, Sirius was the one taking risks and protecting others. This year, however, he had been forced to bow his head and follow in the lead of others. It just wasn't him.

"Here come the others," Nate said from behind me. I turned around in time to find James and Marlene strolling in calmly, although they looked furious.

"Well, well, well," James said, looking around the crowded passageway, "look who we have here."

"I told you they were up to something," Marlene muttered under her breath to James.

"Well, at least we caught them," Remus said, "Can we please go back now? I've been hanging out all day in this stupid passageway. It wasn't fun."

"But I haven't even gotten to yell at them yet," Marlene complained as Remus got up.

"You can yell at them back in the common room," he told her, stretching his legs.

"Fine," she grumbled, grabbing my arm, "Let's go, Lil."

"No," I snapped, yanking my arm away from her.

She glared at me. "This isn't up for argument. It's four against two."

"Actually," Sirius piped up, "It's four against three. Don't forget Nate."

James shrugged, "We can take him."

Nate looked offended.

"Actually," Dorcas said, clearing her throat, "It's four against three." She stepped beside Sirius, taking his hand. Sirius grinned down at her proudly.

"Dorky!" James gasped.

"James, Sirius and Lily are right. We can't keep them from living their lives. And it's not fair of us to ask them to go against all their instincts and play it safe. We're Gryffindors after all," she said.

"Yeah!" Sirius chimed in, "What Dorcas said!"

Marlene, James, and Remus looked at one another, deciding on what to do.

"Fine," James finally said, "you can go to the party."

"But we're going with you," Remus added.

"Well, that completely defeats the purpose of me and Lil proving the point that we can protect ourselves, but the more the merrier!" Sirius cheered, leading the way out of the passageway. He, Dorcas, and James led the group, each of them loudly talking over the other. Remus and Nate followed them, quietly holding a discussion about a book they had both been reading.

"How'd you fool James?" Marlene asked me as we started forward.

"Nate," I nodded to the boy in front of me.

"Ah."

"What's with the face?" I demanded.

"Nothing...James just seemed a bit down earlier."

I sighed, "That's probably because of our almost kiss."

"You're what?"

"We had a moment in the library...it was nothing..."

"Maybe it was nothing to you, but it was definitely something to him." Marlene gave me a meaningful look before trudging ahead, joining Remus and Nate in their conversation.

* * *

"We leave in an hour," James instructed, looking around severely at all of us. I was suddenly reminded of McGonagall or Dumbledore when they were giving us a lecture.

"Hey, Prongs," Sirius said, "remember when you actually used to be fun?"

"Hey, Padfoot, remember when death eaters weren't trying to kill you?" James countered.

"Now, _kill_, is a bit extreme don't you think?" Sirius grinned. James didn't smile. "Prongs, relax. I'm okay. Lily's okay. We're _safe,_" Sirius reassured him.

"Come on, Jamie," Marlene said, "let's dance!"

As Marlene dragged James away, I turned back around to find Sirius and Dorcas already gone, probably off snogging somewhere. Remus looked around disapprovingly.

"We shouldn't be here, should we?" I said. "We're prefects."

He shrugged, "Everybody's entitled to their fun. But I'd rather just curl up and read a book."

And with that, Remus sat himself on the nearest chair, took out the book he had been reading, opened it to the spot he had previously marked, and began reading. I rolled my eyes. Remus was so much more mature and relaxed than the rest of us. I honestly didn't know how he put up with Sirius and James sometimes.

"Well...I guess it's just the two of us," I sighed to Nate.

"Brilliant! Let's dance!" he grinned, taking my hand. I laughed as he spun me around the dance floor.

"Nate!" I giggled, "I'm getting dizzy."

Nate quit spinning me as a slow song came on, and he gently put his arms on my waist. I was brought back to the last time I slow danced with a bloke. It was with James...at the Collins family reunion. As much as I hated the Collins, there party sure did bring back some good memories for me.

"This is nice, isn't?" Nate commented, watching me.

I smiled, "Yeah, it is."

"We make a good team, Lil. I'm glad McGonagall paired us up."

I laughed. "McGonagall really does know what she's doing after all."

"So, you and James?" Nate asked.

"We're friends," I said, "and I think I'm okay with that." Lie.

"Are you?" Nate asked, leaning in closer. I was suddenly very aware of the fact that his face was drawing closer to mine. Nate was a good looking bloke and he was nice, but his breath wasn't minty. His eyes didn't twinkle. His hair didn't stick up at odd places. He didn't wear glasses on top of his shiny hazel eyes. He wasn't James. I gently pushed him away.

"Nate," I asked, "what are you doing?"

"Lily, I know you're not completely over James yet, but I really like you."

I blinked. "Nate, we're friends."

"But we can be more! Come on, Lil, we always have so much fun together and I can talk to you about anything. Lily, think about it. It makes sense"

I shook my head. "Nate, I'm sorry. I thought I made it clear that we were just friends."

Nate took my hands into his. "Lily, just think about it. I could make you so happy."

I smiled sadly at him. "No, you couldn't."

"Why not?"

"Because, you're not James. He's the only one that can make me happy. And when you were leaning in to kiss me, all I could think was how much I wished it was him that was leaning in to kiss me. How much I wish it was him that I was dancing with. I'm so sorry, Nate. I thought you knew..." I slowly backed away, not sure of what else to say. All I could think about was James.

Nate took my hands. "Is that how you really feel? Do you really think James is the only bloke that could ever make you happy?"

"I don't think it. I know it," I replied.

Nate grimaced, looking like he was about to do something he really didn't want to do. "If he's really the only that can make you happy, then what are you still doing here standing next to me?"

"But you said-"

"Forget what I said. I thought that you two were like me and Rachel...but I was wrong. I shouldn't have meddled."

"But what if I get hurt?" I asked softly. Because really, that was what I was afraid of. I'd opened myself up to James before, and I was still reeling from the heartbreak.

"Wouldn't it be worth?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

I stood there, blinking. Nate gave me small push, and I found myself walking through the crowd, searching for James.

"Lily," I heard Marlene call. She grabbed my arm, and I turned to see my best friend staring at me accusingly.

"Where's James?" I asked, looking around the crowded room.

"He left with Sirius." She spoke calmly enough, but her tone was slightly accusing.

"Why?" I furrowed my eyebrows. It was Sirius's idea to come here in the first place.

Marlene stared at me. "We saw you...with Nate."

"Nate's my _friend_," I said through gritted teeth. I was getting sick of telling her the same thing over and over again.

"It didn't look like that when you two were nearly kissing out there," she replied coolly, keeping her voice level. But I knew she resented me for hurting James. After all, he was like her brother in many ways.

My eyes widened. "_Oh. _It's not what you think! I have to go find James!"

I turned away from Marlene, and ran outside, ignoring as she called after me. The loud party noises instantly died, and I shivered slightly, scolding myself for not thinking to bring a jacket. It was the middle of October, and the nights were becoming chilly. I ran along the path to Honeydukes, knowing Sirius and James were probably getting back to the castle that way.

"James!" I cried, seeing a tall boy with messy hair in the distance. Upon hearing his name, he turned around. When he saw it was me, he didn't come any closer. He just stood there, waiting for me.

"Where's Sirius?" I asked nervously. I didn't like the sound of Sirius roaming the streets of Hogsmeade in the middle of the night by himself.

"Already in the passageway with Dorcas. I could tell they wanted to be alone, so I stayed behind a bit," he replied.

"So...he's safe?"

"I wouldn't leave him alone unprotected," he replied solemnly. And then he stared at me, something dawning on him, and his blank face turned to fury. "LILY! What the hell are you doing roaming around Hogsmeade in the middle of the night BY YOURSELF?" he demanded, grabbing my arm, and pulling me along the road. He kept his eyes alert, as if we could be attacked at any moment.

I rolled my eyes. "Relax."

"Don't tell me to relax! Why wasn't Marlene keeping an eye on you? Or Remus? Or your bloody boyfriend Nate?"

"Nate's not my boyfriend," I told him calmly as he dragged me across the street. In the distance, I could see Honeydukes. Sirius and Dorcas were outside the door, waiting for James.

"Why haven't those bloody idiots gone inside yet?" James muttered.

"Because they wouldn't leave you behind," I said. "And you can let go of me now! There's no danger here."

Although I could tell he didn't like it, James let go of my arm, and we trudged along the pathway in silence. Up ahead, Dorcas pointed to us, and Sirius turned around. When he saw the two of us coming, a wide grin split across his face, and he gestured for us to hurry up. At Sirius's command, James quickened his pace, and I had to hurry to keep up with him.

"James, I need to tell you something," I said, pulling his arm back.

"I know about you and Nate," he said crisply.

"There's nothing going on between me and Nate," I said patiently.

James stopped walking and turned to face me. "Could've fooled me."

"Don't be a bloody idiot."

"I saw him lean in to kiss you," he snapped, looking betrayed.

"And I _stopped _him."

James stared at me. "Why would you do that?"

"Because when he was leaning in to kiss me, all I could think about was _you _and how much I wished _you _were leaning in to kiss me."

I watched as the look of shock then absolute glee crossed his face.

"Really?" he asked, grinning.

"Of course," I replied, taking his hand.

"Well, I'm not surprised. I am pretty irresistible," he bragged.

I rolled my eyes. "Will you just shut up and kiss me?"

James didn't need telling twice. One minute he was standing there, grinning like an idiot, and then in the next instant, I felt his lips brush up against mine. He held me close to him, and I never wanted the moment to end. I didn't know how long we stood there, just kissing. In the background, I heard Sirius wolf whistle, but I ignored all of that as I pressed my body against James, our lips smashed together.

"SIRIUS!" I heard Dorcas shriek, sounding terrified. James and I broke apart, startled. We turned around to find a death eater disapparate with Sirius. It all happened so fast. One second everything had been so perfect, James's lips on mine, and then the next Sirius was gone. All I saw was Sirius's handsome hair flying around wildly as he kicked and struggled against the large Death Eater. It only took one second. One second for the death eater to pop in and take Sirius. One second and we had lost Sirius. I felt my body go numb. _Not Sirius. _

"PADFOOT!" James shouted, grabbing my hand as we ran toward the spot in which Sirius disappeared. Dorcas looked absolutely distraught. She turned to face us, and a look of pure terror covered her face.

"LILY! BEHIND YOU!" she screamed, running toward me. I felt hands cover my mouth as I struggled to get out of the deathly grip someone had me in. I tried to keep a hold of James, but they pulled me away roughly. James turned around just in time to see the death eater grab me. They had some sort of cloth under my noise, and everything around me started to go fuzzy. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Dorcas running towards me. She looked incredibly beautiful yet terrifying at the same time. Her blond hair was flowing behind her like she belonged in a shampoo commercial, her jaw was set, and her bright eyes were wide and determined. But she wasn't looking at me; she was looking at the Death eater that had me. There was a look of pure hatred and anger in her beautiful blue eyes as she ran at top speed toward me. I turned my attention just in time to see James lunge toward me. And then everything went black. The last thing I remembered seeing was James's terrified hazel eyes. I'd never noticed the little specks of green in his eyes before. I wondered if that would be the last thing I ever saw. In a way, I was glad James was the last person I saw. At least I would go out, looking into the eyes of the boy I loved.


	32. The Cellar

**Chapter Thirty-Two: The Cellar**

* * *

"There's three," the haughty voice of a woman said.

"Yeah, the kid with the glasses jumped in just as I disapparated," somebody with a rough, deep voice responded.

"But you got the other two?"

"Yep."

"Good. That's all we need."

"What should we do with the other one?"

"Just leave him there for now. We'll deal with him later."

I slowly opened my eyes as a door slammed shut. I heard heavy footsteps fade away, and I looked around me. I was in a small dark room. The walls were made of stone, and for a second I wondered if I was at Hogwarts.

And then it came back to me.

"Sirius!" I gasped, jumping up.

"Right here," I heard someone croak out.

"Sirius!" I cried, rushing over to a dark figure in the opposite side of the room.

"So, I guess that party was a bad idea after all," Sirius said as I crouched down next to him.

"Are you okay?" I asked anxiously. "Are you hurt?"

He nodded. "I'm fine. And you?"

"I'm okay," I said, feeling relieved. "Where are we?" I asked, looking around the dark room. It appeared to be some sort of basement or cellar.

He shrugged. "No idea. But we need to get out of here. Where's James?"

"James is here too?" I shrieked, my eyes scanning the dark room. I found him lying in the middle of the room, stirring slightly.

"They knocked him out...I saw them dragging you and James in...I'm sorry I couldn't help, but they put some sort of cloth with a potion or something under my nose...everything was going fuzzy..." Sirius explained as I hurried over to James.

"It's fine," I waved aside his apology, "They did the same with me."

I crouched down to where James was. "James," I whispered softly, caressing his hair, "Come on, James, please wake up."

"They hit him pretty hard," Sirius told me, "but he's been hit by worse. He once played an entire game of Quidditch after being hit in the head with a bludger. Granted he didn't score us many points, but he still played."

I felt a small bump on the back of his head, and I knew that's where they had hit him.

"Lily?" Sirius asked, crouching down on James's other side.

"Yeah?" I asked, distracted.

"Dorcas...they didn't do anything to her, did they?"

I froze, staring horrified at Sirius. How could I have forgotten about Dorcas?

"I don't think so..." I said slowly, my hands beginning to tremble, "I mean, everything was going fuzzy for me...I just remember James lunging for me and then everything sort of went dark..."

"They wouldn't hurt her," Sirius said, trying to convince himself, "She's a pureblood."

I stared at him. "Yeah. But so are you and James."

Beneath us, James began moving. He slowly opened his eyes, and we watched while it took him a few seconds for him to remember everything that's happened.

"You okay, mate?" Sirius asked, concerned.

"I'm fine. Are you two okay?" he demanded, sitting up, looking around the small cellar.

"We're fine...just a few scratches and bruises...but we're fine..." I replied, attempting to soothe the look of fear the had just crossed his face.

"And Dorcas?" he asked quietly.

"We don't know," Sirius said, his voice cracking.

James stared at me, terrified. "Dorky's strong...she can take care of herself. Besides, they weren't even after her. They were only after you and Sirius. I don't think they even noticed me and Dorcas," he said, more to himself than to me.

"So...what now?" I asked.

"Well, first thing's first," Sirius said, standing up.

"-we get the hell out of this cellar," James finished for him.

"Great," I said, following in their lead, "how do we do that?"

"No idea."

* * *

"How long has it been?" Sirius asked, laying on the cold stone floor, his hands tucked behind his head. Despite being trapped in a dark cellar with no food and light, Sirius and James were strangely calm. I knew one day they would make great aurors. As for me, I was quietly freaking out on the inside.

James, who had been pacing for what felt like hours, said, "I don't know. Two maybe three hours?"

I had my eyes closed, my head leaning against the stone wall. I tried to focus, to concentrate...there had to be _some _way out of here. For the first thirty minutes, I distinctly remembered the three of us trying to bang down the wooden door. After a while, we eventually gave up. Sirius had felt every single wall, looking for _anything _to help. But after a while, he sort of gave up on that too. Eventually, he just laid in the middle of the room, and closed his eyes. At first, I thought he had gone to sleep, but then I realized he was doing the same thing I was. He was trying to think of a way to get us out of here. James, who was evidently a pacer, marched around the small cellar, trying to come up with something. He frequently ran a hand through his hair nervously. With each passing second, I could see him grow more and more frustrated. Occasionally, he would glance at me nervously. We all knew that I was the one in the most danger. I was the "mudblood."

James, who was still marching, suddenly came to a halt. "Do you hear that?" he asked.

"Hear what?" I yawned, tired.

And then I heard it. Faint footsteps growing louder and louder with each passing second. Sirius stood up immediately, automatically reaching inside his pocket for his wand before he realized it wasn't there anymore.

"Get behind me, Lily," James ordered. I was going to argue, but I could tell from the look on his face that this was not the moment for me to prove my toughness. Sirius took his spot beside James, both boys shielding me from whatever it was to come. We waited fearfully as the footsteps grew louder and voices could be heard from behind the door.

"All of you line up against the wall!" somebody ordered, "we have wands! And we won't hesitate to attack!"

Sirius and James exchanged looks before they slowly backed into a wall, keeping me behind them at all times. After a moment, the door slowly creaked open. Immediately, light flooded into our tiny little cellar, and I took in every detail of our surroundings. I memorized every detail of our small room, which wasn't really saying much considering there was nothing in there except four stone walls.

Three masked death eaters stood in the doorway, pointing their wands at us. But I wasn't looking at them, my eyes sought James and Sirius. It had been hours since I'd last seen their faces in the light. Sirius looked as handsome as ever, except his usual groomed locks were wild and crazy. There were bags under his eyes and scratches all over his arm. I shuddered slightly, knowing he must have put up a great fight when they dragged him in here.

James, too, looked different. It had only been a few hours since we were standing under the moon, kissing, his twinkling hazel eyes peering into mine. But all of that felt light years away. We now stood here, cornered by death eaters, wondering if we were even going to make it to the next day. And still, in spite of all that, I couldn't help but grin at the way James's hair always looked messy. But I cringed at the sight of all the cuts and bruises on his thin skin. I felt guilty. James shouldn't have been here. He was only trying to save me. He shouldn't have been standing here, locked in a cellar, cuts all over his arms and face.

"Well, well, well," said the unmistakable voice of a woman, "Sirius Black. I believe we haven't seen each other since..._my wedding._"

"Bellatrix?" Sirius gaped, recognizing the shrill voice of his cousin.

"Miss me?" she said, removing her mask. "Oh, you remember my husband, don't you?" she added as the second death eater removed his mask. I peeked around James's shoulder, and was startled by Bellatrix's beauty. From her shrill, cruel voice, I would've never imagined she would be such a beautiful woman. I guess good looks ran in the Black family.

I'd heard all about her from Sirius, and I'd read all about her in the _Daily Prophet. _For some reason, though, I'd always imagined her differently. For starters, I'd never thought she would have the same handsome feature as Sirius. And I'd never thought that she would share Sirius's luscious, shiny hair. I'd pictured her to look like something disgusting and evil. I'd pictured her older and uglier. I'd never thought she would be so young, only a few years older than us. Sometimes I envisioned her having a wooden leg or boils all around her face. But there was no denying, as I stood there, hidden from Bellatrix, that this woman may have been evil, but she was absolutely stunning.

And she was talented. I could tell she was skilled witch. She stood in the doorway gracefully, a powerful demeanor about her. The other two death eaters seemed to shrink back a bit behind her; they didn't look nearly as impressive or terrifying. She gripped her wand carelessly, knowing she was in control, knowing that she had us in her power. She kept her head held high, a malicious half-smile playing on her lips.

"It's like a family reunion," Bellatrix's husband said gleefully. In any other situation, this statement might have sounded friendly and welcoming. But this scenario was anything but friendly as three killers stood before us, their wands pointed dangerously in our direction. One little flick of the wand, one little spell coming out of their mouths, and we were goners.

"You're no family of mine," Sirius growled. There was a hatred in his voice that I'd never heard before.

"That's true," Bellatrix cackled, "I stopped considering you family the moment you stepped in front of that filthy mudblood. It'd be an embarrassment to call you cousin. At least your brother turned out decent. He knew better than to run around with mudbloods."

"Regulus isn't anything like you!" Sirius shouted, his fists curled up into balls.

Bellatrix stared at Sirius, looking absolutely delighted. "Oh, no? I'll have you know that your beloved brother is upstairs right now. He knows full well you're done here, and he doesn't care. Didn't even flinch when we told them we had caught you."

"You're lying," Sirius said, though he sounded uncertain.

"Believe what you want, but little Regulus is turning out to be quite the little death eater. Not that I would blame him. If I had a brother like you, then I'd jump at the first opportunity to get rid of you." Bellatrix's husband so cruelly.

"You're liars!" Sirius shouted, backing away from them.

Bellatrix looked absolutely gleeful, "Still think we're lying? Oh, but you'll see him soon enough."

"Sirius, don't listen to her," James soothed.

"Yeah," I said, "Regulus has done some bad things, but he would never hurt you."

"Is that the mudblood?" the death eater that was still masked asked.

"Don't call her that!" James shouted, lunging forward. Sirius and I pulled him back.

"Don't be stupid, James," I murmured so that only he could hear, "They have wands."

"So, _this _is Lily Evans," Bellatrix breathed, stepping into the room, "Oh, my, no one told me she was pretty. It's almost a shame to kill her."

"Now, now, Bella," her husband warned, "she's not for you to play with."

Bellatrix stopped, looking slightly disappointed. "Oh, I won't _kill _her...I'll just have my fun..." she rationalized. I gripped the back of James's shirt fearfully. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Sirius scanning the three death eaters. I knew he was calculating our chances of taking their wands and making it out alive.

"The Dark Lord said _no!_ She's not for you. She's for the others," the masked death eater snapped.

At the sound of You-Know-Who's name, Bellatrix froze. Fear clouded her eyes...but there was something else in her eyes...passion? Did she have _passion _for Voldemort?

"Fine," she grumbled, "next time."

Looking extremely disappointed, she stalked out of the small cellar.

"I'll see you later, cousin," Bellatrix screeched, "well, maybe not. If they do their job right, then I won't be seeing you or your little friends ever again."

"Who's they?" James shouted after her.

Bellatrix turned around, grinning wickedly. You would think that a smile would only make her look more beautiful, but it didn't. Her smile made her look twisted and evil. It turned all of her handsome features into something dark and demented. "You'll find out soon enough," she said with a shriek of laughter.

As I watched Bellatrix strut out, still laughing like a hyena, I didn't even notice her husband staring at me. I turned back to find him glaring at me, a look of pure disgust on his face. I felt goosebumps up my arm as his dark eyes pierced at me. He looked very capable of killing me then and there. After what felt like hours, he finally turned around and followed his wife out.

"What do you want with us?" James demanded, glaring at the third death eater. He was the only one who remained with his mask on.

The death eater waved his wand, and a plate of food flew into the room.

"Eat," he ordered, "we don't want you dead just yet."

The plate landed gracefully in the middle of the room. And then a goblet zoomed in, landing beside the plate. The door slammed shut, enclosing the small room in darkness again.

"You don't think the food is poisoned, do you?" Sirius asked, peering down.

With the light gone, I could barely even make out the shape of the plate.

"I'll check," I muttered, crouching down.

"How can you tell?" James asked, sounding impressed.

"James, please," I rolled my eyes, "Not to brag or anything, but I _am _top of the class in Potions. I can recognize just about any poison out there."

As I worked, sniffing the foods on the plate, there was silence behind me. I could feel James and Sirius's surprised faces boring down on me.

"I told you we should start paying more attention in Potions," Sirius finally said to James.

"When have you _ever _said that?" James scoffed.

"Loads of times," Sirius argued as I studied the foods, checking for any poisons.

"We're okay," I announced as my stomach growled loudly.

"Good," James said approvingly, but he didn't come any closer. And neither did Sirius.

"Guys, I swear the food isn't poisoned. You can eat it," I told them.

"We believe you," Sirius said.

"Listen, I'm really not that hungry. I think I'll pass," James told me.

I glared at them, knowing what this was about. "Eat," I commanded.

"Like he said," Sirius nodded at James, "we're not that hungry."

"Besides," James pointed out, "it's only one plate. You should have it."

"Stop trying to protect me!" I snapped at both of them.

"Lily, you need your strength," Sirius said.

"And so do you!" I retaliated. "Listen, you two want to protect me so much, but how are you going to do that if you're weak from _hunger_. Besides, if you don't eat, than I won't either."

They glared at me while I crossed my arms stubbornly.

"Fine," Sirius sighed. He and James exchanged annoyed looks before they joined me. I watched them eat for a second, and I was touched when they left the biggest portion of food for me.

"Thank you," I told them, my hand gently stroking James's knee.

"It's just food, Lily," Sirius rolled his eyes.

"No, for everything..." I told them seriously.

Sirius stopped chewing and stared at me. "I know where this is going," he warned, "and don't you start, Lily."

"I just wanted to let you guys know that-" I began.

"Lily, we're not letting anything happen to you. Don't start saying goodbye," James told me firmly, squeezing my hand.


	33. Torture

**Chapter Thirty-Three: Torture**

* * *

Staying locked up in that cellar room for days was torture. Everyday, somebody would bring us food and a drink. And everyday they would have us line up against the wall. And everyday my heart pounded with fear when we heard those footsteps coming down. Any day now, they would take one of us.

Sirius was growing more and more frustrated with each passing day. He and James had tried to attack the oncoming death eaters when they came to bring us food, but that just earned them a beating and a day with no food. I remembered crying as I cleaned off the blood from them using a piece of cloth I had torn off from my skirt.

"Don't cry, Lily Pad," James soothed as I dabbed his chest.

"It doesn't even hurt," Sirius said, but I could tell he was wincing.

"They threw you guys up against the wall!" I exclaimed as if they'd forgotten. It all happened so fast. One second Sirius and James were lunging toward the Death Eaters, and then the next second they were flying across the room, slamming into the wall. I was scared one of them had gotten a concussion or broken something. And when I saw the blood staining their shirts, I was sure I would faint. But I had to stay strong. If they could do it, then so could I.

"And they weren't even man enough to do it themselves! If they hadn't had their wands, we could've taken them!" Sirius growled.

"Promise me you won't try anything like that again?" I urged them.

They exchanged looks.

"Promise me!" I yelled, looking terrified.

"How else are we going to get out of here?" James whispered.

"We'll find a way. Just promise me you won't try that again," I implored, my emerald green eyes piercing into James's twinkling hazel ones.

"Promise," James finally sighed, causing Sirius to let out an exasperated cry.

Since I had promised them not to do anything stupid, Sirius had sat against the wall, racking his brains for an idea. James, on the the other hand, paced around the room. Everyday they looked more desperate and frustrated. Occasionally, one of them would look at me, a fear gleaming in their eyes. I was the muggleborn. I was the one in the most danger.

"Why are they doing this?" I cried out one day. James, who was of course pacing, stopped and looked at me.

"Because they're evil," he said simply.

"No, I mean, why do they have us locked up here...just waiting..."

"Because they know the anticipation is killing us," Sirius responded, not even opening his eyes to look at me.

I didn't know how to respond to that. I just closed my eyes. I was so tired. And thirsty. But there wouldn't be any water for hours...

I had lost track of how long we'd been in there. It was difficult to tell whether it was night or day because there weren't any windows in the cellar. All we had to go by was how many meals we had had. So far I had counted four meals. I shuddered to think that I hadn't showered in four days.

And I didn't want to think about it really. I kept imagining us back at Hogwarts, lying in our comfortable dormitories. Eating the delicious feast prepared every night by the house elves. Sitting beside Dorcas and Marlene and Remus and Peter.

"Do you think they're worried?" I asked. I didn't need to tell them whom I was talking about.

"Of course they are. But they're looking for us...they're not gonna leave us here." James sounded so sure. His positiveness was almost contagious. Almost.

I watched him pace around the small room, my eyes getting heavier and heavier. Eventually, I drifted off into sleep, dreaming about going back home. I was sitting in the middle of class, listening to Professor Slughorn praise my work as I beamed proudly. Dorcas and Marlene were sitting beside me, rolling their eyes. They were used to me excelling in Potions. Across the room, James was smirking proudly at me. Sirius was looking bored. And Remus was watching me, an impressed look on his face. But my eyes wandered back to James, and his twinkling hazel eyes.

I suddenly woke up with a start, and I found myself staring at James again. He was still pacing, a determined look in his eyes. But as I watched him, I realized that his eyes weren't twinkling anymore. All the mischief and humor were gone from his face. He looked angry and focused. But mostly he looked scared. And I knew he wasn't just scared for himself. He was scared for me and Sirius.

"James," I said, "relax."

"I can't," he muttered, continuing his pacing. I wanted to argue, but I was so tired. And thirsty. And hungry. And scared. I sighed, drifting back to sleep, resuming my dreams of Hogwarts.

When I woke up again, I felt warm arms around me. I looked beside me to find James peacefully sleeping next to me, hugging me tightly. From across the room, I heard Sirius snoring loudly. I laid my head back against James's chest, and found myself falling back asleep.

We were all peacefully sleeping. That was why none of us heard the footsteps coming closer and closer. None of us heard the evil cackling. None of us heard anything until the wooden door banged open. I awoke with a start, my mind not even having time to process what was happening as somebody pulled me away from James. I felt James pulling me back, and he almost succeeded if there hadn't been about ten other death eaters in the room. One of the larger death eaters grabbed James, holding him back as I was dragged away. I could see him and Sirius struggling to get out of the deathly grips they were in. I could hear them shouting for me.

But I didn't focus on any of that as I struggled to free myself of the arms that were clutching me, pulling me away. I screamed for James and Sirius as I was dragged up stone stairs, into a large room. The couches and table had been pulled up against the wall. In the middle of the room, there was a large circle. They threw me in the middle of the circle, all eyes watching me.

"What do you want? I asked, trying to get up, but somebody pushed me back down.

"I recognize her from school!" somebody shouted. I turned my head in the direction of that voice. I felt my stomach twist as I saw Crabbe and Goyle grinning stupidly at me. There were others I recognized too. Mulciber was there. He had graduated a few years ahead of me. Bellatrix and her husband were there. Some death eaters had removed their masks, looking at me as if Christmas had come early. Others still had their masks on. And others, like Crabbe and Goyle, weren't wearing the death eater robes.

"What are you all doing here? What are you going to do to me?" I choked out. I tried to keep my voice calm and steady, but I could hear it crack.

"Oh, I'm just holding a little lesson here," Bellatrix told me.

"And torturing filthy little mudbloods like yourself is my favorite past time," someone else from the crowd guffawed.

I turned to face Crabbe and Goyle. "Why aren't you in school?" I demanded, trying to sound tough. But I knew I looked pathetic. I had lost weight, I knew I must have looked paler than usual, I was dirty, my fingernails had dirt beneath them, there were several scratches up my arm, my hair felt wild and tangly, blood stained my clothing.

"I _told _you," Bellatrix snarled, "I'm holding a little lesson."

"We find that we learn loads more here than we do at Hogwarts," Crabbe said nastily.

"Like what?" I snapped.

"_Crucio!" _I heard Bellatrix screamed wildly.

Every fiber of my body erupted into agonizing pain. It felt as if boiling hot knives were piercing every part of my body. My veins were burning like I was on fire. My vision began to go blurry as tears of pain escaped from my eyes. I heard a bloodcurdling scream, and it took my a while before I realized that _I _was the one screaming. And just as quickly as it came, it ended.

"_Like that_," Bellatrix snarled.

"I wanna try!" Goyle exclaimed.

"No! Me!" Crabbe shouted, pushing Goyle aside.

And then everything came back. The hot knives were piercing my skin again. My veins felt as if they were going to explode. And I could hear myself screaming, and I couldn't stop myself.

"_Crucio!"_

_"Crucio!"_

_"Crucio!"_

It seemed to last forever. With each time, I felt myself growing weaker, and the pain growing stronger. And each time it happened, I found myself hoping to die. Anything was better than this. Anything was better than this agony. I wanted to die. I wanted them to end it. I didn't want to feel like this anymore.

"How do you like that, you stupid little girl?" Bellatrix demanded. My vision was blurred, and I was breathing heavily. I could barely make out her face as she bent lower to me. "Had enough yet?" she asked.

"Please, stop," I sobbed, "please."

I heard the room erupt into laughter.

"Please!" I cried, the room fading in and out. The pain was too much for me. I wanted it to end.

"I think my students need a little more practice," Bellatrix said cruelly.

"No! Please!" I sobbed uncontrollably.

"CRUCIO!" I heard someone shout.

And the hot knives were back, cutting across my skin. My veins felt like they were on fire. And again, I heard myself screaming in agonizing pain. My screams drowned out the laughter and cheers from the death eaters. I wanted to die. I didn't want to live anymore. I wanted anything to end the pain that was coursing through my body.

And then it stopped. And everything was hazy. I could barely hear the shrieks of laughter coming from Bellatrix. I could barely hear the stupid guffaws coming from the other death eaters. I could barely even hear James and Sirius as they shouted for me from the cellar. Everything was blurry. Bellatrix's beautifully evil face came in and out of focus. The people in masks all blurred together. The laughter and cheers seemed light years away.

I had given up all hope of living. I knew they were going to kill me. I just wanted it to happen already. I didn't want to be put through anymore of that agonizing torment. I didn't want to put _James _through that. I could hear his distraught cries from down stairs. I didn't want him to hear me scream anymore. I just wanted them to kill me already. I laid there, limp and weak, unable to move, my mind going in and out of it.

I just thought of James and his beautiful hazel eyes. Of the way he ran his hands through his hair when he was nervous. Of the way he stuck out his tongue when he was concentrating. Of the way his eyes lit up when he laughed. Of the way he held me and touched me. Of the way his lips felt against mine.

I thought torture was being trapped in that tiny cellar for days. As I laid there in front of all those death eaters in that large room, waiting for them to kill me, I realized I had no idea what torture was until that very moment. Until the moment I felt so weak I couldn't even pick myself up. Until the moment I realized I would rather die than continue with the pain they were causing me. Until the moment I realized I would never see my friends again. Until the moment I realized I had never even told James that I loved him.


	34. Regulus Black

**Chapter Thirty-Four: Regulus Black**

* * *

Something wet dripped onto my shirt. For one horrible second I thought it was blood, but as I slowly opened my eyes, I realized they were tears. James was clutching my limp body, silently sobbing. He was the picture of a broken man. It was heartbreaking to see him like this, and I would've done anything to stop the tears.

"Lily, please, oh, please wake up," he cried desperately, holding me tightly.

"James?" I whispered weakly. I felt so limp and weak in his arms.

I watched as his eyes widened behind his glasses, and he began to cry even harder, hugging me tightly. I hugged him back, terrified. I'd never seen James cry before. And frankly, the sight of James crying was scarier to me than anything else. I would've done anything to keep his tears from coming. I would've done anything to be at Hogwarts, James and Sirius beside me. I would've done anything to see my friends one more time. I would've done anything to see my mum one more time. I would've done anything to see even Tuney one more time.

"Thank God you're okay," James whispered, holding on to me for dear life.

"Where's Sirius?" I croaked out. Merlin, I was so thirsty.

But he didn't answer, tears quickly streaming down his thin face.

"James," I repeated slowly, looking around the tiny cellar, "where's Sirius?"

James shook his head. I felt my pulse quicken, and I searched the tiny room for that familiar mane of dark hair. My hands began to tremble, and I wasn't sure if that was because of how weak and limp I felt or if it was because no matter how many times I scanned the room, Sirius was no where to be seen.

"CRUCIO!" Bellatrix shrieked from upstairs. I clutched James's arm, hearing the torturous screams coming from Sirius Black.

"NO!" I screamed, covering my ears. _Not Sirius._

James was still sobbing, listening as his best friend was tortured above him. And there was nothing he could do about it.

* * *

We just sat there, listening to Sirius's anguished screams of pain, listening to Bellatrix's shrieks of glee, listening to the evil laughter coming from the death eaters. We just sat there, completely helpless.

James had his arm around me, clutching me for support. I rested my head against his shoulder, my face blank, a few tears escaping me. My mind was spinning, and my body felt weak. I felt as if at any moment, I would faint. James, too, looked like he wanted to faint, but for a very different reason. With each scream Sirius let out, James would silently sob. And I would wipe each tear away, not sure of what else I could do.

It went on for hours. And still Sirius screamed.

"Bella, that's enough now," a smooth voice said, forcing Bellatrix to quit and Sirius to stop shrieking in angony.

"Lucius, I'm teaching the next generation a few lessons," Bellatrix responded, sounding annoyed.

"Well, you can continue your lesson tomorrow," said the soft voice of another woman.

"Cissy!" Bellatrix shrieked in indignation.

"You can continue with your little game tomorrow," Lucius told her.

"But there's still another boy left!" Bellatrix complained, irritated. I tightened my hold around James, and he leaned down and kissed the top of my head softly. _Not James too, _I thought.

"Bella, listen to Lucius," the woman whose name was Cissy hissed.

"Of _course _you want to listen to Lucius. Everybody here knows you fancy him," Bellatrix cried out. There were a few chuckles but then there was a long silence.

"The Dark Lord has bigger plans for us than to torture a few stupid schoolchildren," Lucius told her darkly.

"The Dark Lord has requested me?" Bellatrix gasped, instantly all the annoyance in her voice gone. "Why didn't you tell me sooner! I only live to serve him."

There was a collective whisper of excitement from upstairs.

"Lucius, tell us, what does the Dark Lord want you to do?" one excited death eater asked.

"That is between me and the Dark Lord," Lucius said silkily.

"Well, come on," Bellatrix snapped impatiently, "we can't keep him waiting!"

We heard several people shuffle around.

"Oh, and Crabbe and Goyle," Bellatrix said, "The Dark Lord will be told of your impressive little capture. I'm sure he'll be very pleased to welcome two more highly dedicated death eaters."

"But for now they must go back to school," Lucius said.

"Why?" I heard Crabbe call out, annoyed.

"Stupid boy, you two will raise suspicion if you disappear at the same time the other captives disappear. They'll know you were with us."

We heard a loud door slam and Bellatrix's voice fading away, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Bellatrix was gone. Sirius could come back. We heard loud footsteps descending the stone staircase, and then the wooden door banged open. Goyle was holding a limp Sirius by the collar. He gave us a nasty grin before throwing Sirius in, and slamming the door shut.

"Sirius!" I cried, rushing toward him.

James was ahead of me, already crouching down beside his best friend.

"Padfoot," James whispered, sounding slightly distraught.

"I'm alright mate," Sirius managed to say, "and Lily?"

"I'm okay," I told him, leaning down to brush the hair out of his face. His eyes met mine, and after a moment, when he was sure I was okay, he closed his eyes.

James pulled me up, and I helped him drag Sirius to the far end of the room. We rested Sirius as comfortably as we could on the cold stone floor, and I placed his head carefully on my lap. Gently, I brushed all the hair out of his face, and I peered down at his pale face.

I didn't even notice as James sat beside me and put his arm around me.

"He's so weak," I whispered.

"Like you were when you first came in," James told me.

We were silent, staring down at Sirius's face.

"We're alive," I said numbly. I was so sure I was going to die up there. I was so sure I would never see James again.

"We'll get out of here," James said, but he didn't sound so sure as he looked down at the limp body of his best friend.

"James," I suddenly gasped, "they'll come for you too...tomorrow..."

"I'll think of something," he whispered firmly. I rested my head against his shoulder, paralyzed in fear. I didn't want him to go through the same thing that Sirius and I had gone through. My worries eased slightly when James leaned down and kissed the top of my head.

We still had hours before they came for him. We still had a few more hours of peace, where we could gain our strength back...

So, I rested my head against James, and closed my eyes.

* * *

"Sirius!" somebody whispered. I nuzzled my head deeper into James's chest.

"Sirius!" I heard the whisper again. I assumed it was James trying to wake up Sirius.

"Regulus!" I heard Sirius yelp.

"Shh!" Regulus exclaimed, looking over his shoulder nervously. Upon hearing Regulus, my head snapped up, just in time to see Sirius and James dart in front of me protectively. I got up, clutching the back of James's shirt, and held him close to me, terrified they would take him.

"What in the ruddy hell are you doing here?" Sirius demanded, looking betrayed. His only brother...torturing him and his friends.

"Saving you, you dumb prick," Regulus whispered, "now will you lower your voice before they hear us?"

"Lily, James...back away...I don't know what game they're playing at but I don't like it," Sirius instructed. Following his directions, James and I slowly backed away.

Regulus stared at Sirius. "You think I would hurt you?"

"I wouldn't put anything past you at this point," Sirius snarled.

Regulus sighed, reached into his pocket, and took out three wands. "There," he said, "now you have wands and I don't." He handed us back our wands, and we stared at him thunderstruck.

"Tell us everything," Sirius ordered, pointing his wand at his brother.

Regulus eyed the wand warily before launching into his story. "It's nothing complicated, really. The Dark Lord has made it tougher for death eaters to join...people like Crabbe and Goyle were just trying to show they would make good death eaters. That's why they're doing this. They took two-actually three- Hogwarts students right under Dumbledore's nose. It really impressed the Dark Lord and his followers. Lucius and Bellatrix never thought much of Crabbe and Goyle, but now those two have earned it right into Voldemort's inner circle. Anyway, now they're just using the three of you for fun."

"_Fun_?" James hissed.

Regulus shrugged. "Think about it: a mudblood-"

"Don't use that word!" James and Sirius snarled at the same time.

"Fine. A _muggleborn _and two blood traitors. It's like Christmas for them. Anyway, Bellatrix loves having her fun before she kills her victims. She wants to watch you slowly go insane before she actually kills you."

I felt like I was going to be sick. "That's repulsive."

Sirius laughed humorlessly. "But not surprising. I learned a long time ago that there's nothing good in Bellatrix. She'd probably be more than willing to kill me, her own cousin."

Regulus nodded. "She's been putting loads of pressure on me lately."

"Pressure to do what?" Sirius asked severely.

Regulus hesitated. "To kill you."

"Your own brother!" Sirius exclaimed, looking aghast.

"It's how I will prove myself to the Dark Lord," Regulus said quietly.

"But you don't have to anymore," Sirius said bracingly, "now you know how twisted these people, you can leave with us. We can go to Dumbledore...he'll understand."

"You don't get it, do you? This isn't a game! It's not that easy to hand in your resignation to the darkest wizard of all time!"

"Why not?" Sirius demanded. "Dumbledore can protect us!"

"You think that's what I'm scared of? Sirius, he'll go after you too. And Mum. And Dad. They won't rest until they kill everyone I care about. Why do you think they went after you? Why do you think they want after your friend? Because she was friends with Severus."

"Regulus..." Sirius whispered, his dark eyes widening.

"Bellatrix was complaining that Severus and I weren't committed enough to the Dark Lord. And next thing I know, you two are kidnapped and tortured! And they're going to make _me _kill my own brother."

There was a long silence in which Sirius stared horrified at his brother. A loud thud from upstairs brought us all back to reality, and we remembered that we were trapped in a house full of death eaters that were planning on torturing us to death.

"You need to get out of here," Regulus said, nodding toward the door.

"What about you?" I asked. Regulus turned to face me, surprised I would speak to him.

"I'll be fine," he said, "As far as they're concerned, I hate my brother. I would never help him. In fact, I'm even willing to kill him if given the chance. You lot are good duelers and fighters...but I'm a good liar. If it's to protect my family, I'm willing to do anything. Even if it means giving away my life to the Dark Lord."

"You don't have to do this, Regulus," Sirius said.

"It'll keep you safe."

"Have you met me? I'm _never _safe...trouble tends to follow me wherever I go."

Regulus smiled. "I know...but Mum and Dad aren't safe either."

"Mum and Dad are prats."

"But they're still Mum and Dad...and I love them," Regulus told him.

"I'm proud of you, brother. I really am," Sirius said. And for the first time in days, Sirius let out a real smile.

"You too, brother," Regulus replied, embarrassed.

As if to remind us to hurry up, there was another loud thump from upstairs.

"Okay, you need to get out of here," Regulus said anxiously, "Now, you can't apparate inside the house...you'll have to get out."

"Where's the exit?" James asked, preparing himself.

"Up the stone steps, there's a large round room. Get out of the room, and you'll find yourself in a hallway. Go all the way down the hall way, and at the end there'll be an old wooden door."

"And that's the exit?" Sirius asked, studying his wand to make sure everything was okay.

"No," Regulus shook his head, "Once you go through the wooden door, there's another staircase. Go up that staircase and you'll find yourself in the kitchen. You can leave the house from the kitchen. From there, you need to make a run for the gates. As soon as you get passed the gates, you can apparate out."

I nodded. "Sounds simple enough."

"What's the catch?" James asked.

"Death Eaters are patrolling nearly every room," Regulus grimaced.

"How are _you_ going to leave without people suspecting you helped us?" Sirius asked him sharply.

Regulus smiled sadly at us. "I'm one of them remember? I'm _supposed _to be in this house. I'll have to pretend to try and stop you."

Sirius stared at his brother. "I guess this is goodbye, then."

Regulus shrugged, "For now. I'll try to clear the rooms of as many death eaters as I can." He started for the door. "Goodbye, brother."

"Everybody's wands working?" James asked as Regulus quietly made his way up the stairs.

I nodded. "Let's just get out of here."

"We stick together," Sirius said seriously.

"Of course," I nodded.

"You know defensive spells, don't you?" James asked me.

"I'm no James Potter, but I can take care of myself," I snapped.

"I know, Evans. But I'm just scared for you, that's all. This is dangerous," he said, taking my hands into his.

I grinned. "I love you, James Potter." It was the first time I had ever said it to him. We might not make it out alive from this house. And I didn't want to die before telling James that.

"_Now_ she tells me," James said to Sirius.

I rolled my eyes. "Just shut up and kiss me, you idiot."

I heard Sirius laugh as James pulled me close to him, giving me a passionate kiss. After we finally managed to pull away from each other, James rested his forehead against mine.

"I love you too, Lily Evans," he whispered.

"Not to cut this touching moment short or anything, but this might be our only opportunity to get out of here," Sirius reminded us.

"Right," James said, straightening up and taking my hand, "Let's go."


	35. The Escape

**Chapter Thirty-five: The Escape**

* * *

I looked around the large room, standing in the spot where I had previously been tortured, shuddering slightly at the memory. James tapped me gently on the arm, and motioned for me to be very quiet. I nodded and followed him and Sirius to the door. We listened quietly at the door, praying Regulus could distract as many of them as possible.

"...did you come from?" somebody said, shocked.

"Oh, I was just trying to sneak down here and see my big brother, that's all." Regulus chuckled.

"You heard what Bellatrix did to him and his little friends?" another voice responded.

Regulus forced a laugh. "Oh, remind me to thank her later. Although, I am disappointed I didn't get a chance to go at him myself."

"Oh, you'll get your chance, I'm sure. Lucius and Bellatrix are doing something for the Dark Lord, but they're supposed to be back tonight. I'm sure Bellatrix will be more than happy to give you the honors of finishing off your sorry excuse of a brother."

I glanced at Sirius, expecting him to react in anger, but he stayed perfectly quiet, his face blank.

"Well, do you wonder if I can see him tonight?" Regulus asked.

"Sorry, mate, but we have strict orders not to let _anyone _down there."

Regulus sighed. "I figured as much."

"How'd you get out of Hogwarts anyway? I heard Dumbledore has made it impossible for anyone to get in or out of that castle."

"Oh, I left Hogwarts permanently last year. My mum didn't want me going to a school run by that idiot anymore," Regulus replied.

"Your mum's a smart woman. I still don't understand why Crabbe and Goyle are still there. I reckon you can learn loads more from us. The Dark Lord will make sure of it."

"I reckon it'll look suspicious if a bunch of us drop out of Hogwarts at the same time..." Regulus told him. "Besides, I'm still underage. They can detect any magic performed around me."

"Oh, they won't suspect anything _here_. There are loads of wizard families nearby. I'm sure loads of them have young kids using magic all the time."

"Well, if I can't see my brother yet, then why don't we go up for a drink? I saw an unopened bottle of brandy in the living room..." Regulus suggested.

"Brilliant! It's so boring patrolling these hallways. I don't know who they expect to sneak in," one death eater said.

"Let's go!" Regulus exclaimed.

"Hold on! We have strict orders to stay position! We can't abandon our posts!" another death eater shouted as there was a large shuffle for the stairs.

"Oh, do what you want, but we're going to get a drink!" a death eater snapped.

"If Lucius finds out, then you'll get us _all _into trouble," the death eater warned as several footsteps faded away.

"Those bloody idiots will get us killed," another death eater with the voice of a woman said, sounding annoyed.

Sirius slowly opened the door, peeking outside.

"What do you see?" James asked.

"About five death eaters stayed behind. There are several other doors in the hallway, but the one we need to get through is at the very end. It won't be easy getting past all those death eaters undetected. Plus, it's one bloody long hallway," Sirius whispered.

"Well, it's now or never," I sighed. James squeezed my hand just as Sirius threw the door open.

The nearest death eater turned to see us. He stared at us for second, looking stunned. After a moment, though, he grinned, and began to raise his wand.

"Stupefy!" James shouted before the death eater could even open his mouth.

"Nice one," Sirius commented, looking impressed as the death eater collapsed to the floor as the other death eaters swiveled around.

"It's four against three...put your wands down!" the woman death eater shouted upon seeing us.

"THEY'VE ESCAPED!" another death eater shouted.

"What calling for back up?" James laughed humorlessly.

"Actually, yes we are," the woman smirked as several doors banged open and death eaters came storming in, their wands raised. The three of us kept our wands up, eyeing each of the death eaters circling around us. My heart was pounding so loud, I was surprised no one could hear it. I knew we were goners now. It'd be a miracle if the three seventeen year olds whom still went to Hogwarts escaped a band of skilled and ruthless death eaters.

"You know," James commented, "I have to say, I'm quite flattered."

Sirius nodded. "We're very well guarded."

"And why is that a good thing?" I hissed glaring at the death eaters pointing their wands at our chests.

"Because," James grinned, "they were scared we were good enough to find a way out eventually. And we did."

"Don't be so thick, kid," a death eater snarled.

"Well, then why else are we so heavily guarded?" Sirius questioned, trying to buy time.

"On a count of three, _duck_," James whispered in my ear. I nodded slightly to show him I had heard.

"Our security measure aren't any of your business," the woman death eater snapped, "Besides, we have no reason to worry about silly schoolchildren."

"_One_," James whispered.

"On the contrary," Sirius smiled, "I think you do."

"_Two,_" James murmured in my ear.

"And why is that?" the woman laughed.

"Because of this: FUMOS!" Sirius roared, causing a dark gray smoke to erupt out of his wand and spread throughout the hallway.

"THREE!" James shouted, pulling me down just as the circle of death eaters cried out different spells at us. Above us, there was a small explosion of light as all the spells collided together. Luckily, though, they couldn't target anymore spells at us, because Sirius's spell had caused the room to be engulfed by a dark, gray smoke. I couldn't even see Sirius and James beside me until I felt both of their warm hands intertwine with mine.

"Run!" I heard James whisper. Sirius and I didn't need telling twice. We sprinted down the hallway, away from all the noise and spells flying everywhere.

"Where's the end of this hallway?" I hissed.

"I don't know, but the smoke is starting to clear up," James muttered as I began to make out his figure in the smoke.

"They're gone! Everybody, split up, and find them!" the woman screamed over all the raucous.

"Oh, this can't be good," James muttered.

"In here!" Sirius yelled, pulling us through the nearest door.

"This isn't a staircase." I stated the obvious.

"Lock the door behind you," Sirius instructed as I looked around the tiny room.

"What is this place?" I wondered.

"Storage?" Sirius guessed, indicating to all the boxes piled up in the corner.

"They'll find us in here. We need to hide..." he muttered, examining the tiny room, looking for a way out or a decent place to hide.

Outside, somebody began jiggling in the door.

"Dammit, this door is locked!" the woman death eater cursed. I pulled James and Sirius behind the pile of boxes just as the door banged open.

"You reckon they're in here?" a death eater with a rough voice asked the woman death eater.

"Petrificus totalus!" Sirius whispered, aiming the spell at the death eater with the rough voice.

"Yes," said the woman, "I _do _reckon they're in here."

Sirius tried to aim another spell at the woman death eater again, but he missed her by inches.

"This isn't the time for kiddie spells. Hit me with something real!" she screamed, starting toward the boxes.

"Expellimellius!" I screamed as she was thrown against the wall and her wand flew into my hand. I rushed over, punching her in the face as hard as I could. Her eyes widened slightly before she was knocked out. I snapped her wand in half and threw it beside her.

"And that's for laughing while two innocent people were being tortured right in front of you," I snarled, flipping my hair back. When I turned around, James and Sirius were staring open-mouthed at me.

After a moment, James grinned and turned to Sirius. "She's so cute when she's angry."

"We have to get out of here," I told them seriously as outside in the hallway, there were more bangs. "Somebody else will eventually check this room again."

"And how do you suggest we do that?" Sirius said.

"What do you reckon is above this room?" I asked, staring up at the ceiling.

"Only one way to find out," James said, catching on to my idea.

"And what's that?" Sirius asked, looking confused.

"Deprimo!" I shouted, pointing my wand at the ceiling. James pulled me away just as the ceiling above us caved in, and crashed to the floor beside us. We climbed over the pile of rubble and stone, and we looked up through the large hole in the ceiling.

"I knew there was reason Prongs liked you so much," Sirius beamed at me.

"Well, let's go," I instructed them, "that was really loud."

Sirius gave James a boost, and he climbed up through the hole.

"Is everything clear up there?" Sirius asked.

"For now," James responded as he levitated us up.

"Was this a bedroom?" I asked, looking around. We were standing in the middle of a small room with a large bed and a desk. Beside us, there was a large hole in the floor. I peered down, and noticed the two death eaters were half buried in rubble.

"Amycus! Alecto!" somebody beneath us shouted, banging the door below us eyes widened at James and Sirius.

"Let's go!" James said, grabbing my hand.

"They're on the second floor! Everybody, they're upstairs!" the death eater below us shouted. We sprinted out of the room, and ran as fast as we could toward the large foyer in the distance.

As we ran into the foyer, and made a beeline toward the front door, I thought for a glorious moment that we were going to make it. That was until a group of death eaters pushed through the front door, their wands pointed at us. My eyes rested on Regulus, though, who looked very much like he was going to be sick.

"Get them!" one of them shouted. Beside me, James and Sirius were each fighting three death eaters at the time. But Regulus just stared at me, looking horrified at what he had to do.

"What are you waiting for, Regulus?" one death eater shouted over his shoulder as a jinx missed him by inches.

"Nothing," Regulus replied, aiming a spell at me. I blocked it just in time, and just like that, we were dueling. I didn't want to hurt him, though, so I just blocked. Curse after curse, I blocked him easily. I would've been proud of myself if it weren't for the fact that it was a little _too _easy. It was almost like he wasn't even trying.

"Stupefy!" I shouted, aiming for him right in the chest. And he didn't even _try _to block it. For a split second, it almost seemed as if Regulus gave me a small smile before collapsing to the floor.

"Need a hand?" I asked James immediately, stepping beside him.

"That'd be helpful," he replied, dodging a hex just in time. James and I didn't have much time to throw much of our own spells. There were so many of them, and they were so skilled and fast. We barely had time to block any jinxes coming our way.

Beside us, Sirius had managed to take down one of his guys, and was brutally dueling two death eaters at the same time.

"Lacarnum Inflamarae!" James cried, sending a ball of fire to the death eater's feet.

"Petrificus totalus!" I shouted as the three death eaters were distracted by the little fire growing at the hems of their robes.

"Stupefy!" James yelled, aiming at the third death eater just as they got they managed to extinguish the fire.

"Help Sirius," James instructed me as there was only one death eater left for him to duel.

Nodding, I rushed over, and took over for the blonde death eater, crazily firing spells at Sirius. It seemed as if he didn't even care whether he hit the good guys or the bad guys. As the three of us dueled our skilled counterparts, a part of me actually thought we might make it out alive. That was untli the death eaters from downstairs traipsed in, throwing around hexes at us like there was no tomorrow.

"Lily!" James shouted, and I turned my head just in time before a red light hit me.

"Thanks!" I cried over my shoulder, already blocking the blond's crazy spells. Three other death eaters started for me, and I thought it was a miracle I wasn't dead yet.

"REDUCTO!" the blonde death eater shrieked, making the wall behind me explode. I collapsed under the rubble, and coughed loudly, trying to get out from under the heavy pieces of stone. Pushing aside the large piles of stone, I saw the blonde death eater stalking over to me, ready to aim a spell at me. I squeezed my eyes closed, preparing myself for whatever it was that was coming. But nothing came.

"Dumbledore!" I heard Sirius cry. Slowly, I opened my eyes. It seemed that at the sound of that name, everybody froze, and turned to stare at the man standing in the doorway. The blonde death eater stared, looking both terrified and thunderstruck at the amazing man glaring at all of us. I took everybody's moment of hesitation to pull myself away from under the rubble.

And then, as if somebody suddenly hit the play button, everybody unfroze. Several death eaters turned away from James and Sirius, and aimed spells at Dumbledore. Dumbledore, being the most amazing and powerful wizard he is, easily blocked them, as if they were nothing.

"Stupefy!" I cried, shooting my spell at the blonde death eater before she had time to attack Dumbledore.

And then, just like that, we were all dueling again. Out of the corner of my eye, I could have sworn Dumbledore looked like he was dueling ten of them at a time. But then, as if on command, witches and wizards of varying ages came storming into the room. I knew from the look of relief on James's face that I was seeing the Order of the Pheonix for the first time.

One of the wizards easily knocked out the death eater I was struggling to duel with. He took my hand, and much to my surprise, I didn't fight him as he pulled me outside the house. And then I realized why I wasn't fighting him. He was the much older version of James Potter. He had thin skin, messy hair that stuck up in odd angles, thin lips, and bright hazel eyes beneath his round glasses.

"Lily, are you okay?" he asked, pulling me away from all the fighting and into the next room.

I was about to nod when I saw James being thrown against the wall.

"JAMES!" I screamed, running away from Mr. Potter and toward James who looked like he was unconscious. I bent over him, shaking him to wake up.

"Well, well, looks like we meet again," somebody said. I turned around to see the blonde death eater I had previously been dueling. He grinned down nastily at me, pointing his wand at James, wondering which spell would hurt the most.

And then, from behind, somebody struck him with a spell. His head began to shrink and then increase, shrink and then increase. I stared at him, horrified as he stumbled around, trying to fix his head.

"Is he okay?" Mr. Potter asked, crouching down next to me.

"James?" I whispered, gently shaking him. And that's when I saw the trickle of blood escaping the back of his head.

"He's bleeding!" I cried, terrified.

Mr. Potter looked pale, and for the first time, I realized how truly old he was, but just like James, he was good in a crisis.

"We need to get him out of here," Mr. Potter said, standing up. "Helena!" he called out.

"Mrs. Meadowes!" I gasped as blonde witch with short hair and a kind face made her way towards us, blocking any spells coming her way. "You're in the Order too?"

She grinned, reminding me very much of Dorcas's smile. "Course I am. Merlin, is Jamie okay?"

Mr. Potter shook his head. "Take Lily. Get her out of here...I've got James."

Mrs. Meadowes nodded, and took my hand firmly. She led me through the crowds, blocking any hexes people threw at us. Behind me, Mr Potter was carrying James in his arms.

"Where's Sirius?" I demanded, searching the foyer for the handsome face.

"Right here," Mrs. McKinnon said, pulling Sirius along.

"You alright, Lil?" Sirius asked as we were marched out of the foyer. I was surprised nobody was paying more attention to us. It seemed most of the focus was on Dumbledore and on the members of the Order.

"I'm fine," I managed to say.

"And Prongs?" Sirius asked eyeing the unconscious James.

"He'll be fine. He's gotten hit by worse," I said, more to myself than to Sirius.

"Yeah, that's true. James sure has-LILY!" Sirius screamed, reaching for me.

But he must not have gotten to me on time, because I felt myself flying through the air. I landed with a thud on the cold, hard floor. When I tried to get up, though, somebody grabbed me by the collar of my shirt.

"Remember me?" the familiar voice of a woman hissed. I looked into the swollen eye of the death eater I had knocked out downstairs.

"How's that eye of yours?" I asked nastily.

She growled, pushing me down the stairs. I screamed as I felt myself tripping down the spiral staircase. Something in my ankle snapped, and I shrieked in pain as I landed at the foot of the foyer, where everybody was still dueling. And then, the blonde death eater was there again. I looked around for my wand, and found that it had landed a few feet away from me.

"Oh, no magic. You wanted muggle dueling, you've got muggle dueling," she cackled, stomping on my wand. I cringed as I watched my wand break into two. One piece rolled away, getting lost in the battle going on a few feet behind me.

She started for me, pulling me up by the hair. I tried to stand up, but there was a searing pain in my ankle, and I found myself falling to the ground again. I dragged myself away, but she was too fast, pulling me by the feet.

"Confringo!" Mrs. McKinnon shouted, blasting the death eater away from me.

"Lily, are you okay?" Mrs. Meadowes asked as she and Sirius rushed to me.

"What happened to your face?" I giggled at Sirius. His entire face was swollen. I guessed he must have been hit by some sort of engorgement charm.

"I came here to try and help you, and you're laughing at my face?" he said, exasperated.

"We would have been here sooner, but we got attacked," Mrs. Meadowes explained, helping me up.

"Hence the face," Sirius grimaced.

"What's the matter with your ankle?" Mrs. McKinnon asked, noticing me wince.

"I think it must be broken or something," I gasped, holding on to Mrs. Meadowes for support.

"Okay, come on," Sirius said, wrapping his arm around my waist.

"Thanks," I muttered.

"Where's James?" I asked as Mrs. Meadowes and Mrs. McKinnon guarded us, blocking anybody who dared come near us.

"Over there," Sirius nodded toward the porch where James was holding on to his father for support.

"He woke up!" I exclaimed, relief washing over me.

"It's probably just a concussion or something," Mrs. McKinnon informed us as she blasted away a death eater that was in our way.

"Padfoot! Lil!" James exclaimed upon seeing us.

"You alright?" Sirius asked, patting him on the back.

"Just a bit of a head ache...that's all..." James winced. "And you?" he asked, staring at my swollen ankle and Sirius's swollen face.

"Spell gone awry," Sirius answered in response to his swollen face.

"Pushed down the stairs," I winced, gesturing to my foot.

"Right, well, I think the others have got a handle on everything," Mrs. Meadowes said, "we need to get the kids out of here."

"Kids?" Sirius raised his eyebrows, offended.

Mr. Potter ignored him. "Albus wants us to bring the kids straight to St. Mungo's," he said, dragging James off the porch.

Sirius and I began following, Sirius holding me tightly so I wouldn't fall. Mrs. McKinnon and Mrs. Meadowes were behind us, making sure no death eaters were following.

We were half way to the gate, when we heard a stampede behind us.

"What's going on?" I muttered as death eaters rushed past us, not even giving us a second-look. And let me tell you, for people that had us locked up for days, they didn't work very hard to keep us from leaving.

Behind us, a tall man with dark hair came running towards us, calling out our names.

"What's going on?" Mrs. McKinnon asked her husband as he rushed to meet her.

"It's going to explode! Take the kids and run!" he told her.

"Where are you going?" she called after him fearfully.

"Try and get as many people out!" he shouted over his shoulder, "Hurry!"

Mrs. McKinnon stared after him for a second before turning to Sirius.

"Can you carry her?" she asked, gesturing to me.

"Of course," he responded, picking me up.

"Good," Mrs. Meadowes said, "now _run_!"

We followed Mr. Potter as he and James tried to push aside the stampeding death eaters for us to get through. James kept glancing back to make sure Sirius and I were still right behind him. We would have made it out too, if it weren't for the death eater that pushed us aside. Sirius and I fell on top of Mrs. Meadowes. She and Sirius scrambled to help me back up, but Mr. Potter, James, and Mrs. McKinnon were already lost in the crowd. In the distance, I could hear Mrs. McKinnon screaming my name, and I wanted to yell at her to just keep running, but somebody ran over my ankle, and I howled in pain.

"Lily!" Mrs. Meadowes shouted, pulling me up. But just as she and Sirius brought me to my feet, there was an explosion inside the house. The entire house exploded, sending furniture and debris flying everywhere. I saw Dumbledore standing in the middle of it all, looking absolutely terrifying. There was a fire all around him, and his long silvery hair was blowing in the wind. He scanned the mess around him, and then he raised his wand and shouted something.

Relief washed over me as I watched him run, moving his wand around skillfully. I knew we would be saved. If Dumbledore was there, then we were safe.

And then something hit me in the head. Probably some sort of wreckage or something. But I was out.


	36. St Mungo's

**Chapter Thirty-Six: St. Mungo's**

* * *

Sirius and I sat together on what was left of the porch outside. All around us, people were digging up bodies buried in the debris from the explosion. Thankfully, they hadn't discovered any dead bodies yet. Two officials from the ministry were towering over us, demanding we answer questions.

"And did you recognize anybody else?"

I scrunched up my face, trying to remember as many faces as I possibly could. "I remember two of them were called Alecto and Amycus..." I said, remembering the woman death eater who had pushed me down the stairs.

"Do you remember their last names?" they asked, scribbling down the names I had just given them.

I shook my head apologetically, and then winced, reaching up to rub the back of my head. Earlier, a pile of rubble from the explosion had fallen on my head, knocking me unconscious. It had taken several minutes until Mrs. McKinnon had managed to wake me up. And when I woke up, ministry officials were flocking the place, digging through the rubble, trying to find people.

Mrs. McKinnon was very annoyed when two ministry officials had demanded to speak with me and Sirius alone. But I agreed, eager to help in any way that I could. Sirius, on the other hand, seemed less enthusiastic. He just sat there quietly, allowing me to answer all the questions.

"Ms. Evans," the ministry official repeated, "do you remember their last names?"

"Carrow," somebody behind me answered, "Their names are Amycus and Alecto Carrow. They're brother and sister."

"Dumbledore!" the ministry official said in surprise, hurrying to write down the names. "Always a pleasure to see you, but these questionings are really supposed to be done in private."

"We need these two to give us as much information as they can," the other official said.

"These two were kidnapped and trapped in a cellar for days. They were tortured and starved. Then they had to defend themselves against a band of trained death eaters. And they literally just survived an explosion. What these two _need_ is to go to St. Mungo's." Dumbledore kept his voice calm and level, but there was something fierce and scary in his voice. The two officials must have also heard it because they shrunk back under his angry and piercing gaze.

"Of course, of course," the ministry officials said, backing away.

"Come on, Lily. Sirius." Dumbledore commanded.

"Can you walk?" Sirius asked, helping me up.

I winced. "My ankle hurts," I told him.

"It's swollen," Mrs. McKinnon said rushing over to help us, watching me anxiously, "It's probably broken."

"I'm more worried about that bump on her head," Mrs. Meadowes said, appearing beside Mrs. McKinnon.

"I have a bump on my head!" I exclaimed, reaching up to touch the back of my head. "Well, I guess that explains the head ache."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "What'd you expect? I giant piece of debris smashed into your head."

"Get them out of here quickly," Dumbledore ordered Mrs. Meadowes and Mrs. McKinnon, "Go straight to St. Mungo's. James is already there with his parents."

"Come on," Mrs. McKinnon said, leading us away from Dumbledore, "we need to get you lot out of here before the press shows up."

"How's James?" I asked as they helped me across what used to be the front yard.

"He's quite distraught. His father was hurt pretty badly, and he's worried about you two," Mrs. McKinnon replied.

"How hurt was Mr. Potter?" Sirius asked sharply.

"He'll be fine...Charlus isn't as young as he used to be. I told him he should have retired years ago. A man his age shouldn't have to be worried about matters like this. He's done so much good already," Mrs. McKinnon told us, shaking her head.

"He's scared to leave his position...you know old Crouch is quite ruthless. I say he's getting just as bad as the death eaters. I don't think Charlus wants Crouch leading the aurors," Mrs. Meadowes said.

Sirius nodded. "He told me that if he ever retired, he wanted old Mad-Eye to get the position."

"Mad-Eye's good," Mrs. Meadowes said approvingly.

"That's all very interesting," I said, "but how is James? Is he hurt?"

"He's got a small concussion, but he'll be as healthy as a hippogriff by tomorrow," Mrs. Meadowes assured me kindly.

As she said this, though, the pounding in my head returned, and I clutched it in pain. The flashing lights and shouting weren't helping as we went through the gate and the press shouted our names, asking us questions. Sirius held up his hand, trying to block the annoying flashes of light.

"Press," Mrs. McKinnon muttered angrily before firmly grabbing my shoulder. The next thing I knew everything went black; I was pressed very hard from all directions; I couldn't breathe; my eyeballs were being forced back into his head. It was like being pushed through a very tight rubber tube. And then after a second, it all ended, and I was standing in a light colored room.

"Padfoot! Lily!" James shouted. He was seated on a bed, healers examining him.

"You alright?" Sirius asked anxiously.

"Small concussion...Mum says she can fix it up by tomorrow."

"And your dad?" I asked as healers helped me sit on the empty bed beside James's. Sirius was led to a different bed, and they began studying his face. Meanwhile, other healers were checking the bump on my head and examining my swollen ankle.

"He's okay. Mum said she was going to go check up on him. I think they're giving him something to put him to sleep," James told us.

"How did you acquire your injuries?" a plump little witch asked me. She smiled at me kindly, waiting for me to answer.

"Well, I heard something snap in my ankle when I was pushed down the stairs...and a piece of rubble fell on my head..." I explained, blushing slightly.

"She's lost a lot of weight," another healer told the plump witch.

"Well, that's fixable," the plump little witch said, "we'll just give her a few potions...vitamins...have her eat healthy...she'll be healthy in no time."

"And the ankle?" I interjected.

"Fixed by tomorrow," the little witch promised me, "but it'll be a rough night for you."

I shrugged. "I've had worse."

She smiled at me sadly. "Yes, you have, haven't you."

"It looks like a concussion," another healer, who had been examining my head, said.

"We can fix the concussion easily, but the bump might be there for a few days," the witch told me.

I nodded. "Okay."

"Sirius!" I heard somebody shriek. I looked up to find a tiny witch with the same bright hazel eyes as James. She was rushing to Sirius, tears coming down her tiny face. She wrapped her tiny arms around Sirius, silently bawling.

"Hey, Mrs. Potter," Sirius managed to say, looking like he was about to cry himself.

"Oh, thank heavens you're alright," she sniffed, smoothing out his tangled hair. After a moment, she straightened up, and looked at me. "Oh, Lily, dear, are you alright? I was just speaking with your mum...she seemed so distraught..." she said, hurrying over to me.

"My mum's here?" I gasped.

"On her way up," she promised before turning to the plump little witch. "How are they doing?" she asked, sounding more like a worried mother than a trained Head Healer. Then again, these were her kids that they were talking about.

The plump little witch smiled. "Nothing too bad..."

Mrs. Potter, who had made her way to James, looked relieved. She smiled at her son. "This family has a bad habit of getting kidnapped by death eaters. Let's try not to let that happen again. Okay?"

James grinned. "I'll try."

* * *

I woke up to the sound of Sirius snoring. Annoyed, I sat up, and glared at him. I didn't know how James, who was on my other side, could sleep through all the noise Sirius was making. I reckon he was probably used to it. He and Sirius have shared a room since they were eleven years old. At the foot of my bed, I recognized the shape of my mum's jacket. She had forgotten it on her chair when the Healers told her she had to leave. Although I wanted her to stay, I was so drowsy from all the potions they had given me that I couldn't even argue as she kissed me goodbye.

I peered down at my bandaged ankle. I wondered if I could walk on it yet.

"Only one way to find out," I muttered, carefully climbing out of bed. Wincing, I limped all the way to James's bed, and slowly climbed in. Even though I still had a bit of a head ache, and my ankle still hurt when I walked, I felt better than I had in days. I had finally been able to take a shower, and Mrs. Potter made sure the Healers had brought us a gourmet meal. I had seen my mum! Even Petunia had sent me a get-well card! And Dumbledore had promised to bring Marlene, Dorcas, and Remus to come see us. Peter wanted to come too, but apparently, without James and Sirius there to protect him, some Slytherins had landed Peter in the hospital wing. Sirius was furious to discover that Peter had been in the hospital wing nearly two days, sprouting tentacles all over his face.

I laid down next to James, and turned to face him. Our faces were barely an inch apart, and I watched him sleep for a second. Slowly, I brought my hand to his hair, and ran my fingers through his soft, messy locks. It was still a bit wet from the shower.

"That feels good," he murmured, not opening his eyes.

"I didn't mean to wake you," I told him, bringing my hand back down to my side.

"I'm glad you did," he said, opening his eyes. I smiled, staring into his bright, hazel eyes, smelling his minty breath. My hand automatically went to the emerald necklace around my neck, and I touched it softly, remembering the Christmas gift James had given me all those months ago.

"You're wearing the necklace I gave you," he breathed before closing the space between us. I felt his lips brush up against mine, and I yanked him closer, kissing him hungrily. His mouth was so warm, the caress of his lips softer than I remembered. He tasted tentatively with his tongue, and I opened my mouth, letting out a small moan.

My hands travelled down, and I began unbuttoning the pajamas he was wearing. Suddenly, though, he stopped me, grabbing my hands.

"Sirius," he muttered, cursing under his breath. As he said this, I realized Sirius was no longer snoring. I peeked over to Sirius's bed, and found him propped up on his elbows, watching us.

"Well, don't stop on my account," he said, grinning.

"You're disgusting," I told him.

"Says the girl in bed with my best friend," Sirius retorted, the corners of his lips twitching. I felt my face burn, and buried my head in James's chest. I honestly had no idea what I was thinking snogging James while sharing a room with somebody else. James laughed, wrapping his arms around me.

"Good night," I said, snuggling into him.

"Thanks for ruining all the fun, Padfoot," James grumbled, kissing the top of my head, careful not to touch the bump on my head.

"Sorry, mate," Sirius muttered, already falling back asleep.


	37. Back At Hogwarts

**Chapter Thirty-Seven: Back At Hogwarts**

* * *

"Have some more bacon," Marlene suggested, pushing forward her plate.

"No, thanks," I said, "I'm full."

"Are you sure. It tastes really good," Dorcas said.

I stared at them. "I'm sure it does, but I'm not hungry."

Marlene winced. "Lil, you're so thin..."

"That's what happens when you're locked in a cellar by death eaters. Look, I promise, I'll be healthy again in no time," I assured them.

"I still think you should have stayed at St. Mungo's a few more nights...the Healers thought it was a good idea," Dorcas said.

"James's mum let us go. Do you really think she would have allowed her son to come back if he wasn't perfectly healthy?" I snapped, trying to sound annoyed. But I couldn't stay angry with them for long. At one point, I'd honestly thought I'd never see them again. "Thank you for being concerned with me, though," I added.

As I waited for Dorcas and Marlene to finish their food, I became very aware of the fact that several people were staring at me. I'd only arrived back at Hogwarts late last night, and I knew to expect a few stares, but this was a little out of hand. It seemed that everywhere I looked, people were pointing, whispering. Blushing, I put my head down, wanting to avoid any eye-contact.

"What's the matter, Lily Pad?" Marlene frowned. She _always _noticed when something was wrong with me. It was something I both hated and loved about her.

"Can we go?" I muttered. "People are staring."

Dorcas made an impatient noise with her throat. I looked up to find her glaring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"I just think that's it's bloody _rude _when people stare," she said loudly.

I felt my face burn, but all around me, people seemed to have gotten the hint. They quickly turned around, embarrassed.

"Thanks," I muttered.

"You still want to go?" Marlene asked me gently.

"Yes, please," I said, throwing my backpack over my shoulder.

Dorcas and Marlene nodded, and they began gathering up all their belongings.

"Lily?" somebody tapped my shoulder. I turned around to find Nate staring at me, looking relieved.

"Nate!" I squealed, throwing my arms around him. He hugged me back tightly.

"I'm so sorry, Lil. This is all my fault. I should have never told you to go after James. If I hadn't said anything, then they wouldn't have ever gotten the chance to get you. And I never should have agreed to help you sneak out in the first place. It was so stupid of me - " he rambled, grasping my shoulders, and looking me straight in the eye. His eyes were wide and anguished. I hated that he blamed himself.

"Nate!" I yelled, cutting him off.

"Yeah?" he said weakly.

"You're a bloody idiot. _I _was the one who was stupid enough to sneak out. _I _was the one who ran out into the street without any protection. Besides, if we want to blame anyone, then we blame those bloody death eaters."_  
_

"Those death eaters do seem to have a pattern of causing trouble," he muttered.

I laughed. "Yeah, they do."

Nate gave me a small smile. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Me too," I said, smiling warmly at him.

"And erm...Sirius and James...they're alright too?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Those two idiots are probably already planning their next big prank. They're absolutely fine," I assured him.

"Good. Good."

"Well," I said, gesturing to the awaiting Dorcas and Marlene, "we're actually leaving. So, see you around?"

"Of course. Call me if you need anything," he said.

"Oh!" I exclaimed before I could forget, "Nate, transfiguration!"

He rolled his eyes. "Of course you're worried about school."

"What'd I miss?" I asked.

"Nothing big. I'll help you catch up later," he promised.

I grinned. "Thank you!"

I turned around, walking over to Dorcas and Marlene.

"Nate was really worried about you," Marlene commented.

I smiled. "He's a good friend."

"We still have another hour before our first class," Dorcas told us, checking her watch, "Where do you want to go?"

I thought of James, who was probably still sleeping. "Let's go back to the common room," I suggested.

"Okay," Marlene shrugged.

We walked all the way back to the common room, Marlene and Dorcas filling me in on what happened in the past couple of days. They told me all about how the Slytherins took advantage of the fact that James and Sirius were gone to punish poor Pete. They had sent him to the hospital wing several times. Dorcas even recalled seeing Peter sprout tentacles all over his face at one point. She said that if it hadn't had been so sad, it would have actually been quite funny. They told me all about how Remus was probably the most worried out of everybody. At one point, he and Dorcas were planning to run away from Hogwarts and go find us themselves. Marlene had stopped them, of course, telling them to be rational about it all.

"It was all I could do from keeping those two form storming out of the place," Marlene recalled.

"Dorcas, I believe, but _Remus_?" I said in disbelief. He was an even bigger stickler for the rules than _I _was.

"He nearly went mad. You three are like his family." Dorcas reminded me.

I smiled sadly, making a mental note to give Remus a big hug later.

"Password?" the Fat Lady asked.

"Gurdyroot," I told her.

"Right you are," she said, "and welcome back," she added before swinging open for us.

I climbed through the portrait hole just in time to see Remus and James coming down.

"Hey," he smiled upon seeing me.

"Hey," I said before he pulled me into a deep kiss.

"James," I muttered, pushing him away, "not in public!"

He grinned. "Come on, Lil. Let's flaunt our love!"

"I can't believe I'm dating a bloke who says flaunt," I groaned, rolling my eyes.

"How can you two be dating, if you've never even gone on an actual date yet?" Remus said._  
_

"Moony makes a point," James said thoughtfully, sitting down.

"He does?" I asked, perching myself between him and Marlene.

"Lily Evans, would you like to go out with me Saturday night?" James asked importantly, taking my hands into his.

I stared at him. "Don't you think we're a bit past dates?"

"Lily! I never got the chance to woo you! Just give me this, please."

Dorcas snorted. "Even after everything, you're _still_ begging her to go on a date."

"Lily, please," James begged, ignoring Dorcas. "It'll be fun!"

"If it really means this much to you, then of course I'll go," I promised him.

He gave me a quick kiss. "You won't regret it."

"Why is this date so important to you anyway?" I asked.

"I told you, I never got to woo you."

I frowned. "James, you already wooed me. I wouldn't be here if you hadn't."

He shook his head. "Lil, I want to be the bloke who takes you out to dinner, and buys you chocolate and flowers, and who plans special picnics."

I snorted. "Picnics?"

"You know what I mean," he said.

I smiled. "James, you don't need to do all of that."

"I want to," he said, kissing my forehead.

"Aww, you two are so cute," Marlene gushed.

"Yeah, we are," James agreed, rubbing my leg.

"Where's Pete?" Sirius frowned, realizing our smallest friend was missing.

Remus shrugged. "He's been disappearing quite a lot lately. I wonder where he's been going."

"Maybe he has a secret girlfriend," Dorcas suggested, her eyes lighting up. Peter didn't have many girlfriends, and I knew for a fact, Dorcas had been trying to set up Peter on countless dates. But girls tended to be more interested in the other marauders...

"You think?" James wondered.

"Well, I wish he was here," Marlene sighed, "you guys, do you realize this is the first time we've all been together since...the kidnapping."

I smiled, squeezing Marlene's hand. All of us were quiet, staring at each other, realizing not for the first time that we were lucky to be alive. And so we just sat there, grateful to be with the people we loved.

"You know, I hate what happened to the three of you, but it's really brought me a new perspective on everything that's been happening," Remus finally said.

"I know what you mean," I told him, "it's like...I always knew there was stuff happening out there...but I'd never actually been personally affected by it before...it really changed me. I want to be out there, you know? Fighting...defeating You-Know-Who."

"Voldemort," James, Remus, and Sirius corrected me at the same time.

"V-Voldemort," I conceded. James looked at me, surprised I had been willing to say the name.

Sirius nodded. "That's why I'm joining the Order after Hogwarts."

"Me too," James agreed, "I want to be like Dad. He's an auror and a member of the order at the same time."

Marlene nodded fervently. "I want to join...and watch out for Mum and Dad...they're not as young as they used to be. I don't like them fighting..."

I shook my head. "I don't know, Mar. Your mum was pretty good out there."

"They all were," Sirius said, remembering the fiery and skill the Order had. I remembered too. The way they moved their wands both quickly and skillfully. The way they worked together, almost as if they could read each others minds. The way they blocked spells easily, as if it were as easy as breathing. The way they caused those ruthless death eaters to shrink back in both fear and respect.

"I just hope I'm good enough," James said quietly. I looked at him. It was one of the few time James allowed us to see his vulnerability, to see that he wasn't nearly as confident as he pretended to be.

"You will be," Sirius assured him, "we'll all be."

Remus was quiet. "I just hope we all survive this..."

"Remus!" Dorcas squeaked. "Don't say that!"

I smiled sadly. "He has a point, Dorky. James, Sirius, and I barely made it last time...we need to be prepared when the time comes. I don't want to come close to dying again. And I especially don't want to come close to almost losing one of you again."

"I don't think you'll have that problem, Evans," Sirius chuckled, "I saw the way you handled yourself with those death eaters...you're good..."

I blinked. "_Me_?"

"Lil, give yourself _some _credit." James rolled his eyes. "You're no Dumbledore, but you're _good_."

I felt my face burn, and I knew I must have resembled a tomato. I'd always been fairly good at dueling, but I was nothing compared to the marauders (well, except Peter; he's quite rubbish at dueling). I'd seen Sirius, James, and Remus all at work in DADA class, and even in real life, and they were quite skilled. I felt a sense of pride and honor at their approval.

"Merlin, we should probably get to class," Remus muttered, looking at his watch.

James grinned. "Excellent! We have Transfiguration! Oh, how I've missed my dear old Minnie."

Sirius stared at him. "You're _excited _for class. I knew Evans would be a bad influence on you."

"Hey!" I exclaimed, not sure whether or not I should be offended.

"The only reason he's excited is because he knows he's McGonagall's favorite. She'll probably be so happy he's back, she won't even assign him homework," Marlene said bitterly.

Remus scratched his chin thoughtfully. "I don't know...McGonagall's pretty tough..."

"But she definitely does favors James," Dorcas said decidedly.

"What are you talking about?" James exclaimed. "McGonagall gives me detention nearly every week."

Sirius nodded in agreement with James. "If any teacher shows favoritism, it's definitely Slughorn with Lily."

"He'll probably burst into tears when Lily walks into class," Dorcas said as she climbed through the portrait hole.

I rolled my eyes. "He only did that once! And it was just because I had been _kidnapped _for nearly a week."

"He didn't burst into tears when he saw _me_," James pointed out, following me out of the portrait hole.

"I bet McGonagall will make us do all the work we missed anyway. She won't care that we were locked in a dirty cellar for days. I bet she has all of our assignments ready for us as soon as we walk in," Sirius grumbled.

I shrugged. "Nate already promised he'd help me catch up."

"Nate?" James questioned lightly.

I bit my lip. "That's not a problem, is it?" I asked quietly, allowing the others to walk ahead of us so nobody would overhear.

"He's your partner in that class. Why would it be a problem?"

I nodded. "Well, you didn't seem to like him very much earlier."

"Well, that's because he fancied you."

"You don't think he does anymore?" I asked hopefully, eyeing Marlene's distancing figure. I knew Marlene thought Nate was fit, and I was sure Nate had a thing for Marlene. I mean, why wouldn't he? She's bloody amazing. They would make an awesome couple. Much better than Marlene and Jason.

James shook his head. "No, I'm pretty sure he still does, but I don't blame the bloke. Plus, I trust you."

I stared at him. "James...that was very _mature _of you."

He shrugged. "Like Sirius said, you've been a bad influence on me."

I was about to retort, but Amelia Bones suddenly appeared in front of us.

"Lily!" she squealed, hugging me tightly. I've known Amelia since I was eleven years old, and she's just about the smartest, most loyal, kindest person you'd ever meet. However, Amelia was most definitely not the type of person to squeal and hug a person. She was a smart girl, and I could even see her working in the ministry one day. She was a pretty powerful witch and she knew her stuff. I had deep respect for Amelia's skill, but I loved that she was so kind and fair with others.

She gave off this cool and poised manner, but underneath it all, she was just about friendliest and bravest person I knew. She was in the same year as me, but she was a Hufflepuff. I always wondered whether she should have been a Gryffindor. While she was kind, fair, and hardworking like Hufflepuff, she was also incredibly brave and daring like Gryffindor. I guess Hufflepuff won out in the end, and who am I to question the Sorting Hat? Anyway, Amelia was probably my biggest competition for Head Girl, and I was genuinely surprised when I won over her. I just hoped Dumbledore knew what he was doing when he made that decision.

"Amelia," I smiled, "it's good to see you. You know my boyfriend James?" I asked, gesturing to James.

"Of course," she said, "Oh, I don't want to bother you two, but I'm so glad you're okay, Lily."

"Thanks, Amelia."

She checked her watch anxiously. "I have to get to class, but we can talk later at the Prefects meeting."

"Brilliant," I said, waving as she ran off to get to class. "Oh, isn't she just the sweetest?" I sighed, turning back around to James.

He grinned stupidly at me.

"What?" I asked self consciously, wondering if there was something in my teeth.

"You called me your boyfriend."

I rolled my eyes. "What did you think you were, you prat?"

"I just like the sound of it that's all. James Potter, Lily Evans' boyfriend. It has a ring to it, doesn't it?"

"Come on," I said, pulling him along, "Let's get to class."

James, however, pulled me back, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"James, we're going to be late..." I mumbled, checking over my shoulder to the emptying hallway.

"Well, your _boyfriend _wants to kiss you," he replied, leaning in.

"We're going to be one of those disgustingly annoying couples aren't we?" I sighed.

He grinned, his face inches away from mine. "Yep."

I groaned. "We're going to be those stupid couples who say 'i love you' every five seconds, and snog in the hallways in front of everybody, and having sickening pet names-"

"Stop talking," James instructed, cutting me off, smashing his lips into mine. My body reacted immediately, and I pushed myself closer to him, closing any space between us. I felt myself being pushed up against the wall, but I didn't mind, because all I could think of was James and the feel of his lips on mine. He lifted me up slightly, and I wrapped my legs around him.

And then the bell rang.

"James!" I shrieked, jumping away from him. I looked around the empty hallway, grateful nobody had seen my momentary loss of sanity. James looked slightly flustered, running his hands through his hair.

"We're late," he finally said.

I bit my lip, remembering how seconds ago, James was pushing me up against the wall, kissing me like no bloke had ever kissed me before. "We'll finish that later," I told him. His face broke into a cocky grin. Rolling my eyes, I grabbed his hand, and we ran for class.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry this chapter took a bit longer to update, but I hope you enjoyed it all the same:)**


	38. The Fury of Severus Snape

**Chapter Thirty-Eight: The Fury Of Severus Snape**

* * *

I rested my head against the trunk of the tree, closing my eyes. I had been working all day with Nate, trying to catch up on schoolwork. James and Sirius, on the other hand, who were _supposed_ to be trying to catch up on their work, were across the grounds playing Quidditch.

"I'm _captain_, Lily," James told me over breakfast that morning after I kept badgering them to come join mine and Nate's study session.

I gave him a scathing look. "You're also head boy."

Sirius snorted. "Lil, I think you really need to sort out your priorities. Which is more important: school or quidditch?"

I stared at him. "You can't possibly be serious."

"Of course I'm _Sirius! _Haha. Get it? It's my name," Sirius chuckled, elbowing James.

James shook his head disdainfully. "That was pathetic."_  
_

I stood up, rolling my eyes. "Well, I have to meet Nate by the lake. If you two don't care about catching up on your schoolwork, and by extension failing Hogwarts, and therefore having to drop out, and then living the rest of your pathetic lives in Remus's basement because nobody wants to hire two bloody idiots, then that's your choice. And if you're okay with it, then so am I."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Well, I'm glad you didn't overreact or anything," he said sarcastically.

"I'll see you lot in a little bit," I told them, trying to fit as many books in my bag as I could.

James pulled me down, giving me a deep kiss.

"Lunch together?" he suggested when I finally pulled away.

"Maybe," I sighed, gesturing to the large pile of books beside me.

Now, several hours later, I was listening to Nate drone on about what I had missed in Charms. Meanwhile, in the distance, I could hear the other students enjoying one of the last days we would have of good weather. Remus and Dorcas were sitting by the lake, laughing. Dorcas was bundled up in a blanket, jabbering away as Remus was sitting beside her, shivering. It seemed as if the entire school was outside, enjoying the weather. It was mid-November, and we all knew that the weather would soon take a turn for the worse. Hogwarts was known for having freezing, windy weather in the winter. It was only a matter of time before we were hit by a blizzard of some sort.

I watched as Dorcas laughed at Remus, who was now chattering his teeth. She offered him her blanket, and he quickly slithered in next to her. The two of them cuddled together under the blanket, watching over the lake. I knew that if anybody besides Remus was sitting that close to Dorcas, Sirius would have a fit.

"Lily, are you even listening to me?" Nate demanded.

I blinked. "Oh, yeah, of course."

He smiled. "Liar."

"I'm sorry," I groaned, "but I'm so bored!"

"You wanna take a break?" he asked, closing the textbook in his hand.

I bit my lip. "Okay..."

"I'll go get us some snacks," he said, standing up.

"Hurry!" I called after him as he made his way back up to the castle. "I want to finish everything this weekend!"

I looked over to where Dorcas and Remus were talking. Smiling, I made my way toward them.

"Merlin, Lily, you look exhausted," Remus noted upon seeing me.

"I was gone a week. Only a week. I can't believe how much I bloody missed," I groaned, plopping down next to Dorcas.

"Did you finish already?" Dorcas asked, surprised.

"No," I sighed, "we're just taking a break."

I looked over to Nate's retreating figure, but I found that he was no longer walking back to the castle. He was now talking to Marlene. She had her dark hair whipping around her in the wind, and I couldn't help but think that she looked like somebody in a movie. Nate was standing close to her, saying something quietly. She was biting her lip, listening.

"What's going on over there?" I nudged Dorcas.

Dorcas frowned. "I don't know. They spent loads of time together when you went missing, but when you came back, they sort of stopped seeing each other...I don't really know..."

"I didn't think they were really that close," I muttered, already planning scenarios in my head in which Marlene and Nate were falling madly in love.

Marlene stepped back from Nate, shaking her head. He touched her forearm, but she jerked away. She muttered something to him, and turned on the spot, quickly walking away. Nate stood there, watching after her as walked away. Finally, when she disappeared from view, he sighed, and began walking back up to the castle.

"They must have had some sort of fight," Dorcas said, shrugging.

"Look," Remus said, pointing behind me. I turned around to find James and Sirius strutting toward us. James was roaring with laughter as Sirius said something. Both boys spotted us at the same time, and rushed forward.

"DORKY!" Sirius shouted, picking her up and spinning her around. Remus took this opportunity to take the rest of her blanket, and he wrapped it around himself.

"Well, someone's rather happy," Dorcas commented once Sirius had put her down.

"We are going to _kill _Slytherin next week," James announced happily, resting his head on my lap.

"So practice went well?" I asked, yawning.

"Well? It was bloody brilliant," Sirius laughed, giving his thick jacket to Dorcas. She smiled appreciatively and threw it on.

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Well, you lot are quite cheerful."

"Yes, we are," James grinned, "and there's nothing that can bring us down!"

"How about all the work you have to catch up on?" I asked.

Sirius stared at me. "Except for that."

"Honestly, Lily, I love you and all, but must you be such a downer?" James questioned, sitting up.

I smiled. "Sorry."

"Did you get any work done?" Sirius asked, eyeing the pile of books beside me.

"Loads," I replied, "but we've still got so much to do. I just want to do it all at once and get it out of the way."

"You know," James said, "we're taking the same classes as you."

I glared at him. "_So_?"

Sirius's face lit up. "That's right! We could just copy off of Lily!"

"No you cannot!" I huffed.

"Why?" Sirius whined.

"That's _cheating!_" I hissed.

"Well, I wouldn't call it _cheating_," James said rationally.

I stared at him. "Then what would you call it?"

"Using your resources?" Sirius suggested lamely.

I rolled my eyes. "No way. I've spent all weekend doing work while you two went off and played with your little friends. If you want to get good grades, then do the work!"

James sighed. "If that's what you want."

"It is."

He shrugged. "Okay."

"I'm not helping you, James!" I snapped.

"I'm not asking you to," he said.

I stared at him. "Good."

"Good."

"Fine!" I shouted. "I'll bloody help you, but this is the last time, James Potter! Do you hear me?"

He grinned. "You're so easy."

I glowered. "I know."

"I didn't even have to try."

"Shut up," I snapped, crossing my arms.

Sirius grinned. "Excellent!" He reached inside my bag, taking out several rolls of parchment. "How long do you reckon it'll take us to copy all of this down?" he questioned.

"What's going on?" Nate asked, appearing beside me.

"We got Lily to give us all her work," Sirius explained, taking out a quill.

Dorcas and Remus, who had drifted into their own conversation, turned around.

"Padfoot," Remus said in a tired voice, "why can't you just do your own work?"

Sirius glared at him. "If the head boy and head girl aren't complaining, then why are you?"

"Because the headboy is an idiot," Dorcas said, "and the headgirl is too nice."

"Yeah," Remus nodded, "she's too worried about you two failing."

James scoffed. "I am not an idiot!"

I snorted.

He glared at me. "You know, I thought this whole being in love thing might make you a little nicer to me."

I grinned, pulling his shirt by the collar, giving him a passionate kiss. He responded immediately, wrapping his arms around me.

"Is that nice enough for you?" I asked, finally coming up for air.

"It'll do," he replied, straightening up.

* * *

"Sirius? James?" I said softly, slowly opening the door to their dormitory.

"Hey, Lil," Sirius said, not even bothering looking up at me as I tiptoed inside. He and James were sprawled on the floor, looking over all the notes Nate had given me. Sirius was reading my Potions essay on how adding moonstone instead of tea leaves affects the strength of the sleeping draught, while James was scribbling down notes for Astronomy. I could hear Remus and Peter softly snoring in their beds, the curtains drawn around them.

"What are you guys doing?" I asked.

James looked up at me, about to respond, but then he saw what I was wearing, and he stared at me, a smirk on his face.

"You're wearing my t-shirt," he said smugly.

I shrugged. "It's comfy."

"It looks sexy on you," he said, taking in my appearance.

I grinned, leaning over, giving him a long kiss.

Sirius made a retching noise with his throat. "Not while I'm in the room, please."

"Sorry," I said, walking past them, and plopping onto James's bed.

"Lil, it'll take us hours to copy down everything you and Nate did today," Sirius groaned, "plus, if the three of turn in the exact same thing, it'll look suspicious."

"Here's a thought," I said, "why don't you do your own work?"

Sirius glared at me. "Please, Lily, this is no time for jokes."

I rested my head against the bedpost. "My head hurts," I yawned.

"That's what you get for cramming everything into one day," Sirius said absentmindedly. James flicked him before giving me a sympathetic look.

I yawned again. "I'm just going to close my eyes for a little bit," I mumbled, sliding my head against James's pillow.

* * *

I fluttered my eyes open as the sun shone through the windows. Slowly, I sat up and looked around. James was sitting beside me, watching me carefully. He was already fully dressed, a biscuit in his hands.

"You know, it's creepy to watch a girl when she's sleeping," I told him.

He smiled. "Good morning to you too."

"What time is it?" I asked, looking around the empty dormitory.

"Nearly noon," James said, "Marlene dragged everyone else with her to play Gobstones."

"I fell asleep in your bed," I told him, stating the obvious.

"I know," he said, smiling.

Yawning, I rested my head against his chest. "I'm going to go back to sleep now," I told him.

"Okay," he said, wrapping his arms around me, "but I brought you breakfast if you want some."

I shook my head. "Maybe later. I just want to lay here with you."

"No arguments there," he said, kissing the top of my head.

"LILY, WAKE UP!" Dorcas shouted, banging the door open.

"Hello, Dorcas," James winced.

"We have a problem," Dorcas announced, completely ignoring James.

Sighing, I sat up. "All I wanted was sleep. Just an hour. That's all."

"Well, I don't think you're going to want to sleep after you hear this," she said dramatically, plopping herself on James's bed.

"Aren't you supposed to be playing Gobstones with Marlene?" James asked.

"Oh, well, Marlene beat Sirius, and he demanded for a rematch. Anyway, he won the second time, and Marlene accused him of cheating. Which is probably true, but the two of them are playing again."

"Is this going somewhere?" I asked, still tired.

"Right. Well, I got bored of watching Marlene accuse Sirius of cheating, so I decided to come back to the dormitory. And you'll never believe who I saw, waiting outside the portrait hole, begging the Fat Lady to let him in."

"Who?" I asked curiously.

"Snape," Dorcas said, annoyance and hatred etched all over her face.

I frowned. "Why?"

"He wants to talk to you," she said.

"Me?" I spluttered. Snape and I hadn't even spoken in months.

"Yeah, and when I told him to get lost, he just ignored me," Dorcas grumbled.

"Why didn't you jinx him?" James demanded angrily.

Dorcas shrugged. "I considered it."

"Well, he's just going to have to wait there, because I'm not going to talk to him," I snapped furiously.

* * *

"I brought you some hot cocoa," Marlene said, carefully handing me a hot mug.

Remus and I were sitting on the couch in front of the crackling fire. James, Sirius, and Dorcas were in the dormitory upstairs, planning Quidditch strategies. After about an hour of listening to the three of them talk about different maneuvers the team could try out, I had gotten bored, and left to shower. When I came out, they were _still _talking about Quidditch, so I joined Marlene and Remus in the common room. We spent the entire day in front of the fire playing chess and just talking. Marlene had snuck into the kitchens to bring us some hot cocoa, but the odd thing wasn't Marlene breaking the rules, it was that none of us had seen Peter all day. It was so strange not to have him around. Usually, he followed James and Sirius around like a little puppy dog. I got the feeling that he was up to something.

"Thanks," I smiled, taking the mug from Marlene.

"Is Snape still out there?" Remus asked.

Marlene sighed, sitting on the couch opposite from us. "Yep. He's threatening to sleep there tonight if you don't come out."

Remus raised his eyebrows. "This reminds me of fifth year. Didn't he threaten to do the same thing after the night of the ball?"

I groaned. "Yep."

"Want us to get rid of him?" Marlene volunteered.

I shook my head. "No, I'll get rid of him."

I got up, set my mug on the table, and marched outside.

"Lily, finally!" Snape exclaimed as the portrait hole slammed shut behind me. He was as pale as ever, and the greasy black curtains around his face didn't help.

"I'm only out here to tell you that you need to leave," I snapped, crossing my arms.

Snape stared at me. "What are you wearing?"

I looked down. I was wearing James's Gryffindor Chaser t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants. I knew I probably didn't look attractive, but it was still very rude of him to point that out when I was doing him the favor of coming out here.

"Is that Potter's shirt?" he spat, looking disgusted.

"Yeah, it is. And I really don't see why it's any of your business if I wear my boyfriend's clothes."

"So you're calling him your _boyfriend _now?"

"What do you want?" I snapped, irritated.

"I can't believe you're dating Potter. You hate him!" Snape shouted furiously.

I glared at him. "First of all, I love James, and you have no right to comment on my love life. Second, you need to leave right now before I call on James to come and hex you."

"Lily, I just wanted to apologize," he begged, stepping closer to me, "I had no idea they would take you."

I stared at him. "You _knew?_ You knew that death eaters were planning on taking us?!"

"I thought that they would only take Black."

"_Excuse me?" _I hissed, my hands shaking as I fought the urge to punch him.

He gulped. "I didn't mean it like that!"

"You knew that people were planning on hurting Sirius, and you didn't do anything to stop them?"

"I didn't _know_, but I heard whispers...rumors..."

"Get out of here," I told him, my voice shaking in anger, "Get out of here before I lose my self-restraint and hurt you."

Instead of backing down, though, Snape straightened up, turning a furious red. "No! I'm not letting you make this mistake, Lily. Potter is a toe rag, you said so yourself!"

Before I knew what I was doing, I was pointing my wand out at him. "Leave," I hissed.

"Potter? You're defending Potter? What's happened to you?" he thundered, ignoring as I pointed my wand at him.

"James is the bravest, most wonderful person I know. He and Sirius are my best friends, and I would rather die than let anything happen to them. Meanwhile, _you _are the one running around with death eaters! The only mistake I made was to think that you were a good person."

Snape's was turning redder and redder each second, but his anger was nothing compared to mine.

"Expelliarmus!" I shouted, sending him flying. With a huff, I turned around and marched back into the common room.

"Lily, you're going to regret being with him!" Snape shouted after me, picking himself up from the ground.


	39. Daddy's Little Girl

**Chapter Thirty-Nine: Daddy's Little Girl**

* * *

I pulled my hair into a loose ponytail, examining my reflection in the mirror. I flinched slightly at the dark circles under my eyes. It was my one-month anniversary with James, and he had been hinting he had something special planned for days. I really wanted to look good today, but I couldn't sleep all night. Giving up on my appearance, I threw on my scarf and jacket, and headed downstairs.

It was late November, and so the weather had been getting colder and colder all month, thus resulting in me having the flu a week earlier. Luckily, I had gotten much better, but I was still paler than usual and I was still feeling a bit tired. So, as much as I wanted to be, I wasn't really looking forward to whatever James had planned. He seemed so excited, and I didn't want to disappoint him. So, I sucked it up, plastered a smile on my face, and marched down to the Great Hall.

But I had this horrid feeling at the bottom of my stomach, like I was forgetting something...I was up all night trying to figure out what it was that I couldn't remember. It just kept nagging away at me, begging me to remember. Merlin! This was going to drive me mad until I remembered.

"Hey, Nate," I mumbled, spotting my handsome friend, sitting at the bottom of the staircase, his nose buried in a book.

"Hey!" Nate beamed as I perched down beside him.

"What are you doing?" I asked, frowning at the large book in his lap. "It's Saturday."

He shrugged. "Loads of homework this weekend."

I grimaced. "Tough luck."

"Are you feeling okay?" he frowned, checking my forehead for a fever.

"I'm fine," I lied.

He studied my face. "Are you sure?"

"No," I groaned, resting my head on his shoulder, "I just want to stay in bed and sleep."

"Then why don't you?" he asked.

"Because! James has this huge day planned for our anniversary, and I don't want to disappoint him."

"Lily, that bloke is crazy about you. I don't think you could ever do anything to disappoint him."

I took my head off his shoulder, and smiled at him. "You're right...but I don't want all of his planning to go to waste. He's really excited. If he's happy, then I'm happy."

He looked at me. "I hate people that are in love."

I grinned. "You won't say the same thing when you're the one in love."

"Yeah, well, I'd actually have to _meet _someone for that to happen."

I bit my lip. "Maybe you already have."

He raised his eye brows questioningly at me.

"I've noticed you and Marlene seem to have gotten much closer lately," I said coyly.

He blinked, staring at me with an odd expression.

"What?" I demanded.

He shook his head quickly. "Nothing."

I sighed. "Come on, Marlene is brilliant. Don't you think so?"

He stood up. "Marlene's brilliant," he agreed.

"Where are you going?" I asked, standing up.

"Somewhere where I won't be pestered about my love life," he replied, putting his books back into his bag.

"Aha! So you admit you have a love life with Marlene!"_  
_

He rolled his eyes. "Bye, Lily."

"Wait," I said, "how do I look?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well, it's mine and James's anniversary. I don't want to look all tired and sick!"

He stared at me, a small smile creeping on his face. "You look great."

"Really?" I asked, touching my messy pony tail, knowing I probably looked like I rolled out of bed.

He squeezed my hand. "You look great, Lily. James will think so too."

I grinned. "He better."

Nate laughed. "Have fun, Lil."

"I will," I said, turning around. Taking a deep breath, I headed toward the Great Hall, knowing beyond the doors, all of my friends would be waiting for me.

"What were you and Nate talking about?"

I shrieked, jumping back. Marlene raised her eyebrows, crossing her arms as she leaned against the wall.

"Jeez, you're like Ruth Gordon, just standing there," I gasped, clutching my chest.

"Who?"

"Rosemary's Baby...it's a muggle thing..." I explained. "How long were you standing there?"

"Long enough," she replied curtly.

I frowned, confused. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you and Nate looked very...intimate."

I burst into laughter. "Nate and I? Intimate?"

"I don't want James getting hurt," she said tersely.

I stared at her, not believing my ears. "I love James. Nate is one of my friends. I don't act any differently with him than I do with Remus or Sirius or Peter."

"The difference is that Nate fancies you," she snapped.

I stared at her. "What's the matter with you?"

"James is eating breakfast. You shouldn't keep him waiting," she said through gritted teeth.

"_Marlene_," I said as she pushed past and hurt, I turned around and made my way into the Great Hall.

"Happy anniversary!" James shouted upon seeing me.

I forced a smile. "Happy anniversary."

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," I lied, but James looked like he didn't believe me. "It's nothing," I said again, "I'll tell you about it later."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," I said, wrapping my arms around his neck, "Today is all about me and you, and I don't want anyone or anything disrupting that."

"Good," he mumbled, pressing his lips against mine.

"So, what's the plan for today?" I asked, releasing James from my tight grip.

He grinned. "It's a surprise. But first, we should probably have breakfast."

Smiling, I took my usual seat across from Dorcas and Sirius as the owl post arrived. Hundreds of owls flew over us, looking for their owners. An impressive brown owl landed in front of me, his leg sticking out. Frowning, I carefully unraveled the letter from his leg and he took off instantly.

"Who's that from?" Dorcas asked curiously as Sirius wrapped his arm around her.

"It's from my mum," I replied, eagerly opening the envelope, quickly scanning the lines. With each line I read, though, my heart sank, and a lump in my throat grew stronger and stronger.

_Lily, _

_I know today must be a hard day for you, and I know you're probably worried about me. But don't be. Petunia has taken the day off to spend it with me. I just wish you could be here too. I love your father very much, and celebrating his birthday shouldn't be a sad event. We should remember all the good times we had with him. He loved you and Petunia so much, and I just want you to remember that today. Don't focus on the bad memories, focus on the good ones. You and your dad had such a strong bond. You were truly Daddy's little girl, and every year he looked forward to receiving your presents. You always knew exactly what to get him. Your connection with him was so deep, and I know he's looking down on you right now. Please don't be sad. Surround yourself with the people you love. I know Dorcas and Marlene will be there for you. Please, don't be sad. I love you so much, and I can't wait until you can come home. _

_Love, Mum_

"Lil, you okay?" James asked, looking concerned.

All night I was up, the nagging feeling that I had forgotten something, and I now knew what that was. I felt like the worst daughter ever. Even Petunia had remembered Dad's birthday. My eyes began stinging, and I quickly blinked, trying my hardest to keep the tears from coming. This time last year I had sent Dad a package full of Zonko's merchandise. He loved it when I sent him magical stuff. Mum, on the other hand, was furious. She said that he pulled pranks on everybody that came near the house.

"Lily?" James asked again, gently touching my arm. "Is everything okay?"

I forced a smile. "Erm...yeah...I just need to use the restroom, that's all."

I quickly stood up, nearly running out of the Great Hall, praying that nobody saw the tears streaming down my face. I looked around me, not sure of where to go. So, I went to the only place I knew nobody would look for me.

* * *

"Lily?" Marlene's voice rang through the room.

"How did you find me?" I asked, stepping out from the shadows.

"It's the only place we haven't already looked."

I sighed, sitting on the old, rickety chair. "Is James upset I ran out on our anniversary?"

"More like worried sick about you," she said.

"I just needed some time to myself."

Marlene kneeled down in front of me. "Lily, what the hell is going on?"

I looked down at my lap. "It's his birthday, Marlene."

"Who's birth - _oh_," she said, remembering, "Your dad."

I nodded, a few tears trickling down my cheeks.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked softly, brushing away my tears.

I shook my head. "No. Distract me. Tell me anything."

Marlene bit her lip. "You wanna know why I was being a total hag this morning?"

"Okay," I said, the lump in my throat growing.

Marlene took a deep breath. "I like Nate...as more than a friend...I mean I _really _like him..." she admitted.

My eyes widened. "I knew it! When did this happen?"

"When you and the others were kidnapped, Nate was really there for me. I mean, I felt like I needed to stay strong because Dorcas and Remus were going mad with you lot gone. And I was the one who had to be rational and keep them from doing anything stupid. And when i was with Nate...he just let me be upset. I didn't have to be strong around him. I could be vulnerable. Anyway, there was this one night...we kissed..."

"That's great, Marlene!"

She grimaced. "Yeah, well, it doesn't matter because he fancies _you_."

"Don't be ridiculous."

She shook her head. "Look, I can see the way he looks at you. He claims he's over you, but he's really not. For the past month he's been trying to convince me otherwise, but I know the truth. And as much as I try to avoid him, the more I miss him. And when I tried being friends with him, it just made me like him more."

I frowned. "Honestly, Marlene, I have no interest in Nate. I love James. I'm completely in love with that idiot."

She smiled sadly. "Yeah, well, I don't think hiding out in the shrieking shack during your anniversary is a great way to show James how much you love him."

"I just...I wanted to be alone..." I admitted guiltily.

"Lil, you and James are together now. People in relationships need to communicate. You should be able to talk to James about everything. I bet you that if you had just explained to him what was happening, he would be more than happy than to just cancel what ever plans he had today. He would've done what ever you wanted."

"You really think so?"

She rolled her eyes. "Are you kidding me? That bloke kisses the ground you walk on."

I sighed, getting up. "I should probably go find him, then."

"Yeah, probably."

Marlene gave me a tight hug before pushing me out the door.

* * *

"James," I called out softly, pushing open the door to his dormitory. I looked around the dark room, studying the empty bedroom. I made my way to James's bed, and climbed on, the tears still spilling down my cheeks. I pulled the covers over me, and the smell of James's cologne engulfed me. It calmed me down slightly, and I waited in his bed, wondering at what time he would come up.

"I'll get the marauder's map," I heard James call, "She's gotta be somewhere around the castle."

I held my breath, trying to stop the tears as James pushed open the door. He stared at me, taking in my crying figure as I sat in his bed, bundled up in his blankets.

"Lily," he finally said, rushing over to me. As soon as he wrapped his arms around me, I burst into tears. James carefully cradled me in his arms, whispering softly in my ear.

"I'm so sorry I ruined our anniversary," I mumbled into his chest.

"Don't be stupid," he said, "just tell me what's wrong."

I pulled away from, brushing aside my tears. "You know, when we were little, Tuney used to always get mad because everyone would call me Daddy's little girl."

"You and your dad were very close," he agreed, still sounding confused.

"Yeah, we were, and it's not fair that he's gone. He was a good person. A good dad! He didn't deserve to die so young and in such a horrid way! He was supposed to live a long, healthy life. He was supposed to walk me down the aisle! He was supposed to meet his grandkids! It's not fair!" I sobbed.

"Lil, where is this coming from?"

"It's his birthday today."

James's expression of bewilderment morphed into sadness and concern. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he asked, hugging me.

I shrugged. "I don't know...I just wanted to be alone I guess..."

James cupped my face into his hands. "Lily, I'm your boyfriend now. You know you can talk to me about anything. I want you to be able to confide in me with these things."

"I know," I said, kissing him.

"So, it's your dad's birthday, then," he said.

"Yeah."

"So...tell me about him..." he suggested, leaning back.

"You really want to hear about my dad?" I asked as he softly caressed my leg.

"Of course I do," he replied.

"I wanna hear too," a voice said from the doorway. I turned to see a puffy-eyed Dorcas, tears streaming down her face. Sirius was holding her hand, watching as she silently cried. Dorcas had always had a special bond with my dad. Out of all my friends, she was definitely Dad's favorite. He loved her fierce attitude, and she could always make him laugh.

"We all wanna hear," Remus said, stepping around Dorcas. Marlene was right behind them, her eyes looking watery.

"Well...okay," I agreed. The four of them rushed forward, squeezing into bed with me and James. I looked around contentedly at all of my friends. Dorcas was cuddled up against Sirius as he gently wrapped his arms around her, watching the tears trickle down her face. James was sitting beside me, resting his head against the post, listening as I talked. Remus was beside Dorcas, patting her arm gently. Marlene had squeezed beside me, holding my hand.

"Thanks you guys," I said, giving them a watery smile.

"Where's Pete?" James asked.

Sirius shrugged. "No idea. I haven't seen him since this morning."

"Well, forget about him," Dorcas said croakily, "tell us about your dad."

"Okay," I agreed, "Well, when I was five, my dad took me to the carnival and..."


	40. The Order

**Chapter Forty: The Order**

* * *

I paced in front of the fire angrily, muttering under my breath. James sat on the couch, doing his DADA essay, his quill making soft scratching noises.

"Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?" he asked, not looking up from his work.

"Bothering me? Nothing's bothering me," I replied.

"No?" he said dubiously.

"The only thing that bothers me is that you choose to do your homework at three in the morning," I snapped.

He looked up at me, raising his eyebrows.

"I got a letter from Petunia," I admitted.

"Ah."

"You know, she could at least be nice about it!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands in the air.

"Nice about what?"

"Vernon proposed to her," I told him, disgusted.

"That's great!" James exclaimed. "A wedding!"

I shook my head.

"So, it's not great?" he said, clearly confused.

I sighed. "Don't get me wrong. I'm really glad she's happy and all."

"Then what's the problem?"

Grumbling, I rummaged through my bag, looking for the letter I had received from Petunia that morning. I cleared my throat and began reading. "_Lily, although i don't think it's any of your business, Mum has demanded I tell you that Vernon proposed to me a few weeks back. Our wedding will be held a few days before Easter if you would like to come. Also, there will be a bridal shower on December 29th. Mum has informed me that I should invite you to that too. Anyway, if you do decide to come, then I ask you to please keep all that magic nonsense to yourself. I don't want any of my friends knowing about your weirdo school or your weirdo friends. I was forced to tell Vernon about you, and I'm ever so grateful that he's still around. Like me, though, he does not feel comfortable with your abnormalities. So, I ask you steer clear of him and please don't engage in any conversations that make him uncomfortable with you. Hope you're well, Petunia."_

I looked up form the letter, seething.

"At least she hopes your well," James remarked, trying to lighten the mood.

I glared at him. "It's not funny, James!"

He sighed. "Lily, I don't understand why you let yourself get all caught up with your sister."

I crossed my arms. "She didn't even bother to send me a formal invitation. Just a stupid letter, in which by the way she completely insults me!"

"So, don't go," he shrugged, failing to see the gravity of the situation.

"She's my sister! Of course I have to go!" I snapped.

He frowned. "Lil, all your sister does is insult you and make you feel bad about yourself. Why would you want to go?"

"Because I still hope that someday Petunia will realize that I'm not a complete freak, and maybe we'll be as close as we used to be. And Mum is already going through so much with Dad gone. She hates to see us fighting. Plus, she's my sister and I love her. I don't want to miss such an important day for her."

James sighed. "Well, I wish I could go with you. I'd protect you from that stupid Turnip bloke."

"Vernon," I corrected.

"Same difference."

"Wait!" I shrieked, my eyes widening. "James, why don't you come with me to the wedding?"

"I don't think I was invited," he said.

"Oh, I'll just write to Mum and tell her I have a plus one. She won't mind."

"Your mum does love me," James agreed.

I ran to him, plopping myself comfortably on his lap. "Oh, James, please. I really need you there. I won't be able to handle that wedding on my own."

"Only if you spend Christmas with my family," he bargained.

"Done," I agreed immediately.

He raised his eyebrows. "Well, that was easier than I expected."

"Well, Mum and Petunia are spending Christmas with Vernon's family. I really wasn't looking forward to it anyway."

"So I'm just your alternative?" he scoffed.

I grinned, kissing him. "A really good alternative."

"Don't you want to be at your sister's bridal shower, though," James said as I kissed his neck.

"I'll just go back for New Year's then. That way I'll be there for Tuney's bridal shower and I can spend the New year with Mum," I mumbled in between kissing him.

"I can't wait to tell Mum I'm bringing you home for the holidays," James laughed as I continued kissing his neck, "She and Dad had a bet going. She said you'd get sick of me before the holidays even came."

"James," I breathed, "shut up."

He gave me his usual cocky grin before kissing me fiercely, pushing me down onto the couch.

* * *

"...and this too," I said, placing a piece of parchment on the pile of books James was carrying.

He glanced at the piece of parchment. "Lil, I don't think Dumbledore really cares to see our time tables for prefect duty."

"Well, just in case," I replied, pulling him along.

"Where are you two going?" Peter squeaked.

"The library," James said, "they won't let Lily check out any books until she returns these."

Sirius snorted.

"Anyway, afterwards, we have a meeting with Dumbledore," I told them, opening the portrait hole.

"About what?" Remus questioned.

I shrugged. "Probably Head's stuff," I said, following as James carefully climbed through the portrait hole, cautious not to drop the pile of books he was carrying.

"Merlin, Lily, why do you have to read so much," he complained, struggling to hold all the books.

"Need help?" I offered.

"Lily, please, I'm a man. I think I can handle a few books."

I flicked my wand lazily. "Locomotor books," I yawned as the books flew out of James's arms and followed behind me.

James stared at me. "I forgot we could do that."

I rolled my eyes as James wrapped his arms around me, smiling.

"What do you reckon Dumbledore needs to talk about?" I asked, intertwining my fingers with his.

"I don't know...I mean, we're doing a good job with our Head duties, aren't we?"

I frowned. "I think so..."

"Anything I can help you with?" Madam Pince asked.

"Just dropping off these books," I told her, waving my wand again as the books landed gracefully on the counter.

"No," James said firmly, catching as I eyed the library hungrily.

"Just a few minutes!" I begged. "I just want to browse a bit."

He stared at me. "Lily, whenever you _browse__, _we end up spending the entire night in here. And besides, Dumbledore is waiting for us."

"Fine," I sighed dramatically as James pulled me away from the library.

"Cockroach clusters," James said as we reached the stone gargoyles.

"You know, that really is a disgusting name for candy," I remarked as the gargoyles jumped aside, revealing the elegant spiral staircase.

"Why does it matter if it sounds gross if it tastes so good?" James said, following me as I climbed up the stairs.

"Good point," I said fairly, gently knocking on Dumbledore's door.

"Come in," said a pleasant voice from behind the door.

"You have our times tables?" I hissed at James before opening the door.

He rolled his eyes. "Yep. But I'm telling you, we won't need them," he said, pushing open the door.

"James! Lily!" Dumbledore greeted, gesturing for us to take our seats. "I expect you two are having a pleasant evening."

"Sure are," James replied, smiling slightly at me.

"Good," Dumbledore said, a twinkle in his eyes as he watched the two of us sitting closer together than usual. "Now, James, I hear from your mother that Lily has finally returned your affections."

I felt my face burn, but James's smile just widened.

"It only took seven years," James chuckled. Dumbledore laughed, and I watched the two of them, a bewildered expression on my face.

"You know what I say," Dumbledore smiled.

James rolled his eyes. "Here he goes again with all of his love rubbish."

"It's not rubbish, James," Dumbledore told him severely, "I have told you many times that love is our greatest weapon against Voldemort."

I blinked. "Is that what you wanted to talk to us about?" I breathed. "Voldemort?"

Beside me, James straightened up. Dumbledore smiled sadly. "It's no secret that you two are one of the best in your year, and you've gone through so much more than most grown adults."

I froze, knowing he was talking about the kidnapping. Though it had happened quite a while ago, I still felt uncomfortable talking about. I still couldn't sleep by myself actually. Most nights I slept with James, and when I didn't, I could count on my nightmares returning. James, of course, was the only one who knew about my nightmares. I hated the fact that I had nightmares. James didn't get nightmares. Sirius didn't get nightmares. It made me feel like a coward, like I didn't belong in Gryffindor. As Dumbledore studied my face, his piercing blue eyes drawing into my starling green ones, I could see that he knew exactly how much the kidnapping had affected me.

"Sir?" I asked quietly.

"Those nightmares are normal, Lily. They _tortured _you. Frankly, I'd be worried if you hadn't been affected by it," he assured me.

James blinked. "Lil, I swear I didn't tell anyone!"

I squeezed his arm. "I know."

"And so do you," James said, turning to face Dumbledore, "You know _everything._"

"Legilimens, James," Dumbledore explained. James stared at his hero with a look of awe in his face.

"So, why exactly have you called us here?" I asked, eager to get off the topic of my nightmares.

Dumbledore smiled. "From a young age, James has expressed that he wants to join the Order. Recently, I've been told, you've expressed the same ambition?" Dumbledore questioned.

I straightened up, suddenly very aware of my bad posture. "It'd be an honor, sir."

"And it would be an honor to have you join," Dumbledore said, "it's rare I find people that I can trust so wholeheartedly."

I felt my insides burst at the compliment. Albus Dumbledore, the greatest wizard of all time, trusted _me_.

"Are you serious?" James gasped.

Dumbledore nodded. "When the school year ends, I want both of you on our side. But be warned. Voldemort was very impressed with the skills you demonstrated when you were kidnapped. It's likely he'll try to recruit you too. And if word gets out that you two have joined the Order, I assure you he'll stop at nothing to get you on his side and if not to kill you."

"But I'm a muggleborn," I pointed out.

"Many people don't know that Voldemort isn't pureblood himself," Dumbledore told me, "his father was a muggle. I think Voldemort is impressed enough by the two of you to overlook that."

James scoffed. "I'd rather die than join _his_ side."

Dumbledore smiled. "Hopefully it won't come to that."

James rolled his eyes. "That's really comforting, thanks."

"James!" I hissed. It was one thing to be sarcastic with Sirius or Remus, but with _Dumbledore.__  
_

"What about the others?" James demanded, thinking of his best friends.

Dumbledore nodded. "You mean Sirius?"

"And Remus and Pete," he added.

"And Marlene and Dorcas," I volunteered.

"I admire your loyalties," Dumbledore said.

"So?" James pressed on, determined to get information on his three best friends.

Dumbledore smiled, his blue eyes twinkling. "They're just as welcome to join as you two. All of them. Dorcas and Marlene are basically in the Order themselves."

"They are?" I asked.

James smirked. "Most of the meetings are held at Marlene's house. We all used to spend most nights trying to listen at the door."

"But the reason I called in the two of you specifically is not because your head boy and girl, it's because of Voldemort. He wants the two of you on his side more than ever. I beg you to be careful. And don't let it slip to anyone that you fancy joining the order. That'll only scare Voldemort more. He'll get to any lengths to get rid of the threat, albeit by forcing you two to join or killing you."

My heart quickened as I imagined what my life would be like after Hogwarts, being hunted down by the darkest wizard of all time. I felt James place his hand over mine, and immediately I relaxed. With James by my side, I could get through anything. I just knew it. He wasn't just some bloke I liked to snog. James was also my best friend, the person I confided everything to. I trusted him with my life. I knew he would never let anything happen to me, and that he would risk his own life just to protect mine. He was my James. And he loved me. And I loved him. It was as simple as that.

* * *

"What are you looking for?" James asked, taking off his shirt.

"A clean t-shirt...honestly! Do you ever clean your room?" I asked, rummaging through his trunk.

"You could try using your won clothes," he muttered.

I ignored him, pulling out the first clean t-shirt I could find. Looking around to make sure the dormitory was empty, I quickly pulled off my robes and threw on his t-shirt. I found James's eyes lingering on me.

"Can I help you?" I snapped, a small smile playing on my face as I pulled on a pair of shorts.

"You can't keep teasing me like that!" he complained.

I bit my lip. "All in good time, my friend," I assured him, climbing onto his bed.

"Where is everybody?" James wondered, standing at the foot of his bed, looking around.

"Right here," Sirius's voice boomed as he banged open the door. Behind him, the whole gang was standing, peering inside. James, who was still shirtless, buttoned up his pajama shirt.

"Oh, hello, Lily," Dorcas boomed, "It's been too long!"

I stared at her. "I saw you like an hour ago. What are you on about now?"

Marlene rolled her eyes. "She's referring to the fact that you never sleep in your own bed now."

I shrugged. "I like it here better."

Dorcas made a face. "Why? It smells."

"It does not!" Sirius huffed.

"Yes, it does," Remus told him, a pained expression on his face.

"But you get used to it after a while," I said.

"So?" Peter exclaimed impatiently, pushing past everybody. "What did Dumbledore want?"

James and I looked at each other.

"Are we alone?" James finally asked.

"I think so," I replied, craning my neck around to make sure nobody was walking by.

"Why do we need to be alone?" Sirius asked eagerly, drawing forward.

I beamed. "You are looking at the newest member of the Order of the Pheonix!"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Seriously, Evans, what did he want?"

"I am serious, Sirius!" I exclaimed, smiling slightly at my play of words.

"Are you telling me that Dumbledore asked you two join the most prestigious, amazing society in probably all of time?" Sirius demanded disbelievingly.

"We're taking over for my parents," James said, "You know, they are getting pretty old. They'll still do work for the Order, but it won't be in the field. Dumbledore doesn't think they can handle it anymore."

"Wow," Marlene gasped, looking awed.

"Why are you so impressed. Your entire family is in the Order!" James pointed out.

"Still, I can't imagine what it must be like to have Dumbledore personally ask you to join," Dorcas explained, looking (for the first time in her life) speechless.

"Well, you're going to find out soon enough," I told her.

"What do you mean?" Remus frowned.

"He doesn't just want me and Lily," James said dramatically, "he wants _all of us_."

"Even me?" Remus said quietly.

"Why wouldn't he want you?" James frowned, confused. "You're just as good as me at dueling, and you're loads smarter than me. If anything, you're an even better option."

"James," I whispered quietly, waiting for him to understand.

"_Oh,_" he said finally, "Is this about your furry little problem?"

Sirius snorted. "I told you to stop calling it that."

"Well, what else are you going to call it?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and turned to Remus, glaring at him impatiently. "Moony, you're the brightest bloke in our year, and you're also probably the nicest and most noble. Out of any of us, you're probably the least likely to do something bad."

Dorcas nodded vigorously. "Honestly, Remus, who's most likely to end up in Azkaban: you or Sirius?"

The others laughed, and Sirius glared at his girlfriend, a small smile on his face as he tried not to laugh.

"Remus, you're a great bloke. Just because you have...a little problem...it doesn't mean you're any different of a person. Anybody would be lucky to have you as a friend. And Dumbledore would be lucky to have you on his side. Might I remind you that you were the first of all of us to conjure a patronus? And you were the only one of us to get Outstanding on every single one of your O.W.L's. And you were the only one who could keep those three idiots from tormenting innocent people. And to be frank, I think you are the only reason James and Sirius have never gotten expelled," I told him seriously.

James nodded. "It's sad, but it's true."

Remus stared at us, his eyes watering slightly. Sirius was wise enough to distract everybody, allowing Remus to gain a bit of time to compose himself.


	41. The Third-Wheel

**Chapter Forty-One: The Third-Wheel**

* * *

_Every fiber of my body erupted into agonizing pain. It felt as if boiling hot knives were piercing every part of my body. My veins were burning like I was on fire. My vision began to go blurry as tears of pain escaped my eyes. I heard a bloodcurdling scream, and it took my a while before I realized that I was the one screaming. And just as quickly as it came, it ended._

"Lily, it's okay. I'm here."

I felt strong arms wrap around me.

"James," I mumbled, "I had the dream again."

"I know," he whispered, "it's okay, now. I'm here."

"You have to go," I told him halfheartedly, "if you're mum sees you here..."

"I'm seventeen now, remember?" he muttered, "I don't need to listen to my _mum_."

If my eyes were open, I was sure I would have been rolling them, because no matter how old somebody got, they would still always fear their parents. Just the other day, James and Sirius were hiding from Mrs. Potter after they accidentally made the entire first floor fall through. I still don't know how they managed to do that, but I remembered waiting out in Marlene's house until Mr. Potter fixed it all up. Meanwhile, we could hear Mrs. Potter shouting at the two boys in the gardens.

"Bloody idiots," Marlene muttered, handing me a cup of tea.

I shook my head, listening as Mrs. Potter screeched at both boys. We both glanced outside through the window. James and Sirius were staring at the ground shamefully, while Mrs. Potter, who was still in her morning jumper, waved her hands wildly, shouting for the entire neighborhood to hear. All around them snow swirled, making the outside look a bit like a scene in a picture.

Now, a few days later, James had snuck into the bedroom in which Mrs. Potter had fixed up for me. It was actually quite nice. I often times forgot how much money James's family had. They were so humble about it. Even though I knew they had loads of gold in the bank, they chose to live in a modest home in Godric's Hollow. Don't get me wrong, their house was still loads bigger than mine, but it was all very humble.

"James," I muttered, pushing him away, "I don't want your mother to think of me as some sort of slag."

"She won't," he assured me, pulling me close again.

"Yes she will!"

"Lil, my mum loves you. I'm pretty sure she wishes she had you as a daughter instead of me for a son."

I bit my lip. "Fine, but only because you're so cute."

I buried my head in his chest, as he softly stroked my hair.

"Hey, James?" I whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you," I said, thinking of the dream I had previously been having.

"For what?" he asked.

"Just for being here, I guess," I mumbled, shivering slightly at the memory of that dark cellar, being dragged into that circle to be tortured.

He smiled, wrapping his arms around me again. This time, though, I relaxed into him and immediately fell asleep.

* * *

I put my legs on James's lap. We were sitting on the bench in Marlene's backyard. The snow had covered all the flowers that had previously blossomed in the summer, and snowflakes swirled all around us.

"What are you thinking?" James asked as I hugged myself against the cold.

I shrugged. "We just have loads of memories here."

"This is where we first became friends," he remembered.

I nodded. "And it's also where you told me you wanted nothing to do with me."

"Well, I didn't say it like that!"

I smiled. "That's what it felt like."

"Might I remind you that I wouldn't have said that if you hadn't broken my fragile little heart."

I stared at him. "James, you were the one who kissed Emmeline. Not me."

He ran his hand through his hair nervously. "Yeah, not my smartest of ideas."

I crossed my arms, remembering the sight of James and Emmeline smashed up against each other.

James rubbed my leg. "Lil, you're not still mad about that, are you?"

"I just don't like seeing you with other girls," I grumbled, trying not to sound petty.

"Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore," he told me, "you're stuck with me for the rest of your life."

"Sounds good to me," I said, scooting myself closer to him.

He grinned, pulling me close and kissing me.

"OI! Prongs!" Sirius shouted, angrily stomping through the snow.

Groaning, I pulled away from James.

"Git," James muttered.

"He has the worst timing," I agreed.

"What are you doing here?" Remus snapped as he and Sirius stood before us.

James raised his eyebrows. "What am I doing here? I live in this area. What are _you guys _doing here?"

"You're three hours late!" Sirius exclaimed furiously.

James's eyes widened. "Oh! Padfoot, I'm sorry! I forgot."

"Forgot what?" I asked.

"We were supposed to meet up," Sirius growled, "but Prongsie here FORGOT!"

"Wow, you're really mad," I remarked, surprised. Sirius was usually the laid-back type of bloke. Unless you were a Slytherin, it was very difficult to upset him.

"Sorry, mate," James said, "I was with Lily."

Sirius crossed his arms. "You can't keep using the Lily excuse."

"Lily excuse?" I asked.

Remus glanced at me. "No offense, Lily."

"None taken," I said.

"Padfoot, I said I was sorry," James said.

"That's not enough," Remus told him.

"Yeah! We waited for three hours! _Three!_" Sirius said, holding up three fingers for emphasis.

"What do you want me to do," James sighed, "I said I was sorry."

"James," I said, turning to him, "you made a mistake, and now you need to find some sort of way to apologize to your friends."

"Yeah!" Remus said, "Listen to Lily!"

James stared at me. "Lily, honey, you're not really helping."

"You know what, forget it," Sirius snapped. We watched as he stomped off into Marlene's kitchen.

"What's with him?" James asked, shocked.

"Oh, he just feels a bit left out," Remus sighed, shaking his head.

I frowned. "What do you mean."

Remus hesitated, avoiding eye contact with me. "Well...erm...ever since you two started dating - "

"Sirius feels like the third wheel?" I guessed.

"That's ridiculous," James scoffed.

"Is it?" I asked. "When was the last time you and Sirius hung out just the two of you."

James racked his brains, trying to think.

"You shouldn't have to think so hard," I remarked.

"He can't just throw a fit because I want to spend time with my girlfriend!" James huffed, irritated.

"When he and Dorcas started dating, Sirius always made time to spend with you," Remus pointed out.

"James, he's like your brother. Don't you miss him?" I asked gently.

James sighed. "Of course..."

"And don't you agree that the two of you haven't been as close since you and Lily started dating?" Remus prodded.

"Yeah...I'm such a prat," James sighed.

"No, you're not," Remus said firmly, "just go talk to him."

James hesitated. "Okay...but if he hexes me, I can't promise I won't hex him back."

"I would expect no less," Remus said, rolling his eyes.

Remus and I followed James inside. I knew James and Sirius would probably want a minute alone, but I honestly couldn't stay in the cold a second longer. Remus seemed to agree with me, considering he was wearing a very light jacket.

"Padfoot," James said upon entering Marlene's kitchen, "we need to talk."

Sirius, who was in the midst of a conversation with Marlene and Dorcas, barely glanced up at James.

"Look, I'll do whatever it takes to make it up to you," James said, closing the door behind him.

Sirius glared at him. "Like what?"

James thought about it for a moment. "I don't know...oh! I'll stand in my underwear outside in the cold while eating a bag full of Blood-flavoured Lollipops!"

Dorcas made a face. "Aren't those for vampires?"

I shook my head. "James, I don't think you can make it up to him by freezing your arse off and eating vampire candy. I think you'll need to do something a bit more thoughtful."

Sirius, on the other hand, seemed to disagree with me. He looked up at James, grinning. "You would do that for me?"

James shrugged. "Course, mate. I'm always up for a challenge."

Sirius jumped up. "Alright! Let's go buy the lollipops!"

I stared at them for a minute. "Boys," I finally muttered, shaking my head.

* * *

I peered through the window. James was in his underwear, shivering, sucking on a dark red lollipop. Sirius was standing in front of him expectantly, his arms crossed.

"What on earth is going on?" Mrs. Potter asked, appearing behind me. She was also looking through the window, an amused expression on her face.

"James is apologizing to Sirius," I explained, rolling my eyes.

She sighed. "I swear, by the way those two behave, you would never guess that they were grown adults."

I smiled. "Aren't you going to stop them?"

She shook her head. "I gave up on trying to stop them years ago. As long as they don't destroy my house again, I'm okay."

"Have they always been like this?" I asked, trying to imagine an eleven-year old James standing out in the cold, sucking on vampire lollipops.

Mrs. Potter snorted. "If anything, I feel as if they've been tamed down."

I looked outside again. James was bent over, looking green, while Sirius shook his head pityingly. After a moment, James straightened up again, and took out another lollipop.

"Honestly, how many more lollipops are there?" I exclaimed worriedly. I could already picture James having a cold for days.

"I don't know," she giggled.

"He's going to be so sick after this," I grimaced.

Mrs. Potter shrugged. "With James and Sirius, that's the only way they'll learn. I've always just had to let them go out and make their own mistakes. If not, then they'd just do it behind my back."

I glanced out the window again. "But I feel so bad...he's going to feel so ill."

Mrs. Potter chuckled. "You really care about him, don't you?"

I looked at her. "Well, erm...yeah...he's my boyfriend."

She shrugged. "I'm sorry. It's just that he used to always drive you mad."

I stared at her. "Oh, he still does. I want to kill him half the time."

She laughed. "I know the feeling."

I turned back to look at James, smiling. "But he's also made me happier than I've ever been."

Mrs. Potter frowned. "You love him, don't you."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement. I glanced at her nervously. I couldn't imagine what it must feel like when your only son brought home a new girl. James always joked about spending the rest of his life with me, and though it made me uncomfortable, it also made me strangely content. I couldn't imagine it any other way. The two of us together forever.

"Yeah, I do," I blushed.

Mrs. Potter ran her hands through her hair nervously, in the same way James always did when he was uncomfortable or nervous.

"Well, if anything," she said, "I'm glad you do. I don't think he could've found anyone better."

I felt my face burn. "Thank you," I managed to say.

"Anyway," she sighed, "I fancy going to bed."

I watched as Mrs. Potter yawned and slowly made her way upstairs. And for the first time ever, I realized how truly old she was. Her face didn't have the usual energy and light it always did. I bit my lip worriedly. Mrs. Potter risked her life everyday in the Order. In that moment, what I wanted more than anything was to lock Mrs. Potter up in her room, and protect her from any death eaters.

"I d-d-did it! I a-ate all th-the lollip-p-pops..." James chattered, bursting through the doors.

I swiveled around to see Sirius grinning broadly, throwing a blanket over James.

"L-Lil! I d-did it!" James exclaimed.

"Congratulations, I'm so proud," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

James stared at me. "You know, I'm getting the feeling that you're not actually proud of me."

Sirius snorted. "Well, come on, Prongsie! Let's go get a drink. Merlin, I can't believe you ate all those lollipops."

James rubbed his stomach. "Yeah, neither can I."

Sirius threw on his jacket. "Come on, I know this great place near my apartment."

James grinned. "Brilliant. You wanna come, Lil?"

I saw the flicker of disappointment cross Sirius's face. I knew he just wanted a guys night with James, just like old times.

I smiled. "No, I think I'm going to bed. You two go. Have fun."

James shrugged. "Okay, thanks. Come on, Padfoot!" he exclaimed, heading toward the door.

"James," I called, "aren't you forgetting something?"

James glanced down at his bare body being covered by a blanket. "Oh, yeah. I'll just go put on some clothes."

Sirius and I watched him dash upstairs.

"Thanks, Lil," Sirius said quietly.

I frowned. "For what?"

He flicked me. "Don't make me talk about my feelings."

I laughed. "How about a hug, you weirdo."

Sirius grinned, giving me a great big bear hug.

"Alright," James announced, bouncing back into the kitchen, "let's go!"

"Bye, Lil!" Sirius exclaimed.

James leaned down to kiss me, but I backed away.

"What?" he asked.

"Mate, you just ate a bag of blood-flavoured lollipops. What girl in her right mind would kiss you?" Sirius laughed.

"Exactly," I nodded.

James grinned. "Good point."

I kissed his cheek. "Have fun."

"Don't worry, we will," James replied as he and Sirius started for the door.

"We should pick up Moony on the way," Sirius said as he and James slammed the door shut behind them. I ran to the window, watching as both boys strolled through the backyard, laughing. When they were far enough away, both boys disappeared with a crack.


	42. Christmas Celebrations

**Chapter Forty-Two: Christmas Celebrations**

* * *

I rolled over, expecting to see James lying beside me. But to my surprise, the bed was empty. Feeling slightly disappointed, I sat up. At the foot of my bed, there was a pile of presents. Beaming, I jumped out of bed and began tearing open every box I laid my hands on.

Sirius had given me a signed copy of my favorite book, which really surprised me. I never thought he actually listened to me when I started talking about books. Remus, who had heard me complain on several occasions that i had missed out on a magical upbringing, had given me _The Tales of Beedle the Bard_. Nate gave me a fancy new set of spell-checking quills, and I was glad because I was just thinking that I needed to buy some new ones. Peter had given me a box of my favorite candies. Mr. and Mrs. Potter had given me a beautiful and very expensive looking dress for the Christmas party they were throwing tonight. Marlene gave me a new purse that we had seen on the cover of_ Witch Weekly_. James gave me emerald earrings that matched my necklace quite nicely. I immediately put them on, admiring how they brought out my eyes. Mum had sent me a box of my favorite baked goods, and a very long letter expressing how much she missed me. Petunia had given me a very hideous pink sweater, but I appreciated the thought , Tuney didn't even bother to send me a gift.

My favorite present by far, though, was probably from Dorcas. Because she was so close to my dad, I think she was the only one of me friends who understood exactly how much I missed him. She had framed a picture of me, Dad, her, and Marlene together. Like most pictures in the wizarding world, it had been developed to move. Marlene was in the corner, giggling as Dorcas and Dad made faces at the camera. I was on the other side, my arm around my dad, rolling my eyes at them. I carefully placed the frame on my nightstand, and made a note to hug all of my friends because they had really come through for me. Especially Dorcas. She wasn't usually the type of person to take the time out to frame something.

After throwing away all the wrappers and placing all my gifts in my trunk, I pulled on my jumper, and traipsed downstairs.

"Happy Christmas!" I exclaimed, bursting through the kitchen.

"Happy Christmas!" everybody chorused back. Grinning, i took my usual seat in between James and Sirius.

"Did you like my gift?" Sirius asked, elbowing me lightly.

"How did you get it autographed?" I demanded, beaming.

Sirius smirked. "I have my ways."

I shrugged. "Well, however you did it, thank you."

Sirius smiled. "And all those times you went on and on about that stupid book, you thought I had just zoned out, didn't you?"

I bit my lip. "Maybe."

"Breakfast, Lily?" Mrs. Potter asked, pushing forward a plateful of eggs and toast.

"Thanks," I said.

"How about my gift?" James whispered. "Did you like it?"

Grinning, I discreetly tucked my hair back to show him the earrings.

"So...you like it?" he asked nervously. "Moony helped pick them out...we're not really jewelry experts..."

"It's perfect," I assured him, squeezing his hand under the table.

There was a knock at the door, and the five of us turned to see the McKinnons bursting in.

"Happy Christmas!" Mr. McKinnon exclaimed.

"Happy Christmas!" we called back.

"Come on in," Mr. Potter said, beckoning them forward.

Marlene plopped down across from me. "Thanks for the book, Lil!" she exclaimed.

I smiled. "I'm glad you like it."

"Honey, what time are the caterers arriving?" Mrs. Potter asked her husband.

"Around noon, I expect," Mr. Potter replied.

"How big is this party exactly?" I asked James as the adults immersed themselves in party plans.

James smirked. "You haven't been to a real party unless you've been to a Dorea Potter party."

"_Everyone _always comes," Marlene interjected, smiling.

"That's not always a good thing," Sirius pointed out.

"What do you mean?" I asked, frowning.

"Do you recall your old friend Austin Davies?" Sirius said, glancing at James who had stiffened up slightly.

"Austin will be there!" I squealed.

"You don't have to sound so excited," James grumbled.

I flicked him. "Don't be jealous."

"I liked Austin," Marlene said sadly, "he was like a male-verison of Lily."

"So, basically what you're saying is that he was a boring nag?" Sirius said cheekily.

"I'm not boring!" I huffed.

"I'm sure Natalie will be coming too," James told me.

I bit my lip. Even though Natalie and I had ended the school year on good terms, I was still a bit nervous about seeing her.

"Alice and Frank will be there," Marlene remembered, her eyes lighting up with excitement.

"And Mary too!" Sirius added gleefully.

My eyes widened. It had been ages since I'd seen my old friends. I still wrote to them nearly every month, but it wasn't the same. I used to see them every single day at Hogwarts.

"Marlene, honey, are you and Sirius still going to Dorcas's?" Mrs. McKinnon asked as she helped Mrs. Potter with the dishes.

"Yeah, but we'll be back in time for the party," Marlene assured her mum.

"James, are you and Lily also going?" Mrs. Potter asked.

James shook his head. "No, Lily and I have other plans."

I frowned. "We do?"

"Just make sure you're back in time for the party. And I want both of you dressed properly," she warned us.

James nodded. "We'll be back by seven. That'll give us plenty of time to get ready."

"James, what plans do we have?" I asked, tugging at his arm.

He grinned. "It's a surprise."

* * *

"Where are you taking me, James?" I demanded as we strolled down the sidewalk.

"You'll see," he said, taking my hand, "I think this is far enough away."

Before I could protest, we were disapparating. My entire body felt as if it were being squished through a tube.

"We're here!" James exclaimed once we landed.

I looked around. We were standing at the top of hill.

"Where is 'here'?" I asked.

"Turn around," said a soft voice.

I swiveled around. "Mum?" I gaped.

She was standing in front of an iron gate, her hair flowing in the wind. She looked the same. And she sounded the same. But as she stood there in front of the iron gate, clutching a bouquet of flowers, there was a tired-ness in her face. She looked so old and fragile.

"What? No hug?" she said, smiling.

Grinning, I rushed forward, wrapping my arms around her thin body.

"It's so good to see you, honey," she mumbled, hugging me tightly.

"I thought you might want to spend time with your family on Christmas," James said as Mum let go of me.

"I don't understand...what's going on...where are we?" I stuttered, confused.

James nodded at the iron gates. Frowning, I looked past the iron gate, where there were rows of graves. I felt my heart skip a beat.

Mum cleared her throat. "Tuney and I came here on your father's birthday...James felt it would be a good idea for me to come here with you too..."

I shook my head. "I can't."

"No one's forcing you," Mum said gently.

"Yeah," James said, "we could just turn around right now if you want."

I bit my lip. "No," I finally said, "I'll go...Dad always loved Christmas..."

Mum smiled. "Yeah, he did."

* * *

I knelt down, carefully placing the flowers on Dad's grave. I cleared my throat. "Hello, Daddy...I'm sorry I haven't been here since the funeral..."

I felt Mum place her hand on my shoulder. James was standing a safe distance away, giving us our space.

"...it's Christmas!" I continued, "Christmas was your favorite holiday. You used to drive us mad with all the caroling and Christmas movies..." I sighed, waiting for the feeling of the lump in my throat to go away. "I miss you, Daddy," I whispered, "it's not fair that you got taken away from me...but I think I can understand it now. Dumbledore - he's the headmaster at my school - he's always telling us not to fear death...that it's just the next great adventure. I hope he's right. Actually, he probably is. Dumbledore's a genius, you see. He's letting us fight...did you know that? After school ends, he's going to let us fight...he's going to let us make a difference. Me and James, we're going to help stop V-Voldemort, and we're going to help save innocent people. Hey, you remember James, right? He said you met once...I think you'd really like him. He's my boyfriend now...can you believe it? I complained about him for years, and now that bloody idiot is my boyfriend...actually, he's more than that. I really love him, Dad, and it scares me. I just wish you were here...I think you'd really like him. He's just as annoying, if not more annoying, than Dorky..."

"Thanks, Lily. What a _glowing _review," James said sarcastically behind me.

I looked back at James, smiling. "You hush." I turned back to my father's grave. "Anyway, I guess...I'm doing really well. School's great. Dorcas and Marlene are good too. They miss you, though. We all do."

After a moment, I finally got up.

"Are you okay?" Mum asked, wrapping her arm around me.

I nodded. "Yeah...I'm glad we did that..."

She smiled. "Well, come on, then. How about some hot chocolate?"

I looked at James. "Can we?"

He smiled. "Sure. We've got hours until Mum's party."

I nodded. "Okay, Mum, this is going to feel a tad uncomfortable."

I took Mum's arm in one hand and James's arm in the other. Taking a deep breath, I disapparated in front of our house. It looked empty and dark, and I guessed that was because Mum and Petunia had been staying with Vernon's family. I felt a twinge sadness. This year was the first Christmas our family had spent apart, away from our house.

"Goodness," Mum gasped once we landed, "why would anyone do that to themselves!"

James laughed. "Yeah, it takes some getting used to."

She smiled. "Well, come on, then. Petunia and I are staying with Vernon's family, but I'm sure we have some cookies and hot chocolate in there."

I watched as my mum clung arms with James and the two of them headed inside. Smiling to myself, I followed. Out of the corner of my eye, I could have sworn I saw greasy black hair turn the corner. Briefly, I wondered if it had been Snape, but I forgot about him as Mum and James beckoned me inside.

* * *

James plopped onto my bed, watching as I got ready.

"I like that dress," he commented.

"Thank you," I beamed.

"And I would like it even better if it were off," he smirked.

I rolled my eyes.

"Hey, James," I said, after I had gotten my eyeliner on perfectly, "thank you for today. It meant a lot to me."

He shrugged. "I thought you might need it."

I smiled, watching him in the mirror. "My mum likes you."

He grinned, turning a slight shade of red. James was the most charming bloke on the planet, and he had charmed the pants off my mum. I was sure that she was already planning our wedding.

"Lily, are you ready?" Mrs. Potter asked, opening the door.

I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. "I think so."

Mrs. Potter smiled. "You look lovely, dear."

"Thank you."

"James," Mrs. Potter frowned, spotting her son sprawled on my bed, "what are you doing here? I thought I said you weren't allowed in Lily's room."

James rolled his eyes. "Don't worry, Mum. Nothing's going to happen...no matter how much I want," he added bitterly.

I glared at him, but Mrs. Potter acted as if she didn't hear. "Come on, then," she said, ushering us out, "nearly all the guests are here."

We followed her downstairs, and I slipped my hand into James's. I gasped slightly as we made our way down the stairs. Mrs. Potter had truly outdone herself. I never knew somebody could throw such a party. There were red and gold banners hanging from the ceilings. Every door had an elaborate reef. I counted several mistletoes, in which couples were kissing under. And it seemed as if everybody was here. I swore I even caught a peek of the prime minister heading into the kitchen.

"James! Lily! Happy Christmas!" Dorcas shouted, pushing through the crowd.

I grinned, hugging her. "Thank you so much, Dorky," I whispered in her ear, "your gift was amazing."

She smiled sadly at me. "I thought you might like it. So, how did it go today? Sirius told me James took you to your dad's grave."

"It was good. I'm glad we did it," I told her truthfully.

"I'm gonna go find the other marauders, okay?" James said, giving me a quick kiss and giving Dorcas a quick hug before dashing off.

"So," I said, turning back to Dorcas, "have you seen Alice or Mary yet?"

Dorcas shook her head. "Marlene went looking for them, but there's so many people here..."

"Lily!"

I turned to find Natalie Peterson pushing through the crowd, waving her arms frantically, trying to get my attention.

"Bloody hell, I hate that girl," Dorcas muttered.

"Be nice," I warned her under my breath.

"Natalie," I exclaimed, "you look great!"

And she really did. Natalie's golden hair was tied in an elegant knot. She was wearing a flowy purple dress that hugged her body in all the right places. She was holding a glass of wine, grinning at me.

"Thank you," she squealed, "oh, it's so good to see you."

"You too," I said, forcing a smile, "So, how have you been?"

"Good! I'm actually working at Austin's dad's company. It's really great. He thinks I could run it someday."

"How's Austin?" I asked. Though I had treated Austin terribly towards the end of our relationship, I truly did care about him. He was a great boyfriend to me, and I still felt guilty about the way he found out about my feelings for James.

"He's good! He's actually dating somebody. It's getting quite serious actually. How about you? Are you seeing anybody?"

Dorcas and I exchanged looks. "Erm..yeah...James and I...we're sort of together..." I stuttered. Natalie and James had gone out last year, and though it drove me mad to think of James with Natalie, I still felt bad for getting in between their relationship. Natalie had broken up with James because she thought he still had feelings for me.

Natalie laughed. "I should have known. You two were meant for each other."

I smiled. "Yeah, we are, aren't we."

Dorcas cleared her throat. "Lily, we should really get going..."

Natalie turned to Dorcas, forcing a smile onto her face. "Oh, Dorcas, I didn't even see you there."

"Oh, well, that's okay," Dorcas said pleasantly.

I stared at her. Normally, Dorky would be jumping down her throat.

"I'll see you later, Nat," I smiled, linking arms with Dorcas, and pushing through the crowds. "Wow, Dorcas," I said, impressed, "that was very mature of you."

Dorcas shook her head. "I hate that slag. It took all of my strength not to punch her in the face."

I didn't say anything, though, because I finally spotted Alice and Mary at the bar. They were chatting with Marlene, hugging her tightly.

"Dorcas, I see them!" I shrieked, pulling her through the crowd of dancers.

"Lily! Dorcas!" Mary squealed, spotting as Dorcas and I ran through the cluster of people mingling.

"Guys, you'll never believe it!" Marlene shouted, pointing at Alice. Alice held up her hand, showing off the large diamond ring on her finger.

"Frank proposed this morning," she said breathlessly. Dorcas and I screamed in delight, throwing ourselves onto Alice's tiny body.

"I can't believe it," Dorcas exclaimed, "you're getting married!"

"And you're all bridesmaids!" Alice told us.

"Who's your maid-of-honor?" Marlene asked.

Mary grinned. "That would be me!"

I laughed. "Of course!"

Mary narrowed her eyes at me. "Alice isn't the only one with exciting news, Ms. Lily."

I frowned. "She's not?"

Alice giggled in delight. "How are you and James doing?"

I smiled. "We're good."

"I'm sorry," Mary said, "but didn't you call him an arrogant toe-rag once upon a time?"

I rolled my eyes. "He _is_ an arrogant toe-rag...whom I just happen to love."

Alice choked on the firewhisky she was drinking.

"Love?" Mary gasped.

"We were just as shocked," Dorcas nodded, gesturing to herself and Marlene.

"So, it's serious?" Alice asked.

I shrugged. "We've only been dating a couple of months, but I can't imagine being with anybody else. I know this sounds ridiculous and probably extremely corny, but James is the one. He always has been. I've just been too stupid to realize it."

"And who would have thought," Marlene said, shaking her head.

"Four years ago, James would come to us all upset, thinking Lily would always hate him," Dorcas sighed nostalgically.

Mary sighed. "I miss Hogwarts."

"It's not the same without you guys," Marlene said sadly.

Alice slammed her glass down. "No more serious talk. This is a party! Let's have fun!"

Mary grinned. "What do you suggest we do?"

"Let's dance!" Dorcas suggested, her blue eyes lighting up. She took mine and Marlene's hands, dragging us onto the dance floor. Mary and Alice eagerly followed. I looked around at my four best friends, giggling as they danced. I couldn't imagine having spent a better Christmas.

* * *

**A/N: Hey, guys! I just wanted to thank everybody for all the amazing reviews I've been getting! I wish I could personally thank each and every one of you. It literally brings a smile to my face every time I get an email with a review.**

**Second, I know these last couple of chapters have been kind of corny and mushy, but what can I say? Lily's in love. **

**Anyway, thank you again for all the reviews, and I hope you liked this chapter!**

**-Summer4Girl**


	43. Petunia's Bridal Shower

**Chapter Forty-Three: Petunia's Bridal Shower**

* * *

I watched Vernon stomp out of the restaurant, Petunia galloping after him. Groaning, I buried my face in my hands. I didn't even realize there were tears streaming down my face, until James wiped them away from my cheeks, apologizing profusely.

"Lily, I'm so sorry," James was saying, his hand on my back, "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

I quickly wiped away my tears. "It's fine...I shouldn't have expected anything different."

He looked at me guiltily. "I'll apologize to Turnip and Petunia."

I cracked a small smile. "Vernon," I corrected for what felt like the hundredth time.

He rolled his eyes. "Same difference."

I giggled, resting my head on his shoulder. "What now?"

"No reason this food should go to waste," James grinned, rubbing his hands together eagerly.

Shrugging, I picked up my fork, following in his lead as he scarfed down the rolls.

"What on earth happened?" Mum demanded an hour later as James and I strolled into the house.

"What do you mean?" I asked, frowning.

"Petunia called me. She was furious, saying that she didn't want you two at her wedding!" Mum exclaimed.

James looked at her guiltily. "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Evans...Vernon didn't exactly take a liking to me..."

Mum shook her head in disbelief. "But you're James!"

James sighed. "I know. It came as a shock to me too."

I rolled my eyes. "Mum, please don't encourage his ego."

James flicked me.

"So," I said, "Tuney really doesn't want us at the wedding?"

Mum sighed. "Oh, Lily, you know your sister. She's always been one for the dramatics. Just give her a few days to cool off. I'm sure she'll come around."

"Well, should I apologize?" James suggested.

Mum thought about it. "I think it's a good idea. Just apologize to them tonight at Petunia's wedding shower."

I frowned. "Mum, if Petunia doesn't want us at her wedding, then I doubt she'd want us at her wedding shower."

"Don't be ridiculous, Lily. Do you honestly think Petunia isn't going to invite her own sister to her wedding or wedding shower? Just give her a little space, and she'll be fine."

James and I exchanged looks, because it sounded exactly like something Petunia would do. I loved my sister, I really did, and deep down, I knew Petunia loved me too. And I wanted to share this moment with her, just like when I got married, I wanted her to be there. But I knew that was likely to never happen. I would be lucky if Petunia ever even spoke to me once we didn't have Mum to tie us down together.

I watched as James showed Mum a few tricks with his wand. She watched him delighted, entranced by the little sparks coming from his wand. I loved James, and I was glad Mum loved him too. However, I wished Petunia would just take a second to get to know James. I wanted her to love him as much as Mum loved him, but I knew that was never going to happen, not when James was a wizard.

* * *

Vernon and Petunia were having their wedding shower inside a very nice hotel. The ballroom was large and elegant, and it was truly beautiful; however, Petunia's decorations were not. She had horrid pink petunias everywhere. Now, I think petunias are lovely flowers, but all the pink was starting to give me a migraine. She had pink flowers, pink chairs, pink banners. Thankfully, it was a dull pink, so it didn't pop out nearly as much, but it was still horrible. Also, I understand that Petunia was her name and all, but was it really necessary to have actual petunias everywhere?

James and I had just arrived. After greeting a few of my neighbors, we decided it was best to find Vernon and Petunia. I had been dreading seeing them all day. But James had to apologize, even though, he didn't really do anything wrong. Sure, he was pulling the mickey out of Vernon a bit earlier, but at least he wasn't being like Vernon, who had talked down to us the entire lunch.

"There he is," I muttered, spotting Vernon. He was standing in front of the bar, a whiskey in his hand.

"Deep breaths," James whispered back.

I shuddered. "I swear, every time I look at him, I feel like he's going to eat me."

James chuckled.

"What are _you _doing here?" Petunia demanded, her lips pursed.

I blinked. "We just came to apologize," I told her nervously.

"Well, it's not me you owe an apology to," she snapped, crossing her arms.

"What are _they _doing here?" Vernon growled, appearing beside Petunia.

"Apologizing," she muttered.

James cleared his throat. "Erm...I just wanted to apologize for what happened earlier today at the restaurant. I think it was all just a misunderstanding. I didn't mean to offend either of you in any way..."

I nodded fervently, but Petunia didn't budge. She glared at us furiously.

"Oh, come on, Tuney," I sighed, "I understand you're upset, but _try _and forgive me. It's your wedding shower! Don't you want to be in a good mood?"

Petunia raised her eyebrows. "I suppose there's no need carrying negative feelings."

"So, we're forgiven?" James asked hopefully.

Vernon grunted, and I took that to mean that to mean we could stay.

"Thanks," I said, backing away, "James and I will just be at the table...staying out of your way..."

"Well, that wasn't so bad," James said as we made our way to our seats.

I sighed sadly. "Well, I think I can discard any of my hopes I had of being a bridesmaid."

James looked at me apologetically.

"Hey," I said, taking his hand, "it's not your fault. She would've found something to be upset about with or without you."

He nodded. "So, where are our seats?" he asked.

I pointed to the back. There was a small table cramped in the corner, caught in between the kitchen doors and the trash.

"Of course," James laughed.

"We're lucky, though," I told him.

"Why is that?"

"Because she put all of us rejects at the same table."

James frowned. "Rejects?"

"Yeah," I explained, "you know, all the people she was forced to invite, but didn't actually want here."

"Ah."

"Lily!" shouted a familiar face, jumping up from his seat.

"Troy!" I shrieked, running into his arms.

"Blimey, Lily, you really grew up," Troy admired, spinning me around.

I laughed. "Troy, this is my boyfriend, James. James, this is Troy. Our dads were best friends. He's two years older than me. We used to vacation together once a year, and Troy would drive Petunia mad. He pulled the craziest pranks on her."

"Really," James said, impressed, "do tell."

"Oh, please don't get him started," said another familiar voice coming from behind me. I turned to find Troy's sister, Arabella, rolling her eyes.

"Bella!" I squealed, hugging the young girl. "James, this is Troy's little sister, Bella. Bella, this is my boyfriend, James."

"He's cute," Bella told me approvingly.

James grinned and turned to me. "I like her. You should listen to her more."

I laughed, rolling my eyes at the two of them.

"Anyway, Lil," Troy said seriously, "I'm sorry we couldn't be there at your dad's funeral."

I brushed him off. "It's fine. I understand. Besides, I'm surprised you're here. I didn't think you would fly all the way into town just for Tuney's wedding shower."

Bella gave me a dark look. "We didn't. Dad had business here, and so he dragged us all into coming."

I smiled. "Well, I'm glad you came."

"Petunia sure isn't," Troy snorted.

I rolled my eyes. "When is Petunia pleased about anything? Besides, I think it's really good that your parents came. My mum could really use the company."

Troy nodded, taking his seat. James and I followed, taking our own seats beside him.

"Where's that weird friend of yours?" Bella asked, looking around.

I frowned. "Severus?"

"That's it!" Bella exclaimed, snapping her fingers.

I shrugged. "I don't know. We're not really friends anymore."

"Good," Bella shuddered, "he gave me the creeps."

Beside me, James snorted.

"Arabella, be nice," Troy said sternly. Bella rolled her eyes.

Much to my surprise, the rest of the evening went quite nicely. James had taken a great liking to Troy, and the two of them ended up drinking a tad too much wine. James also met the others at our table, whom James also liked very much. He said that as long as those people were at Tuney's wedding, then he would be more than happy to attend.

"I'm going to the bathroom," I whispered to James, "Are you okay by yourself."

He rolled his eyes. "I think I can handle myself for five minutes."

I glared at him. "James, I'm serious. No one here knows about magic."

"Muggles," James said fondly, "they can't see what's right in front of them."

I got up. "Be good," I warned.

I made my way to the bathroom, acknowledging anyone who called my name or stopped for small talk. Most of the guests, though, were Vernon and Petunia's friends, and they basically ignored me. Not that I minded, though. They seemed like an unfriendly lot.

While I was in the stall, though, Petunia arrived with one of her gossiping friends.

"...which one your sister?" the girl asked.

"The one with the red hair," Petunia replied.

"I saw her! She was with that boy with the messy hair!" her friend exclaimed.

Petunia made a wretched noise. "Horrible bloke! Oh, he's so immature...going nowhere in life, I tell you. He couldn't even comb his hair for an event like this? Oh, no manners or class whatsoever!"

"Oh, I could tell...I saw him and some other bloke chugging down bottles of wine."

Petunia made a noise of exasperation. "And a drunk too! Honestly, I know Lily isn't quite a catch, but I could expect she would find somebody better than _him_."

"Yes, well, I can understand now why you don't want her in the wedding."

"My mother insists that she and that silly boyfriend of hers attend; however, I have no intention of allowing her to actually be _in_ the wedding. She'll probably just ruin like she does everything. Saint Lily. According to my parents, she can do no wrong."

Her friend patted her sympathetically.

"We should really be getting back to the party," Petunia said, "how do I look?"

"Lovely," her friend gushed as the two of them made their way back to the shower. I stood in the stall, my heart pounding in fury. After a few moments, once I had calmed myself down, I left the bathroom, making a beeline for James. I found him and Troy teasing Arabella, encouraging her to go ask a bloke to dance.

"James," I said softly, taking his hand.

He peered down at me. "Hey! Will you tell Bella to go dance!"

I grinned. "Bella, go dance with the bloke. It's the only way you'll get them to leave you alone."

Bella considered her options. Finally, she groaned, and stomped to the dance floor, asking a nice looking fellow to dance. I grabbed my purse and began putting away my things.

"Are we leaving?" James asked, watching as I pulled my jacket on.

"Yep," I replied pleasantly.

James narrowed his eyes at me. "Why?"

"Because we're not wanted here," I told him honestly.

"Lily, what happened?" he asked seriously.

"Not here," I muttered, forcing a fake smile. He nodded, an easy smile on his face, though I could see his eyes were clouded with worry for me.

I softened my expression. "It's nothing," I assured him. He didn't look convinced, though.

"Are you guys leaving?" Troy asked, looking disappointed.

I smiled sadly. "Yeah, but you should come by the house later. We're not leaving until the day after the New Year."

Troy nodded. "Sounds good. I'll stop by tomorrow before our train leaves."

"Perfect," I grinned, giving him a quick hug, "tell Bella I said goodbye."

"Me too," James said, shaking Troy's hand.

We left quickly, not even saying goodbye to anybody else.

"Lily, what happened in the bathroom?" James asked, struggling to keep up with me as I stormed into my room a few minutes later. I hadn't spoken a word since we left the party, not when we disapparated, not when we apparated in front of my house, not when I stomped through the front door, not when I stormed up the stairs.

I stopped walking and looked down at the floor. "She hates me, James."

I felt his arms wrap around me. "She's your sister. Of course she doesn't hate you."

I shook my head. "You didn't see the way she was talking about me..."

"Look, Lily," James said seriously, "I don't like your sister. At all. I don't care about the way she treats me, but the way she treats you...its unacceptable. I hate that she makes you feel this way. But despite all of that, she's still your sister, and she loves you. I know she does."

"How can you be so sure?" I demanded.

James sighed. "Look at Sirius and Regulus. Those two didn't speak two kind words to each other for nearly ten years. And Sirius still worries about Regulus every single day. And Regulus risked his life to save Sirius, remember? They're family. No matter how much they hate it, they love each other. Just like no matter how much Petunia tries to fight it, she loves you. She hates that your different, but that doesn't make her love you any less. It just makes it more difficult for her to show it."

I stared at him for several long moments.

"What?" he asked self-consiously.

"I love you," I told him seriously. It wasn't like the other times when I said it. This time, it was more intense. I had never meant it more in my entire life. There was nothing in the world that mattered more than James. He was literally my everything.

"I love you too," he replied, slightly taken aback by the intenseness of my voice. He gently tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, and his touch sent tiny shivers down my spine. I stared into his eyes that twinkled behind his glasses.

And I couldn't take it anymore. I pulled him closer by the caller, kissing gently. It slowly escalated, though, to the type of kiss that makes your mind go all hazy. It felt like my whole body was on fire, and all I could think about was James and the feeling of his lips on mine. I felt the straps of my dress slipping off. James gently pulled them down, and the dress fell to the floor, but we paid no attention to it as I was already fumbling with the buttons on his shirt. I felt James slide his hands down under my thighs, gradually picking me up, and my legs wound around him. I quickly pulled his shirt off, kissing his neck.

He carefully set me on my bed, and our lips smashed together immediatly. And it was the best feeling in the world...until James pulled away from me.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked breathlessly.

I responded by rolling over so that I was on top of him. "Yes," I breathed before leaning down to kiss him.


	44. Odd Behavior

**Chapter Forty-Four: Odd Behavior**

* * *

I chewed on my lip, concentrating. "Remus," I said slowly, "I don't understand."

Remus looked up at me, sighing. "Me neither."

Groaning, I threw aside my Ancient Runes books. Remus and I had spent all day in the common room, attempting to do decipher ancient texts, but it was too bloody difficult. It seemed as if every class had been put on overdrive second term. Every teacher was assigning more homework, and there seemed to be exams nearly every day. Even James and Sirius started doing their homework out of fear of falling behind.

Remus and I had spent all morning worried about our N.E.W.T.s. We were going to have to take them in a few months, and it terrified me to think about them. After a brief panic attack, in which it took Remus five minutes to calm me down, we finally buckled down and began to review what might be on the exams. However, after several hours, we had started losing focus, and the material had started getting harder.

"Maybe we should take a break," Remus suggested. I studied his face, noticing the bags under his eyes. Last night was a full moon, so I knew he must have been exhausted today.

"Moony," I asked softly, "are you sure you don't want to go upstairs and take a nap. I won't mind, honestly."

Remus glared at me. "Lil, when you found out about my being a-" he lowered his voice "-werewolf, you _promised _you wouldn't treat me any differently."

"I'm not treating you differently. I'm just concerned with your well-being."

He rolled his eyes. "Come on, we can go watch the team's Quidditch practice."

I made a face. "Quidditch?"

"James'll be there," Remus said, smirking.

I bit my lip, considering this. While I didn't really enjoy Quidditch that much, I did enjoy seeing James in his uniform. "Oh, alright," I sighed, getting up.

Remus rolled his eyes as he opened the portrait hole and climbed through it.

"So, how's it going with that girl from Hufflepuff?" I asked coyly.

He shrugged. "I dunno..."

I raised my eyebrows. "I thought you really fancied her."

"I did - I mean I do, but it's not that simple."

"What's not simple? You like her. She likes you."

Remus eyed me warily. "Lily, we really haven't been dating that long..."

"Oh, don't pull that rubbish with me! I know you two have been secretly dating for ages."

He turned a light shade of pink. "You know?"

"Of course I know."

"Do the others know?" he asked, embarrassed.

I laughed. "You mean the Sirius and James? The two clueless idiots from Godric's Hollow?"

He smiled. "Good point."

"Remus," I sighed, "I don't understand why you want to keep this relationship a secret."

"I'm not...well, we're not really dating anymore," he admitted.

"Why not?"

"She wanted to go public...and I wasn't ready..."

I stared at him. "Why?"

Remus stared at the ground. "I just didn't want to get too serious, that's all."

I let out a strangled cry. "What?!"

He shrugged.

"Remus, what's the matter with you? She was perfect for you! She was pretty, smart, funny, and she was a prefect! Plus, she really likes you. It doesn't get any better than that."

He sighed, "Emily wasn't the problem. _I _was. She deserves better than me."

I scoffed. "Moony, you're the perfect gentleman. What are you talking about?"

"Lily, I'm a _monster,_" he said miserably.

"Remus, don't say that."

"Do you honestly think that she'll still be with me if she ever found out about my secret?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed defiantly. "And even if she doesn't than it's her loss. You'll find somebody who does. You can't just shun people out because you're scared of what they might think."

Remus shook his head. "Look, can we not talk about this right now?"

I wanted to argue, but he already looked so sad and defeated...

"Fine," I sighed as we neared the Quidditch pitch. We walked the rest of the way in silence, each of us absorbed in our own thoughts. Remus was wallowing in self-pity, while I kept thinking of James and the night of Petunia's bridal shower.

"We should have brought thicker jackets," Remus murmured as we followed the path to the Quidditch pitch.

Shivering slightly, I nodded. It was the end of January, and most of the snow had melted away; however, the wind was fierce. It would have actually been a fairly nice day if it weren't for all the wind.

"Is that Dorky?" I asked as Remus helped me climb onto the stands.

Remus shrugged. "She must be here for Sirius."

We plopped down next to Dorcas. She was huddled up in the top corner, deeply interested in their practice. Her eyes followed as the quaffle bounced from player to player.

"Hello," she said, not tearing her eyes away from the practice. I followed her gaze as she watched Sirius zoom across the field.

"How's Padfoot doing?" Remus asked.

"Not bad...he's a bit off today...I think he must be in a fight with O'Brien, because they're not working very well together. His flying is superb, of course, but he seems distracted..." she trailed off, wondering what had Sirius so off today. _  
_

"And James?" I questioned.

"Pretty good...He's scored quite of few, but not really quite as much as he usually does...hmmm...he's a bit off as well...he and Sirius must be tired or something," Dorcas said thoughtfully, "Well, as long as they get their act together by next week, I'm sure we'll be fine. We're playing Hufflepuff after all. While Hufflepuff has decent chasers, their keeper isn't quite as good. Plus, the other chasers are no competition for James and Sirius. _And_ we have the best seeker, so that puts us at a great advantage."

Remus and I stared at her.

"Wow," I finally said, "you really know your stuff."

She shrugged. "You're forgetting I grew up with two older brothers."

"Why didn't you ever try out for the team?" Remus wondered. "Padfoot says you're a pretty decent flyer."

She tore her eyes away from the practice momentarily to look at us. "I never thought about it...but why are _you _two here. I never got the impression you liked Quidditch."

"I don't that much," I admitted.

"James," she nodded knowingly, turning back to the game.

I blushed. "Yeah."

"And I'm just here to support my best friends," Remus said.

"Speaking of best friends, have either of you seen Marlene?" Dorcas asked before jumping up to yell something at James. Amused, James turned to yell back at Dorcas to mind her own business, because he was captain not her. She rolled her eyes but didn't say anything. I waved quickly to him before he had to turn back, and he gave me a wide grin.

"So," Dorcas said again, sitting back down, "what were we talking about?"

"Marlene," Remus replied.

"Oh, yeah," Dorcas said, turning away from the game to face us, "I hardly ever see her anymore. The only time I see her is during class."

"She doesn't even really stick around during meals," Remus interjected.

I frowned. "We share a room together! Don't you see her in there?"

Dorcas shook her head. "No! She only comes into the dormitory to sleep. And I'm always asleep when she comes in, and when I wake up, she's already gone! Merlin, you don't think she's cross with me, do you?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't think so. I've hardly seen her either."

Dorcas glared at me. "And I've hardly seen you either, missy. You're spending way too much time with James. You don't even sleep in our dormitory anymore!"

I frowned. "That's not true. I always sleep in our room."

Remus snorted.

"Lily, have you even come into our room since we got back from break?"

I bit my lip, knowing full well the answer was no.

"I thought we were talking about Marlene," I finally said.

Dorcas sighed. "If she's not upset with us, then she's definitely hiding something."

"Maybe she's just dating someone," Remus said quietly.

Dorcas and I swiveled around to Remus.

"What do you know?" I demanded.

Remus looked up at us innocently. "I know nothing."

Dorcas crossed her arms. "Marlene and I have been best friends since we were two. If she won't even tell _me _what she's hiding, than the only other person she would tell is you. You two have that weird bond. So spill it, wolfie."

Remus rolled his eyes. "I don't know anything," he said convincingly, "It was just a theory."

Dorcas and I glared at him, wondering whether or not he was telling the truth.

"I know I'm good looking, but all your staring is making me slightly uncomfortable," Remus said, grinning.

Dorcas laughed. "You marauders are so full of it."

"Well, obviously we're not, because may I remind you that _both _of your boyfriends are marauders," he pointed out smugly.

"Touché," I said.

"Speaking of marauders," Remus frowned, "have either of you seen Wormtail."

"Pete's been acting quite oddly lately too," Dorcas said.

"Yeah, and I haven't seen him in a while," I muttered.

"Maybe that's who Marlene's secretly been seeing! Peter!" Dorcas suggested, her eyes lighting up.

I snorted. "Marlene and Pete?"

She giggled. "Good point."

Remus smiled. "Seriously, though, what do you reckon is going on with the two of them?"

Dorcas shrugged. "All I know is that usually Pete would be the one sitting next to me, watching their practice. It's so odd that he's not here...he loves coming to these..."

The three of us turned back to the game, watching as James and Sirius tossed the quaffle back and forth. They were such a good team, almost as if they could read each others minds, their moves synchronized, easily evading the oncoming bludgers. We watched the practice in silence, occasionally cheering as Sirius or James scored. I watched as James would stop, watching his teammates play, occasionally giving somebody advice.

"Peakes, if you do that during the real game, they'd give you a foul!" James shouted.

I smiled, elbowing Dorcas. "Isn't he so cute up there, shouting orders."

Dorcas shrugged. "Not as cute as Sirius."

Remus groaned. "I have to stop hanging out with girls all the time."

"James, I'm freezing my arse off!" O'Brien yelled to James.

"Come on, Prongs, we've been at this for hours!" Sirius complained.

James looked around at his shivering teammates, all of them exhausted and worn-out. "Fine," he shouted, "everyone, you can hit the showers!"

Everybody let out a cheer as they raced to the ground. Dorcas got up, and Remus and I followed her down to the field where everybody was landing.

"Good practice," Dorcas said as everybody marched to the locker rooms.

Sirius put his arm around her. "Thanks, but I know we were a bit off today."

James shook his head. "I reckon we're all stressed about the N.E.W.T.S. You know, this term has been exhausting."

Remus flicked him. "Mate, I had just gotten Lily to stop obsessing over those! We've spent all day going over Ancient Runes."

"Sorry," James said as I leaned into him, my mind already reeling with random facts that I might need. As I felt his hand resting on my back, rubbing me gently, I shuddered slightly, momentarily forgetting about the N.E.W.T.s.

Dorcas pushed Sirius away from her. "Blimey, Sirius, I love you and all, but you stink."

He grinned, pulling her up against him, kissing her fiercely. At first, we watched as Dorcas struggled against him, but eventually she gave up, and wrapped her arms around him.

"I guess that's our cue to leave," Remus remarked.

"See you at dinner?" I asked, turning to James.

"Yeah, let me just shower, and I'll meet you there," he said, leaning down and giving me a quick kiss.

"Dorcas you coming?" I asked, taking Remus's hand.

She pulled away from Sirius. "Yeah."

After she gave Sirius another quick kiss, she pulled away from him and followed me and Remus back up to the castle.

"Is that Marlene?" Remus frowned, pointing to a girl with disheveled dark hair. She was looking over her shoulder, attempting to sneak up the grand staircase. Her face was a bright red, her skirt was on backwards, she had a sock missing, and her shirt was buttoned up the wrong way.

"Marlene!" Dorcas called out, looking amused.

Marlene froze.

"Marlene!" Dorcas called out again, attempting to hide her laughter.

Marlene slowly turned around.

"What in the bloody hell happened to you," Dorcas demanded.

"What do you mean?" Marlene asked innocently.

"Why are your clothes on all funny?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Oh, no reason. You know, I fancy taking a quick shower before dinner. I'll see you lot later?" Marlene said, quickly running away from us.

We stared at her, openmouthed.

"Well, that was odd," I finally said, shaking my head.

"Who do you think she's secretly seeing?" Dorcas asked.

"And why do you think she's so determined to keep it a secret?" I questioned, confused.

Remus scoffed. "What makes you think she's seeing somebody?"

Dorcas stared at him. "Moony, did you not see the way she was dressed?"

Remus chuckled nervously.

I gasped. "You know!"

I pointed my finger at his chest. He looked down at my finger pressed up against him.

"Lily, you're hurting me."

Dorcas smacked him. "Tell us!"

He shrugged. "You'll have to ask her, because I don't know _anything_."

He strutted away from us.

Dorcas and I exchanged frustrated looks before following Remus into the Great Hall, wondering why Marlene was keeping her new boyfriend such a secret.


	45. Marlene's Secret

**Chapter Forty-Five: Marlene's Secret**

* * *

January ended quickly, and still Marlene refused to acknowledge that she was acting strange. Whenever Dorcas and I tried to confront her, she'd just suddenly remember she forgot something in another classroom, and she would rush off to go "find" it. Not that Dorcas and I got that many chances to ask her, because she was never even around. Most weekends she would disappear entirely. She spent nearly every mealtime with Peter, the two of them whispering about something. I wondered what in the world the two of them were talking about, and why they felt it was necessary to keep all of us in the dark. At least, whatever it was that they were hiding, explained why the two of them disappeared so often. Remus knew exactly what was going on, but he was too bloody loyal to spill anybody's secrets.

"I promised I wouldn't say anything...not that there is anything to say," he would tell us before quickly changing the subject.

No matter how many times Dorcas and I prodded him into telling us what was going on, he would not budge. At least, now, I felt safe telling Remus secrets. I knew he wouldn't go off and share it with everybody.

Sirius was convinced that Marlene and Peter were secretly dating, but I didn't think so. Peter was great, don't get me wrong, but it just didn't seem to fit. Marlene had never before expressed any attraction to Pete, and it still didn't make sense as to why sometimes Peter would be missing, and other times Marlene wouldn't be. If they had both disappeared together, than that would make a little more sense, but it wasn't like that. Sometimes, Peter would be in the common room playing chess with James for hours, while Marlene would be completely gone during that time period.

A few weeks ago, we were positive Marlene was secretly dating somebody, but now, we weren't so sure. She looked stressed and miserable nearly every time we saw her, and wouldn't a new relationship make her happy?

My relationship with James was certainly making _me_ very happy. It seemed as if we couldn't get enough of each other. I loved waking up next to him everyday, kissing him, touching him...but it was more than just physical. I was convinced, more than ever, that he was truly my soulmate. He knew me so well, it scared me. He knew exactly how to make me laugh, even when I was in the foulest of moods. He knew exactly how to make me stop crying. He knew exactly what to say when I was upset. He just always knew what to do to make me happy. He was perfect.

I finally understood Dorcas and Sirius's relationship now. Before, I could never understand how a person could have such strong feelings for somebody else. It was like they had this magnetic effect on each other, each of them pulled together by the other. If Dorcas was upset, Sirius was upset. If Dorcas was happy, Sirius was happy. No one understood Dorcas quite like Sirius, and no one understood Sirius quite like Dorcas. It was actually quite remarkable.

I understood now why it was so difficult for Dorcas when they broke up a year ago. And I also understood why neither of them had truly moved on, and why they eventually came back to each other. Although I hoped James and I would never break up, if we ever did, I hoped we would find our way back to one another.

"James," I said, rolling over to face him.

"Mmm," he mumbled, his eyes still closed.

"I love you," I whispered, running my hands through his messy locks.

"You too," he muttered, half-asleep.

Grinning, I climbed on top of him, kissing his chest, slowly making my way up to his lips.

James finally opened his eyes, grinning. "What's gotten into you this morning?"

"Are you really questioning this?" I demanded, my face inches away from his.

"Good point," he said, rolling over on top of me, pinning me down. I giggled as he leaned down, smashing his lips against mine. I let out a tiny moan, loving the feeling of James and the feeling of his lips pressed up against mine.

And then my stomach growled, ruining it all.

He pulled away from me. "You're hungry," he said.

"No, I'm not," I mumbled, rolling back over him, leaning down to kiss him. James gave in, kissing me fiercely.

...but then my stomach growled again.

"Yes, you are," he laughed, pulling away from me.

"But I don't care," I breathed.

James sat up, laughing. "I'm sorry, but aren't I the one who's usually begging to continue?"

"Yes, well, this morning it's me," I said as James adjusted me on his lap.

"Come on, let's go get breakfast," he said, "and then we can come back and take a shower."

"Together?" I suggested.

He stared at me. "I think you've been spending way too much time with us marauders. Especially Sirius."

"Are you saying no?"

He grinned. "I'm saying that if we don't leave now, I'm never going to get the strength to get out of this bed with you."

"Then don't," I persisted, kissing him just as my stomach growled again.

"And have you starve?" he demanded.

"Yes."

"We already missed dinner last night," he reminded me.

"Well, we were doing something more fun," I said.

He grinned. "Very true."

I laughed, kissing him.

"Lily," he groaned.

Sighing, I pulled away from him. "Fine, but as soon as I'm finished, we are coming straight back!"

He put his hands up. "Am I arguing?"

Grinning, I climbed off his lap, looking for my clothing. I pulled open the curtains. It was nearly noon, and just like I expected, everybody was outside enjoying the rare sunny day. I quickly found my clothing on the floor, and pulled it on as fast as possible before anybody barged in.

"James?" I asked, turning around to see if he was ready. Instead, I found him snoring, asleep again. "Idiot," I muttered, leaning down and giving him a kiss.

* * *

"Anything in the paper?" Remus asked casually, though I could see the slight glimmer of fear flash across his face.

"Two young wizards gone missing," I muttered.

"How old?" Dorcas asked sharply as Sirius attempted to swallow his food.

"Five and ten," I replied sadly.

"You think it's _him_," Dorcas whispered fearfully.

Sirius looked at us darkly. "I think so. I reckon the parents did something that made him angry."

"You think he's just trying to punish the little kid's parents?" Dorcas asked.

"I wouldn't put it past him," Remus said.

"What are we talking about?" James asked, plopping beside me, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Two missing kids," I told him.

James stared at us. "Well, aren't you three just a bundle of laughs and cheers."

"James, this is serious," I said, showing him the _Daily Prophet. _

He glanced down at the headline. "Voldemort?" he asked, sighing.

"That's Remus's theory," Dorcas said.

"I wouldn't put it past him," James muttered.

"That's what I said!" Remus exclaimed. Sirius nodded vigorously.

The five of us sat in silence, our minds wandering to the horrors these poor children were facing. I felt a small lump in my throat grow, and I looked around for anything to distract me. That was when I noticed the small red box in James's lap.

"What's that?" I asked him.

"It's a secret," he grinned.

"What kind of secret?"

"A Valentine's day one," he smirked. I smiled, giving him a long kiss. I was used to James's over enthusiasm for holidays. He tended to go all out for any special occasion. I could only imagine what over-the-top thing he was planning for Valentine's day.

"You woke up," I remarked, smirking.

"If you want," he whispered in my ear, "we can continue what we started this morning."

I grinned. "It's too late. I've already made plans with Dorcas."

"Oh, what are you guys doing?" he asked, pouring himself some cereal.

"Following Marlene," Dorcas proclaimed.

James grinned. "You two going to try and find out who her secret boyfriend is?"

"Exactly," Dorcas said, grinning.

Remus glared at us. "I really don't think that's a good idea."

"Okay," Dorcas said, "why don't _you _tell us what's going on with her and save us all this trouble?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Remus replied coolly.

"Fine," Dorcas said pleasantly, "I guess we'll just find out for our selves."

"Which reminds me," I said, turning to James, "can we borrow your cloak?"

James and Sirius exchanged looks.

"We're going into Hogsmeade tonight," James said slowly, "so as long as you have it back by then."

"Thank you!" I said, getting up.

"Ready to go?" Dorcas asked, throwing her backpack over her shoulder.

"Yeah," I replied, leaning down and giving James a quick peck on the cheek.

"See you in a little bit," James said, munching on his food as I left the Great Hall with Dorky.

* * *

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" I whispered as Dorcas threw the invisibility cloak over us.

Dorcas rolled her eyes. "I already answered that."

I bit my lip, imagining Marlene's reaction when she found out we followed her around. Dorcas and I tiptoed around the corner, our eyes scanning the crowded hallways. In the corner, I saw James and Sirius goofing off, pushing each other against the wall. Peter was watching them, a delighted smile on his face. Remus was sitting on the bench, his nose buried in a book.

"There's Marlene!" Dorcas exclaimed.

"Shh!" I whispered, following her gaze to where Marlene was turning the corner. She plopped down next to Remus and whispered something in his ear. Remus nodded stiffly, before mumbling something back to her. Marlene shook her head sadly, and Remus wrapped his arm around her. She rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes.

"She looks so sad," Dorcas muttered, concerned.

We inched closer, standing beside James, who was attempting punch Sirius in this stomach, but Sirius blocked him quickly. James' head perked up, and he looked around, frowning. Finally, he smiled slightly, a twinkle in his eyes.

"Do you reckon James knows we're here?" Dorcas whispered, noticing his amused expression.

I frowned. "I don't see how he would know..."

"We know," Sirius said loudly, looking around, trying to find our invisible bodies. My eyes widened, and I turned my head to make sure Marlene hadn't heard him. Dorcas poked Sirius roughly, shushing him.

"Ouch," Sirius muttered, rubbing his side, "that must be Dorky."

James smirked. "Come on, Padfoot, before you completely ruin their cover," James mumbled, throwing his arm around Sirius.

"Fine," Sirius said as the two of them strutted away, already laughing about something else. Peter bobbed after them.

Dorcas jerked her head to Remus, who was murmuring in Marlene's ear. She laughed, rolling her eyes.

"I'll meet you in the common room," she said, getting up, "I need to check out a few books in the library."

Remus nodded. "See you in a little bit." He watched concernedly as Marlene walked off before getting up and going the opposite way. Dorcas and I hurried behind Marlene. She turned into the library, stopping to talk to Emmeline for a bit, before going to the back, searching for a book.

"What are you looking for?" Nate asked, following Marlene behind a bookshelf.

Marlene glanced up at him briefly. "McGonagall recommended I check out a book to help me study for the N.E.W.T.s."

"Did she?"

"Yep."

Nate watched as Marlene browsed through the titles, her eyebrows furrowing in concentration.

"Marlene, are we really going to do this?" he finally asked.

"Do what?" she said indifferently.

"Pretend like nothing happened."

Marlene sighed, turning around to face him. "That was the deal, wasn't it?"

He glared at her. "Forget about the bloody deal. Will you just talk to me?"

"Nope," she replied, turning back to the bookshelf and grabbing a book.

"Where are you going?" Nate demanded as Marlene turned away from him.

"I found the book I was looking for," she replied, holding up her book.

"Mar!" Nate said, frustrated.

Marlene turned around to look at Nate. "Remus is waiting for me. I have to go. I'm sorry."

Dorcas and I watched, openmouthed, as Nate stared after Marlene. When she had finally disappeared, he sighed, slamming his fists against the wall. After a moment, he left, staring a the ground sadly like a lost puppy.

"No way," Dorcas gasped, pulling the cloak off.

"Nate and Marlene?" I exclaimed.

"Well, not anymore," Dorcas replied, shaking her head.

"Well, it certainly explains why Marlene doesn't have that stupid grin on her face anymore."

"I wonder what happened," Dorcas muttered thoughtfully.

"Let's go ask her," I said, taking Dorcas' hand.

"Let's not," she suggested, tucking the cloak in her bag.

"Why? I hate sneaking around behind her back. It's rude! And slightly creepy."

"Do you want Marlene to kill us?"

"No, but I _do _want to help her," I said.

Dorcas sighed. "Fine."

We linked arms, following the path back to the dormitory where Remus and Marlene had planned on meeting.

"Do you reckon James ever followed you around under the invisibility cloak?" Dorcas asked.

"No!"

"I bet he did."

"Why would you think that?" I demanded.

Dorcas snorted. "The bloke was obsessed with you for years."

"He didn't follow me around," I said.

"I think he did."

"You also thought that Peter and Marlene were secretly dating," I pointed out.

"It made sense! Both of them are always off disappearing."

I nodded. "Yeah, I wonder where Peter's been going off to."

"Maybe we should follow him next," Dorcas suggested, holding up the invisibility cloak.

"Hold your hippogriffs. Let's get through Marlene first before we start another stakeout."

"Fine," she grumbled.

"Mimbulus Mimbletonia," I muttered as we reached the portrait hole.

"Correct!" remarked the Fat Lady, swinging open.

We both climbed through to find Marlene and Remus sitting at the table in the furthest corner. Marlene seemed tp be telling him a story, while Remus listened intently, a sympathetic look on his face.

Huffing, Dorcas marched over. I followed her anxiously, hoping she would go easy on Marlene.

"Hey, guys," Marlene greeted, smiling.

"Oh, don't give me that look," Dorcas sniffed.

Marlene and Remus exchanged confused looks.

"What'd I do?" Marlene sighed, an amused look etched upon her face as she watched a fuming Dorcas.

"You didn't tell us about your secret boyfriend," I explained, pulling out a chair to sit on.

Marlene rolled her eyes. "Not this again."

Dorcas glared at her. "Don't lie to us. We know all about you and Nate."

Marlene blinked. After several moments of shocked silence, she finally turned her head to Remus.

"You told them!" she said accusingly.

"No! I swear I didn't!" he exclaimed.

"We followed you around under James' invisibility cloak," I told her.

She stared at me. "You know, I think you've been spending way too much time with the marauders."

"Why do people keep saying that?" I muttered.

"That's not the point," Dorcas said, "the point is, that you lied to us!"

"Well, it's really none of your business," Remus said rationally.

"But what's worse," Dorcas continued, acting as if she didn't hear Remus, "is that you trust Moony more than you trust us."

"I didn't tell Remus anything," Marlene said, "he found out by accident."

Remus nodded his head vigorously.

"I still don't understand why you didn't tell us," I said.

Marlene looked at me sadly. "Well, it doesn't matter, anyway. It's over."

Dorcas' eyes softened. "Mar, do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head. "Not really."

Dorcas nodded. "Okay, well, let's not sit around here and sulk. Let's have some fun!"

"What do you suggest we do?" Marlene questioned.

"Let's go ice skating!" Dorcas exclaimed. "Before the lake completely melts!"

"Last time I feel through," Remus complained.

"Well, hopefully you'll fall again," she told him.

"And why is that?"

"Because it was funny," Dorcas said obviously, taking Marlene's hand and pulling her across the common room.

Remus and I exchanged looks before following.

* * *

"You know, you're not a very graceful bloke," I said, gently dabbing dittany on Remus's eye. While he didn't fall through the ice like last year, Remus did fall several times. Unfortunately, the last time he fell, he took down a small first year with him, who accidentally kicked him in the face, giving him a black eye and a large gash beneath his eye.

"It wasn't my fault. Bloody first year." he muttered under his breath.

"You're the one who made that poor girl fall in the first place," I reminded him.

"Whatever," he grumbled, crossing his arms.

"At least your fall cheered Marlene up," Dorcas said cheerfully.

Remus glared at her. "No, it didn't.

Marlene snorted. "Yes, it did. The look on your face before you fell...too funny..."

"Don't forget the way he flailed his arms," I added, giggling. Dorcas and Marlene laughed, remembering the sight of Remus as he tripped over the ice, a look of sheer panic crossing face as he lost his balance, holding on to the nearest person for support.

"I'm glad I can amuse you," Remus snapped as I closed up the bottle of dittany.

"It should be nearly gone by tomorrow," I told him, referring to giant gash beneath his eye.

"Thanks," he mumbled, smiling gratefully at me.

"So," Dorcas said slowly, "I don't mean to be pushy, but are you ready to talk about Nate."

The smile on Marlene's face instantly vanished. "There's not much to tell," she muttered.

Dorcas shook her head. "It's okay...you don't have to tell us if you're not ready."

Marlene sighed. "It's nothing, really. It started on the first day back. Lily and James had locked themselves in the dormitory..." I blushed furiously, but didn't say anything as Marlene continued telling her story, "Sirius and Dorcas were helping Peter finish the homework he didn't do over break...everybody was busy, so I decided to take a small stroll before curfew...Anyway, I ran into Nate, and he and I just got to talking. We probably talked for hours, and when I realized the time, I decided to leave. And Nate said he'd walk me back, and when we got to the portrait hole, the fat lady was already sleeping. And I remember I was making a comment on that when Nate just leaned down and kissed me."

"Is he a good kisser?" Dorcas interjected quickly.

Marlene grinned. "The best."

"So...what happened?" I asked.

Marlene shrugged. "Well, we went into an empty classroom-"

"-you two shagged?" Dorcas exclaimed incredulously.

Marlene blushed.

"But you're the good one," Dorcas said, shaking her head in disbelief, "Weren't _you _the one who always told me that you have to be in love and in a relationship?"

"Well, what happened after?" I asked, shushing Dorcas.

Marlene sighed. "Well, the next day, I was really happy, and I really liked him. I was on my way to tell him that, but then I caught him staring at you, Lily. I heard him tell his friend that he's not sure if he's completely over you."

I blinked. "Me? But I've barely talked to Nate in weeks!"

"It doesn't matter. I didn't want to tell him my feelings when he clearly still fancied you."

"So, it only happened once?" Dorcas asked.

Remus snorted.

Marlene glowered at him before continuing the story. "No, Nate kept flirting with me, but I tried to keep my distance, and I tried just being his friend. Eventually, though, I just couldn't...resist him. I guess I just liked him too much. Anyway, I gave in, but I told him as long as there were no strings attached. And so we kept at it, sneaking around...it was quite fun while it lasted."

"Except for that one time I accidentally walked in," Remus shuddered.

Marlene blushed. "Well, that wasn't so much fun."

"That's how you found out?" I asked.

Remus nodded.

"I had to tell him the truth after that," Marlene said, wincing at the painful memory.

"So, why did it end?" Dorcas asked.

"Because, I was falling for him more and more, and he wasn't getting over Lily. I just couldn't take it...it hurt too much. So, I told him that we needed to end things, and after that, I just sort of stopped talking to him. I guess it confused him a bit, but I can't be with a bloke who has feelings for my best friend."

I felt Remus and Dorcas' eyes on me.

"Mar, are you _sure _he still fancies me? I mean, I know he had a crush on me months back, but things are different now. I'm with James. In fact, Nate is the one who pushed me to be with James!" I told her.

Marlene shook her head. "Trust me."

Remus squeezed her leg. "Well, I think you can do loads better than Nate."

Dorcas nodded. "He's a bloody idiot."

Marlene grinned, turning to face Dorcas. "So, now that you know the truth, are you done following me around?"

Dorcas sighed. "I guess...I hate to say it, though, but I loved playing detective...what am I going to do now?"

"There's always Peter," I reminded her.

Remus nodded. "Yeah, he's been disappearing quite a bit too."

I laughed, turning to Marlene. "You know, Dorcas actually thought that you and Pete were sneaking around."

Marlene made a face while Remus howled with laugher.

"Ugh, Pete? I love the bloke, but he barely reaches my chest!" Marlene exclaimed.

"It was just a theory," Dorcas muttered.

We spent the rest of the evening sitting in front of the fire in the common room. I'd forgotten how much fun my friends were, and it'd been weeks since we had really talked. Remus, who had fallen asleep, his head gently resting on Marlene's lap, his breathing soft and steady, looked like a bloody idiot with writing all over his face. Dorcas, who couldn't resist the temptation, had taken out a quill and drew all over his face.

I sat back in my chair, watching as my two best friends bickered endlessly.

"Dorcas, the poor bloke has rubbish all over his face. Don't you think you've embarrassed him enough?" Marlene snapped.

"it's just one picture," Dorcas insisted, holding up her camera.

"No means no," Marlene hissed, shielding Remus's face.

"You're not my mum!" Dorcas exclaimed, exasperated.

"Well, it sure feels like it," Marlene muttered.

As Dorcas was about to retort, the portrait hole swung open, and I got distracted by the two people climbing through it. James and Sirius walked towards the corner, deep in converstaion. James had a look of determination and excitement etched upon his face, and I knew instantly that the two of them were planning something mischievous that I probably wouldn't approve of.

"I'll be right back," I mumbled to Dorcas and Marlene. After reaching into my bag to pull out the cloak, I hurried over to James and Sirius.

"Do I even want to know what you're planning?" I asked.

Sirius smirked, snatching the invisibility cloak from my hands. "Probably not. You _are _head girl, after all."

"And James is head boy," I pointed out.

James smiled. "That's true."

Sirius rolled his eyes, pushing past me. "I still reckon Dumbledore had one to many firewhiskys when he made that decision."

I laughed, watching as Sirius plopped beside Dorcas, casually putting his arm around her.

"I'll be back pretty late," James informed me, resting his hands on my hips.

"I figured."

"Wait for me?" he asked.

I looked past him, watching as Dorcas and Marlene wrestled with Sirius. The two of them laughing as they tackled him to the ground.

"I think I'll stay in with my friends tonight," I said, smiling.

* * *

**A/N: First off, I want to apologize for taking longer than usual to update. It's been more difficult for me to write because there's only going to be a few more chapters in this fic so I really want them to be good. **

**I'll try to upload as soon as I can, and I hope you liked this chapter!**

**-Summer4Girl**


	46. Family Worries

**Chapter Forty-Six: Family Worries**

* * *

I peeked over my book at James. He was sticking his tongue out in concentration, his eyebrows furrowed as he read over his notes. Behind him, Marlene was attempting to explain something to Peter, who was still struggling to grasp basic fifth-year level concepts. I watched as Nate tapped Marlene on the shoulder, attempting to make conversation with her, but she just brushed him off, giving him the cold shoulder. After a moment, Nate finally left, and Marlene looked back at him, a sad look on her face.

"She's still not over him," I sighed.

"Did you say something, Lil?" James asked, flipping through his notes.

"James?" I asked slowly, reaching into my bag to pull out heart-shaped candies. James had gotten me so much candy on Valentine's day that I still had candy even a month later. And that included Sirius and Remus secretly stealing handfuls whenever they got the chance.

"Hmm?"

I hesitated. "Do you reckon...Nate still had fancies me?"

James stopped shuffling his papers and looked up at me. "Why?"

I popped a chocolate into my mouth. "No reason."

James studied my face for a moment before finally shrugging and answering. "I dunno...sometimes I think he does, yeah..."

I raised my eyebrows. "You do?"

"Yeah...I mean...I see the way he looks at you sometimes..."

"And you don't get jealous?"

He shrugged. "Nate's a nice bloke. I know he'd never try anything. Besides, you chose me, didn't you."

I smiled. "That's really mature of you, James."

Behind James, Peter jumped out of his seat, slamming his book on the table, frustrated with school. Marlene tried to hold back laughter as Peter stormed out of the library, fuming.

"Where do you reckon Peter always disappears to?" I asked suddenly.

James, who had gone back to his studying, looked up at me again. "Dunno. Sirius reckons he's got a girlfriend, and he's too embarrassed to tell us."

I rolled my eyes. "He's not twelve."

"Well, Marlene was secretly dating someone," James pointed out.

I threw my quill at him. "Shh! You're not supposed to know that. We promised Marlene we wouldn't tell anybody."

"But I'm your boyfriend," James said, "you tell me everything."

"Dorcas didn't tell Sirius," I retorted.

"Yes, she did," James snorted.

I shook my head. "So, basically everybody knows now?"

James nodded grimly. "Well, except for Wormtail."

I was silent for a minute, thinking about Peter. He'd been so distant lately. He rarely joined us during mealtimes, and even James and Sirius didn't make him laugh as much. He seemed a bit down, actually. He'd even lost some weight.

"Peter's been acting a bit odd lately, hasn't he?" I said.

James shrugged. "I guess."

I bit my lip, hesitating. "Do you ever get a bad feeling around Pete? Like something bad is happening, but he won't tell you?"

James frowned. "What are you going on about now?"

"I don't know. I just...I have a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever Peter is around. I feel like there's something dark going on with him, and I can't seem to figure out what it is."

James snorted. "Peter? Dark? Lily, come on."

"James, I'm serious. There's something wrong with Peter."

He glared at me. "Lily, this is one of my best friends we're talking about," he said sharply.

"I know! I know! It's just that...I get the feeling that something is up with Peter. Something bad."

"Now you think Wormtail is evil?" James laughed.

I sighed. "Not evil...but there's definitely something bad happening around him. Maybe the Slytherins are bothering him or something?" I suggested. I couldn't believe that Peter was ever capable of doing something bad, even if I got the feeling at the bottom of my stomach.

James looked at me concernedly. "If it makes you feel better, I'll take to Wormy tonight. But there's nothing wrong, Lil. Us marauders tell each other everything."

"I hope you're right," I said under my breath, going back to the book I was reading.

* * *

Sirius and I sat with our backs against the stone walls, watching the crowded hallways clear out as everybody hurried to their next class.

"We should really be studying for N.E.W.T.s," I muttered.

He glared at me. "Lily, there's a reason they give us _free_ periods."

I stared at him. "Yeah...to _study_."

He rolled his eyes. "Come on, Evans, we've been studying every chance we get. Let's just take ten minutes to relax."

"And then we go to the library?" I urged.

"And then we go to the library," he agreed.

Content, I closed my eyes and leaned back.

"Hey, look, it's Wormtail!" Sirius exclaimed, nudging me. I opened my eyes briefly and found Peter bobbing down the hallway. He was in an intense conversation with a grungy looking Slytherin.

"Wonder what he's doing talking to a _Slytherin_," Sirius muttered.

I narrowed my eyes, watching the scene unfold. Peter looked around nervously before shaking his head. The Slytherin glared at him menacingly for a few moments before the two discreetly parted ways, acting as if they had never even been speaking.

"That was odd," I mumbled.

"You don't think they were threatening Pete, do you?" Sirius said, flaring up at once.

I bit my lip. "Peter _did _look frightened..."

"I'm going to after them," Sirius thundered, standing up.

I pushed him back down with all the force I could muster. "Don't be stupid. Besides, we don't know that anything was happening for sure. Maybe they're just friends."

Sirius glared at me. "Lil, not everybody goes off making friends with the enemy."

"If you're talking about Snape-"

"-of course I'm talking about Snape!"

"Well, I haven't spoken to him in ages," I huffed.

"Good," Sirius snapped, "but let's get back to Wormy."

I played with my hands. "It would make sense though. Peter _has _been disappearing quite often lately."

"Maybe he has a secret girlfriend! Or he joined a ruddy club!" Sirius said stubbornly.

"What makes you so sure he isn't friends with Slytherins now?"

Sirius glared at me. "He would never."

_Maybe he would_, I thought, _maybe he would._

"Come on," Sirius sighed, offering me his hand, "let's go to the bloody library. I know you've been dying to."

"Thanks," I breathed a sigh of relief. Any time I could cram in a study session for the upcoming N.E.W.T.s, I took it.

"Sirius! Lily!" Marlene shouted, running down the hallway wildly.

Sirius grinned. "Slow down, McKinnon..._wait_, what's wrong?" he demanded upon seeing the look of panic on her face.

Marlene shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Mr. Potter...he's in St. Mungo's again."

Without further word, Sirius and I took off, following as Marlene led us to where ever James was.

"What happened?" I demanded as we traipsed up the stairs.

"I don't know...Dorcas and Remus told me...they're waiting outside Dumbledore's office," she explained as we turned the corner. I spotted Dorcas and Remus pacing up and down the hallway, anxiously glancing up at the large stone gargoyle that guarded Dumbledore's office.

"Sirius!" Dorcas cried, running into his arms.

"Where's James?" I asked.

"In Dumbledore's office...we're waiting for him to come out," Remus informed me.

I nodded, glancing at the stone gargoyle, his face completely blank. Remus returned to his pacing. Dorcas and Sirius were holding hands, occasionally exchanging worried looks. Marlene played with her hands nervously.

Everyone in this hallway knew Mr. Potter better than I did. Dorcas and Marlene basically knew him their entire lives. Sirius was practically raised by him. Even Remus spent nearly every summer hanging around the Potter estate. I barely knew Mr. Potter, and yet I was terrified, so I couldn't possibly imagine what the others were going through.

It seemed like hours until the Gargoyle jumped aside, allowing James through.

"James!" I squeaked.

He smiled. "I reckon he'll be okay."

The others cheered, and I threw my arms around him. I felt the others pile onto our hug, cheering and laughing.

"So, what happened, mate?" Sirius finally asked once everybody had released James.

"He's getting older. His reflexes aren't quite what they used to be...he got hurt on the job," James told us.

"He was rounding up death eaters?" Remus guessed.

James nodded. "Dumbledore suggested that he retire, and I think it's a good idea. Mum wants to retire at the end of the year too, and I just think it'll be good for them. They'll be safer, and they've already worked so much their entire lives...I think it's time they get a break."

"That's good," Dorcas sighed in relief.

"How long will he be in St. Mungo's?" Marlene asked.

"Just until Easter."

"Excellent!" Sirius said, clapping James on the back. "We have a break then. We can go see them!"

"No, I can't. I promised Lily-"

"James! It's fine. I think your father's health is a little more important than my snobby sister," I told him.

"But how are you going to handle Petunia on your own?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes. "I've handled Petunia on my own for seventeen years. I think I can take one weekend without you, James."

"You sure?"

I flicked him. "Of course."

* * *

James stood at the doorway, watching as I neatly folded clothing into my bag.

"You know there's a spell that does that for you, right?" James told me.

"Yeah, but your mum is so much better at them than I am. She can get all the clothes neatly folded. All I can do is squish it all in their. She can even get all the socks rolled up."

"Yeah, she is pretty good at those household spells."

I smiled. "I think this is all the clothes I have in here..."

I felt James wrap his arms around me from behind. "Don't you think it's a bit weird that most of your clothes is in my dormitory and not in yours?" he whispered in my ear.

"I guess I spend a lot of time in here," I mumbled as he kissed my neck. James spun me around, smashing his lips against mine. He gently pushed me onto the bed, his fingers grazing underneath my skirt.

"James! The train leave in an hour!" I breathed, pushing him away.

"Good, then we have an entire hour."

"You haven't even started packing yet, and I've barely started."

"I hate that you're all responsible," he grumbled, sitting up.

I stood up, giving him a quick kiss. "See you in a little bit?"

"Not yet," James said, pulling me closer, giving me a long, deep kiss.

"I hate it when you do that," I breathed.

He smirked cockily.

* * *

"Lily, what are you still doing here?" Emmeline exclaimed.

"What do you mean?" I asked, closing my trunk.

"Everybody's already left! The train leaves in like ten minutes!"

"Blimey, I didn't realize it was that late!" I shrieked, looking around my dormitory once more.

"Well, hurry!" she said, ushering me out the door.

Fuming about the fact that all of my friends left without me, I ran through the castle, pulling my trunk along. Once I got outside, I looked around for any carriages I could find, but all of them were already far away, strolling into Hogsmeade.

"Lily?" someone said. I swiveled around to find Nate poking his head out of a carriage. "Do you want to get in?" he asked.

"No, I'll just wait for the next one," I said politely.

"Well, then, you're going to be waiting a really long time, because this is the last one. Come on, Lil, hop in. I'm all alone."

"Fine," I grumbled, climbing in.

"Are you mad at me or something?" he asked as I pulled my trunk in.

"What do you think?" I sniffed as the carriage began to move.

"I can't read your mind."

"I know what you did to Marlene."

He looked confused. "Marlene told you about...us..."

"She did and I think you're a prick."

"Excuse me?" Nate said.

I crossed my arms. "You hurt Marlene."

"I? _I _hurt Marlene? She's the one who won't even talk to me!"

"With good reason," I snapped.

He glared at me. "I don't even know what I did wrong!"

"You're unbelievable!"

"I don't even know what I did to upset her, and honestly, I think it's a bit immature of her to tell _you _why she's upset with me, but she won't even bother to tell _me_!"

"Right, because you're _so _innocent," I scoffed as the carriage began to slow down.

"Hey," he snapped, "whatever happened between me and Marlene is none of your business! So stay out of it."

"Fine," I huffed, "but you're and idiot. Marlene's an amazing girl, and you would be lucky to have her," I said as I climbed out of the carriage.

"Lily! Where have you been!"I heard Dorcas shout from a few feet away.

"Coming!" I shouted before turning back to face Nate.

"You're really missing out," I told him quietly, "Marlene's great."

After giving Nate a meaningful look, I turned back around, rushing to my friends who were waiting for me.


	47. Petunia's Wedding

**Chapter Thirty-Seven: Petunia's Wedding**

* * *

I watched Petunia's friends gather around her, laughing, taking pictures. We were at the rehearsal dinner, and I found myself squash between Vernon's horrid sister, Marge, and Vernon's cousin, Marla.

"Oh, she looks absolutely lovely," Marla commented. I watched as she moved her fork around as she spoke. I watched her in disgust, my stomach churning.

"She looks even prettier in her wedding dress," I said, trying to continue the conversation.

Marge sighed dramatically. "Oh, of course our Vernon would find such a beauty to marry."

"You're Vernon's sister, right?" I remarked, holding out my hand. Even though I'd been sitting next to her for an hour, Marge and I hadn't spoken a single word to each other. "I'm Lily...Petunia's sister."

Marge forced a smile, showing off her pointy teeth, which strangely resembled the ugly bulldogs that she raised. "Ah, yes. Petunia's told me _all _about you."_  
_

"She has?"

"Oh, yes. And she's told me about your boyfriend...he seems like quite a...ahem..._catch_," she sneered.

I forced a smile. "Yes, he is."

I felt someone tap my back. I turned my head to find Troy looking down at me.

"Troy!" I shrieked, jumping out of my seat.

"Is this the boyfriend?" Marge sneered, looking at Troy disapprovingly, taking in his jeans and clip on tie.

I laughed. "Merlin, no! This is Troy! He's an old family friend!"

"Nice to meet you," Troy grinned, sticking out his hand for her to shake.

Marge stared at him. "And you thought it appropriate to come to a rehearsal dinner dressed like _that_."

Troy shrugged. "Well, considering the fact that I'm _crashing_, I don't really think that my clothing attire is what you should be concerned about."

I frowned, turning to Troy. "Are your really crashing?"

"Nah. Your mum thought that you might need me and Arabella to keep you company."

I looked to where my mum was taking pictures of Petunia and her bridesmaids, and she turned her head briefly to wink at me.

"So, where's little Bella?" I asked, looking around.

"She'll be here in a little bit," he told me, "but where's that boyfriend of yours? James?"

I shrugged. "He couldn't be here. His dad's in St. Mungo's."

"St. Mumbo's? What's that?"

I nearly choked on my drink. "Erm...it's a hospital...his dad's in the hospital."

"Blimey, will he be okay?"

I nodded. "Oh, yeah. He'll be fine."

"Good. So maybe you could stop looking so miserable and come dance with me?"

I smiled. "Fine. But I'm not miserable!"

He snorted, taking my hand and leading me to the dancefloor. "Yes, you are. And it's my job to make sure you actually have fun."

"Yeah, well, I'd be having more fun if Petunia would actually speak to me."

"Now that I find hard to believe. I'm actually happier when Petunia doesn't speak to me," Troy remarked as we swayed back and forth.

I smacked his arm. "She's my sister!"

"Yeah, and I still find that hard to believe. You two are so different. Petunia's a horrible person, and you're so bloody nice. How does that even happen?"

"She's not _that_ bad."

"Yes, she is, and she's always been horrible. I don't know why it keeps surprising you."

I shrugged. "She may be horrible, but she's still my sister, and I love her."

"Oh, cheer up, Lil. She'll come around!"

"You've been saying that for the past seven years! And it's not true!" I complained.

"Well, what if I told you that I have something else that could cheer you up?" he said, spinning me around.

"And what would that be?" I asked.

"James," he said, smirking.

I frowned. "What are you talking about?"

"Mind if I cut in?"

"James!" I shrieked, throwing my arms around him.

"I'll go say hello to your mum," Troy said discreetly, winking at me.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded.

"I came for the wedding," he replied, resting his hands on my waist.

I grinned, wrapping my arms around him. "But what about your dad?"

"He's the one that told me to come."

"Really?"

"Yep. I believe his exact words were: you can't do better than Lily, you dumb prick. Go be there with her."

"Your dad does have a way with words."

He grinned. "So, are you having fun?"

I pressed my lips against his. "I am now."

* * *

I carefully put a pin in my hair, securing the elegant knot that had taken me nearly an hour to do.

"How do I look?" I asked, spinning around.

"Well, the hair looks nice, but that dress makes you look like a pumpkin," James said, laughing.

I put my hands on my hips. "James!"

"I'm just being honest."

I threw a pillow at his face, knocking his glasses askew.

"Now tell me I'm pretty!" I demanded, holding another pillow in my hand threateningly.

James fixed his glasses. "No! Tell me you're sorry for committing an aggressive act of violence against me!"

"No! You deserved it!"

"Fine! Then you know what? You _do _look like an oversized cupcake!"

"Hey!" I exclaimed, pushing him onto the bed, pinning him down. "Apologize!"

James smirked. "Lily, this might have frightened me when we were eleven, but right now it turns me on."

I laughed. "You're disgusting! Is that all you think about?"

"When you're on top of me, yes!"

"Even in this dress?"

"Lil, you could be wearing the ugliest dress in the world and I'd still find you the most beautiful girl on the planet," he said sincerely.

I rolled my eyes. "You're so corny."

He grinned, pulling me against him, kissing me. And even though I knew I should be fighting him, I gave in and kissed him back hungrily. He slowly began unzipping my dress.

"James!" I exclaimed, pulling away from him, "the wedding is going to start soon!"

He sighed, sitting up. "Fine, and you look good, Lil. Even with that ridiculous dress."

I forced a laugh. "Yeah, well, at least she's not making me wear those horrible bridesmaids dresses."

"You still want to be a bridesmaid, don't you?" he asked knowingly.

"No! Maybe..."

He pulled me into his arms, kissing me passionately.

"James," I mumbled, "kissing me isn't going to fix the fact that my sister hates me."

"No, but I love you. And so do Marlene and Dorcas, and they're better sisters to you than Petunia ever was."

I buried my face in his chest. "It's not the same."

"You're right; it's better. Marlene and Dorcas have been there for you through everything, and they would rather die than let anything happen to you. Petunia might be your family through blood, but Dorcas and Marlene are your _real _family. Along with me, and Padfoot, and Moony, and Wormtail. Let's not forget Alice, Frank, and Mary who watched out for you throughout all of Hogwarts."

I smiled, standing on my tip-toes to kiss him. "Thanks, James."

* * *

"Bridesmaids, gather round!" Petunia shouted, rounding up all of her friends, "Picture time!"

I gulped down my whine, watching as Vernon put his arms around Petunia's thin waist, smiling up at the camera. All of their friends gathered around them, smiling perkily at the camera. I gulped down another glass of whine.

James gently took the glass from my hand. "I think you've had enough of those."

I glared at him. "I've seen you chug down an entire bottle of firewhiskey in less than ten seconds."

"And was that attractive?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

I made a face. "Not really."

"Exactly," he said as if he had proved some sort of point.

"Fine," I grumbled, "but then you need to distract me."

He grinned, dragging me onto the dance floor, spinning me around wildly.

"James!" I laughed as he dipped me dramatically.

"Having fun?" he exclaimed, shimmying.

I stared at him. "You're embarrassing me!"

James shrugged. "You see the thing is...I don't care!"

I giggled, allowing James to spin me around again.

"Let's slow it down a bit," the band announced, playing a slow song.

Grinning, I allowed James to pull me close, his arms wrapped around my waist.

"This isn't so bad," he remarked.

I frowned, squinting past him. "Sirius?"

"No, actually, it's James."

"James, Sirius is here! I swear I just saw him!" I exclaimed, pulling him away from the dance floor.

"Lil, are you sure?" James asked dubiously as I pulled him outside the ballroom.

"She's sure!" Sirius shouted, flinging his arms around me, spinning me around.

"Padfoot!" James yelled, clapping Sirius on the back.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, grinning.

"Taking you both home."

"Why?"

"Frank and Alice are eloping tonight," he replied dramatically, his eyes lighting up with excitement.


	48. Frank and Alice's Wedding

**Chapter Forty-Eight: Frank and Alice's Wedding**

* * *

I trotted after James and Sirius. "Hold on, where are we going?"

"Back to your house," Sirius answered.

I frowned. "Why? What about Frank and Alice?"

"You need to change first," James told me.

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"No offense, Lily Pad, but you look like a giant cupcake," Sirius said.

"See, that's what I said!" James exclaimed.

I glared at them. "I hate both of you."

"Hurry up!" Sirius yelled. "We only have a few minutes!"

James and I showed him the way up to my house.

"But I don't understand. Why now? I thought they wanted to wait. Alice was planning this huge wedding and everything," I said, unlocking the front door.

"They're going on a mission for the Order tomorrow, and I guess they wanted to do it before they had to go off."

"What mission?" James asked, his eyes widening.

"Top secret. Only the two of them and Dumbledore know."

I showed them up to my room. "I can't wait until I'm the one going on missions."

"Me too," Sirius said, his eyes lighting up, "can you imagine? Taking down people like Bellatrix? Saving lives? Making a difference?"

I smiled, looking through my trunk. It was rare that Sirius was so passionate about something.

"How about this?" I suggested, holding up a simple purple dress.

"How about this?" James countered, holding up a skimpy black dress that Dorcas had given me.

"How about no?" I retorted, throwing the black dress back into my trunk.

"Maybe later tonight you'll wear it just for me?" James said, waggling his eyebrows.

I rolled my eyes.

"Sirius, get out. I'm going to change," I said, taking off the heels I had on.

"What about Petunia? Won't she notice you're gone?" James asked as Sirius hurried out the door. He came up behind me, gently unzipping my dress.

"Are you kidding? She won't even notice I'm gone," I snorted, throwing on the dark purple dress.

"Now, you should've worn _that _to the wedding," James said, his eyes wide.

I grinned. "It looks good?"

"Definitely," he replied, holding out his hand for me.

Grinning like an idiot, I took his hand, and we followed Sirius outside the house, disappearing into the night.

We apparated in front of a beautiful garden, colorful flowers dominating the ground, almost like a meadow. Somebody had set up an alter near the middle, and they had hung up lights all over the place.

"It's like fairy lights!" I gasped, looking around in awe.

"Look at the stars," James whispered. Sirius and I looked up to find the sky full of tiny little lights.

"I've never seen so many stars," I said in wonder.

"You live too close to London," Sirius told me, smiling slightly.

"There you are! What took you so long?" Frank demanded, running outside to meet us.

"Frank, congratulations!" I cried, flinging my arms around him. He staggered back slightly, surprised by my sudden embrace.

"Thanks, Lil," he chuckled, hugging me back tightly.

"This looks brilliant, Frank," James told him, giving him a quick hug.

Frank grinned. "My mum set it all up. She's a complete nut, but she really pulled through for us."

Squealing, I hugged Frank again. "I can't believe you're actually getting married!"

"Blimey, Lily, you're more excited for this wedding than Frank is," Sirius commented.

"I just can't believe it!" I cried.

Frank grinned. "Me neither."

"Where's Alice?" James asked.

"She's in the house getting ready. I'm not allowed to see her yet, but you guys can go in."

Beaming, I followed James and Sirius into the house. We went past a formidable looking witch wearing a hat stuffed with a vulture. She was shouting orders at somebody named Algie.

"Algie!" Sirius exclaimed, clapping the man on the back.

"Sirius! James! Good to see you two again!" Algie greeted. "And who's this lovely young lady."

"Lily Evans, I assume?" the witch wearing the stuffed hat said.

James nodded. "Yep. Lily, this is Augusta Longbottom...Frank's mum."

"Oh, it's so nice to meet you!" I grinned, shaking her hand eagerly.

Augusta nodded. "Very nice to meet you too. Frank and Alice speak very highly of you. Alice says that you also aspire to become an auror. You know, my son and his bride-to-be are becoming quite well-respected aurors themselves."

I grinned. "I wouldn't expect any less. Frank and Alice are brilliant."

"Not to rush the introductions or anything, but we really want to see Alice," James said.

"Upstairs. First room to the left," Algie said, pointing to the stairs.

"Nice to meet you!" I said to Algie and Augusta before hurrying upstairs.

Sirius knocked on the door. "Al, it's us!"

"Come in!" Alice called out cheerfully.

"There's the bride!" James exclaimed, holding out his arms for Alice. Giggling, Alice ran into his arms and he spun her around.

"You look beautiful, Al," Sirius told her.

"Thank you!" she beamed.

"Lily, are you crying?" Dorcas demanded.

"No!" I exclaimed though I could feel tears trickling down my cheeks.

Laughing, Alice hugged me. "Oh, Lily, thanks for being here! I'm so sorry to pull you away from your sister's wedding. I didn't realize it was tonight."

I shook my head. "I would rather be here."

Smiling, Alice hugged me again.

"Group hug!" Sirius shouted, throwing his arms around me and Alice. I felt all the others join in, laughing and giggling.

"Alright, well, we'll go help Frank get ready," James said, backing out of the room.

"Oh, yeah. Hey, are Moony and Wormtail here yet?" Sirius asked, following James downstairs.

I closed the door behind them. "Alice, you look so beautiful," I gasped, clutching my heart.

"There's never been a more beautiful bride," Mary agreed.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Mary, you're my maid of honor. You're supposed to say that."

Mary flipped her light brown hair back. "But I mean it. Alice, you look amazing. Frank is the luckiest man in the world."

The bottom of Alice's lips began to tremble. "Don't make me cry! We just finished doing my make up!"

"Ten minutes!" I heard Augusta Longbottom shout from downstairs.

"So, when did you decide to do all of this?" I asked, sitting between Marlene and Dorcas.

"Well, this morning Dumbledore came to us with this crazy mission. So, we were going to elope tonight, but then Frank's mum found out, and she insisted on a wedding. Anyway, she called up all of you lot, and she got the backyard ready in like an hour. I think Uncle Algie went to the bakery and got us a cake. And I'm wearing a white dress that Marlene found in her closet. And so here we all are."

I stared at Alice. With the how beautiful she looked you would've never guessed she had only gotten her things ready last minute. Her short hair was sleek and shiny, and there was a beautiful tiara resting on her head. Her make up was light and simple, but it really brought out her eyes. And the dress she was wearing was just a simple white dress, like one you would wear in the summertime, but it looked stunning on her.

"Who else is coming?" I finally asked, trying to swallow the lump growing in my throat.

"Just Moony, Wormtail, and Amelia and Edgar Bones."

"Edgar's in the Order too, isn't he?" Marlene asked.

Alice nodded. "Oh, he's brilliant, he is. So talented."

"I can't wait to join," Dorcas sighed.

Mary bit her lip. "I don't like that all of you lot are joining..."

"Why not?" Marlene demanded.

Mary stared at her, her eyes shining with tears. "What are the chances that every single one of you will make it out alive?"

"We know what we're getting into, Mary," Dorcas said quietly, "and if it'll make a difference, if we somehow help stop Voldemort, then I reckon it'll all be worth it."

A few tears escaped Mary, and she wrapped her arms around Dorcas. "Oh, Dorky, I'm so proud of you. Of all of you." she said, wiping away her tears.

I stood up. "Guys, this is a wedding! We can talk about Voldemort later. Tonight, it's all about Frank and Alice."

"Here, here!" Mary said, holding up the glass of firewhiskey she had been drinking.

"It's time," Augusta Longbottom announced, opening the door.

* * *

I looked around the room, watching as all of my friends toasted to Frank and Alice. They were standing in the center, grinning broadly at all of their friends. Augusta and Algie were right beside them, holding up their glasses, beaming. Mary was right beside Algie, her light brown hair tied into an elegant braid, and she had on a cute light blue dress.

Marlene was standing between Remus and Peter. I smirked, seeing as both Pete and Remus were trying their hardest not to check out Marlene. She was wearing a short, flowy, dark green dress that showed off her athletic legs. She turned to Remus, whispering something in his ear, and he cracked a small smile.

A few feet from them, Dorcas and Sirius were holding up their glasses, smiling at Frank and Alice. Sirius had his arm around Dorcas' waist, and she leaned into him slightly. Dorcas had her shiny, blond hair flowing around her freely. She was wearing a tight, dark blue dress that hugged her curves in all the right places. Sirius, who looked disheveled yet annoyingly handsome at the same time, looked the happiest I'd seen him since the whole debacle with Regulus.

Edgar and Amelia Bones, who were probably the most gifted and powerful siblings I'd ever met, were beaming at their two friends. Amelia, who was usually very well put together, had her dark hair down, and was wearing a flowy, light gray dress.

I felt James kiss the top of my head, and I closed my eyes, feeling the tiny butterflies flutter in my stomach. It was crazy that after all this time, I still got butterflies whenever James kissed me.

"To Frank and Alice!" Algie exclaimed, finishing up his long speech.

"To Frank and Alice!" we all chorused back, taking a sip of the champagne in our glasses. Augusta waved her wand, and music filled the air around us. Frank took Alice to the center, and we all watched them slow dance, but Frank and Alice barely noticed us. They only had eyes for each other.

After a moment, Algie led Mary to the center, and they joined Frank and Alice in their slow dance. Augusta followed with her husband, and Dorcas and Sirius quickly followed.

"Shall we?" James asked, holding out his hand for me. Smiling, I took his hand, and he led me to the center.

"Frank and Alice look so happy," I sighed, smiling.

"That could be us someday," James mumbled.

"James!" I laughed, pulling him closer.

"What?"

I blushed. "You're embarrassing me."

"What? You never imagined being married to me?"

"Of course I have."

He looked surprised. "Really?"

"Yeah, but before you get any ideas, let me remind you that we're still in school."

He grinned. "Don't worry. I'm not planning on proposing to you...yet."

I smiled. "Look, James, married or not, I know how I feel about you. I love you, and you're the most important thing in my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Good," he breathed, kissing my forehead, "because you're stuck with me. Forever."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," I said as he dipped me.

James grinned, and we finished the rest of our dance in silence. Beside us, Edgar was dancing with Marlene, and Remus was dancing with Amelia. In the corner, Peter was watching us, hardly bothered that he was the only one not dancing.

"I was talking to Mary upstairs," I finally said.

"And?"

I bit my lip. "What if we don't make it...past the war?"

James frowned. "We will."

"But what if we don't?"

"Then we'll die trying to defeat the most evil wizard of all time. We'll die protecting the next generation of young wizards and witches, so that they have a better future, and they won't have to deal with the things we've had to. So they won't lose their innocence at such a young age like we had to. I think it'd be worth it...don't you?"

I smiled sadly. "I just can't imagine a world without James Potter."

"Then don't. Don't think about things like that."

"But we have to!"

"Not yet. We still have a few months of school left. Right now, our only worries need to be the N.E.W.T.s and that killer exam McGonagall has for us on Monday. After Hogwarts, we can worry about Voldemort and the dangers we'll be facing. But we still have more time, Lil. We have a few more months where we can just be kids, and I think we should enjoy every moment of it."

I frowned. "When did you get so wise?"

He shook his head. "Scary, isn't it?"

I smiled. "No. I'm so proud of you, James. You've come so far, and you've grown into such an incredible man. I'm lucky to be with you. I've said such horrid things to you in the past, and you have no idea how much I regret it. I love you so much, and I hate that I ever hurt you in the past."

James responded by giving me a deep kiss.

Afterwards, I pulled him closer, resting my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes, enjoying the moment. Even after the slow song ended, and all around us our friends were bopping and jumping, James and I stayed like that. He had his arms wrapped tightly around my waist, and I kept my head resting on his shoulder, breathing in his scent and taking in the feel of his lips as he occasionally pulled me aside to kiss me.


	49. The Ending of Childhood and Innocence

**Chapter Forty-Nine: The Ending of Childhood and Innocence **

* * *

Frustrated, I pulled my hair back, concentrating on the pile of notes in front of me. Beside me, Sirius and James, who of course had the attention span of four year olds, were playing hangman.

"S," James guessed.

"Nope," Sirius grinned smugly, drawing a little leg on his parchment.

Groaning, James stuck out his tongue, trying to guess the next letter.

"L," he finally said.

"WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH THE TWO OF YOU!" I shouted, slamming down the book I was examining. Startled, James and Sirius jumped back.

"What'd we do?" Sirius asked.

"We have our first N.E.W.T.s tomorrow!" I shouted at them, shoving my notes in their face, "and I'm trying to bloody study!"

"We're studying too," James said defensively.

"Yeah," Sirius added, "we're just taking a little...you know...break."

Glaring at them, I stood up, grabbed my notes and books, and headed toward the far corner of the common room where nobody could bother me.

"She's just a sweet, lovely-tempered girl, isn't she?" Sirius said sarcastically.

James snorted, and the two of them returned to their game of hangman.

"Bloody idiots," I muttered, plopping down beside Remus.

"Hey, Lil," Remus muttered, not even glancing up at me.

"Hey," I replied, already opening my book. The two of us sat in silence, absorbing all the notes we had taken for the past seven years, completely tuning out the rest of the world.

See, that's why I loved Remus. He understood my neurotic study habits. He didn't look at me like I was crazy for wanting a few moments of silence to study. We stayed hours, studying our notes, reading our books, trying to cram in as much information as possible until our exams.

"Hey, Lil, I'm going to bed," James said, leaning down to kiss me.

"Night," I replied distractedly, highlighting the main themes of goblin wars.

Sighing, James sat down across from me and Remus.

"Moony, Lily, take a break. You need sleep," he told us, carefully taking the parchment from our hands.

"Remus, he took my notes," I said, staring at the parchment in his hands.

"I know. He took mine too," Remus said, eyeing his own notes.

James stared at us. "You know, I'm genuinely concerned about you two. I swear, you'll have a nervous break down before we even take the first exam."

"Prongs, these exams determine our futures," Remus told him seriously.

"Exactly. So why don't the both of you go upstairs and get some rest so when the it's time for the exam you don't fall asleep from exhaustion," he said, gently pulling Remus out of his seat.

"Where are we going?" Remus asked, glancing back at me.

"To sleep," James told him. "Oh, Mar, can you take care of Lils?" James asked Marlene from across the room.

Marlene nodded swiftly, hurrying over to me.

"Marlene, I don't want to sleep," I told her as she dragged me upstairs.

"Too bad," she said shortly, pulling me into our dormitory. Sighing, I pulled on my nightgown, and fell fast asleep the moment I hit the pillow.

"Wakey, wakey," Dorcas chanted, sitting on top of me.

"What?" I muttered.

"It's time to take our NEWTs!" she exclaimed, throwing the covers off of me.

My eyes widened. "I nearly forgot!"

"I know. That's why I woke you up."

"Come on, if we leave now, I reckon we'll still have time to eat breakfast," Marlene called out. Nodding, I threw on my robes, put my hair in a messy bun, brushed my teeth, and ran down stairs.

"You ready?" Remus asked, stepping into pace with me.

"Nope," I replied.

He grimaced. "Me neither."

"Will the two of you shut up?" Sirius barked. "May I remind the _both _of you that you're top of the year? The rest of us are nervous wrecks."

"Well, maybe next time you'll actually study instead of playing hangman," I snapped.

"You're just such a delightful creature to talk to. Really, Prongs is just such a lucky fella," Sirius replied sarcastically.

I stuck my tongue out at him, and he cracked a small smile before rolling his eyes at me.

"Where is James, anyway?" I asked.

"Already at breakfast with Pete," Sirius answered as we walked into the Great Hall. He pointed to the messy haired bloke sitting at the very end of the table. He was next to Peter, both of them nervously playing with their food.

I squeezed in beside James. "You ready?" I asked him anxiously.

He shook his head. "Not at all."

"Me neither," I admitted.

He smiled, squeezing my hand. "You'll be brilliant."

Slightly comforted, I poured some porridge onto my plate, but much like the other seventh years, I found that I didn't have much of an appetite. Everyone was nervously going over any spells that they could memorize last minute.

"Here comes Nate," Dorcas breathed so that only I could hear. I looked up to find the handsome bloke walking by us. He tried his hardest to avoid any eye contact with me. Ever since Easter break, Nate hadn't spoken a word to me, and he'd completely avoided Marlene. I glanced over to see Marlene's reaction, but she was too immersed in her studies that she barely noticed anyone around her.

"Has he spoken to you at all?" Dorcas asked. I shook my head.

Dorcas was the only one I had told about my confrontation with Nate. After my little speech to him, I half-expected him to chase after Marlene, but he didn't. Since then, Dorcas and I had been encouraging Marlene to move on, and though she said she had, we didn't believe her. We occasionally caught her stealing glances at Nate, and she would blush furiously whenever he was mentioned.

Dumbledore stood up, and everyone's attention turned to him, immediate silence falling across the Great Hall.

"Good morning, everybody!" he greeted us pleasantly.

"Good morning," we all chorused back dully.

"I would like for all of you to give a warm welcome to Professor Tofty!" Dumbledore exclaimed, gesturing for an elderly man to come forward.

I clapped politely, recognizing him as my examiner from when I took the OWLs. I felt a nervous churning in my stomach at the thought of having to take my NEWTs in a few hours.

"Morning, everybody! Good morning!" he said cheerfully, "I'm an examiner for the NEWTS, and I'm sure I'll be seeing some of you in just a few hours! Now, I'm going to have to ask anybody lower than the seventh years to please leave the Great Hall. We've got a bit of an orientation to do," he announced, dismissing the other students. There was a scratching of the benches as most of the school exited the Great Hall, wishing us luck on their way out. On the tables, the food disappeared, leaving nothing but the clean wooden tables in front of us.

Dorcas and I exchanged nervous looks.

"Here we go," I heard James mutter.

* * *

I paced back and forth, waiting for James to arrive from his practical exam.

"...might have missed number nine on the written exam..." Remus muttered nervously to Dorcas and Marlene. Everybody had arrived from their Practical exam except Peter and James since their names were later in the alphabet.

"Oh! I couldn't remember that one either," Sirius interjected anxiously.

"What'd you put?" Dorcas asked, fidgeting with her hands.

The portrait hole swung open, and Peter climbed through. He looked pale and weak almost as if he had just run a marathon.

"How'd it go?" I asked him gently. Poor Pete tended to get the most nervous out of all of us.

He shook his head. "Alright, I reckon. I definitely passed...not an outstanding...but definitely an acceptable..." he rambled nervously.

"Acceptable's good!" I told him, clapping him on the back. He shrugged, collapsing onto the couch and closing his eyes. "So, did you see James?" I asked.

Peter glanced at me. "I saw Prongs on my way out...he looked like he was doing pretty good on the exams."

I nodded, relieved. James's best subject was Transfiguration. No doubt he was in the midst of of getting an 'outstanding' on his exam.

A few minutes later, after I had checked the portrait hole several times, it finally swung open to reveal James walking through.

"So?" Sirius demanded upon seeing his best friend.

James shrugged. "I reckon I did pretty good."

I grinned at him, and he smiled back, his eyes twinkling in the way I love so much.

* * *

All week we had been taking our NEWTs. Today was our last day, and I was in the middle of taking my Potions practical examination. I skillfully threw in the frog's legs and stepped back as the potion made a small explosion. My examiner peered over my cauldron, examining its contents.

"Very good," she said, scribbling notes onto her clipboard. I leaned in slightly, trying to see what she was writing. "Looks like that's all, Ms. Evans," she told me, smiling encouragingly.

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you," I said politely as she motioned that I could leave. I grabbed my bag, threw it over my shoulder, and started toward the exit. On my way out, I passed Professor Slughorn. He looked at me nervously, and I flashed him two thumbs up, signaling everything went well. He grinned, smiling in relief.

"I don't know about that one..." Sirius said anxiously the moment I walked through the doors. He was pacing back and forth, glancing around anxiously.

"I'm sure you did fine," I coaxed him. He nodded, but I could tell he was still nervous with the way his eyes were wide, and with the way he kept fidgeting.

"You fancy taking a walk?" he asked.

I nodded. "We could visit Hagrid," I suggested.

"Okay! I haven't seen him in a while," he said, following me as I hurried out of the castle, desperate for fresh air.

"We're finished!" I shouted gleefully, jumping up and down like a four year old as soon as we got outside.

Sirius laughed, and we raced down to Hagrid's, basking in the warm sunlight.

"Hagrid!" Sirius shouted, banging on the tall wooden door.

"Aren't yeh lot supposed ter be taken yer exams?" Hagrid demanded as soon as he opened the door.

"We just finished our last ones," Sirius told him, inviting himself in.

Hagrid's eyes widened. "And how do yeh reckon yeh did?"

"I think we did okay," I told him, plopping onto the couch, sitting next to a small black puppy. "Ooh! Hagrid, is he new?" I asked, patting the dog's head.

"Just got him yesterday. Named him Fang!" Hagrid told us.

"He's so cute!" I gushed, lifting him onto my lap.

Sirius snorted. "I bet he spits fire or grows three heads or something."

Hagrid shook his head. "No...he's just a plain old dog," he said, sounding disappointed.

Sirius and I exchanged amused looks at Hagrid's disappointment. There was a slight ding, and Hagrid jumped out of his seat.

"I made pound cakes!" he exclaimed, throwing on his little pink apron. "You want some?" he offered eagerly.

Sirius glanced at me nervously. Hagrid's cooking wasn't exactly known for being safe. One time, in our third year, Hagrid's cakes were so hard that they broke Marlene's tooth in half. Madam Pomfrey forbade her from ever eating anything Hagrid made again.

"I think we'll wait until the feast to eat," Sirius said cautiously, careful not to hurt Hagrid's feelings.

Hagrid looked slightly disappointed. "Oh...alrigh' then. Tell me if yeh change yer mind."

There was a polite knocking at the door.

"That must be Remus," Sirius guessed.

"Come in!" Hagrid shouted. The door slowly creaked open, and Remus peered inside.

"There you are!" he exclaimed, rushing forward.

"How'd yeh do on yer exams?" Hagrid asked him.

Remus shrugged. "I reckon it went alright."

The four of us got to discussing the new death eater attacks, and we told each other our different theories. We tricked Hagrid, who was the only one of us who was officially in the Order, into telling us what Dumbledore's plans were.

Before we knew it, Dorcas and Marlene were knocking on the door too, looking for us.

"We looked everywhere for you," Dorcas told us. Sirius pulled her onto his lap, giving her a quick peck on the cheek.

"We should've known you guys would be in here," Marlene said, shaking her head.

Not long after they arrived, James and Peter were knocking on the door, looking exhausted.

"Thank Merlin that these exams are over," James muttered, resting his head on my lap. I played with his hair absentmindedly, listening to Peter agonize over how he accidentally burned his examiner's eyebrows off when he added the wrong ingredient to the Draught of Death.

"Tough luck, mate," Sirius said, though he was trying his hardest not to laugh.

"So, what is everybody's plans after Hogwarts?" Hagrid asked. He had gone back to his kitchen, cooking himself dinner. He was wearing his pink apron, stirring something on the stove.

"Auror Program and the Order for us," Sirius said, gesturing to himself and James.

"I heard yer dad retired, James," Hagrid said.

James nodded. "He and my mum did. They're actually on vacation in France right now. They'll be back in time for me to graduate Hogwarts. They're throwing this big party."

Hagrid smiled. "Sounds like something your mum would do."

* * *

The rest of the school year flew by with little worries about the future. We had all made a pact not to worry about Voldemort or Death Eaters until we had to. James and I spent most of our time under our favorite tree by the lake, laughing, talking, telling jokes, splashing in the water. I think the others wanted to give us our privacy for they rarely joined us.

During our last month at Hogwarts, James and I scheduled ourselves to patrol the corridors every night. The other prefects were more than excited for this, because everybody always hated patrol duty. But James and I spent most of the nights hidden in the shadows of a dark corner, snogging. On our last night at Hogwarts, James and I waited until the party in the common room was in full swing to leave for duty. Nobody noticed us leave. We didn't encounter anybody in the hallways, and I assumed it was because everybody was in their common rooms celebrating the end of the year.

After strolling through empty hallways a few times, James pulled me into a secret corridor that I had never even seen before. Before I could ask where that hallway came from, James was smashing his lips against mine, and I forgot everything else.

"James," I breathed, pulling away from him.

"Yeah?"

"I just realized something...this is our last night ever at Hogwarts..." I gasped, my eyes wide.

He stared at me. "You're _just _realizing this?"

I jumped into his arms, wrapping my legs around him. "Yeah...so let's make it memorable."

"Say no more," he mumbled, closing the space between us.

Let's just say that my last night at Hogwarts was _very _memorable.

And my last day at Hogwarts was filled with tears as I bade goodbye to my favorite teachers and all my closest friends. I knew I would probably see Dorcas and Marlene nearly every day, but it wouldn't be the same as sharing a room with them. I had lived with them for the past seven years, and now I was about to go out, and venture into my own.

James and Sirius, who were McGonagall's favorites, had stayed after class to say a proper goodbye to her. I knew that despite all their joking and detention, they really did love Professor McGonagall, and they really looked up to her. James had told me that she was the teacher that most inspired him.

That morning, after breakfast, while everybody was going back to the dormitories, checking to make sure they had packed everything, I headed straight for Professor Slughorn's office.

"Professor?" I asked, knocking on his door quietly.

"Come in!" he called cheerfully. I slowly opened the door, poking my head in.

"Lily!" he exclaimed, beaming.

I smiled. "I just came to say goodbye."

"Oh, well, I'm glad you did!" he beamed, pulling me into a hug. "Now, I know teachers aren't supposed to have favorites, but you have always been an exception, Ms. Evans. The brightest witch of her year, I would say!"

My bottom lip trembled. "Thank you, Professor! It means a lot, really. You've taught me so much over the years, and not just about Potions either. I don't know if I'm ready to leave the protection of this castle...the protection of teachers like you."

He shook his head. "Lily, you're destined to do so many great things. I truly believe it. I'm going to miss having such a bright, talented, dedicated student like you. And the world better watch out for you, Ms. Evans. You're going to do great things, I just know it. This is just the beginning for you."

I smiled, and he pulled me into a hug. "Now, go on! You don't want to see little old me crying, do you."

I shook my head, smiling through blurry tears that were escaping me.

"Go on, then. I've still got that remarkable little fish you gave me, remember? He'll keep me company...remind me of you, even!"

I glanced at the bowl of water on his desk. There was a tiny little fish swimming in there. Years ago, as a gift, I had placed that same fish bowl on Professor Slughorn's desk. I left a tiny little flower petal in there, and when he came in, the little flower petal had transformed into that brilliant little fish, swimming around in the tank. Professor Slughorn had never truly gotten over how "magnificent" the magic was. He told anybody that would listen all about it.

I smiled. "Goodbye, Professor."

"Goodbye, Lily," he said sadly, watching as I slowly left his office. Wiping away my tears, I hurried to the common room where Dorcas and Marlene were waiting for me.

"Ready to go?" Marlene asked, her faced stained with tears.

"No," I shook my head.

"Me neither," she said, fresh tears streaming down her face.

Dorcas, who rarely cried, bit back the tears that I knew were threatening to escape.

"Let's go," she finally said, climbing through the portrait hole. I looked around once more, taking in the gold banners from the night before, the crackling fire that had always been there to comfort me, the large, squishy, red couches that had been there since I was eleven years old. Grabbing my trunk, I pulled it through the portrait hole.

"Goodbye, dears!" the Fat Lady called after us.

I turned back, smiling at the friendly face of the lady who had been there to greet me home for the past seven years. "Bye," I whispered, before turning around and following my two best friends down.

"Marlene, wait!" I heard somebody called.

Nate, who hadn't spoken to any of us since Easter, was chasing after us.

"Marlene, can I have a word?" he asked. Dorcas nudged Marlene forward.

"Erm...alright..." Marlene muttered, following as Nate led her a few feet away.

Dorcas and I watched as Nate took a deep breath, and he started a whole speech. I looked over to see Dorcas narrowing her eyes, squinting at Nate.

"What are you doing?" I laughed.

"Trying to read his lips," she replied.

"And how's that working?"

"Not too well."

After a moment, Marlene smiled. She said something to him, and they hugged for several seconds.

"That's a long hug," Dorcas muttered. I nodded.

Finally, Nate released Marlene, and she started back to us. I waved to Nate shyly, afraid he might still be angry with me, but he just smiled, and waved back to me.

"What did he want?" Dorcas asked as we started down the stairs.

"Just to apologize and to say goodbye," she replied, smiling.

We walked in silence, memorizing every portrait, every stone, every face we saw on the way to the carriages. We weren't just leaving Hogwarts behind, we were also leaving our childhood. Outside these walls, there was a war raging, and we'd always been sheltered from it, but now we were going to be right in the middle of that war. Any innocence we had left would be gone soon. And it terrified me.

* * *

Life after Hogwarts was...exciting. In the Order, you never truly knew what to expect. Everybody had gone their separate ways, yet we all remained together. Sirius, who after about two weeks of living alone in his flat, got very lonely, and he asked James to move in with him. James was more than happy to move in with this best friend. I didn't even want to know what the two of them did when Dorcas and I weren't there. I came over about once a week to clean up after them, because if I didn't, the place would look like a tornado hit it.

Dorcas and I had moved into Marlene's house. The three of us had built somewhat of an apartment in the basement. Her house was the Oder's headquarters, and so we were always at the center of things, always going on missions, always strategizing, always hosting meetings. It was brilliant. Meetings were held once a week, and we got to see everybody. Basically, our lives revolved around the Order. Everything we did was based on that.

James and Sirius stopped by nearly everyday. They were very impatient, and they always wanted action, but they were good members. They did everything Dumbledore told them to do, and they did it diligently. In some ways, it was like being in school, except this time, we weren't allowed to make mistakes.

Peter was still living with his parents, but he often came to the house for tea. He sometimes missed meetings, but we wouldn't expect anything less from Peter.

Remus, on the other hand, took Order meetings very seriously. He was always there on time, and he always had his reports ready. Marlene's parents had asked Remus if he had wanted to move in as well, but he declined. He liked living on his own, but he came by nearly everyday, that is, when he wasn't on missions.

Mr. and Mrs. Potter had decided to relax during their retirement. They were spending the summer in their house in Tuscany along with Mr. and Mrs. Meadowes and Mr. and Mrs. McKinnon. The three parents, who were also best friends, were spending most of their time traveling, enjoying their old age.

"Do you reckon that'll be us one day?" Marlene asked, after reading a letter from her mum, "You and James, Dorcas and Sirius, me and Nate...all traveling together...all best friends?"

Dorcas raised her eyebrows. "You and Nate?"

Marlene shrugged. "It could happen."

"I didn't realize you two were that serious," I said. During the graduation party the Potters had thrown, Nate had showed up, declaring that he wanted to be with Marlene. He had stood up on the table, called her forward, and asked her on a date...in front of everybody. I, personally, would have smacked him for embarrassing me in front of everybody, but Marlene thought it was very sweet. They had been going out every since then.

"I mean it's difficult to be in relationship when you're in the Order...and you can't tell your boyfriend! I mean, what am I supposed to say? 'Hey, honey, I'm in this secret organization called the Order of the Pheonix created by Dumbledore, and we are fighting to defeat Voldemort. Sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but you're not really allowed to tell anybody'?"

"I see your point," Dorcas nodded.

"Hey, did your mum say when they're coming back?" I asked.

Marlene shook her head. "They're really enjoying themselves. Mrs. Potter doesn't want to come back at all."

I widened my eyes. "Really?"

"Knock, knock," James said, opening the kitchen door.

"Hey!" I grinned. Things between James and I were better than ever. It seemed like everyday I fell more and more in love with him. We spent most of our time doing things for the Order, but whenever we could, we squeezed in some time for ourselves.

"Do we have a meeting today?" James asked, coming in and giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Not until tonight," Dorcas told him, "and we've already got all the rooms upstairs cleaned up."

"Why would you need to clean up upstairs?" he questioned, raising his eyebrows.

"After the meetings, most of the members sleep over."

"Really?" James asked, surprised.

I nodded. "Yeah, most of those meetings don't end until three in the morning, and everybody's tired. Plus, it's just safer. Mad-Eye always spends the night. Remus and Peter usually stay too. Dedalus Diggle stays sometimes too. Oh, and Emmeline, of course!"

"Well, before the meeting, do you have anything to do today?" James asked, wrapping his arms around me.

I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Not today...why?"

"You fancy taking a walk?" he asked eagerly.

I grinned. "Sure!"

Beaming, James took my hand and pulled me outside. We often took walks around the neighborhood. It was our 'thing.' We usually relaxed, talking easily, holding hands, occasionally stopping to snog. This time, though, James was acting kind of anxious and nervous. After taking several spins around the neighborhood, I began to wonder what was going on with him.

"James," I said, slipping my hand into his, "are you alright?"

"Brilliant," he replied cheerfully.

"Your hands are sweaty!" I shrieked, snatching my hand away, giggling.

He rolled his eyes, taking my hand again. "No, they're not."

I laughed. "Yes, they are! Are you nervous or something?"

He bit his lip, leading me into Marlene's backyard. I frowned. Usually we never returned so early. We were usually gone for hours.

"I'm a bit nervous, yeah," he mumbled, leading me in front of the bench in Marlene's backyard.

"About what?" I asked.

James cleared his throat and got down on one knee. My eyes widened. _Merlin's saggy pants...was he doing what I think he was doing?_

"Lily," he said, his voice shaking slightly, as he pulled out a large diamond ring out of his pocket, "I've been in love with you since we were eleven years old. I waited seven years until you agreed to go out with me, and it was completely worth it. _You _were completely worth it. I don't want to spend another day without you...what I'm trying to say is...will you marry me?"

"Yes," I whispered without even taking a moment to think about it. All I knew is that I didn't want to go another day without being Mrs. James Potter.

His eyes widened. "Really?"

"Of course, you idiot!" I laughed, my eyes filling with tears.

Grinning, James gently slipped the ring onto my finger. We both stared at the ring, letting the moment sink in.

"We're engaged," James whispered, standing up. Before I could respond, I felt his lips brush against mine, and I pulled him close, never wanting this moment to end.

"Can we come out now?" Sirius shouted from inside Marlene's house.

"Yes!" James replied, grinning.

"What'd she say?" Dorcas demanded.

I held up my hand, showing off the large diamond ring around my finger. I heard shrieks of joy and laughter erupting from all of my friends. James and I watched as all of them (Marlene, Dorcas, Sirius, Remus, and Peter) stampeded outside, piling themselves on top of us.

Amidst all the shouts of congratulations, my eyes found James, and I saw that he was looking at me too. He grinned at me, his eyes lighting up, twinkling. He pulled me close to him.

"I love you," he mumbled.

"I love you too," I whispered.

His lips found mine, and then we were kissing. I ignored all the cheering coming from my friends and the wolf-whistles coming from Sirius, and focused only on James, and our future together.

* * *

**A/N: Hello, everybody! I just want to give a BIG thanks to everybody's who's been reading and who's been leaving those amazing reviews. Each time I get a review, it literally brings a smile to my face. It means so much to me that people are actually reading and enjoying what I write. **

**Now, on a sadder note, there will only be one more chapter in this story. However, I've already got some ideas for another fanfic, and I hope you guys read it!**

**Again, thanks so much for reading and for all those amazing reviews!**

**-Summer4Girl**


	50. Twenty-One Years Later

**Chapter Fifty: Twenty-One Years Later**

* * *

**POV: Nymphandora Tonks**

* * *

I rolled over, rubbing my growing belly. Ever since I'd gotten pregnant, it'd been so difficult to sleep. I slowly opened my eyes, expecting to find Remus staring at me anxiously like he usually was, but he was gone.

"Remus?" I mumbled.

No reply. Frowning, I sat up and looked around. I was sleeping in my childhood bedroom. The walls were a bright yellow, and my Quidditch and Weird Sisters posters were still hung up on the walls from when I was a teenager. I had been meaning to take those down, but Remus found them endearing. In the corner, he had set up a crib for the baby. He and Arthur had painted that corner of the bedroom a bright blue. Molly had sent over a package of some of her kid's old baby things, and Ginny had helped me unpack them all over Christmas break. It all looked very nice, but I couldn't wait until Remus and I could buy own home, and our son would have his own bedroom.

"Dora, honey, are you alright?" Mum asked, poking her head inside.

"Can't sleep," I grumbled.

She smiled sympathetically. "Would you like me to make you a cup of tea?"

"I don't want to be a bother," I tell her, shaking my head.

"Nonsense!" she said, softly closing the door.

"Mum, wait! Do you know where Remus is?" I asked.

"He's in the kitchen. Arthur just dropped by," she replied.

"At one in the morning?" I raised my eyebrows.

She nodded vigorously. "That historian...what was her name? Oh, yes! Bathilda Bagshot is dead!"

"Merlin's pants! That's horrible...wait, but wasn't she really old?"

Mum grimaced. "Kingsley reckons You-Know-Who's snake had something to do with it. And they think Harry might have been there too."

I opened my mouth, throwing the covers off. "I'm going down."

Mum shook her head, gently pushing me back into bed.

"Dora," she coaxed, smoothing out my hair, "dear, you're pregnant."

"Yes, mum, I'm _pregnant_. Not crippled," I snapped.

"Honey, we'll tell you all about it later. Right now, you need to try and get some sleep," she told me sternly, "I'll bring you some tea, okay," she said, closing the door behind her. I listened as she went downstairs, hearing the soft voices of Remus and Arthur as they discussed the latest attack.

Sighing, I turned on the lamp beside me. I was wide awake now, and there was no way I would get back to sleep. Getting up, I went into the closet, looking for a jumper. Instead, because I was about as graceful as an elephant in ballet class, I of course stubbed my toe on the boxes Remus had brought home the other day.

I swore under my breath, cursing Remus.

"What's in these boxes anyway?" I wondered, tearing them open. "Of course...books..." I snorted, rolling my eyes.

I grabbed the first book I saw and went back to bed.

"Dora, honey, I thought I told you to go back to bed," Mum sighed, coming in with a tray of tea.

"I can't sleep," I told her, "I thought I might read."

She shook her head, leaving the tray on my nightstand.

"Mum, any word on Harry?" I asked quietly.

She smiled sadly. "No, I'm sorry, honey."

I shook my head, grinning. "Mum, I reckon that's a good thing. It means the other side hasn't found him yet either."

"That's a nice way to look at it," Mum remarked, smiling. I watched her leave, her dark hair swaying behind her. It was nice that Remus and I were staying here with her. I think we took her mind off of Dad. Remus and Arthur had advised him to make a run for it a few weeks back, and we hadn't heard from him since. I figured no news was good news.

I turned the book over, and opened to the first page. An old photograph fell out, and I frowned, staring at the smiling faces of a young group of people waving at the camera. I checked the inside cover of the book and found a note written in neat cursive.

_Moony,_

_Merry Christmas! I know this book isn't much, but James and I haven't really had a chance to get out of the house much...Dumbledore's orders. Anyway, James is getting pretty restless. He's so used to fighting and being in the action. To tell you the truth, I'm getting a bit restless as well. Dorky and Mar were here a few days ago, and I'm so jealous of them. They're right in the middle of all the action. James won't even let me leave the house nowadays, especially with the pregnancy. One of the few things keeping me from going completely insane are all of these books you send over. They keep me really distraction. Anyway, James was helping me clean out some things, and we found this book. As soon as I saw it, I knew you would love it. _

_I'm so sorry I couldn't buy you something new. _

_Please come by soon! We miss you. _

_Love, _

_Lily_

"What are you doing?" Remus asked, his dark eyes peering questioningly at me.

"I thought I would read something...Remus, this Lily...is she Harry's mum?" I asked, my eyes wide. Remus didn't talk much about James and Sirius. I reckon it hurt him too much.

Frowning, Remus took the book from my hand. He read over the note, his small smile transforming into a pained grimace.

"Where did you find this?" he asked quietly.

"In one of the boxes. Are you upset?" I asked. "I wasn't going through them or anything...I just thought I might like reading one of your books...I could put it back if you want..."

He shook his head, squeezing in beside me. "No...no...I just hadn't seen this in years," he told me, kissing my forehead.

"There's also this," I said quietly, showing him the old photograph.

He took the picture into his hand, laughing. "You know when this was taken? A few minutes after James proposed to Lily. Merlin, I remember we were all waiting in Marlene's kitchen, staring out the window, waiting for him to ask."

"Marlene? Which one is she?" I asked.

Remus pointed to a dark haired girl at the very end. She was grinning, her dark brown eyes bright and full of laughter.

"She was pretty," I commented, taking in her perfect figure, long legs, and beautiful smile.

Remus smiled. "Oh, she was so much more than just her beauty. Merlin, she was talented and smart...but she was so quiet about it. The most modest person I'd ever met. Oh, and blimey, besides Lily, she was probably the kindest one of all us. She never hurt anybody's feelings, she was brilliant in school, and she was gorgeous. She was like the little sister I never had. I could tell her anything, and I knew she would never judge, never look at me any differently."

"What happened to her?"

A dark look crossed Remus' face. "Vold-_You-Know-Who _happened," he said gruffly, almost forgetting that Voldemort's name was taboo. "They didn't just kill her...they got her whole family...her parents, her brother, her fiance Nate...I remember getting the news. I was the one that had to tell Dorcas and Lily that their best friend was dead. She put up a good fight, though, but we were outnumbered in the end."

"Who's the girl next to her?" I wondered. It seemed as if each girl just got prettier and prettier. The witch next to Marlene was blonde, her eyes bright and blue. Sirius had his arm around her, kissing her cheek.

"Dorcas Meadowes...the one girl Sirius ever loved," Remus replied.

I stared at him. "Sirius Black...my cousin? Mr. Broody McBrood was in _love_?"

He laughed. "Sirius wasn't always broody. He used to be the life of the party...he and James...always making others laugh...the most popular blokes in school."

I shook my head. "I don't buy it. The only time I ever saw Sirius ever truly smile was whenever you or Harry were around."

"Yeah, well, he never truly got over what happened with the others. Merlin, we had already lost Marlene...and then Dorcas died. And he was planning on proposing to her and everything. And then the next month James, his best friend, dies. The only thing he had left was me and Harry...and then we got taken away from him too..."

Remus's voice broke, a single tear running down his cheek.

"What was Sirius like...before all of this?" I asked, wiping away his tears.

He snorted. "He and James were...the most annoying gits in the world. They would sneak out, they would pull pranks, they would have detention nearly every weekend...it's a wonder how James ever got Headboy."

I laughed. "And Dorcas? What was she like?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Female version of Sirius. She was beautiful and confident. But she was also loyal, and she always stood up for her friends. I don't know how many times she got detention for jinxing people that called Lily a 'mudblood.' Sometimes, I don't know how she and Marlene were even friends. The two of them were complete opposites...but they were inseparable..."

"And Sirius really loved her?"

"He worshipped the ground she walked on. Before her, he had never committed to a single girl, but the moment he and Dorcas got together, that was it for him. He never so much as looked at another girl."

"He was going to propose to her?" I asked quietly, trying to picture Sirius in love.

"James and I went with him to pick out the ring."

"And I'm guessing this one is James?" I said, pointing to the tall messy-haired boy in the center. "Blimey, it's true what they say...Harry looks just like his father. Except for the eyes. He has - "

" - his mother's eyes," Remus finished, nodding.

"Lily was very pretty," I remarked, studying the beaming face of the girl who James had his arms around. She was waving at the camera, showing off the large diamond ring on her finger.

Remus smiled. "Lily was beyond words. She and James...you wouldn't have met a better couple. Those two were made for each other, and they loved Harry so much. Everything they did in their last years was for him. I remember the day he was born...the look on James' face when he saw his son. It was the first time I ever saw him cry. And Lily...I don't think she loved anyone as much as she loved Harry. And Sirius and I were right there with them. We had never seen a more beautiful baby. Really, it was like Harry had six parents. Dorcas and Marlene would spoil him silly. I remember they would bring him toys every week. It became a bit of a competition between Sirius and Dorcas to see who would bring the better gift. Meanwhile, Marlene and I would try to get him to stay still so we could read him books, but all he ever wanted to do was to ride the toy broomstick Sirius got him."

I giggled. "I had one of those too!"

Remus smiled. "Yeah, James would spend all day chasing Harry on that thing. Lily loved it. She would sit and watch them laughing for hours."

I rubbed my belly. "Sounds like Harry had a lot of people who really loved him."

"After Dorcas died...Lily was having a really hard time. She had just lost two of her best friends. She and James made me and Sirius promise that we would protect Harry no matter what in case something ever happened to them..." Remus got up and slammed his fists against the wall, "I hate that I don't know what's going on with Harry...I hate that I can't be there to protect him..."

I touched his arm. "Remus, Harry will be fine. You and Sirius did your jobs...you taught him and cared for him as best you could...Harry loves you. I know he does. I don't care what happened between the two of you at Grimmauld Place. When all of this is over, you'll get to see Harry, and I promise you everything will be okay."

Remus nodded. "I want him to the godfather," he said abruptly.

I blinked. "To our son?"

He nodded. "I want Harry to be his godfather."

I smiled, kissing him. "I couldn't think of anyone better."

"Good, good," he said, taking the tea from my hands, "now, get some sleep Dora. I left Arthur down their with your mum for quite some time. I should really get back. We have a lot to discuss. I reckon Kingsley might stop by later too."

"You'll tell me everything later?" I pleaded.

"Of course," he assured me, softly closing the door behind him.

Sighing, I looked at the picture again, searching for Remus. He was standing between James and Peter, grinning up at the camera. His face was younger and happier. I hoped that once he saw our son that same smile would appear on his face again. I knew Remus loved me, but sometimes I wondered if I could ever make him happy...if _anything _could ever make him happy again. He'd lost so many people in his life already...and the worst part of it was that he blamed himself for most of those deaths.

Seething with anger, I turned my attention to Peter, glaring at his sniveling face. I tore the picture in half, ripping away Peter. In my mind, if it weren't for him James and Lily would still be alive, and Remus would be happy. Sirius might still be alive too, and Remus would be happy. Dorcas and Marlene might still be alive as well, and Remus would be happy.

I tossed Peter's picture into the trash and looked at the photograph again, focusing on the smiling faces of James and Lily Potter.

"Your son is loved, I promise you he is," I whispered, "and he'll make it through this...I just know it."

* * *

**A/N: The end! First off, I want to thank everybody who's been reading and reviewing! I've literally spent nearly every night up until like two in the morning writing these last couple of months.**

**I hope you liked the last chapter! I know it's not from Lily's POV but I wanted to show what happened to everybody in the end. **

**Keep on the look out for my next fic!**

**-Summer4Girl**


End file.
